Lost in your eyes (WIP) [3 Ch, 210K words] [Vampires/Romance/Dark Fantasy, supernatural]

Unfortunately, when I tried to play, while choosing friend’s gender the bug appeared. My MC is a boy as well

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apologize if any of these are repeats that you just haven’t gotten around to fixing yet.

Thankfully none of them are repeats so that’s great!

Unfortunately, when I tried to play, while choosing friend’s gender the bug appeared. My MC is a boy as well

Thankfully that’s solved as well!

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I put in a surname but everyone refers to me as unknown

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That’s a bit weird, I tested it and retested it, but it works fine.

Since the guy said that the pendant is making us like Alice, shouldn’t be the question be “It’s turning me into a witch?” instead of “It’s turning me into a human?”

Not really, It’s just turning you into a squishy, useless human. Think of the pendant as a drug, You use it too much and your body will get a lot of side effects. Plus vampires can’t have magical powers. Though I can’t really comment further into this because that will spoiler the book >.<

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Story premise is great, has potential but there’s some errors in regards with our MCs name “Unknown” we got to customize our surname but it never shows or presented in the story, second seen some lines that Characters refer to MC sometimes as a he, then I think there’s a bug I choose pure in Chap 2 but I get to pick sly ones or maybe that’s just normal? Anyways all in all its good but can be better :ok_hand:

PS: You can do it!

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Thanks a tonne for the kind words! This is my first experience and it really warms my heart on how encouraging people are so thank you! ^-^ I’ll work my absolute best that the errors would be all solved!

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Dang. There goes my plan of going for Alice as an RO. :rofl: Hope we’ll get reunited with her soon then.

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When picking hair colour brown has short in front of it.

I picked to have freckles but the text said I had dimples too "A lot of people loved your freckles, especially your mother who dotted you around about how perfect you looked with them. Not to mention a lot of people who had dimples as well greeted you with “Omigosh! I have dimples too!”

Odds things I saw in the Entertainment Centre part

  1. “I’m sorry to say but we can’t decide right now. You guys are coming off a bit too forceful here so I’d appreciate it if you’d give us some time. It won’t be much, Just a few days.” A kid wouldn’t say this at all hell most adults wouldn’t say something like this either.

  2. You never knew your blond friend could make decisions on your behalf but here he was. This doesn’t make sense at least for me because I have been letting him make the decisions when the game lets me.

I just got to the part where it’s asking if I still identify as the gender I was as a kid or do I identify as something else now and when I picked something else and now asking for my surname and if I had a nickname when it should have said do I still have one? and is it the same one or a different one now?

Another thing is when you pick your gender at the start of the game it’s odd that it says identify especially if there is a second gender choice later in the game.

I think it would be better if there were two choices at the start and they were what is MC’s sex and if we identify with it because right now the second gender choice is out of nowhere and we haven’t done anything to say we are unsure of our gender up to that point.

Wait… Wait why am I picking Alex’s gender too?

Also, Alex keeps being called the boy, your friend or by his last name and it’s confusing.

Same thing with Marcus too btw.

I really don’t understand this bit what is with all the questions!?

Were you a dominant person or were you subservient? the question sounds like this game should be in the adult thread… :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

Just looked at the stats

  1. My name is Unknown now.

  2. Why does it say I have a Childish body? btw can I just say it’s weird to use that word to say what someone’s body type is… :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

  3. It should say “You have amber colour eyes with beautiful Snow white skin” not “You have amber with beautiful Snow white skin”

  4. If it’s saying what I look like it should also have my gender somewhere too.

I just picked the not-innocent thought to do with Marcus and well damn that didn’t work out the way I wanted when it said Marcus reminded you of Alex… now I feel sorry for Marcus like that would be horrible if someone was a close friend of yours or more but really it’s only because you reminded them of someone they lost like you’re a replacement. :cold_sweat:

Again with the questions…

Alex was gone. And— “Is everything alright?” all three of you whipped your heads behind you as Blaine walked over to you guys. he frowned at you, and then at them.

“Nothing really, I’m—”

You blinked a little but it was $!Marcus who spoke up for you.

