Alright! I have now finished reading through chapter5.txt. As before, I’ve stuck a lot of the proofreading and bug details under arrows at the end, to avoid making this post even more of a gargantuan mammoth than it is already 
Okay, so one thing that I was noticing a lot is that the fight (and some other places in the game) is often set up so that if you succeed at a skill, you get a reward in that same skill, which is higher than the reward if you fail. We were talking a bit about potential issues with that in this thread… the basic problem is the “rich get richer” effect… actually, looks like there was a nice post on that it another thread as well. It can lead to early failures and successes spiralling out of control and exerting a disproportionate influence on later stats, which can make underdog stories more difficult, for an example.
The scene with the hunters was dramatic 
I do feel a bit suspicious about this necklace that’s supposed to dampen background thoughts. Especially since the advice is just not to think directly about the hunters around Seraphina… and it’s so difficult to avoid thinking about something when you’re told not to, because you then keep thinking about not thinking about it 
And then I also wonder if a telepath might be able to pick up on the fact that background thoughts seem duller than they should be.
Plus, I’m just not sure the extent to which I should trust these hunters 
they seem surprisingly trusting of the MC (what if the MC were a double agent!) 
We get some pretty interesting hints about Thalia on the date with her… plus she’s just a really fun character 
Also thought it was interesting that you can mention the control magic thing to her… I wonder if there’ll be anyone else I can mention it to 
Okay, now for some more specific comments…
*page_break
“I just don’t understand why we can’t use the simulation room for whatever this is,” says Kol.
Okay, so here’s a point where we have an abrupt scene transition. I think for this one, just sticking some text on the *page_break command so it’ll appear on the “next” button would be enough to tell the reader that we’re shifting scenes 
Also, up at five AM? 
“Let’s go then,” says Yakov. “$!{name}, did you need a ride?”
So, at this point, you’ll ride with either Yakov or Kol, depending on how much Yakov likes you. I was just wondering, since Kol’s available anyway, if it might be possible to be able to ask to ride with him anyway? 
Unless this is just me being a hopeless romantic 
A generic magi-care pack.
When selecting what to bring to the scary exam, the other options give a little explanation of what they are, but not this one. When I was playing (rather than code-reading), I wasn’t sure what this would refer to.
#Can you punch a manticore? Of course you can punch a manticore!
*comment no you cannot, MC
I thought this was really funny 
and I wonder if you might want to include that option for the hydra too.
“We were really worried about you,” says Kol, more gently. “Are you all right?”
Aw, Kol I also notice that he’s the only one whose relationship doesn’t drop because of the MC “getting lost” in the woods
…Granted, he’ll feel so betrayed if he learns the reason the MC got lost in the woods 
#Join them in their interrogation.
Considering that this can result in Ebner saying that he’s disappointed in the MC, I wonder if this should lead to a relationship drop with him
*if lawful < 40
#“I’d rather not watch anything at all, frankly.”
I’m not sure I understand why that would be a low lawful thing specifically 
#“Fun…”
#“Care to explain, Leon?”
There’s nothing under either of these options in the Cressida/Leon/Cyrus conversation, which leads to abruptly entering the Cressida conversation without any explanation that the other characters are going to the Solanaceae.
#“I just wanted to learn more about you. You seem nice.”
“Aw, you’re sweet, $!{name}.” He laughs.
Okay, yeah, Altair is pretty cute too
It also seemed pretty significant that his first reaction to telling more about himself was to launch into a story about Astrid… does he not realize that he’s interesting too? 
It was good to learn that ritual magic has fewer negative effects than other forms of magic this is useful info.
Yakov is sitting on one of the couches, reading a novel you don’t recognize. You try to read the title, but it’s not in English.
I was curious what it does look like it’s in I mean, if it’s in a different alphabet, I’d be able to notice that, and if it’s in the Roman alphabet, I could probably tell roughly what kind of language it appears to be even if I don’t know it and if it doesn’t look like something recognizable (because magic?) that would be significant too.
Kol frowns. “I don’t remember reading that anywhere in the guidebook.”
She snickers. “You actually read that crap?”
“…Yeah.”
“Well, that must have been a waste of five hours.”
“It didn’t take five hours!”
“It was six hundred pages!”
This is both funny and really endearing (for both Thalia and Kol)
(Hey, I’m pretty sure I’m obligated to make multiple comments on Kol’s cuteness in all of these )
bugs (and stuff that may be bugs)
#I throw my energy shield at it.
*set fighting +1
*set fighting +2
Are both of these supposed to be fighting? This would be equivalent to just fight +3, after all… or was one of them supposed to be something else? (Other uses of the energy shield are like this as well.)
If you use the energy shield against the manticore, and it breaks, you should set energyshield false. As written, I can use the energy shield again after it’s already broken 
*if magicarepacks > 0
*set fightturns +9
*set magicarepacks -1
Using the magicarepacks restores health to 80 in the hydra path, but it doesn’t restore health to 80 in the manticore path, which it should. (I mean, you still get fixed up at the health center soon afterwards, but it’s still inconsistent.)
#“Did you find the lilies?”
This gives a -1 to seraphinaemotions in the manticore path, but not in the hydra path. I’m guessing it probably should apply to the hydra path as well, yes?
“We’ll take it under advisement.” He turns to Astrid and Leon. “Although the two of you should model the behavior of your more rational suitemates.”
You need a *goto gobacktoschool after this line. Otherwise, you fall through and can end up returning to your arrival at the pickup site. You need this *goto after the choice to “ignore them and confer with my more rational suitemates” as well.
*set learnrdj true
This doesn’t do anything?
“It’d be nice to meet them some time,” you say.
