Exactly the title: I want to be wrong. I always see (or rather, sometimes see, as not a lot of people actually post here.) a new post that roughly goes like this:
Poster - Hey, everyone. I’m blank and I am an x professional. I’ll provide this service for blank/for free. If you’re interested, please PM me, or go here.
User - Mm, yes I would like that very much. Can we talk?
And they get completely ghosted. Nothing happens or comes of it. Or, they do reply, they do respond, and still nothing comes of it. I hate that, It makes me upset to have a category that few people post in, and even fewer people actually use when they show interest!
So what I’m really asking is, do any of you actually use this? Can anyone give the perspective of someone who provided or used a service here? Maybe it’s all in the PMs or private sites, maybe I’m crazy and just spouting nonsense, maybe it’s outside looking in. So let’s get on the inside!
Hey everyone, I’m Anon, and I am a editor. I’ll provide proofreading, copyediting, and playtesting. I do this for completly free, not even a mention in the credits if you don’t want to. If you’re interested, please PM me, or reply right here in this topic.
I did help to make the full set of cover art for another published game, so I guess I provided a service which someone used? This largely happened because I posted on another WIP thread and after some discussion, inadvertently came to an… agreement. I don’t advertise my services here, but if anyone needs help with cover art, always feel free to reach out.
Of the dozens of WIPs which pop up, only a small percentage will make it to the submission stage, so that might explain why demand for professional services isn’t high. You’ll only need art/editing when you’re planning to submit your game, and only a handful of games reach that point.
I’ll bite. If you’d like to offer free playtesting, I wouldn’t say no.
I have your forum post open in one tab, and your game on itch open in another window.
What would you be looking for in the form of playtesting? General help, such as making sure each route is playable, without bugs obvious or obscure? Or, opinion pieces like how the game makes me feel while playing, and it’s general readiness as a viable piece of literature?
I’ve finished with my first full playthrough. This will be a hard spoiler review. For everyone who hasn’t read through the game yet, please, do yourself the favor and try it before continuing!
So we’ll start with the first thing any prospective player/purchaser is going to be shown: The cover. It curates a certain idea of what the game is going to be, and (for me) it doesn’t hit the mark.
I, actually misunderstood, what the game was going to be about. In hindsight, I am the fool, but the very chance that another person like me, will also misunderstand, is pretty high. See, the first thing that will catch the most eyes on the cover is the almost mustard colored cat. A very unusual color, for a cat.
Before I continue, yes, I know. It’s an orange cat. We all know what a cat is like. So why did I say mustard? Because the exact color of the cat is #FFAD00, or otherwise called ‘Chinese Yellow’. We call all agree it’s an orange cat. Almost every screen in the world has a slight change in what color is being shown when on your screen. It IS a orange cat, that is what anyone will say because, well it’s just a bloody orange cat! However, #F4CF01 is the color of a Heinz mustard bottle, which I think everyone can agree, is yellow. It’s not; #FFFF00 is the color yellow. Straight yellow, no frills yellow, seen everywhere in the world yellow, it yellow.
“Why does this matter, in anyway shape or form?” “Stop talking about colors already!” “I thought you were gonna talk about, the game..”
You might not be able to tell the difference between the second color and the third, that’s fine because even I can’t and I’m the one who put them there! However, I’m sure you see the difference between the first color, the cat’s fur, and the third color, yellow. (If you can’t, get tested for color blindness or change your monitor. I’m not kidding.)
So finally I get to why this matters; Your eyes naturally, find the most interesting thing to look at at any given time unless you will them. In which case, they move to the most important thing in sight also at any time. This should be the cat 97/100 times. So the very first thing you will ever see when looking at Scarlet Sorceress, is it’s slightly strange colored cat. This leaves an impression consciously or not, and I can’t give an example because it willbe different for each person. Now I could keep going and list another twelve things and say this or that, but I think you understand by now.
You see a strange color, you follow this color, you realize it’s a cat, you categorize it as a ‘orange cat’, you look for the eyes because it’s a creature, you see a once again ever so slightly strange green for it’s eyes, you find the face, the mouth is objectively frowning, this leaves the impression of a negative thought in most people e.g. Sad, angry, upset, skeptical, ect. You then re-look at the eyes and face as a whole to understand the actual emotion of the cat, the eyes don’t allow sad, the eyebrows don’t allow angry, upset seems right, moving on. Then the posture, it’s not defensive but most certainly not open, so maybe not upset, skeptical becomes the default.
That’s just the cat…on one half of the screen…that processed completely in under a second. So what happens when you read the text? Well most text requires conscious effort, low for most, but it doesn’t happen in your mind without your input. But colors, shapes, textures, they go in and move on quickly, leaving you with plenty of small data to build on. So what does the text do, when it has colors, shapes, and with the two, a texture?
Even further, what does the text with a color, shape, and texture do, when it itself is a color?
Scarlet.
