The Seventh Step (Canceled) - A Crime Heist Novel (Updated 3/10/21) (Episode 1 complete!)

Hey everyone, I’m replying to this thread for two reasons.

  1. I don’t want it closed down.

  2. I haven’t forgotten about y’all.

Over the past month I’ve been hassling with getting my computer repaired. It’s involved having to get a new CPU, PSU, Motherboard, practically taking the thing apart. So, as a result, no work. Not on the interactive novel. BUT. I’ve had a lot of free time to work on refining my characters. This will help lighten the load in the future when writing them into Chapter 2 and forward, and it will help give them more depth, refining "what doesn’t make them characters, but people?“.

I came to the conclusion pretty early on that each of these characters have their own agendas, are are rather purposefully diverse. At first I felt it was forced, making each person very different from the other, I thought “Hm, well, that’s not very realistic is it?” and that’s rather true. Often in a crowd of 10 or so people, at least in the same environment which in this case in crime, there seems to be a lot of people with the same motives. I did it for cash. I did it for fun.

Well I went a different route. Why they do it? They all have their own stories, and you better believe this will cause conflict.

Truth is, I could’ve done a crew of a bunch of loyal criminals in it for the same purpose. That’s what a leader would want, right? Easier to control, predictable. This won’t be that story.

So while I work on putting my computer back together, I will leave you all with a short story within the next week. Not only will it help me add material to my story, but it will also bring content to you until I get the whole issue sorted out. What it’s about? Well… that’s up to you.

Which tone you want,

  • Male MC, Confident and Funny
  • Female MC, Flirty and Careless
  • Male MC, Smart and Devious
  • Female MC, Shy and Curious

0 voters

And which setting you want.

  • Character Hangout: Merchant
  • Character Hangout: Towns
  • Juno shows MC her skills
  • The Last Nash Job: Driver
  • The Last Nash Job: Pointman

0 voters

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Why the MC has to be locked with those tones? A female MC can’t be hardboiled or ironical or wry? A male MC can’t be shy or cold or brutal?

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Of course they can, but for the sake of the short story which unfortunately has to be linear, no, I’ve assigned the 4 different distinct personalities. I could’ve added more but I wanted to keep things simple with 4 choices.

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The 4 types of personalities are fine, but I don’t understand why are they locked to the MC gender. I know if they are separated, there will be more variables to code for each MC, but I guess that will be more flowing. It’s only a suggestion :thinking:

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They’re not locked to the gender. Once again, the poll is for a linear short story. For the interactive novel, all personality types will be available for all genders. It’s for the sake of simplifying things and not having over 100 options in a poll.

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So, progress will continue over the next few days as I rebuild my computer.

As for the short story, you all voted overwhelmingly for a smart, yet devious male protagonist. The setting was not so concrete, and was tied between a character hangout and one of the perspectives of the Chapter 1 heist. I decided to go with the heist from the perspective of a pointman, seeing as they have to be smart, charismatic, and sometimes devious.

Keep in mind this is a linearized version, though I hope to maintain most of what was written here while simply adding more options in the interactive novel version.

Finally, I would appreciate if spelling errors were overlooked. I wrote this on a restless Saturday night over the span of 4 hours.

Sapphirus

February 23rd, 2018

Nashville, Tennessee


10:23 A.M…

The sun beams down on me as I walk down the bustling street of Nashville. All the workers are on lunch breaks, filling their favorite cafés and watching the news to see who’s pet won the weekly channel 11 contest. Well, I’ll give them something to tune in to. I make my way down a shaded alley, a stark contrast to the vibrancy of the city. I stroll over into the empty as can be employee parking lot of a nearby jewelry store.

“Okay,” I say, tapping on the driver side window. The driver, Peto, rolls down the window on the Crown Vic as I lean in and look at the passenger.

“Simple job, smash and grab. Three cams, one guard by the door. Displays are on a silent alarm, PD is six blocks out. One to two minute response time.”

“So we gotta be quick, huh?”

