The Parenting Simulator
By Matt Simpson
☆☆ (8/10)
The Parenting Simulator is a deceptively simple game that manages to be simultaneously lighthearted, funny, and surprisingly emotional. At first glance, it’s just a parent coming home from the hospital with a newborn, but honestly, it turns out to be a nuanced simulation of choices, consequences, and relationships that make you genuinely care about your child. I can’t remember why I bought it because I don’t even like kids. I respect them as (mostly) autonomous beings, of course, but they quite frankly scare me. They poop, cry, and vomit a lot, all actions I’m afraid of. But somehow, this game made me reflect on (1) how I would raise my own child (2) how my mom was a terrific mom and (3) how I would make a horrible parent. Again, this one is so underrated! It’s a bummer the author hasn’t realized anything else, as far as I can tell.
Pros:
Warm, emotionally storytelling. I quite admired the tone. The tone is lighthearted and funny in a sort of weary, parent way. There’s a lot of wink wink nudge nudge, sarcasm, and even some dad jokes. It’s not comedic but rather … charming. I thought the narrator was a separate character in itself. Still, the game isn’t afraid to handle real emotion. This isn’t satire. No, there are moments like your kiddo coming home from school upset at being a slow reader, or your kid breaking their arm. Even the small interactions—first steps, bonding nights, school success—made me feel connected to my little peanut.
Choices have real impact. Every decision, from discipline style to extracurriculars, shapes the child’s personality and achievements. As my ancestors before me, I went full “tiger Asian mom” on my first playthrough and watched my child grow into an Ivy League, piano-playing prodigy who even won a Nobel Prize. Suck it, losers. Meanwhile, my “failure” playthrough featured colder, more laissez-faire choices that had my kid become a bum, respectfully, who couldn’t do anything without me. The game makes you consider the long-term effects of each choice, reflecting on how parenting in real life often involves unintended consequences.
Event randomization and detailed milestones. I haven’t encountered this mechanic before! You can choose to randomize events for unpredictability, or manually navigate each life event for a more controlled story. This gives tremendous replayability, letting you explore every branch—years 1 to 18—while still keeping things fresh.
Incorporation of adoption and single-parent storylines. Again, I was surprised at the depth. I was allowed to choose why the player character is raising them alone, including one adoption-related subplots. It was kind of surreal, having my child meet their biological mother, even though I know that happens quite a lot in real life. I wish this was built on more (see below)!
Personalization and immersion. There’s a lot of small details that get brought up, like nicknames, personality quirks, and even favorite toys (my son loved dinosaurs. Real, little dude).
Achievements and multiple endings. Achievements had a cute little description and name, and the ending was surprisingly varied. I perhaps 100% the game on Steam, so I like to think I know what I’m talking about.
And how could I ever forget: a well-written kid character! It is so damn hard to write a good child character. They’re either too whiny (Hugo from A Plague Tale) or talk like they’re an adult. The best child portrayals off the top off my head are Clementine from The Walking Dead and Ellie from The Last of Us. You see both girls grow from kids to young women with all the angst that entails. The Parenting Simulator is similar in effect—though much less dark, of course. Your kid huffs and puffs, of course, throws tantrums, and pouts, but Simpson doesn’t go overboard. Your kid is also sweet, loving, and witty. In short: they’re like a regular teenager.
Cons:
Limited scope for later stages. While the game excels at infancy and early childhood, later life events like first crushes, romantic relationships, handling finances, or even drugs or alcohol are underdeveloped or missing entirely. It’s not the worst con in the world, because I just wanted more content tbh.
Super blank slate protagonist. I totally see the necessary of this—anyone could be a single parent. I’m both impressed by how the author neatly avoids any mention of background or sexuality and both disappointed. Obviously, there’s only so much content an author can write, but I would have loved for a romance side plot—how unique would that be? The kiddo’s biological parent, if on that path, would be pretty neat. 
Or even just a couple more concrete details. I’m basically asking for a sequel tbh. I wanna adopt another kid or try dating as a single parent! The Parenting Simulator 2: Coparenting or something.
Lack of long-term development for characters. While your child is richly realized, other family or adoptive characters are less fleshed out. For example, you have a sibling and a parent whose kid becomes friends with yours. While the relationship stays warm and friendly, there’s not many appearances from these two characters. My parent character actually felt a little lonely, with only the kid as a constant in my life.
Little nitpick, but there’s some vagueness. For example, I was asked at the beginning of the game, if my child had a “nickname.” I was confused if the author meant I would be the one using the “nickname” or other people would; also, I thought “nickname” meant “pet name.” I gambled wrong, and had my son’s nickname to be “Peanut.” This revealed itself when his school friends started calling him that. Yeah…