Knights of Evallon (WIP) [Updated 25th Nov 2022]

Introduction: Hello, Knights of Evallon is my first ChoiceScript game. I hope to make this a standalone game while leaving the door open for future stories set in the world. Also, English is not my native language, so there may be some errors. I usually write in the third person past tense, hence the second person present tense is taking some getting used to. However, I have tried my best to avoid mistakes. But please feel free to point them out.I appreciate any and all feedback.

Blurb

We are all heroes of our own stories.

They call you Twilight, the angel of death. You are the world’s deadliest assassin. You are a ghost, a boogeyman, a hushed whisper around campfires in windy nights.

You grew up during the waning years of the Evallonian invasion of Gralea. The genocide, the atrocities inflicted on your nation—they made you who you are. Forged in blood and grief—you are Gralea’s sword in the dark.

The war may have ended, but the scars remain. You have not forgotten those responsible for the destruction of your home, of your family.

The Evallonians have their magic, their king, and their Zodiac Knights. They even have the Last Hero, the chosen one of prophecies foretold. But heroes aren’t born from the stars, they are forged in fire and blood. The Evallonians will learn that when you crush their vaunted Chosen One and his cronies—the Zodiac Knights.

You fight and kill for Gralea, for the Directory, for the Revolution. You believe you are on the right side of history. But what if Gralea is not the Utopia you think it is? What if the Directory is not the paragon of freedom it claims to be? What if the glorious revolution is rotten at the core?

Neither side is above using underhanded and malicious tactics to further their goals. Blackmail, torture, and kidnappings are all fair game. You must navigate this labyrinth of war, intrigue, and shifting loyalties.

Is revenge the only thing that matters? Will you lose yourself in your vendetta, or will you fight for a better tomorrow for all mankind? Complete safety and total freedom—it’s a pipe dream, but you can walk the path of justice, or you can burn it all down.

But there are other forces at play. Ancient forces from a time before time. As mortals fight for the resources of a weary world, the age of prophecies and forgotten gods draw near.

About

Knights of Evallon is a blend of science fantasy, decopunk, high fantasy, steampunk, and urban fantasy genres. Terra, the world as called by the natives, is inspired by the settings of various Final Fantasy games. It’s a world where magic and different levels of technology coexist.

You are a Gralean assassin known only as Twilight. You are deep undercover in Evallon on a mission to dismantle the country and assassinate their national heroes—the twelve Zodiac Knights. They are an order of mystic knights empowered by the ancient magic of the star sailing gods.

However, the world and humans are not so cut and dry. For the longest time, the Evallonians have been faceless enemies. But as you live your life in Evallon, spend time with them, you’ll learn that not all of them are bloodthirsty warmongers. They are just people trying to live their lives. And Gralea itself is not a sinless Utopia. There are no black and whites in this world, only shades of gray.

You have the choice to remain loyal and seek vengeance, or you can betray the Directory. You can even forge new paths, either out of altruism or in the pursuit of power.

Furthermore, in the background, there are other, grander forces at play. As you delve into their world, you might discover who you truly are.

But it’s not only about abstract concepts and ideologies. In the course of your journey: friends will become enemies, enemies will become lovers, and the world will never be the same.

[details=Features]
—Play as a man or woman.
—Play as a legendary assassin. Follow your orders to the tee or follow your conscience.
—Fight for revenge, justice, profit, or simply chaos.
—Bring stability or plunge nations into chaos.
—Fulfill assassination contracts, help or hinder rebellions, hunt down a serial killer, survive a cat and mouse struggle on a train, marry into royalty, topple nations.
—Uncover the secrets of the old gods and new.
—Side with those who abhor magic or seek magical powers of your own.
—Find love among distinct characters—the gentle but troubled princess, the egotistical chosen one struggling under the weight of expectations, the attractive but relentless cop who has been chasing you across the world, your stunning and kind neighbor with a tragic past, a mysterious figure from your past. (I am considering making more NPCs romanceable)

The World

Terra is a diverse world. Its civilizations thrive on a combination of modern technology, steampunk, and traces of magic. But it’s also a dying world. The sun has turned cooler and it’s not as bright as it used to be. The moon is broken, and the sky is no longer blue. Instead, it’s a dynamic kaleidoscope of changing colors.

Ascyx is the most sought-after element in the world. The greed for it has led to many wars over the years, including Evallon’s devastating invasion of Gralea two decades ago.

Terra consists of many continents and myriad nations with distinct cultures. Europa is one of the most populated and ancient lands.

Evallon and Gralea:

Evallon and Gralea are two small, neighboring countries in Southeastern Europa. Evallon is an ancient land with a pleasant Mediterranean climate while Gralea is lush with alpine mountains and wind-swept valleys.