…
What’s the first thing that came to your mind? Got it? Now don’t think, just say the next five things you think when thinking the word ‘Scarlet’ go!
It was blood.
For me, it was blood as the first. I’m willing to bet it was in your top 5 too, right? No? How about fire? Flame? Still no? Was it at least Scarlett Johansson?! What do you mean no!? Ok. Jokes aside, it was something red or something dangerous right? At least one thing in your five was that right? If it was, then you know exactly what I think about the word ‘Sorceress’ don’t you?
My impression of the game was wrong. My impression. I’m not saying that’s anyone else, here. Maybe not even 1/1000 will get it wrong like me, but if they did…
The second thing you should ever see of the game is it’s description. It’s terrible. I mean, it’s optional. Entirely. The link to play the game is before even a single word of what it is. This too happens on itch where you can just start without even glancing at the words or images below “Run game” if you choose. That’s bad! I didn’t do that, I opened the link in a new tab and read the description before starting. But not everyone is like that, and that can create wrong expectations for a game, which can create bad experiences, which can tank a product through no fault of your own! Like I said, bad!
For those that read it, it’s perfectly fine. With two standouts. First, it never outright says what the game is. It doesn’t do Steam tags that make it very certain what’s in it. It doesn’t do CoG tags for exactly what to expect. It doesn’t ever just say straight out in bold go This is a cutesy cozy romance game about magic and finding true love. Oh wait..
It does say it’s a romance game. At the bottom. In the content warnings…Is romance a warning!?
No, like actually is romance a warning? I’ll have to add a lot of warnings now to my games. I’m not having a problem with what’s put there, but where it is: The very bottom where most won’t ever see it because it’s sandwiched between stuff that matters more to people, the romances in a romance game and the authors notes which are usually updates or tragedies.
That was standout two, move the bloody content warning. Back to point one.
Someone might ask, “What do you mean it wasn’t clear? Why does it need a bolded sentence?” And they’d be valid to ask because, doesn’t it clearly say that it’s set with cuteness and charm in a fantasy romance world? Doesn’t it say you play as a sorceress that you can customize your name, and appearance? Even your specialization? Isn’t the first paragraph:
You’d be right to say yes for each one. It’s got a bullet point of things to do. It tells you who you are able to love. It tells you about the other game included.
“What are you asking for then?! What more can you need then everything already here?”
I don’t.You, don’t. You, and you, and you, and yes, you over there, don’t need more. It’s obvious. But I’m trying to make every get how obvious it is to us.
For the one guy that doesn’t get it..they never will without it being spelt out to them.
PART 1: SEEING THE GAME
Now for part 2: The game.
It’s ready. Full on, full out honesty, 8.7/10
I would genuinely buy this for $10 right now, as it is day of release. This might surprise you that part two is just me saying “Yea, good stuff.” But that’s really how I feel right now. I beat the game right before I started this and liked it very much.
I have a nine page draft about how the game holds up, what my experience was toward it on a first playthrough. Now, I’m going to go play it again a 2nd time, playing with a real intent to see the worst of the game so I can give focused look at what doesn’t work, before playing for a final time using the save button to see every choice.
I’m sorry I couldn’t give instant feedback about what you actually wanted: A playtest! I’ll give a post that hits the word limit (if I can) in a few days (Likely 5-7, not actually a few) trust me, I want to do my job right! No matter what I say going forward, you definitely have a pre-order from me.
Alright, you’re a goddamn treasure! Seriously. THIS kind of first impression analysis is SO valuable. Anyone with something closer to being published would do well to contact you,
Hey @AnonTheAnonymous , thanks for the thoughts. That said, I’m not sure if we can discuss the game on this thread, so we might need to move it to my WIP thread or a DM down the line.
Unfortunately, I’m at the mercy of what is available on stock art websites, where I got the cat. I did try changing the colors (using a few simple tools) but all I did was mess it up, so I kept the original look.
Scarlet for fire and blushing.
This is useful to note. I probably won’t be rewriting the WIP thread description at this stage, but I’ll make a note of this if I get to writing the final descriptions for HG.
I meant it more to describe the context in which intimacy occurs… rather than romance being a warning in itself. Actually, good point, I might need to reword this, although HG will likely write their own anyway if I do submit it.
Thanks. I appreciate the thoughts.
I’d like to see it, if you do get it done. No rush and no pressure, of course. There’s never a need for instant feedback.
This. If any other authors are lurking here, take note.
I would to say, I do like the cat image for SS. I like it a lot, for every reason it becomes a bad first impression, it’s a great second one. Having it as a chapter transition would do wonders as by the time you can move chapters, you already know what the game is.
You already have a great image for first impressions: The one you see when choosing to start the Main Story, or play the Side Story.
standing just behind the word Sorceress, but in front of Scarlet, you’d have a very good cover.
In my opinion, taste vary and mine isn’t always right. I also think it would scream out “Otome!” a little more. I’ve never seen a cat on the cover of an Otome game before. Not saying they don’t exist, I’m saying please send a picture of one I would laugh so hard!