/
The source of the southern slang was Danny K., a father of three by night and a criminal by day. This addiction-addled Appalachian was introduced to me a couple of weeks ago in a Denny’s (no correlation). I immediately recognized him as the robber of a Walmart bank from a few months ago due to this odd limp that goes up to his shoulder. Wasn’t a bad haul, $6,524 taken in broad daylight, under cameras, in a Walmart. He was in and out pretty quick.
\

“Depends how much you want to take home Danny. We can be smart and buy 4 extra minutes roughly.”

“Really?” Danny says with an err of disbelief.

“Peto, you’re an electrician, right?” I say, looking over now to the driver.

“Nah, man.”

“Ah,” I say, slightly confused, before mumbling to myself, “must’ve been thinking of someone else.”

I look to the jewelry store for a moment, scanning the outside. It’s a tall, 2 story building with only the first floor being reserved for jewelry. It has two exits in the back, plus the large glass windows and front door in the front. The parking lot is slightly at an incline, and driving straight down would lead down into someone’s backyard. Unless…

“Okay,” I say, this time revising the plan. “Simple job, still smash and grab. Three cams full view, one guard by the door. The displays are on silent alarm. Danny, you’ll smash and grab as much as you can, leading it through the offices that I have unlocked, and out here into the back parking lot. Forget the civs, just nab that guard. Peto, the second we round that corner,” I say, pointing down the alley towards the street, “You take that gravel path there down the hill and wait for us on the street below. No speedy getaway, keep it clean if you can.”

“Nice watch,” Peto says, as my sleeve rolls down pointing.

“Forget the civs? Why?” Danny asks. Well…

/
The inside of the jewelry store shines down on me, quite literally. The walls are covered in shelving and fancy mirrors, with a chandelier dangling just high enough not to clothesline any unsuspecting debonaire housewives. In the middle sits a large round display case, which also acts as the check-out. Okay, cams. Looking up I immediately see a dome cam looking directly down on the cashier. One in the back left. I turn to my right and begin looking into display cases for my watch. Nothing but a bunch of ugly gemstone necklaces. I-

“Welcome to Hartmann Jewellers, can I help you sir?” I hear from behind. I jump, and immediately turn around, putting on my biggest smile. A forty-something employee greets me, likely wondering what the hell I’m doing here.

“Uh, yeah, I’m-uh, well, I’m looking for a watch.”

I look behind her stretched out plastic face to find another person in their forties, this time a heavy-set bearded man. He wears a black polo shirt with some kind of logo and pants. There’s a bulk around his belt so, yep, that’s definitely the security guard. Then above him I spot the third camera by the window, giving full watch over the store.

“Looking to get it for a special someone?” she asks.

“No, uh, actually I’m just looking to get one for myself,” I chuckle. I notice she has a golden button pin on her shirt with her name, Lindsey.

“Oh,” she laughs, “you might want to look over here.” Lindsey guides me further back into the store, and as I look back, I notice that’s the women’s necklace section. I make my way up to the glass counter as Lindsay squeezes in behind the register. “Watches under $500 are here on the left side, if you’re looking for anything higher end that’ll be over there,” she says, pointing behind her to another section of the counter. I immediately make my way over to the pricier watches, obviously. The one that immediately catches my eye is a silver and rose gold banded watch. It’s extremely simplistic with Roman numeral indicators, but the contrast in colors makes it so attractive.

“Hey, what can you tell me about this one ma’am.”

Lindsey walks over and immediately, “Did you find som- ooh that’s a beautiful one! That’s a Baume & Mercier Classima, appears to be rose gold and, uh, silver.”

“Sounds pricey,” I say. “Do you mind if I look at it?”

“Sure, let me get it, I’ll try to find some papers on it as well.”

I look closely and find a sticker on the display case, Kellerman Glass Co. Might as well assume they have alarms, worst case scenario. What else to look at? Lindsey reaches into a filing cabinet and finds a folder for the company, then make of the watch. She pulls out the piece of paper and lays it on the counter.

“You can go ahead and read over this, I’ll be right back with the keys,” she says.

Baume et Mercier Classima 10217

I read through a bunch of numbers and technical jargon to find the real meat and bones. Rubies? Sapphire glass?

Lindsey walks back from the office with a key, unlocking the display case. She reaches in carefully and grabs the watch, which has now been enclosed in its case.

