Lost In The Pages (Formerly Uncle Irwin's Bookshop) - Last public version is up now


#50

Yay, a boyfriend that pretty and witty is my mc’s dream come true and of course my mc likes the guy’s style and flair too. :kissing_heart:
I must say out of all the chapters I liked your detective one best, but then I’m a sucker for Sherlock Holmes esque detectives in particular and eccentric geniuses in general, so being cast as the eccentric genius detective would naturally be something my mc likes.
Of course I was also a bit frustrated that my mc couldn’t ask Cecil some question in private, if you know what I mean. :wink:

I don’t think it’s weird, we all like different things (and guys), but in this game my mc is a strength and intelligence based guy, so someone witty and charismatic would best complement him and Cecil neatly fits that bill.
The other thing is that for me Wexley is again too similar to both Lorenzo and my mc here.

Again Cecil best complements my mc here as a lover and potential husband (and if we get a shot at our dream job, which in my mc’s case would be model and actor in the epilogue, I could easily see him becoming his agent too once he’s brought up to speed with our modern world.) :wink:


#51

@adrao
I’ve only read one book so far but I noticed some Low tier errors:
D’Anjou Mansion

The driver bids you good-night, after telling you that he will pick you up tomorrow morning at 1pm to drive you to the ferry terminal.

—— 1pm is noon

Buy a beautiful metallic place for 2000 pesos

—— Plate

Spray him with your mosquito repellent
+
Attack him with your torch
+
Trying to defend itself the vampire strikes the spear in desperation, breaking it into two pieces, while foam starts to spurt from her mouth. Seconds later his skin starts to turn grey, and shortly after disintegrates into a pile of dust. Your spear is now broken, but you suppose you still have a good stake that can be used to kill any other vampires.

—— ms. is not Him

pssssst… I feel like there’s a potential option of romancing that vamp in the coffin if you can romance the girl who works for the vamp. ;D

maybe it might be better in stats page to take note of which stories you’ve been to / which macguffin you’ve obtained as a record keeper?


#52

Another minor update is up, with more achievements, and IIRC some romance bits for @adrao’s characters added to the main story.


#53

@Abe Thanks, just corrected those, they should be in the next updated version (basically made those items cheaper and removed the but that caused the Ms. reference).

@Feather thanks, also corrected those (I actually found quite a number of bugs thanks to your comment)

;D

@Inessy yes, basically I think its not really worth the additional coding and story, as it does seem a bit forced and would have to re-write a lot of the story.


#54

Hello~!
I loved the idea behind the whole story- traveling to a different dimension/into a book would be a dream come true!
So far, I’ve only completed Sashira’s story, College Daze, and The Mansion of D’Anjou, Dragons and Devices, and Danger of the Deep.

Here’s (what I hope is) high level feedback:

The transitions between the books were fine; I was able to understand that I had or had not successfully completed a book, and that finding macguffins helped me make progress with contacting Uncle Irwin.

Overall, the pacing of the game was just right, seeing as there are seven “books” to go through, and any shorter stories (Sashira’s mystery, for example) can be made up for by the slightly longer stories like Dragons and Devices.
I would’ve liked to see more choices in Dragons and Devices that mattered and influenced the plot. I felt like most times, I was only choosing what question to ask, what object to look at, or what thought I was thinking. An example would be when Lorenzo/Gianna and I arrive at the wastes, and one of the few choices I make there is whether to make an observation on the metal sticking up from the ground, the lights in the mountains, and one other thing I can’t remember. It’s not as if there were no choices that influenced the plot though. I completed the book successfully on my first try, so I didn’t get to any scenes where I would’ve been thrown out of the book (I’m sure there are some of those), and of course there’s the scene where you fight the lava golem. But when comparing the amount of text to the number of places where you make choices, the number of choices that really matter is a bit lacking.
I liked that The Danger of the Deep was evenly paced, starting out with a moving event and keeping the action going throughout. Sashira’s Story could be considered slow for those who don’t have the patience to collect clues, but as the sense of intrigue surrounding the mystery and the characters was maintained, I kept on through the story.
The pacing in College Daze is definitely fast. (explained below)

About the plot:…Yes, it is definitely interesting! I had one problem that almost deterred me from continuing to play, though. I started with Sashira’s Story and understood the general gist of how the game was to work. I would jump into a book, complete the plot, return to the real world with a prize or macguffin from doing so successfully, then hop into another book, rinse and repeat. The problem I had was when I jumped into College Daze. I’d just solved a mystery, and suddenly in the next book I’m in a college dorm in Australia with a crazy scientist roomate, junk and maggots in the fridge, dead kangaroos, and I find a dead body in the forest… Needless to say, my brain was exploding and I was reading with a sense of “what is happening…” :sob: But maybe the author’s intent was to suddenly drop you in a drastic new story. I was just extremely distressed that I had no sort of backstory or explanation to the plot…

Another point I noticed between the stories was that in some books you do realize that you’re in a book before sinking into your character, while in other stories, such as Dragons and Devices, you’re fully aware that you’re in a book and can even tell the main protagonist about it. It made sense for the MC to at first be confused about entering a book, and maybe after completing a book or two they’re used to it, but the circumstances where the MC was either confused, or not confused; or at first self aware of the situation and then simply becomes a character were inconsistent. I realize the MC’s reaction as you go along would be hard to code >.< those were just my thoughts.

