Elite Status: Platinum Concierge
By Emily Short, with additional content by Harris Powell-Smith
☆☆☆☆ (6/10)
IIIIIIII honestly don’t know how to rate Elite Status: Platinum Concierge (ESPC). For 80% of the game, I was invested! Why does the game only have 10 reviews with a Mixed rating? It’s so underrated! First, it has an incredibly unique premise. Have you ever watched The Devil Wears Prada (2004), starring the incredible Meryl Streep, Emily Blunt, and Anne Hathaway? Yeah, it’s exactly like that with YOU as the assistant. You play as a concierge (basically a problem solver) for the elite elite. But these are not your basic problems! Within the first five pages, you will have to transport an important speaker across town within thirty minutes (I used a helicopter), then deal with the fallout of this important person being dead. Oh, it’s not the death part you have to worry about—it’s losing face and appearing unprepared. ESPC has some of the best player reactivity I’ve read, with flavor text being both dense yet meaningful. Each chapter has a new problem to focus on. The famous Emily Short’s writing is witty and downright hilarious. So why the thumbs down?
First, the romance options. More on this below, but some are unpalatable to me, and unlikable in general. I also found it extremely difficult to choose the correct choice to start the romance, which has never happened to me before! Most importantly, however, ESPC does what I now consider to be the cardinal sin: a rushed ending. Not just your usual “main climax over too soon,” but there are multiple plot threads completely dropped, and oddly enough, big questions introduced at the end of the game. I feel … honestly dizzy by the ending. I feel like the author had great, ambitious plans, but needed to hit a deadline or something. I’m not sure if it’s fair to the author to say that the ending sorta ruined my playthrough, but I have a bitter taste in my mouth. Still, thank you to the staff for giving me a free copy!
Pros:
Plot. To be clear, there’s not one big overall plot. The game is more like Jolly Good, where you have a series of events in each chapter. While it may seem unfocused to some, I enjoyed the frenzied feel of the story, like you’re truly an unmatched professional who gets things done. The premise is just … so cool, as well. I’ve never played a game where I’m attending a masquerade as an assistant, or arranging travel plans, or fighting for a promotion. What do I do about a client I disagree with? Is my love life or job more important? Do I sacrifice my personal life to advance in my job? Most of the scenarios appeared to be fairly realistic, as much as it can be dealing with the rich, at least. You’ll deal with demanding, wealthy clients, nepo babies, and your own wealth in a fairly nuanced and balanced way.
Writing. Most of the writing, in general, is so goddamn funny and witty! Rarely do I laugh out loud when reading, but Short has a knack for timing and phrasing. She has a way of making serious matters seem both serious and playful. I liked how you could be an ambitious capitalist or a bleeding heart. Either way, there’s a bit of satire embedded in the narrative. Yes, the top 1% is ridiculous—isn’t that the point?
Reactivity. Man, ESPC has some Harris Powell-Smith or Paul Wang levels of reactivity. I loved how your high skill—or even low skill—gave you different options. Like, for example, I had good Brand Awareness. So without prompting, I could name-drop the exact shoe brand my client was wearing or the kind of leather a chair was made out of. I had low Coolness, so whenever something bad happened to me, my character almost had a panic attack and went into a doom spiral. Your age also matters. If you’re young, people will comment on your lack of experience. If you’re older, people will question why you waited so long for a promotion. Your background also matters: are you upper, middle, or lower class? Did you even get tossed into jail? The flavor text was packed in the first six or seven chapters.
Cons:
Ending. Oh, boy. Several important plots were erased from the narrative. You have a spoiled trust fund baby named MJ as a client, and you’re forced to whip them into shape, or they’ll be disowned. I was excited for this, as you could help MJ plan out their goals! But then … it’s revealed MJ’s plot just solves itself in the ending, without me doing anything? There’s a later subplot where the Agency you work for can go bankrupt. Lastly, there’s a subplot with a secondary client and their overbearing parent. Again, these two important subplots are built up, then go nowhere? Major ending spoilers, but somehow My client decided to donate all their money to a charity. Whatever, not my problem. Then, I got promoted and became the CEO. Cool? I saved the Agency from bankruptcy. But then, somehow, I ended up proposing to my love interest, getting married, participating in social demonstrations, and then having the chance to upload my consciousness into an AI to become immortal??? It felt like “this happened, and this then happened, and now you get a Happily Ever After!” Truly bizarre.
Some heavy-handedness. Surprisingly, when it comes to the MC’s wealth and status, the writing is accepting of your motivations, altruistic or not. But the game expands its scope, addressing all types of political and social issues quite frequently. There’s internet privacy, sexuality, power differences, wealth inequality, drug abuse, gender identity, and racial discrimination. Some were relevant and gracefully handed. Others, though, were rather tacked on and abrupt. Because there’s so many “big topics,” each character only has time to give a speech on why Being Something-phobic Is Bad™️. One trans client will make a pointed comment about “cis men;” another will monologue about #WomeninSteam. Sometimes the writing gets preachy and repetitive.
ROs. Initially, I was 100% on board with Short’s stylistic design. However, they’re not exactly … normal. You can romance a coworker, though the romance gets put on the back burner. You can romance your boss, which yes, I attempted to do proudly. You can romance a journalist, too. There’s also a “whimsical” tech millionaire, though this RO was rather insecure and flighty, in my opinion. Lastly, there’s your rebellious trust fund client, who veers away from “rebellious” into “straight up annoying.” And not the fun kind of annoying, but the “you are so ungrateful, stupid, and troublesome, I hate you” annoying. All the ROs are an acquired taste for sure. I was willing to try, but the game is strict when it comes to choices. First, I attempted to flirt (successfully!) with my coworker. They commented about flirting with others, and I chose: “So much for the theory that Felicity is into me.” I was confused when there were no more flirting scenes with them because to me, that sounded like a way to let the game know yes, I wanted them to flirt with me. After looking at the code, this choice actually locked me out of the romance. Similarly, I tried to romance the reporter. Oops, I had to be a man! I tried to shoot my shot with my boss—nah, I was too young for him. I like realistic depictions where a character has preferences, but … well, not like that! I was left with two ROs I disliked!