Journey Into Darkness *now submitted*

The central building was very interesting, especially what’s behind the doors. I enjoyed how it ties in with everything we’ve seen throughout the journey. I also like how those mysterious poems are used for this section as well, although unfortunately I was vaporized by the eye right at the start. I’m not entirely sure why, either, as I had used the kerosene so Lady Jane could translate the tablet and obtained the three poems.

I also noticed during the cliff scene there are two options that have *goto temple which leads to *label temple instead of *goto_scene temple like the other options. That *label temple only has the word Test before ending the game.

Looking forward to getting past that puzzle and seeing the ending!

1 Like

Soni have no dynamite, and can’t climb up the walls because I keep dying. Is there anyway to get past this point or do I have to start all over?

1 Like

Hi and many thanks!
I can’t believe you got unfairly blasted you have done everything right, you see that the tablet has translation on it and this is where I “set tablet true” in the code. This makes Lady Jane say “Wait I recognise this writing”. As you used the kerosene this then sets “monkeytablet true” and she says I did have enough time to translate it. There is obviously an error in the code, I have been through it and cannot find it, so I will be playing the game from the start this afternoon to get this sorted. You must be frustarted - apologies. I have been testing it a lot but I think I have reached the point where I can’t see the wood for the trees!

Thank you for spotting the errors in the cliff scenes.

Thank you for persevering too!

I will post back when I think I have fixed the error

Cheers!

Edit- the error is fixed, I had missed out setting monkeytablet to true when using the kerosene and other options

Edit - I have now rewritten and uploaded the section that places Lady Jane as the damsel in distress for a second time

Edit- The cries from the West error is now fixed

Edit - Aug 27th feedback I also realized that, when you are following the Fish Man : I have now provided a clue for the reader when they decide not to buy the necklace

Edit - July 27th feedback, all non winning paths now contain clues and/or additional information

Edit “Would it be possible for the “eat provisions/don’t eat provisions” options to not appear if you are at full stamina?” - I have created the code that will enable this and am currently adding it to all the relevant scenes.

Edit - eat/don’t eat provisions is now fixed so it does not appear if irrelevant

Edit - I found an error in the mine that allows you to use dynamite/kerosene even if you don’t have it - now fixed

Edit “Also, when the MC notices the toadstool perhaps if they have the book of poisoning they can notice it’s deadly beforehand.” - done!

Edit 22nd October - found and fixed an error on the boat when the map is stolen it went to *finish

1 Like

Hiya - thanks for playing and getting that far too!

You need the dynamite, it is not possible to get in without it

Cheers!

I am sorry for the length of time it has taken to make changes as per your very kind feedback, I am now making the changes to grammar errors, every time I have used " " for speech I have made an error so there is a lot to correct!
I found the Test bit too, apologies this is now updated and I can see how this would make no sense at all!
Cheers!

The confrontation with Lord Percival was wonderful (although when he’s first mentioned the characters call him Percy Thistlethwaite, so you may want to mention his surname when the MC recognizes him.) I really liked how you didn’t pull any punches and had him kill Lady Jane and Sir Malcolm if you refuse to hand over the jewel. It really showed Lord Percival’s character and made the scene much more tense. Unfortunately it doesn’t look like there’s a *set acidjar true when you get the acid jar, so I couldn’t continue on after that.

One thing I saw –

*if (poemthree = false) #“Erm?”
Looks like there should be a *goto erm like the other options.

Thank you! He’s great isn’t he!

Thank you for finding those two errors, the acidjar one is really annoying - fixed now!

I have now corrected the grammar errors I made when using speech, I had not added any commas or full stops and have now corrected this

I am now going to make it possible to play as a man or a woman so today will be getting my head around how to do this.

You got this far - Journey into Darkness nearly done! :smile:

Thank you for your continued and invaluable help and advice

Edit- I have now created a male/female option and updated the whole game to reflect this
I have some testing to do and so have not uploaded yet, including the acidjar bug so right now the game is NOT completable
Tomorrow I will ensure it’s working before I upload

I don’t know how these new options will affect saved games?

