I feel like your edits are fair. Some of them I didn’t even notice, i.e. the quote from Chapter 1.
I am a little more lenient on WIPs, particularly because we have a lot of people writing who are ESL (English as a Second Language.) If this work were closer to release and it was in Beta, I’d be a lot stricter in terms of grammar/spelling. Still, the more problems she cleans up now there will be less to deal with later.
haha not many did guess what i really mean by that, you … let me just say---->
Yoda is also awesome. One does not match the awesomeness of a Jedi Master.
I think a Sith master is more awesome
Well, of course they are. Darth Vader is one of the most awesome characters of all time. They just both have a distinct sense of awesomeness.
no one math revans for me… best jedi and sith ever 
Yes, Revan is also awesome. They’re like if Kreia was still a warrior. Neutral in the force, possessing great power and developed an interesting philosophy.
Well the sith are in some ways more powerful since they have their power in the emotions (and they wear black cloaks and masks … there is nothing cooler than a black mask and cape!) meanWhile the Jedi have their power in self control But they are very cold (in the sense of teaching) and take things very quietly
he is very cool but I like more Starkiller
and the only one not so blind to the emperors scheme… being Smart and strong, thats what make revan for me the best
meh he was a puppet
A puppet that almost defeated the emperor and almost / killed Darth Vader and managed to turn Luke Skywalker into his apprentice (and in his universe the founder of the rebel alliance )
The first thing is only if you go down the dark side ending which brings up many other questions. In canon he was a puppet.
yeah in the canon he was a puppet, for that he like me more when he was in the dark side
You not harsh, you just simply pointing out what eventually going to fixed, more sooner more better, so I sure @Sophia going to appreciate it since English is her second language.
And yeah @Sophia, quote seems tricky, you have to be careful since there ones that protected and ones that not, from quick search I do, it’s said is okay using quote that under 100 year, but you better look into it more just in case. Or you could just change king Darius quote
Who is that?
Queen Alicia is the wife of King Darius of Darvis.
I’m always open to the suggestions given. So no worries, I won’t turn into berserk mode. 
PS. Thanks.
What?!? Sorry… I got that quote from one of my friends. I will be changing that one.
Actually mate, book 2 mc is king Darius, Kingdom of Darvis founder and first king.
I have no plans in making a King Andus story.
I do wonder what Marxus would have been like if King Andus favored the MC more than him though🤔
Since I’m here… Any questions?
Changed my mind, im petty so im going for 4000th post
many questions, most of which will not be answered/are against forum rules😂