Magic In The Blood (WIP)

You’re the only heir of House Herbert. When you were 12, you find out that you have a special blood. All of the wounds and scars on your body are healed in a matter of time. You believe it’s a gift from the Gods.

Everything takes a dark turn when your house gets attacked by enemies. They kill your parents, burn your home. But you managed to escape.

Can you get revenge of your family?

Demo -

You will get more information in chapter 1.


Okay sounds pretty good, How fast is the healing?
Does he healing regenarate full limbs? if someone drinks our blood what happens?

It’s very short and honestly isn’t doing much for me to see why I should like the characters/MC’s family as it is so rushed. I can understand why you want to have the backstory of the MC out of the way fast, but this way it just doesn’t feel very immersing. Also because the characters including the MC feel pretty flat.

And I feel somewhat annoyed abut some of the things that get assumed about the MC…

Everyone said scars make a person look fierce, but you didn’t like it.

But I’m 100% percent fine with scars (… I even like them for my characters)…is there a reason MC has to dislike scars?

Don’t misunderstand me, the idea is good, I like that the MC has healing abilities…well self-healing as far as we know…can’t heal other people…or will there be a way to do so? If it’s the blood could it heal others (by blood transfusion or idk drinking it or whatever magic rules we have to follow)? I just can’t say much about the actual game as it by now is very short and has the problems I mentioned.

Edit: Also why is saying that MC is happy about the loss of their scar the only one that gives points to honesty? And I don’t think you should have opposed stats that are named strenght and weakness, as I can hardly imagine any scenario in which a high score in weakness will be useful or get utilised in a way that’s not unfair for players that don’t rise their strenght stat…


I will not give my opinion without reading further story. But I can give you a suggestion. You should improve your way of story telling and choice of words. This will help in making the storyore immersive.

You can have a lot of fun naming your character Titty McGee. Anyway, I’d say its too short to really give an opinion on, but I do like that it takes a dark turn, I hope to see more.

Sounds good can our blood turn people into mutants or something

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