Edit 26th October - uploaded now with fixed acid jar and choice to play as Jack Sinclair or Jill Sinclair, now looking into saving options

1 Like

I know it took a lot of work, so thanks for adding the option to play as Jill Sinclair! I liked how you added the option for dancing with Sir Malcolm on the boat as well, and how you implemented the romance for both him and Lady Jane.

I finally reached the ending – I really enjoyed how it ends on the balloon, with how we get a glimpse of the city and river one last time as the adventurers return home. I liked the humor of the MC wondering whether or not to introduce Lord Percival to the pilot, and the mystery of envelope and how the pilot was told in advance to pick up the adventurers.

I did think the last page was a bit long, though – perhaps you could put a *page_break before or after the picture. And although I do really like how it ends on the balloon, the story does seem to end abruptly. I think that’s fine for the endings where Lady Jane and/or Sir Malcolm die, as it fits the sudden somber mood, but for the ending where they all survive it seemed like there should be more lines or another choice, like an option to keep or leave the jewel (especially if you get the envelope). Also, the sentence where the MC remembers the envelope feels a bit added on if you do get the good endings – perhaps just reword it slightly so there’s a transition into why the MC suddenly remembers it.

These lines didn't change when playing as Jill

“What should we do Jack?”
This is at the start of the boat storm.

Some are shouting “Cheers!” and “Hello Old Chap!” in an attempt to get your attention.
“Please mister, necklaces, good luck necklaces for your journey. Only one gold coin.”
These are at Cabinda port.

“Gentlemen you have to give me time,” says Lady Jane.
This is when Lady Jane is translating the tablet at the cliff.

“Let me help you Old Chap,” you say, stepping forward.
This is when you help Lord Percival’s gang in the city.

“I’ll take that,” says an unfamiliar voice. “Pass it back to me there’s a good fellow.”
This is when you face Lord Percival.

And two other things I noticed:

When you start the game you automatically get the book on poisons in your inventory – looks like it is due to *create poisons being set to true in startup.

When you are fighting the Henchmen Zombie, it says Insta Win1.

I’ll be exploring the bad end paths next. :relaxed:

1 Like

Thanks a million for the feedback, once we could call the female MC Jill then it had to be done!
I agree with the page breaks, I will definitely be tidying all this up in the final stages
The ending is probably/almost certainly/definitely too abrupt, I will have a think. I have the next book in mind so maybe I can make the ending of this segue into the next

One of the many things I would do differently is not try and stick too much to the traditional book format from 30 years ago. Obviously printing onto paper places a limit on how long each bit can be and I have stuck with that philosophy of being brief when in reality there is no physical limit to the text. Having said that, I do kind of like to have some constraint- one part where I drifted off into too much text I think is the triceratops bit but oddly one of the most fun bits to write was adding the letter home because I could be free to just write without worrying about anything else

Thanks for spotting the bits where lines need to change, I will today be making these corrections and starting to attempt to enable saving

When the save system is enabled I will create page breaks etc so the format is better

I don’t know if after this I should ask for beta testers, the feedback in this thread has been amazing but I believe in order to ask for the story to be published I have to complete this step.

Cheers!

Edit couple of other thoughts:
The scene in the bar where a man deliberately fights you so you will be thrown out feels too violent to me now , it is ott for him to punch a woman in the mouth so I will change this to a push for Jack and Jill

The boat dance now needs to have an option for readers that don’t want to dance or follow any other options so I will probably add a simple go to room choice.

1 Like

I’m glad you’re going to redo that one a bit because I felt as you did when playing: some drunkard brute sucker punches my refined damsel MC, and then on top of that she’s the one getting thrown out of the establishment for fighting?

Also, later on I seem to have brutally beaten a monkey by accident. I’m not sure what I chose to get to that point but I do remember being shocked by that outcome since nothing in the choice option seemed to point towards violence? :sweat_smile:

Although then Sir Malcolm refused to dance with me because I had beaten the monkey to a bloody pulp before his eyes so that was absolutely hilarious :joy: (hey, I sure didn’t see him rushing to come to a lady’s aid, so what was I to do? Geez!)