Solathis hadn’t

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Childish body? btw can I just say it’s weird to use that word to say what someone’s body type is

Well, children have a childish body :sweat_smile: Unless It didn’t update after you chose a body type. (That will come in the second half of the 2nd chapter since you’re grown and it makes sense that you can choose which body type you have)

Were you a dominant person or were you subservient? the question sounds like this game should be in the adult thread

Well, While this game is mostly SFW, It will have a few NSFW things, Which I’m still thinking of not putting. I did think that Subservient and Dominant meant that you can make decisions for yourself and are generally a dominant person in the room, which would add up to the intimidation factor

  1. My name is Unknown now.

As for this, I don’t really understand why the game keeps glitching, I fixed the error a few times, and even though it works fine for me, Some people keep encountering this error. Hopefully, I’ll work on it tonight!

I really don’t understand this bit what is with all the questions!?

I don’t really understand the question thing-

A kid wouldn’t say this at all hell most adults wouldn’t say something like this either.

Yep, But these aren’t normal kids or normal adults, Both the MC and Alex have been trained since childhood to tackle things most people wouldn’t, Which also includes people who are trying to force their way on them or manipulate them

Also, I’m really sorry that you encountered all those errors, I’ll try to go through all of them once again tonight so hopefully they’ll be fixed by tomorrow!

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I got what the question had to do with… ummm it just made sleepy me laugh a lot… :sweat_smile:

At the beginning of both chapters 2 and 3, there were questions like who did this and who did that as well as both the MC and Alex gender and it was really confusing especially the first time it happened.

Like the questions were ones you would see at the start of a WIP that was part of a series and not something you would see at the start of every chapter.

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now I feel sorry for Marcus like that would be horrible if someone was a close friend of yours or more but really it’s only because you reminded them of someone they lost like you’re a replacement.

That’s what makes the relationship with Marcus so unique. After experiencing a series of traumatic events that left the MC broken, Marcus came into their life and has been doing everything in his power to help them heal, even though he’s struggling with his own demons. If you decide to pursue Marcus, it will lead to a lot of deep and emotional moments where the MC and Marcus will help to fill the void in each other’s hearts.

At the beginning of both chapters 2 and 3, there were questions like who did this and who did that as well as both the MC and Alex gender and it was really confusing especially the first time it happened.

Sorry, that was my mistake, Kinda removed the indent since it got a bit too confusing but it has been resolved! Sorry that you encountered those errors!

Dang. There goes my plan of going for Alice as an RO. :rofl: Hope we’ll get reunited with her soon then.

Lol you will! Though the reuniting will be quite interesting :wink:

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First of all, I’d like to thank everyone for viewing and looking through the book and for everyone for helping me out with the errors and pointing them out to me Special thanks to @Max_Jones and @stsword for the in-depth error finding. Especially @Plarinesalado for subscribing to me on Patreon! Since the week is about to come to a close, I wanted to give you all a quick rundown of some of the cool stuff we accomplished this week!

  • A lot of sentence structures were fixed and 7K words were added. The whole 2nd chapter was re-read and replayed hopefully no errors would be encountered. I’d appreciate it if you guys could report any errors that were found.
  • You can go through an average of almost 30K words per play-through.
  • I added a short story in-game which is at the end of the 2nd part of the 2nd chapter, and more to come in the future which may be Patreon exclusive only.
  • A lot of errors were fixed. Marcus/Melissa will no longer be referred to by “They/Them” pronouns. The same goes for Alice/Alex.
  • The shop was completed, though you still can’t purchase all the things there.
  • A rough outline art was created for Marcus/Melissa which can be seen at the top.
  • Another short story which will be mostly a slice of life at the beginning featuring Marcus/Melissa is being started right after the Soccer scene ends which will be Patreon exclusive.
  • Stats were fixed and the stats screen shows more about your customized character.
  • A hidden ending was created. Let’s see if you guys can find it!

For now, The current words are 83,500 while my goal was to reach 82,000. Awesome stuff. See you guys next week!

