Life As Ruler:Nexus Island.(WIP) Kingdom Simulator.210,000-Words!

Usually both my mobile and PC gives me the saved username/password for moody.ink as soon as I open it but this one didn’t, this asked the username and password again.

I have know idea,if you have any do help if you can.
I have also tried other WIP’s on moody.ink that warning is also there.But I’m assuming only authors are the ones who able to access save system using the “playtest” option.

@Empress_Nightmare have you tried to use the save system on other games, it is not working for me.

There is this feature I want to put in the game.It’s already in my drafts ,want to know who else like that idea.

  • I would definetly like to be a dragonborn.Which happens to be the appex predator in Legends in the game.
  • Other animals ,ones that are not myths will do for me.
  • How about all of the above.
  • I have a suggestion of my own on pets.Give me one or two then.
0 voters
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The save system is now working,seems like all you need to do is replace HTTP with HTTPS in the link in your browser

On the case of being a dragonborn and pets ,it seems like the majority of voters would like to be able to have both the apex predator a.k.a a Dragon and other normal animals.
Well good to know.I might be able to work with that, the poll are still open though.

I have managed to create a tumblr account.Now I have a blog about this WIP.
So check it out guys.:sunglasses:

Word count Update.
All-167308 words
Excluding commands-46246 words.

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Today I have managed to fix errors in Agricultural and Industrial Activities, at least the ones I noticed.
You can now also view what resources are in your territories through stats screen.

Another minor update.
As I played the game I realised how tough it is to start with few workers so I added some.To have them one would have to restart the game.
Now you can also get required help from the labourmaster if you provide with needed resources.
I feel like I should spoil my fellow forumers, like are there dragons in here.
Sure those won’t be missed.At least that is what I believe you can choose yours.:smile:

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A NEED TO KNOW
I have decided to let you know about this. So yes there are here…

Fantasy Elements

First and foremost you are believed to be a dragonborn because you are a Stonebearer

Creatures

  1. Dragons-
    Currently the Apex Predator.

  2. Intelligent Gorillas-
    Telepathic.

  3. Griffions-
    A flying lion no eagle head just a lion the whole body.

  4. Pegxus-
    A flying horse with some abilities.

  5. Unicorn-
    Was the Apex Predator.

  6. ?Uknown- Potential Threat.
    Vies to be the Apex Predator.

For more info visit the Library in the WIP.

Pulsars
These are the rarest minerals that are found amongst the most valuable resource in Nexus which is Sparkles.

5.White Pulsar-
The least rare mineral amongst pulsars.It cures sea water if used by experts.

4.Red Pulsar-
Revives Valhallas those who have only died in battle.Requires an infirmary.

3.Green Pulsar-
Replenish the the MC’s sense of time.

2.Blue Pulsar-
Forms a shield barrier in all of MC’s owned territories.If used by an expert of course.

1.Rainbolic Pulsar- The Alpha Pulsar.
Contains all the powers of the other pulsars.It also gives one the ability to look The Grim Reaper right in the eyes and say “Not today!”

Now to every one of these elements there is a Legend tied to it.
In this game novel legends are ancient lore that aren’t believed by most people.But the truth is as the saying goes “At the heart of every legend there is a grain of truth”~Michael Scott

To learn more one would have to visit the library.

Hello. Glad to see you posted your work as that can be one of the hardest parts and it seems that you already have a good start in terms of word count. That being said, I’m glad you asked for feedback because I have quite a bit.

I was, unfortunately, not really able to get too far into the game. The grammar issues are fairly severe; I’m assuming that you’re not a native speaker so I can understand that to a degree but that’s definitely a barrier to entry/comprehension. There are some tools out there you can use, as I think others have stated, such as Grammarly, ProWritingAid, Hemingway, and Wordtune to name a few. All of these have a free version and I would strongly recommend using them as the grammar is not in the best state right now. If not those, perhaps work with a local translator to better get your thoughts into English in a more clear way; I understand network speed is an issue for you, but it may be worth going to an internet cafe or somewhere else that has faster internet to use these tools. Even if that is not workable, using a modern word processor with spellchecking will at least help you with some of the issues, even if it may not help much for contextual ones; maybe even consider some books on the subject, perhaps from your local library if that’s a resource available to you. This wouldn’t be insurmountable if not for my other concerns.

The flow of the story is also a bit of an issue for me; there’s a fair amount of jumping around without much reason or explanation and there’s not a lot of reason to try and understand what’s going on because soon you’re going to be transported to another scene which also doesn’t seem to connect to previous ones. It was very difficult to follow what’s going on.