I haven’t played very much past that point so I don’t have a lot to comment on, other than thank you for taking the work to implement a female option — it’s much appreciated. Oh, and also thanks for making it Victorian. I love Victorian settings. :heart:

(On another note, is it intentional that Jill is referred to as wearing a tie and tails at the very beginning? That’s certainly an eye-catching choice for a nineteenth-century lady. :grin: The tie I can kinda see, but that’d be more of a day look… :thinking: ).

2 Likes

Also, later on I seem to have brutally beaten a monkey by accident. I’m not sure what I chose to get to that point but I do remember being shocked by that outcome since nothing in the choice option seemed to point towards violence? :sweat_smile:

That’s the problem with monkeys I guess :stuck_out_tongue:

(On another note, is it intentional that Jill is referred to as wearing a tie and tails at the very beginning? That’s certainly an eye-catching choice for a nineteenth-century lady. :grin: The tie I can kinda see, but that’d be more of a day look… :thinking: ).

I don’t have a smart arse answer for this! It will be changed toot suite!

1 Like

Thanks to a mammoth amount of help from the forum the game now has saves!
I have also added a hint option for players that die :cry:

I am now going to look at the formatting , breaking things up a bit where needed with page_break

Once this has been done I think we are home and dry!

1 Like

Really excited to say that thanks to the support and feedback in this thread and the support and help in the technical side of the forum the game has now reached the stage where Beta Testing is required! Fingers crossed that people help once again!

4 Likes

I’m excited to see this is now in beta testing! I’m enjoying all the foreshadowing I’m just noticing after reaching the end (such as the broken case in the museum). The save system seems to be working and I enjoyed the first hint I got upon dying!

Here's a few spelling errors and other stuff I noticed

The way the first page starts with an explanation of the stats and then jumps right into the story is a bit jarring. Perhaps you should add a *page_break before “Allow me to introduce myself…” (and maybe even change the usual “Next” to something that signals the transition from explanation to the actual game) so the player knows that this is the start of the game. You could probably even add “Preface” to the top of that first page.

For this reason I have added an option to have an instant win whereby you can win any fight immediately provided it is winnable by fighting in the first place
Add punctuation at the end.

Which stat do you want to increase
Add a question mark at the end.

“Well apart from Smyth-Fortesque back from the Himalayas there is still a lot of talk about missing artefacts.”
You may want to add a comma after “Well” and “Himalayas”.

“I don’t think you should be here” he says, “but now you are, you can act as a taster for this new soup recipe I am working on.”
Add a comma before “here”.

“It’s delicious!” The chef smiles widely.
“A symphony of flavour that sends waves of delight crashing over my tongue!” He shakes your hand enthusiastically.
The dialogue, especially in the second sentence, reads like it is the chef that’s speaking instead of the MC.

The professor leaves the stage but before he can exit through a side door a small crowd of adventurers are asking him questions. The gentlemen on your right rises quickly, rubs his hands and says

“Righto, time for a drink!”
I’d separate these sentences from the rest of the paragraph, add a comma after “says”, and put the dialogue on the same line as the rest.

The adventurers museum is utterly chaotic.
Perhaps this paragraph when you check out the museum after the lecture could be divided into two to make it easier to read.

Dynamite - 15 Gold Coins
Once the player buys something there’s no space between the shopkeeper’s paragraph and the list of items. I’d add a space after *label top to make it easier to read.

#It is my patriotic duty to buy the painting
This choice disappears once you’ve bought the translation book since it’s under *if (translation = false).

Talk to the man in the safari suit
Talk to the three men
If you talk to the man in the safari suit or the three men it says that the one(s) you didn’t talk to went into the bar – but then, if you try to sneak downstairs or upstairs and fail, it’ll return you to the choice where it acts like they are still there and you can talk to them.

“So how much will you bet handsome?”
Was playing as Jill.

You roll the dice, the score is 10
The blonde blows a kiss on the dice and rolls them, her score is 12
Maybe add punctuation to the end of both of these sentences.

Just watch
Bet
I noticed that this often switches around, which might cause the player to accidentally choose the wrong option based on memory of previous options/playthroughs.