About the characters:… Seeing as the “books” are relatively short, it was hard to really get to know any one character. Especially in The Mansion of D’Anjou and Sashira’s Story where the MC is on a mainly business relationship with the characters. That being said, it was a little hard for me to become attached to a character enough to consider them an RO.

Low level feedback:

I spotted typos scattered here and there, as well as sentences that were accidentally missing a word, and some inconsistent subject-verb agreement. I’m really sorry, I don’t know how to add screenshots to a post, but if I did I can certainly go back and find the specific spots for you!

(I apologize if my feedback is convoluted in any way >_< and aaaaaah for how long it turned out to be :fearful:)
Honestly though, I should really go through the game and finish all the stories! I love the concept and the overall plot, especially that plot twist that Uncle Irwin is actually a character from a book :smile:. I can’t imagine how much work it was to put this together, and I’d like to say thank you for sharing this fantastic story!!


#55

@Aerin There should be an icon like on the taskbar when you type your message (don’t know if it counts for all devices though. On my phone you first have to click on two downward facing ‘arrows’ to see it.)


NaNoWriMo - 2016! (add your NaNo name on Post 69!)
#56

A question for anyone who’s played the demo: should we make an attempt to make the different books the same length? As @Aerin mentioned, my story is one of the shortest; it will be a bit longer when I add the extra time to get to know possible ROs, but should I flesh it out more so it’s closer to the length of the other books?


#57

Well I loved your detective story short though it may have been so I’d probably love it even more if it were slightly longer.
And we also get to spend some actual time with that cutie Cecil now, right?


#58

Working on it. :wink: I’m probably going to elevate one of the women to RO status as well, to even things out… unless someone speaks up soon it’ll probably be Vivian, since I like writing her dialogue the best.


#59

Will the options be just Cecil and Vivianne? I like Wexley, but maybe you think it doesn’t fit his character? You’d know better than me ( obviously).


#60

Sashira herself likes him best too, I just like Cecil more and Wexley is too similar to the other soldier we can already romance for me. Besides Cecil is cute, artistic and a fashionable dandy, I just love fashionable gents. :yum: :wink:


#61

just had a time to re-playtest this and get some typo to report :grin: :

@adrao :

father Irwin, a mysterious stranger that has attempted to improve the relationship between between the chaotic and barbaric societies of the Badlands and the order of settlements like New Heaven.
(just one between is enough)

You are slightly surprised by the last comment, though Well, Sir seems rather happy, combining hisbrown hair before exiting the SAPEV.
(should be He and i suspect Well,sir is a result of copy paste, as it is the same words at the begining of pharagraf)

In aninstant he strikes at you with it, making you thankful that you also took that nanobot jab. Otherwise you wouldn’t stand a chance.
(just add spacebar)

“Really? You don’t remember these? They are nanotechnology torches. You also awful have them!”
(this sounds a bit weird for me, i guess its a copy paste mistake ?!)

(choice) Buy a beautiful metallic place for 2000 pesos
(did you mean plate ? some kind of necklace? coz i dont get what it was supposed to be)

Mr. D’Anjou starts advancing towards you, clearly indicating that you are not going to get out of this without a fight.
(choice) Take out the packet of garlic chips and through some at her
(Its he as i fight the Mr. not the Ms. and i supposed it should be throw)

You quickly realise that it would probably only take a small kick to break one of the legs of the chair, which you give you a small wooden stake with which you could attack Mr. D’Anjou. However, maybe the chest could have in it something that you could use against him.
(too much you there)

@Sashira

this is not a typo, but :

i find this a bit strange, as there is no mention about the Dandy after the investigation scenes. example :

Miss Vivian reads like an open book, and however shady she seems,…
Wexley does not exaggerate, and his reputation is deserved; he is …
Colonel Amberley has a temper, and is a proud man. He was by all accounts an enemy of Sir Reginald, and …
Miss Elizabeth harbored a deep hatred for her late godfather, that much is clear. But she seems to find the whole situation unsettling and …
Finally, there’s Lily, the maid. She strikes you as a woman devoted to duty, who …
(there is no mention about Cecil…)

that’s it for now, as im not reading the other story yet… will try them later. oh i want to ask, but this might be a spoiler so its alright if it can’t be answer :sweat_smile: how did you guys planning to handle the RO as i notice that every or maybe most of the story offer some people to be pursue… did the choosen RO will be bringing out of the books, or something like that? oh or maybe there will be someone outside the book that resemble them ? really curious (:eye::lips::eye:)