“Now I can’t let you hold or wear it, but there is something neat about this make that I remembered.”

She opens up the case and slowly pulls out the watch, flipping it over on the back. “Look.”

I lean in closely to find a bunch of mechanical pieces on the inside of the watch moving. Gears turning, cogs spinning.

“These are called skeleton watches. Now you wouldn’t be able to see it wearing it, but the second you take it off you can just marvel at the mechanisms from the back. It’s got 26 rubies on the inside that you can see as it operates.”

“How much?”

“I… don’t know actually, hold on.”

She puts the watch down carefully back into its case before bringing it and the paper with her over to the computer. She references the paper as she types in… whatever. After a few moments she comes back with the paper and watch.

“Okay, so this watch is going to be setting you back $4,600, but we can talk about payments being made an-”

I immediately tune out. On one hand, it’s great that they have jewelry this expensive here. This watch alone would’ve sold for probably $2,500 to $3,000. Multiply that by ten, or even a hundred, and we’re in business.

On the other hand, I’m actually fucking considering buying a $5,000 watch.



As opposed to what? The $200,000 I have stashed?

“So what would you like to do?” The woman asks.

“Uh… do you have an ATM here?”

“No sir, but there is one right outside a couple of buildings down.”

I chuckle, “I think that’s it. I mean, I’d love to have them all, but… just a moment let me go get some cash.”

I turn and make my way out. Only as I make my way through the door do I bump into a tall suspicious man who, after turning back to apologize, shows his concealed firearm in his suit jacket for a moment.
\

“So civs ain’t an issue?”

“No, civs won’t be a threat. I checked.”

“Are you there?”

“What?”

“I said, are you sure?”

“Just one guard.”

"Hey!"

W-what?"

"GET UP!!!"

I immediately jump back to the present, coughing up phlegm. As I look down, I notice a gunshot wound in my right arm. All of a sudden, everything gets dizzy again, and I begin feeling nauseous.

Then the pain kicks in.

“Jesus Christ, man, I don’t know how the hell you got out of there without firing a shot. You alright? Thought you were dead for a minute.”

“Whoever that guy was, he wasn’t a fucking cop. Maybe military or something.” I look in the back seat to find it empty, apart from three duffel bags filling the row of leather.

“What guy?”

“Weren’t supposed to shoot me too, was in the back on purpose,” I mumble to myself, before reminding myself why I went through this mess. “50/50?” I ask.

“W-w-what?” Peto says, looking over at me for a moment. He keeps his hands steady, trying to stay as inconspicuous as you can be in a gray Crown Vic with the passenger bleeding out.

“Danny is dead. We split it?”

“Fuck, uh, y-yeah man. Just hide the blood or we ain’t getting anything.”

A smile grows on my face as I pull down my blood stained hoodie and grab napkins from the console, pressing them up against my wound. I pull back the hoodie to see the wound, and more pain surges through my body. As I reach out to close the console back, my left sleeve rolls up, revealing my watch. I look closely, noticing a smear of blood that managed to make it on the watch from tending my wound. I pull up the sleeve with what strength I have in my arm, and admire the watch. I quickly wipe it off against my pant legs, before taking a second glance. A red hue now occupies the silver, as the clock strikes 11. I undo the watch with my weakened arm, admiring the mechanics in the back.

Everything moves so perfectly, so orderly. Not even a drop of blood can ruin the fine craftsmanship. Then I see one of the little ruby gemstones coming into view as the parts make their rotations.

“Look at this,” I say, holding the back of the watch up to Peto.

“twenty-six rubies.”

5 Likes

This topic was automatically closed 60 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.

Oh wow, this is really something! I’m pleased to see that there’s other crime novels in the work, since the only one I’ve really enjoyed so far is Arch Angel :3

3 Likes

Hey, everyone! We left on an uncertain foot almost a year ago as I shoved said foot in my mouth and decided not to post ANYTHING until literal completion. So, with that guilt behind me, the story is re-opened! Gone is the crappy 5 minute long demo and occasional bug fix. Any and all future updates to the story will be posted to the dashingdon link, as I write myself closer to completion. Any update should and will include patch notes, so you know what’s fixed, and what’s fixn’t.