#Collect Winnings
“Winnings” should be lowecase.

“A most unusual turn of events - even for the adventurers club.”
Other mentions of the adventurers club had it capitalized “Adventurers Club” so you might want to do so here so it matches.

“I think the facts are pretty straightforward Jill” says Lady Jane "We are racing to the jewel.
Add a comma after the MC’s name and add a period after “Jane”.

Oh, one more thing - I have the last tickets so unless you fancy a long swim or taking the trip as a stowaway then I suggest we get moving and discuss this further over dinner."
I’d change that hyphen to a em dash.

Do you want to save your progress
Add a question mark at the end.

Your luck is increased by 1 As you return to your table the keeper realises his predicament as to how exactly he is going to progress from here.
Add a period after “1”, and perhaps divide this paragraph so “As you return…” is the start of a new one.

“It seems our rivals are trying to steal a march on us. Well, two can play at that game” you say.
Add a comma after “game”.

“I’m so sorry O’Brien I just don’t know what to do to get the poison out,” he repeats.
Add a comma or a period after “O’Brien”.

Do you want to load your saved game?
I’d add a space between the hint and this question by adding a space after *label savegamesavegame.

I ended up dying after taking the lifeboat so that’s where I’ll continue from next time. :relaxed:

2 Likes

Brilliant! Thanks a million

Really enjoying trying to get all the different ways to die. You could probably make an achievement out of finding a certain amount of bad ends in one playthrough. I laughed at how the MC can ram the explosive barrel. End game spoiler question: is the pyramid with the aliens and jars connected to what we find at the end?

Typos

Some are shouting “Cheers!” and “Hello Old Chap!” in an attempt to get your attention.
“Hey Old Chap!” – was playing as Jill.

A sign in the shape of a boat has been nailed to the railing of the pier , it says “Boat Hire 10 gold pieces.”
Is this sentence supposed to be part of the previous paragraph or on its own? Right now it is one line below the previous paragraph without any space.

“What is it with thugs and alleys?” you mutter to yourself as you raise your fists to fight
Add punctuation at the end.

Skill 6 , Stamina 6
I noticed that sometimes there is a comma separating “Skill/Stamina”, and other times there is no comma. You may want to make sure they are all the same. If you do keep the comma, I’d remove space between the first “6” and the comma here.

you pick up 3 gold coins
Capitalize “you”.

add 1 luck point
Capitalize “add”.

You can smell burning and light grey smoke is rising in the sky from the direction of the marina.
I’d add what is burning here (like “burning wood”, or if the MC doesn’t know, “something burning”).

The marina is a large stagnant pool and you can see the river stretching over the horizon.
I would separate this and the following sentence into a new paragraph and add a few words at the start so there’s a transition from the place where the MC saw the rising smoke to them seeing everything in the marina up close.

The sun is low behind you and as you turn a bend in the river and leave the marina you give the ships horn a long blast that echoes through the jungle.
Add a comma after the after the first “you”.

Lady Jane says: "Seeing all this reminds me of something I heard back at the club.
I’d change the colon to a comma.

Soon night has fallen and the river is a black mirror.
Change “has fallen” to “falls”.

He says “looks like we will be sleeping in shifts then,” and you nod.
Add a comma after “says”, capitalize “looks”.

As you pass underneath it’s feet scrape along the cabin roof.
“it’s” should be “its”.

A narrow path leads away from the huts and deeper into the Jungle.
Should “Jungle” be capitalized here?

Then is darkness.
I’d reword this – maybe just add “there” after “then”.

"She didn’t mean it old girl!”
Move this sentence so it’s on the same line as the previous sentence.

Curiously my native guide believes him to be the guardian of “important words that can unlock great power”.
Perhaps separate this and the following sentences into a new paragraph so it’s easier to read.

“Jill, I think there is something really wrong with Sir Malcolm.”
This sentence should be on the same line as the previous sentence.

His eyes are darting and wild, his face twitches.You call back to him:
Put a space between these sentences.

