Really enjoying trying to get all the different ways to die. You could probably make an achievement out of finding a certain amount of bad ends in one playthrough. I laughed at how the MC can ram the explosive barrel. End game spoiler question: is the pyramid with the aliens and jars connected to what we find at the end?
Some are shouting “Cheers!” and “Hello Old Chap!” in an attempt to get your attention.
“Hey Old Chap!” – was playing as Jill.
A sign in the shape of a boat has been nailed to the railing of the pier , it says “Boat Hire 10 gold pieces.”
Is this sentence supposed to be part of the previous paragraph or on its own? Right now it is one line below the previous paragraph without any space.
“What is it with thugs and alleys?” you mutter to yourself as you raise your fists to fight
Add punctuation at the end.
Skill 6 , Stamina 6
I noticed that sometimes there is a comma separating “Skill/Stamina”, and other times there is no comma. You may want to make sure they are all the same. If you do keep the comma, I’d remove space between the first “6” and the comma here.
you pick up 3 gold coins
add 1 luck point
You can smell burning and light grey smoke is rising in the sky from the direction of the marina.
I’d add what is burning here (like “burning wood”, or if the MC doesn’t know, “something burning”).
The marina is a large stagnant pool and you can see the river stretching over the horizon.
I would separate this and the following sentence into a new paragraph and add a few words at the start so there’s a transition from the place where the MC saw the rising smoke to them seeing everything in the marina up close.
The sun is low behind you and as you turn a bend in the river and leave the marina you give the ships horn a long blast that echoes through the jungle.
Add a comma after the after the first “you”.
Lady Jane says: "Seeing all this reminds me of something I heard back at the club.
I’d change the colon to a comma.
Soon night has fallen and the river is a black mirror.
Change “has fallen” to “falls”.
He says “looks like we will be sleeping in shifts then,” and you nod.
Add a comma after “says”, capitalize “looks”.
As you pass underneath it’s feet scrape along the cabin roof.
“it’s” should be “its”.
A narrow path leads away from the huts and deeper into the Jungle.
Should “Jungle” be capitalized here?
Then is darkness.
I’d reword this – maybe just add “there” after “then”.
"She didn’t mean it old girl!”
Move this sentence so it’s on the same line as the previous sentence.
Curiously my native guide believes him to be the guardian of “important words that can unlock great power”.
Perhaps separate this and the following sentences into a new paragraph so it’s easier to read.
“Jill, I think there is something really wrong with Sir Malcolm.”
This sentence should be on the same line as the previous sentence.
His eyes are darting and wild, his face twitches.You call back to him:
Put a space between these sentences.
It is a barrel with the word Explosive stencilled in white on the side.
Perhaps add quotation marks around “Explosive”? “stencilled” should be “stenciled”.
“Here we go!” you shout “Ramming speed!” and with that you set the controls to full ahead.
Add a comma or period after “shout”.
You must fight the Pirates
Skill 8 Stamina 10
Sometimes the names of the enemies you fight are on a separate line right below from the rest of the narration, and sometimes like here the names are on the same line. Perhaps you should have them all similar.
“I am going to leave a light on,” says Sir Malcolm and in a choked voice he adds quietely
“quiteley” should be “quietly”, add a period after it.
You are awoken from a fitful sleep by the sounds of fighting on the deck.
Add a space between this sentence and the previous one.
You are holding the wheel steady with all your strength and Lady Jane and Sir Malcolm are holding on the the rail tightly,braced against the bucking ship.
Add a space between the comma and “braced”.
Blow dam with dynamite
Add “up” after “blow”.
The path goes North, Northwest and Northeast
Add a period at the end.
I went through the left and right routes and then broke through the dam. When I got to the marsh and went north I lost 1 stamina – and then it said I died. I noticed when I looked at my stats after reloading that my stamina was already at -2. I believe this is because of the saving/loading stamina variable as when I then visited the campfire a few times to get +2 stamina and then loaded back to the start of the marsh my stamina had returned to above 0 from all the points I had gained.
So I ended up at the start of the marsh where I’ll continue from next time.