# Ilyaaren: The Explosion **URL:** \ **Category:** Works In Progress\ **Tags:** nonbinary-inclusive, gender-choice\ **Created:** [April 28, 2016, 6:12am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/ilyaaren-the-explosion/16988 "2016-04-28T06:12:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ashestoashes018](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/ashestoashes018/32/144436_2.png) [@ashestoashes018](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/ashestoashes018)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 6:12am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/ilyaaren-the-explosion/16988/1 "2016-04-28T06:12:56Z")
Deleted. ---
**Author:** ![Lordirish](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/lordirish/32/238051_2.png) [@Lordirish](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Lordirish)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 6:25am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/ilyaaren-the-explosion/16988/2 "2016-04-28T06:25:28Z")
As you said it would be short, and it was lol. The opening is good but not enough to give feedback, but hope to see more. ---
**Author:** ![ashestoashes018](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/ashestoashes018/32/144436_2.png) [@ashestoashes018](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/ashestoashes018)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 6:27am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/ilyaaren-the-explosion/16988/3 "2016-04-28T06:27:26Z")
Oh I definitely know it isn’t much for feedback, but part of this post was keeping myself to my promises 😉 If I have a set goal published for the world to see, I’m about 10 million percent more likely to keep to that goal. ---
**Author:** ![Jeffrey\_Foster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/jeffrey_foster/32/21611_2.png) [@Jeffrey\_Foster](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Jeffrey_Foster)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 6:27am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/ilyaaren-the-explosion/16988/4 "2016-04-28T06:27:44Z")
Yeah I agree with ya but it does sound interesting ---
**Author:** ![Jeffrey\_Foster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/jeffrey_foster/32/21611_2.png) [@Jeffrey\_Foster](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Jeffrey_Foster)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 6:30am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/ilyaaren-the-explosion/16988/5 "2016-04-28T06:30:47Z")
Lol that’s my problem I always have great ideas and can most of the time do it but damn I am lazy and lack the motivation. I hope you are better than me 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ashestoashes018](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/ashestoashes018/32/144436_2.png) [@ashestoashes018](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/ashestoashes018)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 6:32am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/ilyaaren-the-explosion/16988/6 "2016-04-28T06:32:49Z")
LOL I’ve had the outline for this written for ages. It was originally going to be a novel series, but I realized that one specific character worked _perfectly_ as an MC in a CYOA. 🙂 So I figured I’d try my hand at Choicescript–this is my first time even using this scripting language. I literally started teaching it to myself 2 hours ago. I’ll probably have several minor updates over the next few hours LOL. I’ll be a ninja 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Fiogan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/fiogan/32/215832_2.png) [@Fiogan](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Fiogan)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 6:36am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/ilyaaren-the-explosion/16988/7 "2016-04-28T06:36:28Z")
I like the premise! It sounds like you’ve done loads of world building, even from just the first demo and the description. Will the MC’s physical characteristics be significant later on in the story? You might want to try leaving an extra blank line between your paragraphs, so they don’t run together. So rather than this: > As always, you are up before the sun. Working at Dragon’s Keep is a difficult and often thankless job. Taking care of dragons is a job that many would consider fantastic, but for you, it is merely reality. > Currently, you are cleaning up a pile of dung from the King’s personal pen. This isn’t exactly your favorite activity when it comes to the dragons, but until Briala gives you permission to actually train the dragons, you’ll have to live with the more…unpleasant aspects of living with dragons. You’d have this: > As always, you are up before the sun. Working at Dragon’s Keep is a difficult and often thankless job. Taking care of dragons is a job that many would consider fantastic, but for you, it is merely reality. > Currently, you are cleaning up a pile of dung from the King’s personal pen. This isn’t exactly your favorite activity when it comes to the dragons, but until Briala gives you permission to actually train the dragons, you’ll have to live with the more…unpleasant aspects of living with dragons. The latter is easier to read, I think. Did you consider possibly putting `*finish` at the end? That way the game will just be over, rather than crashing on the last page. ---
**Author:** ![ashestoashes018](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/ashestoashes018/32/144436_2.png) [@ashestoashes018](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/ashestoashes018)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 6:43am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/ilyaaren-the-explosion/16988/8 "2016-04-28T06:43:34Z")
I think I forgot to put \*line\_break in there somewhere. Thanks for pointing that out! And, yeah, I’ve done tons of world-building. I’m currently taking my hand-drawn maps and turning them into _real_ maps with CC3+ 😃 Hopefully that will help a bit with immersion. And I could have sworn I put in \*finish at the end. I must not have put the updated scene in the public file. Oops! The MC’s physical characteristics will definitely have an impact, as your family will be introduced at some point. Some characteristics, such as your weight/hairstyle are cosmetic, but hair color, height, eye color, etc. will have an impact on what your family looks like. Sort of like in FO4 with Shaun. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Fiogan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/fiogan/32/215832_2.png) [@Fiogan](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Fiogan)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 6:47am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/ilyaaren-the-explosion/16988/9 "2016-04-28T06:47:57Z")
A single \*line\_break just bumps the next sentence to the following line. I think preferred spacing within text blocks is a blank line, just like in a text editor (or a forum post, for that matter). I also discovered today that double \*line\_breaks are [not a preferred method](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/exploration-choice-loops/16970/12). > [@ashestoashes018](#): > > The MC’s physical characteristics will definitely have an impact, as your family will be introduced at some point. Some characteristics, such as your weight/hairstyle are cosmetic, but hair color, height, eye color, etc. will have an impact on what your family looks like. That is _amazing_. Would you consider adding skin tone? I know it’s a bit of extra coding, but I don’t know of ANY ChoiceScript games (someone please correct me if I’m missing one!) where your can not only pick the shade of your MC’s skin, but where that shade also affects your family’s skin tones. Can’t wait to see the maps! ---
