So honest review
Game is Very good even if it’s only prologue
The fact that previous choices makes many choices unavailable is also good thing to consider. However, I will like to propose for a ‘Legendary Mode’ or ‘Chosen one’ .Why? Because starting off the bat, we get two +20 and two -20, which I feel like kinda take away freedom or will take away(as there is no skill check currently). So, if there exists a way in which a player can have all stats maxed out, it will be nice.
2 Likes
It looks interesting, but I think it’s too harsh to have 2 weak trait. 1 strong trait + 1 weak trait may be a better option.
2 Likes
To be honest I think it’s too early for feedback on game balance when I have yet to implemented any meaningful stat checks yet.
A lot of checks are only going to be 50 and a fair few will even be as low as 40.
This hasn’t really been conveyed yet but having 70 in a stat basically makes you one of the best knights in the kingdom in that particular area.
Even if you only have 50 in, say, combat, your MC is still someone who has spent over a decade training under a professional master-at-arms.
13 Likes
Chapter One is finished, clocking in at around 18,165 words.
https://dashingdon.com/play/unoriginalusername/knight-of-greenhaven/mygame/
22 Likes
The sigil and background should not be the same color. If I pick a red sigil, red should be disabled when I pick a background color later.
In the span of mere seconds, you have killed, disabled, or incapacitated four bandits. The rest are already about to route when the retainers hit them, and the result is a slaughter. You wound another bandit in the pursuit. Within less than a minute, all the bandits are either dead or captured.
rout
While the retainers check the fallen and keep an eye on the prisoners, you approach the carriage doors,
*if scar_spear_thigh = true
limping as you do.
“You’re safe now!” you call out. “You can come out!”
“How do I know you’re not a bandit?” A faint voice calls out from within the carriage.
Incorrect indent for the part where you call out.
1 Like
I found a bug
In the inn when you decline the drink while talking to the dwarf it shifts as if you were talking to the sorcerer. It also happens when you ask the lady to go somewhere private. You end up with Falcona instead.I suspect sorcery is behind this 
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I believe all of these problems are now fixed.
Also does anyone have any feedback on characters? Particularly Harlton and Ludov?
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Well I do like Harlton as a caring mentor who is pushing you to do great things but besides that I can’t say much about him. I like Ludov but I like dwarves in general, being half dwarf has interesting implications and if he is a ro he is already better then the other two just for not sleeping with you after talking for a few minutes
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Fabian Falcona and Lillian Turnau are not ROs. I tried to make it clear in the text that both characters view this as a one-time fling. But I don’t know how well that came through.
Both Fabian Falcona and Lillian Turnau will return later but they’re ultimately minor characters.
And yes, I am planning go make Ludov an RO. I consider him one of the “core” characters of this game. And all the actual romances will have a lot more build-up.
5 Likes
Reading the update, these are my stream-of-consciousness thoughts:
- clearly the emblem of House Corvus should be a flamingo
- No getting out of this tournament for a knight who made fighting his dump stat, huh
- Well, judging by how Perception handled those bandits, it’s not too bad. Gotta show my mentor that swinging a sword isn’t everything
- I wanted to talk about magic with this sorcerer at the inn, but I suspect he has something different in mind
- Talking to Lilian, when discussing the merchant state I would’ve liked an approving response that’s a little more detailed than “seeing the merit in it.” Minor complaint.
- Curious about sorcery, I wonder if we can visit the Academy and angle towards becoming more of a battlemage kind of knight?
4 Likes
Yeah, I can add more worldbuilding to that specific conversation in regards to the magic and such. I’m just kind of worried about dumping too much on players at once. I definitely did feel like Falcona’s conversation was a bit light compared to the other four options so I’ll work on that.
Unfortunately no, in this setting magic is something you are born with. Now, plenty of non-magical knights and lords will study magic anyway because it’s common enough on the battlefield that you need to plan around it.
A large part of that comes down to the MC hailing from a realm that has hostile relationships with basically all of its neighbours, including Daralt. The other part comes down to the MC being part of a caste of hereditary lords and, while the MC isn’t poised to become a lord themselves, has spent his entire life being raised with with the expectation they will become an enforcer of that system.
