Third chapter all the way
For the title in the site, it can’t be changed (unless you delete the current WIP and create a new one).
For the pic, just name it into dashpic.jpg
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reading through the demo I still find it rather interesting that not many are questioning Vicky’s faithful-ness for Andus…
“How preposterous!” Queen Victoria states. You can sense a hint of nervousness from her. “Of course he would!”
Some Grammar Mistakes
The priest turns to Princess Sophia and asks. “Sophia, will you take Darius here present, for you lawful wedded husband according to the rite of our Holy Mother Aella, the Giver of Life?”
Your lawfully
The first you see is a beautiful young maiden. She appears to be your age, if not, year younger than you.
If not a year younger than you
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Give me pro/cons for both paths. Then I will vote. Also, pitch the Sophia POV to me.
My grammar and spelling senses were tingling. However I am on my cell, so I might have to wait to show examples.
I find it funny that you wrote “cringe worthy” lovemaking scenes before you wrote a sparring scene. :-p
A complaint - Dancing is more muscle memory and agility. A stat which you don’t have, nor should you add imo. You probably have that scene tied to a charisma check which I tie with communications and interpersonal actions to a much lesser extent.
In other words, I wouldn’t have bothered with a stat check there. As a “properly raised” prince , he would know how to dance. It also has the potential to derail the romantic scene with Sophia that was promised.
Marxus’ dialogue needs the help of a grammar nazi who is more awake than I am currently. Is he going to say more than he currently did or is that the extent of his conversation? (I.e. talk about the tournament, ask for help and he will or will not based on relationship stat.)
Otherwise, kudos for getting the dancing scene in there. Personally, I would focus on filling the holes in my written chapters but I can understand the need/want to write something else.
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Believe me, I was cringing while I wrote those scenes.
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@Sophia
This one is just suggestion:
*elseif (charisma >= 15)
It’s not that I have hard time with this, but I think for anyone who also try other skill this a bit too much, my suggestion is maybe change it to be >= 10?
Edit:
I talking about skill check for dancing
#I'm a married man!
"Excuse me, m'lady," you excuse yourself.
It’s may just me, but aren’t mc being rude for just saying it like that? 
I’m with @IronRaptor, the one night stand scene certainly need more improvement
And i think if that Knight tell mc about that daily thief, I think it’s should be showing when mc decide to follow Kris/Kridus
Well, don’t look at me to write them for you. My verbosity and attention to detail would get me banned from the forums…
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Well you can always PM such things
The mc gets a lot of extra Charisma points in Chapter 1…
Think of the age difference, subject matter and my marital status. Plus my psuedo-forum father status granted to me by @Sophia. The awkwardness would reach critical levels.
Different subject a prince would actual say “My Lady.” The “M’lady” is kind of low class.
Huh I see going need to replay it later then 
Edit:
Oh also @Sophia
The shy and timid knight was gone, and he showed a passionate side to him.
It’s should be “of”
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what can I say. I love awkward scenes.
If you are going to do a charisma run through try it twice. Once with 1 book and once with both. I know that the accumulation of the 1 CHA points scattered in the first chapter are not enough to make you a dancer. I think you might squeek by with a book or the baby option.
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Completely different thought -
@Sophia, would you entertain the prospect of letting us talk to the other two options we didn’t dance with so we can interact with those characters? You could use if statements to see if we have already danced (keeping us away from extra bonuses or penalties) and if we already have a “romantic encounter” waiting for us.
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@Sophia
Typo:
- Marxus stares at you, and quielty smiles.
quietly
- “Why don’t you take Melissa in the Royal Garden?”
I think it’s should be to(?)
Going to do it later, I not really have a good time for now 
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Quietly? 
You are correct.
Sorry going to edit it right now
I am still cringing. Over the Love scene.
Practice makes perfect?
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So what you going to do about it?