**Author:** ![ashestoashes018](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/ashestoashes018/32/144436_2.png) [@ashestoashes018](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/ashestoashes018)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 6:51am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/ilyaaren-the-explosion/16988/10 "2016-04-28T06:51:42Z")
> [@Fiogan](#): > > Would you consider adding skin tone? That shouldn’t be too horribly difficult to include, considering what I’m already planning to do. What skin tones would I use? Light, medium, dark? I’m not sure how to do that without coming off racially insensitive, haha! And as for the bit about \*line\_break – any and all advice on the coding is appreciated, so thank you! I’m about as big of a newbie as you can get with CS, right now. And yay! I’m glad that I’ll have at least one person who wants to see the maps :'D ---
**Author:** ![Fiogan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/fiogan/32/215832_2.png) [@Fiogan](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Fiogan)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 6:57am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/ilyaaren-the-explosion/16988/11 "2016-04-28T06:57:32Z")
> [@ashestoashes018](#): > > What skin tones would I use? Light, medium, dark? Maybe you might consider asking that in [this thread](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/what-about-poc/15997)? If you mention what you want to do, I’m sure you could get a variety of opinions on what might be good. I would probably go with something vaguely poetic like: - Ivory - Almond - Olive - Ebony I also tried googling ‘skin tone names’ and there are a bunch of results, including some helpful ones with groups of models of various ethnicities, and words to describe the skin tones. I’m sure others would have some helpful suggestions, though! ---
**Author:** ![Jeffrey\_Foster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/jeffrey_foster/32/21611_2.png) [@Jeffrey\_Foster](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Jeffrey_Foster)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 7:07am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/ilyaaren-the-explosion/16988/12 "2016-04-28T07:07:26Z")
I don’t see how stating the following can be racist: White Tan Black Brown OR Pale Dark Etc etc I find all those poetic names are extremely confusing and annoying ---
**Author:** ![ashestoashes018](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/ashestoashes018/32/144436_2.png) [@ashestoashes018](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/ashestoashes018)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 8:28am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/ilyaaren-the-explosion/16988/13 "2016-04-28T08:28:03Z")
I’ve added some very short bits and pieces to the dashingdon version of the game, but it is officially 4:30 in the morning my time. I…really need to sleep. Maps will be incoming when I finally feel like they look professional enough to go in a game. Right now they look like a four year old just discovered a professional cartography application \>:T SO! Goodnight~ ---
**Author:** ![Shoelip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df788c/32.png) [@Shoelip](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Shoelip)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 8:35am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/ilyaaren-the-explosion/16988/14 "2016-04-28T08:35:58Z")
So… just off the top of my head. Is there any reason why knowing her best would make you the best candidate for finding her? I mean… is it assumed that she ran away? ---
**Author:** ![ashestoashes018](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/ashestoashes018/32/144436_2.png) [@ashestoashes018](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/ashestoashes018)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 8:45am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/ilyaaren-the-explosion/16988/15 "2016-04-28T08:45:18Z")
> [@Shoelip](#): > > … is it assumed that she ran away? Yes. Edit: without spoiling too much, let’s just say there’s another reason she’s important to the province, aside from being the King’s only child. ---
**Author:** ![Lordirish](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/lordirish/32/238051_2.png) [@Lordirish](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Lordirish)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 10:25am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/ilyaaren-the-explosion/16988/16 "2016-04-28T10:25:44Z")
I am eager to see your map. Did one for my game and think it turned out ok. [http://www.choiceofbox.com/Norif-27.jpg](http://www.choiceofbox.com/Norif-27.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![kazizk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/kazizk/32/138638_2.png) [@kazizk](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/kazizk)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 12:41pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/ilyaaren-the-explosion/16988/17 "2016-04-28T12:41:38Z")
looks awesome so far 😃 definitely looking forward to reading more of it 🙂 and i can totally relate to be new to cs xD i haven’t used it is so long I recently had to teach my self how to all over again x.x although it is rather easy 🙂 keep up the great work :3 ---
**Author:** ![Seven7h](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/seven7h/32/138717_2.png) [@Seven7h](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Seven7h)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 12:41pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/ilyaaren-the-explosion/16988/18 "2016-04-28T12:41:54Z")
Wow, this looks awesome!! I really like the concept, good luck!!! 😄 ---
**Author:** ![Arsue](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/arsue/32/11412_2.png) [@Arsue](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Arsue)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 1:18pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/ilyaaren-the-explosion/16988/19 "2016-04-28T13:18:53Z")
The character customization is fun… I hope we get to see some dragons! I especially got a kick out of ‘blah blah placeholder it’s 4am I’m going to bed’ 😂 Edit: I played again and found an error. In the first two choices I picked ‘Keeper’ and then ‘Jordan’ and after selecting the name I got this error: startup line 116: Non existent command ‘gotowonderfulname’ Just a space would probably fix this. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Terrell\_Williams](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/terrell_williams/32/269406_2.png) [@Terrell\_Williams](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Terrell_Williams)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 1:36pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/ilyaaren-the-explosion/16988/20 "2016-04-28T13:36:16Z")
I like it yeah it’s short but i like it so far [Next page](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/ilyaaren-the-explosion/16988.md?page=2)