If Choice of Games Were a Gym


#1

First off, I promise to never make anything this stupid ever again.

I was working on an entry for this year’s CScomp, but I got frustrated on certain parts of the development process; thus, I concluded it was time to take a trip to the gym to blow off some steam.

Cue a brain explosion, that occurred as I was burning some good ol’ calories, leading to the creation of these skits.

In hindsight, maybe I have too much free time on my paws after all. :sweat_smile:


Allen Gies is busy breaking his record for the most bench press reps using 2,000 pound barbells.

Allen Gies: “F&^$K YEAH!!! HIGHEST WORD COUNT AND HIGHEST REP COUNT!!!”

Allen Gies is just about to break his 4 million rep record.

In fact, Allen Gies has broken his record many times out of fear that someone may attempt to steal the title from him.

12 broken records in, no one has ever considered challenging Allen Gies, yet his plight continues, nonetheless.


The ever popular Sashira is surrounded by a crowd of fans that spectate and cheer on her workout.

Every time Sashira lifts a dumbbell, time slows down and stars fall from the heavens; typically, 4 or 5 fans faint from Sashira’s awesomeness each time this occurs.

Sashira’s following is so large that 30% of the gym is dedicated to her in order to accommodate the substantial crowd.


Outside, in the track area, a dog, Packet, is busy chasing a guy, Techno Dragon, around the track at supersonic speeds.

Packet bares her teeth, slobbers, and hysterically yaps as she bears down on Techno Dragon’s heels.

Techno Dragon huffs and puffs but manages to stay a few inches ahead of Packet’s incredibly powerful jaws.

Ballmot: “Soooo, what’s the deal with the dog chasing the masked man?”

Mr. S: “Ehhhh, they’ve been doing that for a while now.”

Ballmot and Mr. S are running on separate treadmills at high speeds.

Mr. S: "See, that dog has a strange obsession with biting 'tocks, so all of the gym members have to be extra careful not to shake their tail ends while she’s watching.

"Now, Techno Dragon comes along one day and decides to test the dog by shaking his end right in front of her muzzle. The dog gets riled up and runs after him but Tech manages to get into his car before the dog catches up to him.

"He rolls down his window and shouts a few obscenities, but that wasn’t really a good idea, see? The dog leaps into the open window and tears Techno Dragon’s @$$ up real good.

"Techno Dragon manages to exit the vehicle and sprints home, leaving his car in the parking lot.

"Today, he comes back to retrieve his vehicle, thinking the whole ordeal’s blown over. Problem is, you don’t get off lightly for agitating a dog that specializes in covert ops.

"The dog’s waiting for him in the bushes, and as soon as Techno Dragon approaches his vehicle, the dog pounces on him.

“Techno Dragon runs to the only place he knows he can run nonstop without running into a dead end - the track. He’s out there running in the hopes that the dog will get tired and give up.”

Ballmot : “Golly, how long has he been out there now?”

Mr. S: “Mmm, probably about 5 hours now.”

Ballmot: “What, really?”

Mr. S: “Yeah, you’d be surprised at how long you can run if a deranged mutt is on your heels, determined to turn your hindquarters into a chew toy.”

Ballmot: “Ohhhh… Right…”

Ballmot and Mr. S continue running in silence for a few moments.

Ballmot: "So, uhhhh, Mr. S. I’ve been dying to know. What’s the ‘S’ in your title stand for?

"I bet it’s ‘Super,’ or maybe ‘Superb,’ or perhaps ‘Splendid.’

“I like the sound of that. ‘Mr. Splendid.’”

Mr. S: “Nah, the ‘S’ just stands for ‘Stevan.’”

Ballmot: “Really? That’s it?”

Mr. S: “Yeah. I was thinking about being ‘Mr. H,’ but I decided on ‘Mr. S’ in the end. The ‘S’ just sounds better, in my opinion.”

Ballmot: “Wait, so, your pseudonym is basically just ‘Mr.’ and then the first letter of your middle name? I mean, doesn’t that seem a tad mundane?”

Mr. S: “Hell 'naw, I’m the motherf&$*#%ing administrator. I’m badass just by being here.”

Ballmot and Mr. S both tilt back their heads and laugh heartily, but Ballmot loses his concentration in the moment, trips up, and tumbles off the treadmill.

Mr. S glances backwards, briefly, at a whimpering Ballmot before whistling innocently as he returns his attention to his workout.


Distracted Dad is busy being distracted in the kid’s area, babysitting everyone’s kids since DD’s the best with handling children.

DD is hard at work, concentrating on developing his new story, but somehow manages to keep track of each and every child present.


Z.S. is standing up, lifting an extremely heavy barbell while his fans cheer him on.

Z.S. raises the barbell above his head.

Z.S.:

“HEROES. RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE!!!”

The surrounding crowd goes nuts with cheers and applause!

Z.S. lowers the barbell to the floor, pausing a moment before attempting to complete another rep.

Z.S. raises the barbell over his head again, but loses his balance and begins to tip over to his left side.

Z.S.:

“OH SNAP! HERO FALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!”

Z.S. falls down sideways, but somehow still manages to faceplant into the ground.

The crowd continues to shout and cheer Z.S. on!


Doctor is busy tampering with gym equipment in the hopes that someone will get injured, thus giving Doctor a source of income.

However, so far, the only person that’s gotten hurt is Doctor himself. Multiple times, actually.

Godfeather, the head of gym security, sits in her floating nest. An extremely powerful enchantress pigeon, she dutifully observes activity in the gym, ready to apprehend any wrongdoers.

She notices Doctor is up to his old tricks again; she screeches loudly, causing a murder of pigeons to swoop down on a startled Doctor.