EDIT :
@Felicity_Banks

i immediatelly realized this is from your previous short story called “Down the wombat hole” or something like that, coz that is the reason i google what wombat looks like XD. btw, did it intentional and plot important for our companion to be a girl ?. just want to ask that? nothing to report i guess, just i always fall unconciuos when the battle begin no matter what i do :sweat_smile:


#62

It’s been 24 days, I’m pretty sure that would make this WiP inactive…


#63

@RyseAbove : oops… or maybe it was okay for this once, as i was just talking about this game with one of its Author in PM yesterday :grimacing:
.
.
.
by the way, that being said… here comes more report : WARNING!! heavy spoiler alert so if you didn’t read/playtest the game yet… i advice you to play it before reading this, or maybe just ignore it :sweat_smile:

@Felicity_Banks

sorry, i forgot to take note to where this typo is from, i guess its from College Daze :grin:

There is a gentle sussuration of static as you try to figure out what to say - or think.
(susurration)

for the next report… its really for College Daze :slight_smile:

[spoiler]to be honest im quite confused with the story as i feel the pace is too fast (?), and at some scene there, the character is being forgoten as if they are not there, and at some point some character suddenly appear with small description (example : we speak with Yanti, and then she seems to be no where to be found and we speak with this Fei Fei which appear out of no where). and the background/place description is a bit confusing for me, like MC is at their dorm/room… and somehow the description make me think he is outdoor without exiting his room.

btw, did you by any chances had an acquantaince from Indonesia? that is a nice touch you got there, (im from indonesia myself) and that scene with mukamu kucing is quite amusing for me, is that supposed to be an insult?! because it isn’t not, and i guess that is the intention because i myself find it confusing and stop reading for a while just like Yanti who became confused and stop doing whatever she intented to do :joy: lol :clap: really, nice touch there.[/spoiler]

@Cecilia_Rosewood :

He pauses, and then grins. “And besides, maybe you’re just some character in some book too. I mean, traveling through books isn’t all that normal either.”
(HE IS TOO SHARP!! :laughing: there is no typo here, just want to comment it to you :grin:)

Lorenzo shrugs. “Of course I did. I mean, I could’ve asked Carmen to make them, but she way already way too busy sowing the balloon.”
(i dunno, it sounds wrong, maybe it’ll be better if it is a typo and you mean it as was)

(choice)You wonder what the woman knows Lorenzo from.
(sorry again if i make a mistake, but this is confusing for me… is it mean to be from Lorenzo, or maye im the wrong one and yours is the correct one :grimacing:)

We should try to distract them other team with the brightly colored fish that call the reefs their home."
(i believe you mean the other team)
[/spoiler]

@ 4 of you Author of this amazing collab story : is that last scene supposed to be the epilogue?! :sob: what a cliffhanger!! :scream: where is my RO epilogue? and there is still some question that not being answer!! what is macguffin supposed to be? where they coming from?? and how did my Aunt manage to enter a book and bring Uncle Irwin to MC world? where did she obtain that ability? and big question from me is… from which book/story did Uncle Irwin coming from, as there is no way he belong to every book MC encounter… :joy:
oh, there is more that last scene where we use all the book at once is quite intense… and i enjoy it, just… it will be super awesome if MC encounter their acquantaince again from everybook, like maybe when the floating land crash down we encounter Lorenzo who scream for MC to take shelter for defending them from Lava, and maybe John appear and shot the attacker to save us… or something like that. some small encounter with some character from the book before we find Uncle Irwin will give more impact for the intense moment… and maybe give more attachment with them and the reader :grin:

That’s it… sorry for the long post!! :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:


#64

It’s still active. We’re even gathering stuff to officially get it submitted already :grin:

@Curious_Boy Thanks for the typo’s and the detailed feedback :grin: Which RO were you going for?


#65

first choice : John Loftus from New Heaven Cop, by Adrao
second choice : Lorenzo from Dragons and Devices, by Cecilia Rosewood
and i wish i could romance a merman, though there is no interaction with one of them :neutral_face: :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:


#66

There should be a little scene with the chosen RO at the end. They’re not very elaborate though. Did you get those? (Otherwise I should probably go bug-hunting again :sweat_smile:)

That would take a lot of time, and I don’t really know how to properly fit it into that story :pensive:


#67

nope… just the red women scene and uncle Irwin hug scene… and nothing more sadly :cry:

well, maybe Finn (i assume they are a He/Merman) approached MC when they decline Nereid offer to dance, and he congratulate us, and ask for the dance? :innocent:


#68

I’ll update the files on dashingdon. See if that helps…

I really don’t like tag-on romances :sweat_smile:


#69

still no RO scene at the end, when i clicked next chapter after Uncle Irwin hugs scene… it just show MC stat and play again choice… :confused: