"A dagger to the throat would cause all of those, but the one emotion it doesn't account for is the last you see in thsoe eyes."
"...alone. you briefly look down to see what could be causing it."
Typo--"you" should be capitalized.
The gender options are really nonspecific. Men can and do wear makeup and a lot of women shave. I'd suggest providing gender options that actually include the terms "man" and "woman" in some way. Other ways of presenting a choice of gender will either rely on gender roles or specific body parts, both of which aren't actually true to many men and women (particularly gender nonconforming and trans individuals).
"Either way, all males must remain stricly clean shaven..."
Typo--should be "strictly."
"Now that you don't look like a trainwreck, as you like to put it, you return to your bedroom."
Hm. This creates somewhat of a separation between the player and the character (which isn't necessarily bad, but be aware that many people play these kinds of games for the personal experience) because the narrative is saying, "This is how you word things."
"...each easily able to hold 20 or perhaps more moderately sized books."
You should spell out the number here instead (twenty).
"A rich purple velvet covered book."
There needs to be a comma between purple and velvet.
"Things you've seen and done is all there in that book, but each time you advance, it mysteriously adds more pages."
Should be "are all there" instead of "is all there." This sentence reads a little strange, though. I think it might be how vague it is. As a reader, I don't know what the terms "things you've seen and done" or "each time you advance" are referring to.
"His oaky brown eyes always made him seem older than what he actually was..."
Another case of vagueness. I'd recommend something like "...made him seem older than his actual age..." instead.
"...you knew he'd achieve his dreams to be a travelling scholar."
Should be "...his dreams of becoming a traveling scholar."
"Your 'mother' was at the village market getting ingredients for dinner while your 'father' was out hunting with some others in the nearby forest."
Why are the words mother and father in scare quotes?
"As soon as the first Keeper Raids as they had come to be called started, the village council held a meeting to try and protect everyone."
Should be, "As soon as the first Keeper Raids, as they had come to be called, started, the village council held a meeting to try and protect everyone."
"A few of the houses near your area, including your own only had enough dug out for a few to be kept safe, but with no linking channels to the other nearby safeholds, you two were well and truly trapped."
Should be, "A few of the houses near your area, including your own, only had enough dug out for a few to be kept safe and no linking channels to the other nearby safeholds. You two were truly trapped."
"'I have something for you.' he whispered..."
Should be, "'I have something for you,' he whispered..."
houts were relayed back. Then they rushed forward."
I think that covers most of it. It's very interesting so far