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Welp, the weekly update was supposed to happen on Monday But thought I’d do it early. So! Let’s get into what I was able to achieve this week!

  • It was a bit hectic, but I did my best. I managed to hit my goal of adding almost 88K words to the book, even though I was hoping to add even more.
  • I’m making good progress on the short story with Marcus and Melissa. It’s about 5K words in and about 40% done. You’ll see a lot of cute, flirty moments, and there will be an option for you to choose between just exploring the world or doing it while Marcus or Melissa is trying to steal your attention!
  • I added the option for your character to be trans. You won’t see anyone reacting to it yet, but just be prepared for some transphobia and discrimination as your character starts to go into the church.
  • I did a lot of rewriting, and also finished the short story about the soccer scene. You’ll have the option to skip it if you want, but keep in mind that it will affect the story later on. I might make a poll to see if I should add an option to put in a choice where you can just choose what you did instead of reading through the story.
  • I’m working on adding neopronouns and they/them pronouns since some of my readers are non-binary. (Btw, Thanks again for sticking with me you guys despite me writing it wrong! I’m really sorry if I made a mistake. Your feedback would allow me to help improve the book for you all!)

All in all, I wrote about 7-8K words this week, which may seem a lot, but I want you guys to remember that a lot of these were rewrites. I was thinking of making the short story a part of the 2nd chapter but since it’s already reaching 2.2K lines so I’m not too keen on that idea. I’m always looking to improve the story and make it the best it can be, so the extra effort is worth it.

Goals for the next week

  • Introduce Valentine.
  • Unveil Marcus/Melissa’s history
  • A lot of chaotic moments.

For now, See you all on Monday! (Of the next week lol)

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Loving it so far keep up the good work

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Alright, So since you all have the choice to influence the outcome of the story. Take for example, the recent short story about a soccer match featuring Blaine, (That’s about 8,150 words) will have a few key moments that will impact the over-all story, do you wish for your choices in the short stories to affect the outcome of the game, or would you prefer to simply read along without them impacting the story’s direction? (Do keep in mind that some of these stories will be Patreon only)

  • Have them impacted the main story.
  • Don’t have them impact the main story.

0 voters

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It’s time for the weekly update! This week was incredibly productive, from work and school to writing. But let’s dive into what was actually achieved during the past seven days!

  • The novel has reached 93,000 words!
  • I may have slipped up and written down the goals for chapter three, instead. This week’s objectives were:
  1. Make M a viable romantic option
  2. Revise dominant choices so that even if you opt for shyness, you maintain your dominant personality while only being shy around “M” (Marcus/Melissa). (imagine being dominant while being shy around someone haha, wouldn’t be me.>.>)
  3. Write several emotional scenes that strengthen your relationship with “M”.

All goals have been successfully achieved!

Furthermore, The interactive fiction featuring a date with the oh-so-adorable Marcus/Melissa is now live on Patreon! but if the date is not your cup of tea, no worries, there’s plenty of world-building to sink your teeth into too (Provided that Marcus/Melissa will do their absolute best to steal your attention. It’ll also be featuring a few fashion arts as well!) Currently, it’s 8.5K words long and 60% completed! The next week will (Hopefully) mark it’s completion. You’ll also meet a drunk Marcus/Melissa if you want to or if you like
to hunt for achievements, The short story will have a total of 8+ achievements!

Goals for this week:

  1. Rewrite the book and put in some neo Pronouns.
  2. Finish up the emotional scene at the end of chapter 2. Will you be able to keep your love going strong, or will you fall prey to the madness that lies within the church? (Which will finally put a close on chapter 2)
  3. Introduce Valentine! (I swear you guys will either love them or hate them)

All in all, 8.5K words were written this week, 5K words in the main story and 3.5K in the short story!

Oh, before I forget, What do you guys think of Marcus/Melissa going through your first Playthrough?

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@Kathy
Haven’t tried this game out but it looks really interesting.
One question about our Vampire MC, will we get to sparkle ?
Also I just joined your Patreon

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Haha, what’s a vampire story without a touch of gothic mystique, extra tight leather clothes with laces on the side of the leg so you can see a little bit of the skin or even a sprinkle of sparkling magic? Also big thanks for joining my Patreon community! I’m truly grateful for your support and there are no words that can express my gratitude!