I have a lot to go over, so for brevity’s sake, I’ll leave them in these drop downs. I’m glad to be back with you all!

Added Features

So! I have done quite a bit since the thread went sleep mode, and a lot of work has gone into the future plot and chapters. As for features… oh boy.

  • 4 different heist roles each with their own backstories.
    This one has kinda been here since the beginning, but rather than rolling with one and implementing the others later, I’ve been implementing them alongside one another. Tech should have just as much content as Driver.

  • Full skill points system. “Job Points”, and “The S-Tree”.
    You should be able to experiment with these a bit in the demo as is, especially in the (unfinished) apartment scene.

  • The Car Crash.
    Remember when I said your choices even from the prologue mattered? You’re getting the first glimpses of that.

  • Veganism
    You know, for those who like sticking it to the big banks AND the big dairy.

  • Quirks
    These drastically change up playstyles, offering new endings, dialogue options, and side missions. I’d like feedback on the current ones, especially Smoker and Promiscuous. They’re the ones I’m most iffy on. I have one instance of Smoker coming to use, but Promiscuous has yet to be used. Nevertheless, they feel out of place to the others, with the others’ side storylines already being written out.

  • Nicknames
    If you choose a nickname, they’ll take the place of your first name. Seriously, who wants to be called Reginald, and not Reggie?

  • More appearance stuff.
    I’ve found a balance between excessive customization, and limited yet interactive choices. The playable character’s body type will be set, but everything customization-based that is selectable can and likely will be acknowledged by others. Be prepared to get harassed for being a giant (I do to)

  • Deaths
    I might’ve actually disabled these for the specific uploaded build, but you CAN die. Don’t worry it’s all immersive and you won’t lose any progress. If you die, it’ll send you right back to the beginning of the scene with a fun little line of dialogue. Maybe you were daydreaming, or maybe your were going through what NOT to do. It’ll also likely be tied to achievements, like a deathless run.

  • Super Secret
    This won’t actually be able to be played until WAY later on, but there’s a special Seventh quirk. It should be tied to achievement unlocks, rewarding replayability. It’ll change up everything.

  • The crowbar scene
    Seriously, just… if you manage to get this, I’m sorry. On the plus side, there’ll be an achievement linked to it.

A quick hurdle

This is where a bit of bad news begins. When I did my yearly wipe of my computer I lost 4 months of progress. Apparently it stopped syncing to my Google Drive in December. It’s safe to say I panicked like a little bitch for about 5 minutes. Thankfully, the text files were saved. All the progress. The program I use for visually coding, however, it’s file did not. I have been in the process of converting those text files to the Chronicler’s .chronx file. So, I haven’t lost progress, I just haven’t been able to make new progress. Currently, I’m in the process of converting the hitman apartment scene. When I do, we can get back on track for…

Chapter 1 WHEN

Chapter 1 is well underway towards being completed. After the apartment hit scene is done and all paths are connected, we have 4 more scenes on the to-do list. After this, we should only have 2-3 more before Chapter 1 is complete. I won’t give any spoilers as to what they are, but I’ll give their names. You can deduce the rest.

  • CH1_Eli

A bridge between gaps..

  • CH1_Recovery

The pain won’t go away.

  • CH1_Introduction

Today is the first day of the rest of your days.

  • CH1_GunRange

With the ol’ Rona swooping in and smacking everyone upside the head, I have been given a newly motivated push. When I’m not at work or doing commissions, you bet I’ll be here building a world for you all to escape to. Thanks :slight_smile:

17 Likes

I’m sooooo happy that you’ve continued with this story because I remember this being one of my most anticipated WIP’s last year! Just really wanted to point out how excited I am for this story!!! :grin::grin::grin:

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Nice name

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You’re a saint.

This is awesome. I’m liking is so far. Can’t wait for the update. :smile:

Quick question, with this points based stat system, will we get more points during the game?

CH1_GunRange line 87: increasing indent not allowed, expected 0 was 1. I got to the part where an assassin entered my room and I picked the shooting 2/2 or speed 5/8 option ending with this error report.

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Most of the paths there seem to end like this. Even those where you don’t grab the gun.