Ultimately, I’m not sure if it was either of the above, a combination of things, or maybe something else, but I could not really get into the game. I saw you say that it gets more clear after the intro, but I found myself just clicking through probably 10-15 pages to see if things seemed more clear/better and it just didn’t seem to be the case to me. I understand that it may seem clearer to you, but its also your own writing and thoughts so you know exactly what you’re trying to convey, where as we as readers do not.

It’s possible that most, if not all, of this could be caused by either not being a native speaker or translating something you’ve written in another language into English. I don’t know if that’s the case of course, but just trying to give you my thoughts on the matter.

Now, all that being said, it seems you’ve made a sizable start on your story here, and I hope that you are able to either use tools or perhaps work with a translator to get it into a more readable state, because you’ve definitely done a lot of work on it already as well as world building, and I am interested to see what might become of this when I am better able to read/understand it.

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Wow, that’s a good amount of feeedback there.:slightly_smiling_face: A huge thank you for that.

I will try my best to fix my grammar errors.Among other things you are right English is not my first langauge.I now have grammarly I hope it will help me.

I’m thinking about letting players start at a certain point after the prologue.
Like when they customize their sibling’s name.Because the prologue might be a bit cryptic at least that is what I thought of it as I was writing.
What I was trying to let the players know will be available later, like learning about it in a library or some other way.

Let me know if there is anything else.Thank you @John_Smith2 for taking your time with your feedback.:handshake:

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Hie guyz, it feels good to be back.:tiger:

About what I was planning.I couldn’t see any other way to start the game other than with the current prologue.So I tried my best to make it more understandable and sensible.I have also fixed grammar errors, the ones I noticed of course.I hope I did not make it worse.

Minor Changes

  • The prologue is less cryptic than it was.At least that is what I believe.
  • You can now see your ongoing constructions under the objective tracker in your stats.

If you see anywhere in the game that need an adjustment feel free to leave a comment below.

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Cool concept, but I think it needs to be revised a few more times, the text, in general, is confusing, repetitive or missing some detail. I read interested in what will happen, but the text does not hold me. If I had to tell you the biggest problem would be the lack of detail, a text game needs detail to capture the scenario we are in.

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Great.:slightly_smiling_face: I guess I’m not really good at that.I will see what I can do.@lukan if you would be so kind to give me a quote from the game as an example, it will be of great help.

Though like I have mentioned before.English is not my first language so I might not be able to fully reach your expectations.But I will try.

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I know it’s hard, honestly I think this is the hardest part of any writing, I’ve written something myself (I refuse to talk about this dark part of my life). If I had to remind you now of a recommendation that would be good for you, it would be Kingdoms and Empires. The way it is written can be very useful to learn.

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That’s eye opening.I will check on that WIP.I guess I have to read more like those and compare with mine , so I know where I’m missing details and stuff.

Again like I asked before; Can you qoute me an example from my WIP where you have been confused, seen a repetition or where there is missing details.
That kind of feedback will help me examine my writing style @lukan


This part for example, because it’s a list. This is a good example of a writing problem, things are handed to us in third person and in a spreadsheet. For example, this part could change to the protagonist remembering the past like “You remember your old lessons with your tutors where they told you about the tribes of the kingdom. The first one…”

You need reading to be more natural and smooth. And for other tips,see the dot and space question at the beginning.Because you’re writing this way,it’s not good.Change the Booooo on the horns to a description instead of writing boooooo. Onomatopoeia is not good for writing.

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So you mean like you can better understand that list if I add description under each tribe name?
If that is the case there is some missing content in the game.Glossary

Every bold word in the game is explained in detail in the glossary or rather codex as some writers prefer to say.It is where I want to add some description to following

  • What the selection really is and other details.
  • Like how the voyage is an ancient tradtion still in practice.
  • Varis Brigade ,Brigade priest and others

On where I have written boooo, that is temporary for I’m planning to replace it with sound.But what you said about description there is also good.

Tell me if I had missed anything.And thanks for your feedback @lukan.

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Hie Guys,
It’s been long since I posted my last update, I guess that comes with priorities.

The main character has a new responsibility now.Seeing that troops and citizens of their Kingdom are well fed.

The effect of that action on their relationship with them is a work in progress.

Though for the update to work you will have to restart the game if you had a saved one.

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I’ll be blunt. I think you need editor. Cool concept tho

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