You can get to this line even if you have met them. (Because the option under *if (metkatia) has a *goto that still leads there.)
*if element = “fire”
“I can only hope it’s not your doing.”
*if element = “fire”
“I can only hope it’s not Briseis’ doing.”
The second one should be if the element is not fire.
proofreading stuff
It’s not human, can’t be, because there are scales and bat wing and limbs that shouldn’t exist,
I think this probably should be “bat wings.” Unless it’s just “a bat wing.”
You reach forward reflexively, but it’s awake then, and you’re trapped in a
This doesn’t work if your element is ice, because the next words are “icy blizzard” and you can’t have a icy blizzard. So I’d say just remove “a” from the previous line, and stick “a” or “an” into the *if clauses as appropriate.
Isn’t that later policy too harsh?
This should be “latter.” The distinction would be that “later” would be something that happens afterwards in time, and “latter” would be the last part of a list. (And “later” rhymes with “hater,” 
while “latter” rhymes with “hatter.” 
)
But eventually, the hydra falls to the ground, dead.
Why “but”? This comes after a description of the fighting, which may read as having just injured the hydra… so the sentence usually doesn’t look like it’s in contrast to whatever came before. I think starting with “Eventually” would likely suffice
She grabs your arm and yanks you to the ground, right before you would have been impaled by a huge spike, that flies into the tree behind you.
You don’t need a comma after “spike.” Alternatively, you could keep the comma, but replace “that” with “which.” I kinda think the latter might read better, actually, but it’s really up to you
“Shit. Manticore.”
Who said that? Is it Thalia? If it is, you could put her action “Thalia pulls you out of the way…” on the same line, so we see it’s the same person. If it’s someone else, you might want to attribute it.
(I think generally there’s a few times when there’s multiple people in the group that it becomes a bit hard to track who’s talking… something to bear in mind )
These guys want to kill you, too? Does anyone not want you to at this rate!?
Something’s not quite right in the second sentence… I think just get rid of the word “you.”
#“So you hunt supernatural?”
This use of the word “supernatural” was a bit odd… you’re treating it like the word “deer,” I guess (So you hunt deer?) But I would’ve expected something more like “So you hunt the supernatural?” (since “the supernatural” is a common phrase) or “So you hunt supernatural beings/monsters/whatever?” or even just pluralizing it like “So you hunt supernaturals?”
#If I’m stuck here, I might as well learn how to kill supernatural.
It felt even weirder in this sentence… like if someone said “I might as well learn how to kill mortal.”
Anyway, I guess it all depends on the grammar you choose to set for the supernatural in your setting, as long as you’re consistent 
Knowing, you’ll have a better chance with Astrid, you don’t bother chastising Leon.
and
Knowing, you’ll have a better chance with Leon, you don’t bother chastising Astrid.
You don’t need a comma after “knowing.” Because you’re basically saying “Knowing (that) you’ll have…”
You shake your head, and she doesn’t say anymore on the matter.
This should be “any more” instead of “anymore.” You use “anymore” to mean “in the future,” pretty much, in sentences like “I won’t punch manticores anymore.” You use “any more” when you’re literally talking about more of something, like “I won’t punch any more manticores.”
Some cambion are able to do it with enough training,
Shouldn’t this be “cambions”? That’s what you’ve used as the plural elsewhere.
*comment
He sighs. “Well, it would have been easier if you’d just taken my offer, but it’s your choice.”
The formatting can get a bit funny here, because this often, though not always, follows another line of dialog also spoken by Leon. So you don’t really need that line break in those cases. Better to place the line break under the *if where you need it, and not have one under the *comment here.
"I don’t know, he always seems to try to hard.
This should be “too hard,” and you need an end quote. (Also, this is a mean thing to say about poor Kol 
)
“Not much luck?” You shake your head. “It must be difficult.”
The MC’s action really shouldn’t go on the same line as Leon’s dialog. Should have line breaks, like this:
“Not much luck?”
You shake your head.
“It must be difficult.”
Much easier to read at a glance who says what 
“Not much luck?” You shakes your head. “It must be difficult.”
Same thing here, plus it should be “You shake,” not “You shakes.”
#“So have you been, Cressida?”
I think this is supposed to be “So how have you been?” Cressida responds as if the MC said that, and “have you been” would look like a reference to plotting/scheming, asking if she has indeed been doing that… which would be an interesting (albeit rude) question to ask, but a very different one!
$!{name} you can’t steal him from me!"
Comma after $!{name}, because it’s a direct address.
Astrid snickers, tracing the cover of the book she was previously levitating. "Right, right.
Missing an end quote.
“…Why are you here $!{name}?”
Comma before $!{name} in this case.
She ignores your later remark.
This is another one that should be “latter.”
And Katia is the sweetest person I know. "
This has a space between the period and quotation mark that shouldn’t be there.
“We’re working on resisting basing psychic magic, and you seem—”
I’m not quite sure what you’re saying here… “resisting basing”…
And then he doesn’t say anymore on the matter.
This is another one that should be “any more” instead of “anymore.”
“True”
This is missing a period.
“We called for one of the graduates after you passed out. He got rid of the ${monsterroute}. Seraphina was…Well, I wouldn’t recommend talking to her anytime soon.”
“You ready to head back to the dorm? It’s nearly midnight.”
This is the same speaker in both quotes, so there shouldn’t be an end quote on the first paragraph.
Aaaaaand *phew* this took longer than I meant it to. It’s 2:30 in the morning here (at least I don’t have to get up at 5 AM )
I guess it’s a rather lengthy chapter because of all the different possible routes
Good night, Keeper people 
. (It was a coding error.)
).
and magic-science 
but hopefully taking ritual magic now and getting work now as a clerk at a magic shop will help