Daralt of course follows the same system, the only difference being it is an oligarchy instead of a monarchy, and in the eyes of the other human nations their government is “polluted” by bringing lowborn into the fold.
But yeah I’ll admit I’m not fully happy with how I wrote the debate in general - I didn’t want it to go on too long. I’m open to suggestions on other arguments the MC can make.
13 Likes
Another wip add to my collection
I just made a small update. No new chapter, but I tweaked some dialogue options a bit and also added personality stats.
11 Likes
So far I think it’s very good, though some things I noticed. It would be nice if there was an option to select the type of horse you want, for example you could have a stallion, a mare or a gelding. And now I do not know If we are going to be using this horse for the jousting in the tourney . And if we are, there should be more emphasis on it. Or if you’re going to go for a more realistic approach where we can select a certain breed for the tournament, that would be cool. Such as destriers, coursers, or rounceys. And the character just has a separate horse for riding. I just found a typo, “If whoever manages these lands is so lax is to let brigands plague their raods, I doubt they will care if we take matters into our own hands," Lord Ashton points out.”. Fix, Roads. Also something I want to add about the battle scene with the bandits, I only picked the charge option. But it would be nice if the descriptions during the battle had a little more grit, and vivid brutality to them, to immerse you into the action more. I noticed this as well, “You relate to them the story of the carriage ambush, and how you had nobly intervened to save it. You tell them about the bandit ambush. Unfortunately, you’ve never been a particularly great with words”. It repeats the fact you’re telling the other knight’s about the ambush, this is during the tavern scene. Finishing off I saw a lot of influence from, A Song of Ice and Fire series, with terms such as Ser, hedge knight, captain of household guard, household guard, sellsword, master at arms, the term House, and the green cloaks, which seem like an allusion to the Gold Cloaks from ASOIAF. I’m not saying these are bad, just that maybe some more originality in some of the names and terms would be more distinctive. To your story, unless I’m completely off. Other than that I appreciate the world building you’re putting Into it, and I’m sure the tournament scene is going to be alot to write, and flesh out. Best of luck.
1 Like
I need to point out that none of these things are unique to ASOIAF. Almost all of these things are real historical terms and concepts. The only one of these terms that was probably a GRRM-invention is “hedgeknight” and even then that term has gone on to infiltrate other stories, to the point where a lot of people believe it was a legitimate historical term (note that the actual real equivalent term, Knight-Errant, is also invoked, though even those primarily existed in literature as well.)
The Greenhaven City Watch wear green cloaks because that’s the colour of the royal house which rules Greenhaven, and also because the city itself has ‘Green’ in the name. And also because I just think cloaks are cool. Their local nickname is ‘The Greenwatch.’
I won’t pretend that I don’t take inspiration from ASOIAF (and other fantasy series) but most of this isn’t distinct to that series.
The rest of your feedback is good, I just take issue with this particular assessment.
13 Likes
I understand, thats why I made the point unless I’m completely off. As for the terms I just mainly noticed the spelling of the title Ser, sellswords, and hedge knights, which are really only used anywhere in that series. As for the other terms, I was off on using the term House for someone of noble blood, as well as a master at arms. As for Household guard that term is never used, the concept yes. Now let me say, Im not accusing you of being historically inaccurate in your term usage, because this is a fantasy, and a world of your own making. But I was making the point that it seemed some of these terms were being borrowed. But your the author, and you would know best, so Im wrong.
You are right about ‘Ser’ as far as I can see, but…
I don’t think GRRM has exclusive rights to ‘sellsword’, lmao.
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I should also note that I changed it from ‘Ser’ to Sir/Dame a while ago. Any usages of ‘ser’ still in the game are a mistake.
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As for hedge knight, I’m split because yeah, it is GRRM’s idea but he didn’t come up ‘hedge’ as another word for vagrant. Hedge priests were mentioned by the author of Marprelate’s Epistle, a 1588 pamphlet.
Fritz Leiber - Wikipedia also used it for witches and wizards and it was also adapted into DnD.
Hedge wizard | Forgotten Realms Wiki | Fandom
Either way, errant knight is not something GRRM came up with, and hedge knight is just another term for errant knight.
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Hedge knight also used in crusader kings just saying.
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