Law-Abiding Citizens (WIP) -- Updated 23/08/18 (HUGE HIATUS)

Thank you so much for liking the game. I was told the same thing but I wasn’t sure if I should fix it… I’ll go fix it right away then, thank you really for the suggestion :blush:

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As promised I will go into fixing this, thank you! I’m glad your enjoyed that moment, since it was based on a real life argument I had with my brother. :joy:

I might’ve gotten carried away when describing the characters, I apologize :smile: I’ll try to tone down the flowery descriptions…

Thank you thank you! I was doing my best to make the MC seem human rather than a playable “thing”, I’m so glad you spotted that. And Serena is :ok_hand:

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My advice would be to have someone go through and edit it for you.

One of my bit of self taught rules to writing is that I never use the same word to begin a sentence twice in a paragraph. I feel it dampens the effect when the same pronoun is used repetitively. Because as it is, the writing just seems on the level of a 70s Mel Gibson film, with very rudimentary direction. Keep at it, I do very much enjoy the concept you are striving forward with.

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The problem is, where do i find this person? And how?

I see what you mean and i do try to do the same thing. Thank you for enjoying it though and hopefully i will be able to create something people like!

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I would LOVEEE to be your editor/previewer. Like @Bibleblack22 said it’s increasingly important to have someone other than yourself to help work on a story even if it’s just to proofread or offer valuable feedback. And all you would have to do is send it to my (or if you pick someone else)'s email and I (or they :joy:) would get back to you within a day or two. :smiling_face: I for one am a huge fan so if you decide to go the “editor” route I would love to be in that position :joy:.

Thank you so much for offering, and yes! Of course you can be my editor if you’re so willing. God, i really appreciate it :hugs:

It will be amazing to have another person’s perspective rather than my own on the story and etc. I will be sending you chapter two when i finish it through email then. Unless you have other ways to do this process that i have never done in my life :joy:

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YAY!!! I AM SOOOOO PUMPED OMGGG

ok enough fanboy-ing :joy::joy: but seriously thanks for considering me! This means a lot. And ur right having another perspective can REALLY help a story out. I have a editor myself for my game The Oval Office and it has been a tremendous help.

Ya, you can send it to my email. I will let ya know through pm and we can sort out the rest. Once again thanks soooo much. It obviously helps as I am a huge fan of this story already :joy:

Your enjoyment of my story makes me feel giddy.

I’ll pm you then my friend! :point_right:

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Is something wrong with the game? When I find the letter and try to go to the next chapter, it says errorrr loading data

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This is because chapter two is not out yet, but thank you for playing. I promise chapter two will be out this week or very soon!

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HEY GUYS!

I’m excited because…
Chapter two is out!

If you guys want to check it out, go to the link on my first post, it’s already updated!
Thank you to all of you! Literally ALL of you! :heart::laughing:

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Getting a game-breaking bug when I beg Raven for help.

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Thank you, i will go into fixing that!

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Already fixed, do tell me if you encounter any more errors. I did my best to fix them all, but i can be very clumsy is regards to this :joy:

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Hey guys, quick update that I’m not going to work on the new chapter this week because three very important days are coming.
Pancake day, Valentine’s day and my birthday!
So I apologize and hope you guys have an awesome Valentine’s day with your significant other or if you’re alone (like me) have a great day with your favourite romanceable character :joy::joy:
Love you all :heart:

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happy early birthday!! :smile_cat:

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Thank you!!!
(these 20 chars :sweat_smile:)

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found some stuff while reading through it, put it in a private imgur album to show what i’ve found! the album is right here!

also, out of curiosity, is there any chance our father will be popping up later in the story?

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Thank you so much, I’ll go fix right away!

I really can’t say anything because it will spoil it but it’s something similar :wink:

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Sammmmeeee

Woah, when is it?? Happy birthday by the way :joy:

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