Evallon is a developed and cultured nation. Ostensibly a constitutional monarchy, the kings of Evallon wield considerable power. The country has grown fat on tourism and finance. Despite the invasion of Gralea, Evallon is widely held as a beacon of freedom and culture. Many in the world see the invasion as justified retribution for the assassination of crown prince Abel Emmanuel di Loredan.

Gralea, by contrast, used to be an oligarchy ruled by a council of corrupt nobles. Bordered by Evallon to the west and the mighty Red Federation to the east, Gralea has never had allies to rely on. Thus, when the Evallonians invaded, the council had no answer. Gralea’s capitulation seemed inevitable but for the rise of a hero—Peter Zelev. He and his Directory of Commons led the defensive effort and eventually brought the war to a standstill. The Evallonian withdrawal was followed by the establishment of the Republic of Gralea.

At first glance, the new Republic of Gralea appears to be a Utopia where nobility and birthright are meaningless, and the only quality that matters is merit. However, inequality is baked into the human psyche, and eventually, members of the Directory consolidated wealth and power, the elites of the party supplanting the oligarchy.

Unlike Evallon, where all religions are permitted despite the sway of the Latian Church, the Directory forbids all forms of worship. They believe religion brews dissent, and the Party is the supreme authority—temporal and spiritual.

Warning

Blood, gore, cursing, violence, mention of human trafficking, trauma.

Official Art

I am still waiting for the art of the protagonists and the love interests. However, here are some pieces of characters in the same setting.










Looking for feedback on

-Bugs
-Plot holes
-Plot suggestions
-Grammar
-Prose
-Characters
-Inconsistencies
-Anything else

Demo

Links:
Tumblr
And you can join my Discord if you want to chat or discuss or just hang out. I’m sorry the previous link expired. This one shouldn’t. I also post sneak peeks of my other WIPs there. And I keep word count logs so you can track the progress of my games.

Current word count excluding codes: 60,638
Chapter List:
Prologue
Chapter One: The Angel of Death
Chapter Two: Love and War
Chapter Three: The Princess of Evallon

Looking for feedback on:
-Prose flow, grammar, readability, etc. There might be errors because there’s a chance I have missed some branches.
-Coding.
-Anything else.

Update Log

October 14 2022:
-Rewritten in order to fix the pacing issues, which was a common complaint.
-New ROS: Sofia/Soren, Mizrael, Zara/Zafir, Kairi/Karlen, Knight of Capricorn, Knight of Taurus.
November 25 2022:
-Chapter 3 Finished. Total Word Count: 60,638

931 Likes

@Astralise.Ink love what you got here, brother. Can’t wait to see where this goes. Keep up the good work.

17 Likes

Thanks! I was really nervous about posting this, still am in way.

21 Likes

@Astralise.Ink There’s no need to be nervous. It’s really good in my opinion. And there will be others that like it too. What’s important is that you like what you write and everything else will work itself out. Try to keep strong, brother :blush:

10 Likes

Thanks! I appreciate it.

8 Likes

That was pretty freaking epic to read man. Great work on it. I probably took the shorter route cause I just killed everyone involved but it was still a good read

11 Likes

This was really good read and fun too, love what has been put up so far. Looking forward too seeing more of it, good luck

3 Likes

Thanks! It’s the first time someone has called my writing epic. XD

5 Likes

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I really appreciate it.

8 Likes

Oh this is already lots of fun to read! I enjoyed being a smug tease to the inspector lol, one thing is that there are just a few errors with the pronouns, I got these when the inspector was supposed to be male. Can’t wait to read more and definitely impressed with the writing!

1 Like

Very interesting, curious to see where you’ll take the story. Terra is a great setting, love the mixture between tech and magic. Break a leg! and have fun writing. Can’t wait to read more. :muscle: :blush:

2 Likes

Thanks! That’s really helpful. I must have missed it. Will fix it ASAP.

4 Likes

Thank you. I am editing Chapter One as I type.

6 Likes

This is really good I can’t wait to see what happens next

1 Like

Interested in what you got here so far!

1 Like

…Well that’s certainly not the route I expected to be the shortest, lol.

BTW, it’s completely impossible to tell you aren’t a native English speaker, so I’m not sure why you felt the need to say so.

4 Likes

This does look really interesting, I’ll be definitely be keeping an eye out for it

1 Like

I do want to bring your attention to an error I found. I hoped you can get this fixed because I really want to tease the detective

2 Likes

What I like about this event specifically is the storyline and flow. I really appreciate the work that’s been done and I look forward to hearing more.

@Caspiera Thanks!

@Kxng Thank you!

@geldar Thanks! English is in fact my third language. I wanted to clarify it in case I missed any colloquialisms.

@Drakona Thanks for the report. Are you getting it on the first choice?

@Midnight Thanks!

2 Likes