It is a barrel with the word Explosive stencilled in white on the side.
Perhaps add quotation marks around “Explosive”? “stencilled” should be “stenciled”.

“Here we go!” you shout “Ramming speed!” and with that you set the controls to full ahead.
Add a comma or period after “shout”.

You must fight the Pirates
Skill 8 Stamina 10
Sometimes the names of the enemies you fight are on a separate line right below from the rest of the narration, and sometimes like here the names are on the same line. Perhaps you should have them all similar.

“I am going to leave a light on,” says Sir Malcolm and in a choked voice he adds quietely
“quiteley” should be “quietly”, add a period after it.

You are awoken from a fitful sleep by the sounds of fighting on the deck.
Add a space between this sentence and the previous one.

You are holding the wheel steady with all your strength and Lady Jane and Sir Malcolm are holding on the the rail tightly,braced against the bucking ship.
Add a space between the comma and “braced”.

Blow dam with dynamite
Add “up” after “blow”.

The path goes North, Northwest and Northeast
Add a period at the end.

I went through the left and right routes and then broke through the dam. When I got to the marsh and went north I lost 1 stamina – and then it said I died. I noticed when I looked at my stats after reloading that my stamina was already at -2. I believe this is because of the saving/loading stamina variable as when I then visited the campfire a few times to get +2 stamina and then loaded back to the start of the marsh my stamina had returned to above 0 from all the points I had gained.

So I ended up at the start of the marsh where I’ll continue from next time.

1 Like

I am working through the brilliant feedback today. I have now fixed:
Lord Percival becomes Sir Percival in error.
Edit: I have fixed the typos etc kindly found by expectedoperator, I am looking into the coding error whereby trying to sneak downstairs or upstairs returns you to the wrong point
Edit 17th November: the upstairs/ downstairs bug is fixed (I had to use a code based on if x AND y so that was new and exciting!)
Edit 17th November I have fixed the other typos and grammar kindly found by expectedoperator and am now standardising all the You must fight the … bits
Chandging the order of bet / just watch is something I will do later as the coding in this section is hanging on by the fingernails and if I change anything it could cause a nightmare
Edit 17th November: standardised the format for You must fight:
Edit 17th November: all typos now fixed, I am puzzling over the stamina issue whereby loading can assist in boosting stamina

I went down the left path and picked up Sydney. I’ve noticed some inconsistencies in that route:

Typos?

Here, Sydney is referred to as they/them in spite of our having been told already that the stranger is a man, and the next page using he/him.

Likewise, when you dispatch him, the text speaks of bodies, plural, even thought his should be the only one.

Continuity

So, I chose to take Sydney in. I awake to the struggle between him and Sir Malcolm. Lady Jane has disappeared, but I believe that Sydney didn’t have anything to do with it. We search for her and do not find her. Later, Sydney looks possessed and attacks Sir Malcolm. I kill him and we proceed down the river… And Lady Jane suddenly reappears, with nary a word about the mysterious disappearance or how she made it back!

2 Likes

Many thanks indeed, I can see that I have linked the end of Sydney to the wrong part - doh!
This is probably why the rest is out of whack too - I will rejig this asap

Cheers!

Edit: 17th November: I have fixed the error, I had connected the outcome to the wrong section. This is a lesson for me to make my labels much clearer!

1 Like

Re: end game spoiler question

Firstly, many thanks for your your continued insights and help. I have had quite a few click throughs on the link (over 2k now which seems like a lot to me!) but not very much feedback . Yes, the pyramid is very much connected to the end game. What I am hoping to convey is that at some point long ago the jewel has arrived and corrupted everyone it has come into contact with. Various experiments with the jewel have lead to the creation of hybrids like the Fish Man (who is really the creature from the black lagoon :wink: and it has also fractured time itself- which is why there are dinosaurs (and also because I like films like The Land That Time Forgot!). The pyramid and its original creators have been corrupted by the crystal and are sacrificing people to the elder gods, they are collecting their souls. Its a bit of a spin on Aztecs really. The grey warriors come later, they have been corrupted by the eye medallion. They were originally adventurers that have come under it’s influence. Cheers!

1 Like