The pigeons drag Doctor outside by his ankles. Doctor desperately struggles to maintain his grip on the door frame, but the pigeons overpower him and fly off into the sunset with him in tow.


Hell Santa exits his Hummer and walks up to the gym.

Packet and Techno Dragon stop running and pause to stare at him.

Techno Dragon: “Oi! Look what we got here! Santa’s back!”

Laughter echoes from within the gym.

Hell Santa: “Hey, why ya gotta bust my chops for? A fella misspells his own name on his gym membership and suddenly he’s the laughing stock of the whole town.”

Techno Dragon: “Sorry, Santa. I just didn’t expect to see you this far south so early in the year.”

Techno Dragon laughs maniacally; even the dog appears to be chuckling.

However, everyone stops laughing when Hell Santa uses his superhuman strength to flip Techno Dragon’s car over.

Techno Dragon stares at his vehicle for few moments, his mouth hanging wide open.

He rolls up his sleeves and stomps over to Hell Santa, only to get beaten to a bloody pulp.

As Hell Santa walks away, Techno Dragon is left lying in the fetal position.

Techno Dragon: “Well, that wasn’t so bad. Coulda been w-”

Packet quickly darts over to Techno Dragon and sinks her fangs into his hindquarters.

Techno Dragon’s screams pierce the air.


JimD is lifting dumbbells, again.

Mr. S: “Oi, Jim. Don’t you think it’s about time for leg day?”

JimD hesitates and looks at his incredibly large, muscular arms.

JimD: “Nah.”

Mr. S: “Damnit, Jim. Your arms are bigger than my head for crying out loud.”

JimD: “I… just don’t think leg day would be… A Wise Use of Time.”

Everyone in the gym groans.

Random Person: “That’s the fifteenth time this week, Jim!”

JimD grins, shrugs, and resumes his lifting.


Paolo sits alone in the gym’s wrestling ring. He looks somewhat lonely.

He’s been trying for months now to find a sparring partner, but no one dares to enter the ring with Paolo.

His strength is far too great; an attempt to perfom his Super-Mega-Rocket-Hyper-Death-Olympian Suplex of Doom ended up launching a poor soul through the roof and into the depths of outer space.

And so, Paolo silently awaits the day that a worthy opponent appears.


The Lordly Irishman sits in the dining area of the gym’s concession stand, laughing merrily and stroking his fantastic 'stache while sharing his tales of bravery with the large number of folk surrounding him.

A lady takes a seat on his arm by his suggestion; he flexes his large bicep, launching the lady a few feet into the air before she lands on his other arm.

His mirthful laughter fills the complex, and the crowd raises their mugs in honor of the Lordly Irishman, cheering him on as he balances multiple people on three of his fingers.


Havenstone walks up to the entrance of the gym, but stops before entering.

Havenstone: “Oh, wait. I’m too hot to handle!”

The environment suddenly erupts into flames as Havenstone strikes a dynamic pose!

“HAVENSTONE-A-GO-GO, BABY!”


The End

[url=https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/if-choice-of-games-was-a-gym/9397/26]Oh, wait. Part Two![/url]


Swift Scout's Ride Home: For a Better Pizza
#2

Possibly the most creative story I’ve ever seen on here (games don’t count). Now I’m starting to wonder what it would be like if my account was a person…


#3

If my account was a person I wouldn’t even be here because ‘exercise’ lies somewhere between tacky neon clothing and cannibalism on the scale of things that repulse me.

And Havenstone would spend all his time in the gym because otherwise he would have to write CoR. :stuck_out_tongue:


#4

I have but one word…

#GOLD!


#5

Friends, I’m not sure any of this actually happened. I don’t want to be that guy, but Packet may have made some of this up…


#6

NOT ENOUGH POISON IN THIS STORY Mara greatly dissaproves. :wink:


#7

This is epic, could have been much longer though.


#8

Wow… That was amazing…

I was not expecting to read something like this today!

https://usatlife.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/zmyaro.gif?w=1000

Hell Santa… Chuckles


#9

Where do these ideas even come from?! They’re great.

*Note to self, don’t mess with Godfeather and the Pigeon Horde.


#10

One of the weirdest things I’ve ever read… Well done.


#11

No, please do! This stuff is great!


#12

I volunteer to fight Paolo


#13

Lol @Packet you might need to write a part 2 to this :laughing:


#14

we need an actual WIP about this


#15

nope, this happened. I just can’t show you the scars on my butt for proof.


#16

Gotta say, I thought this was pretty funny. Didn’t think I’d be included, but I laughed even harder when I was. although to be honest I now have to find a Bane mask to wear and use that as the profile pic if that’s what I’m pictured as. :laughing:

Edit:
http://www.amazon.com/Replica-Version-Halloween-Costume-Coslive/dp/B00ECNXF0S

Hmm… on one hand, I didn’t like how Bane was depicted in The Dark Night Rises, on the other hand, THERE’S A BANE MASK ON AMAZON!

Kinda torn here.


#17

If I was in this gym I would be sitting in the corner. Watching everyone and waoting to help people.
Except techno dragon he deserved that bite and the pounding by hell santa and packet because of (insert super secret backstory of shame here).


#18

so did the author of tin star actually break his own record 12 times? Also, is code counted? His record is even scarier if it isn’t.


#19

I am both flattered, and think you’re probably making fun of me. Either way, I laughed.

I would like to thank the little people who love my work even when it’s unpredictably slow. And who helped me get into this random forum fanfiction before other deserving contestants. I would write you in myself, but I have not Packet’s gift for parody.

Like, this is my best attempt at what Packet does:

This story is THE :bomb:

THE :bomb:

THE :bomb:


#20

If I had been there I would be the guy that doesn’t likes talking but knows everything about everyone.