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Guess what day it is? Monday! Although the start of the week can bring some stress with work and school, I hope this update gives you all a shine of happiness! Now, while this week was relatively slow because my health was severely impacted to the point I had to be in bed for 3 days straight, I still managed to pull a few all-nighters not to mention I shifted from my full-time job to part-time so I can focus on both the book and my studies! So without further ado, let’s get into what we all accomplished these past 7 days!

  • The book is now almost 93K words long! I know it isn’t a lot since it’s only an addition of 2K words more, But I had to try and complete the short story, Only to realize…

  • Only eight more days until Valentine’s Day! And you know what that means? Time to spread some love and share some joy! The initial plan was to wrap up the short story at 10,000 words, but how could I let this heartwarming holiday pass by without giving you all a little something extra special? So, On valentines day, Two lucky followers from this comment section will be handpicked randomly and receive exclusive access to the full short story via a secret link! It might end up going 20K+ so fingers crossed!

  • The objectives we set previously have been achieved! With one exception, the goal of introducing Valentine. After all, what better way to celebrate Valentine’s Day than by introducing Valentine on the very day itself? This is way too good of an opportunity to pass up lol.

  • This also means that Neo Pro-nouns are now up and several scenarios where your parents are unaware of your true gender are available. Will you have the courage to remain true to yourself, or will you yield to societal expectations and conform to conventional norms? (BTW, I really apologize if I don’t get things right, so if you have any issues regarding this route, Please send me a message and I’d love to correct it!!)

The next weeks update won’t be until Tuesday since it’s Valentine’s day. So for now, Good bye! Wish you all amazing people a fantastic day filled with joy and positivity. Keep in mind, each and every one of you is extraordinary and deserves nothing but greatness. And if no one gives you greatness, then come to me! :D(I’m just kidding, my book may not be the epitome of quality, I will still continually strive to give you the best, cause as I’ve said, That’s what you guys deserve :heart:)

See you all! Big kiss!

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Happy Valentine’s Day to all the lovebirds out there! Whether you’re snuggled up with your significant other or flying solo, today is a day to celebrate the love in your life. Cherish the special moments, spread kindness, and don’t forget to treat yourself with some self-love. Remember, love comes in all forms and is everywhere, If you don’t find any, Just come to me, I’ll shower you with love and affection! (No, this isn’t an offer to hook up with me lol) Anyways, Update time! Here’s what we accomplished:

  1. Introducing Vale/Vivian, the chaotic love gremlin that shakes things up for Marcus/Melissa! Will you bring them together or let them sort it out on their own? The choice is yours! 2K words were written in the main story!
  2. Also you guys might be wondering how I jumped from 93 to 99K, Well, that’s mostly cause I forgot that I had to add the whole book, so the 3 chapters that are currently up are about 92K words, while the whole book is now 102,545!
  3. Alex/Alice now also has a few emotional moments since I felt that being a 12-year-old, It’d be unnatural for them to move on with life with a snap of their fingers.
  4. Our short story is finally complete with almost 25K words long and multiple paths to choose from! You can go on a picnic, hit the nightclub, or just head home right after exploring the world. The average per play-through is almost 12K words long with multiple achievements that you can collect and memories that you can build!
  5. I’m launching a limited-time special tier on Patreon where you can add your own character to the story! Whether it’s a minor side character, a new love interest, or a major player, they’ll be tailored to your specifications with personality, name, clothing, etc. This offer is valid until the 4th chapter before the book enters the demo phase.

With exams and daily responsibilities looming, I’m afraid the progress of my book may slow down. I’ve been writing around 1.2K words a day, but that may decrease to as little as 400-500 words or possibly 2K words per week. I apologize in advance to my readers and I truly appreciate your understanding. If you’re enjoying my writing, consider supporting me on Patreon or leaving a comment. Your feedback means the world to me and it’s the greatest form of support for a writer.

Anyways, signing off, Love you all! Big kiss! Katherine <3

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