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@Cyphr
@MasterChief117John

The build which is currently live was from about a month ago. I had actually almost finished the apartment scene and was going to tie it into the next scene before I lost my progress. What you’re seeing is choicescript automatically skipping to the next available scene, which is the gun range. I had done a little bit of writing on it, so the code decided “this must be where the story leads”.

As soon as I finish converting the scenes to the new file, which I’ll continue today, I’ll make sure to send a build out which fixes this. I’ll tie off the unfinished paths to an ending screen while I finish up the apartment scene.

@aco Yours actually comes up with that error BEFORE there is an end in the branches, so I’ll look into that and see what’s up. It should be continuing on to the apartment scene, and not ending at the police interrogation.

@Bulk_Biceps Yep, the Gun Range scene is actually where you can improve your shooting stats if you didn’t pick Muscle. The Job Points will be upgradable by doing hangouts or after a job, and the Skill points, by doing hangouts or at the beginning of every chapter.

4 Likes

Hey everyone! Another quick update. The conversion is going well, a couple more days’ work and I’ll be ready to start adding content again. I’ve finished the “present day” bits of the apartment scene (PD and the car ride), I’m now working on the actual scene itself that comes after. I’m literally autosaving the project every minute I work on it so I don’t lose ANY progress again.

Unfortunately I’ll be working a rough few 10 hour shifts, so it might be a week or so. Anyway, more info in the dropdowns.

Changes in the upcoming build

Aside from the back-end rework, I’ve also been snatching a few bugs or writing errors out of the way while I’ve been re-writing. There’s a couple of minor changes as well.

  • The Muscle background has been changed from ex-mafia to ex-military.
    I read through the background again about a week ago and found it didn’t really stack up to the others. Giving Red a pre-defined background location, which was Vegas and Louisville, didn’t sit right for me. I wanted the origin location to be more open-to-interpretation. Despite my increasing number of ex-military characters in my story, I felt it sat right. Red didn’t have a tragic backstory, they were just a nobody. After they did their four years, they came home empty and angry. Sounds like the perfect motivation for crime to me.

  • Fixed some ret-cons
    If you’ve read my earlier posts, you know that when I first started, I didn’t have a solid story in mind. No Red, no apartment, just a person in a wrecked car. Well, after plotting out the story and actually writing it, I changed some things about the car wreck. Also there was a bit about “staring at a burn mark on my neck” which is literally physically impossible, so that’s changed.

  • Changed “Brampton” last name to “Gonzalez”
    Even though Rodriguez was supposed to be the Hispanic preset last name, having one that wasn’t the same as the neighbor’s just helped for players. Also, Brampton is a city in Canada, I don’t know if it’s an actual last name, I just came up with it like a year ago. If you want it re-implemented alongside Gonzalez, let me know. Otherwise, you can always do it custom.

Some hidden Easter Eggs

I don’t know if I want to reveal my easter eggs for the story, but since i’m currently not writing, but instead RE-writing, I’ll reveal a couple. You know, to celebrate late Easter.

  • If you name your character “Scott”, there’s a really shitty pun for the Pointman backstory.

  • If your name is the exact same as your neighbor’s, it’ll confuse the deliveryman.

  • (not in current build) If you manually type the last name “Rodriguez” after declining the preset one, Red will question their memory.

I plan on adding a bunch of fun little stuff for those who want to experiment or try to break the story. Admittedly, in it’s current state, it’s not hard to do so without trying.

Finally, a poll. I’ve contemplated for some time if I want the player to be able to choose Red’s moniker, no longer making it… Red, but I’ve really been conflicted. I want player choice, but I feel like the story significance behind the name is important. I’d need to write a bunch of preset monikers, and put in safe locks for those smartasses who want to name their character “Fitz” or “Merchant”. Still, that’s why I’m making a poll.

  • Keep the name “Red” for story purposes.
  • Let the player choose at the cost of protagonist character development.

0 voters

The poll isn’t anything final, I just want to get a gauge. Anyway, that’s all for now.

4 Likes

I was wondering in terms of weapons will the MC have a set weapon or can we choose our own? For example: the Techie has submachine gun and a pistol.

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