As for something to think about right away, structure. I don’t mean literal structure, or game structure, plot structure, ect. I mean, sentence structure. From my notes, the very first thing I wrote about the game was:
“Got a ““, it’s actually nice and relevent to SS, shorten somehow. Lengthen?
Current length is a problem because it goes ltr-l for a single word. Eyestrain.”
Let me make that make sense. The game starts with a quote,
It’s nice because it sounds pretty. It relevant because it’s conflating love, to fire, the two central themes of the game. Being a fire mage and romancing people. It further tells the two ways you love most in the game, a gentle love, and an overwhelming passion.
Now, make it shorter. Or longer. Both work. But why? Why change what I just said is great? Because it starts an entire new line that doesn’t get used, increases space from the next paragraph, and breaks it’s strength on accident.
Single, powerful sentences, work better.
They give intensive meaning, without changing stride. They stop, when they are done.
If you can visualize it, imagine the word devotion as a leach, feeding off the bottom of a powerful being.
The being is never work at their full strength because something is pulling them down, removing their power from them one squelch at a time. This doesn’t matter because they’re just so much stronger that slight decrease is not noticed. But if they weren’t weakened, everyone would know quickly.
See what I just did? Twice? Now reminder, I’m not saying the actual word devotion shouldn’t be in the quote, I’m saying it shouldn’t be where it is. Let’s try something else, say “Love is like fire.”
Out loud, “Love is like fire.” Come on, go ahead, “Love is like fire.” however you want to say it, “Love is like fire.”
Now say, “Love is fire.” Okay tell me- No, one more time, “Love is fire.”
Where did you put the power when you said it? Where was your emphasis, when you, you said it. Either of them. “Love is like fire.” and “Love is fire.”
Say it slow, “Love, is like fire.” and “Love is fire.” Those were likely it right? You put more weight on the word “fire” when “like” was removed. You could have done the opposite and gave “fire” less power, but it remains that you almost certainly gave more power into one word to make up the difference. You should be able to see what I just tried to explain. Annnnnd I just realize I screwed all my other abled people over! A blind guy can’t see what I mean, a deaf person couldn’t hear the difference and a mute couldn’t-
So when you use the word “like” is draws power away from the action words “love” and “fire”, making a less clear connection by saying they are “like” the other.
“Love is fire.” is a clear statement.
Statements, are powerful.
So yea that’s what my first thought was. I saw a couple times where this could be applied throughout the novel and will point them out when I finish the draft.
Yeah, that is what a reasonable person should do when they fuck up.
Excuse me any strong language used in this message, I’m not feeling particularly happy.
First, I would like to apologize to a few specific people, @ChanceOfFire, @Cain_Abel, @dozendietcokesaday, and @OwletNest.
I either offered to help you, or was approached for help, and have fully disappointed you. There is nothing that can be done about this, nothing that I can change from then to now, just the full fact that I fucked up, and broke a promise.
So I’m honestly sorry.
Second, I was hit by a bus, and had been hospitalized. It was awful, and I’ve been in a legal battle.
Third, this offer is still on the table. I want to help, and will start immediately. The four people mentioned above have priority, if they ask for help from me again, I will help them first.
I am obligated to.
Now there is an exception, if you ask for help, and your game is smaller than a 50k word count (that includes code, as I also look at code*) then I can knock it out within 24 hours of the request. However, if your game is longer than 50k, I will be working on it as a “First come, first serve.”
Fifty thousand is not an arbitrary number, it’s what I feel I can confidently work through on any given day, with active life constraints in the way, such as doing this as my real life job for 12 hours a day, and needing to sleep. I love, writing. I love, people. I love, technology. I love, games.
Choice of Games combines all this in one place, for all of our collective joy.
I want to help a little bit with that, so please let me.
*A further explanation on what I mean by code.
I mean that if you have 30K of playable words, and 6k words of code, then this counts as 36k for me to work on. IF, you have the code available. If you don’t, it doesn’t count. Say that you have 75k worth in code and text, but you only want me to read the text, then I won’t count the code and only work on the text as long as the text alone, is 50k or less.
Hey, don’t apologize, there’s no hard pressure to beta read for people. If life gets in the way, absolutely do not beat yourself up for it.
I’m sorry to hear that. Admittedly, this year looks to be an even tougher one than the last.
Honestly, don’t feel any obligation. Seriously, I’ve also cut down my feedback frequency for other titles as I’m a bit burned out on reading as well. I just released another update for my title, but I’m also figuring out what happens to it next.
You know, as excuses for breaking a promise go, ‘hit by a bus’ is a pretty solid one. I don’t think anyone you mentioned is going to have a lot of hard feelings about it.
I’m the one that got hit, I did my healing. I’m back because I’m well now.
But every time I log on now, I’m going to have to stare my own broken promise in the face, and know that I knew nothing. Trust takes a lot to build, and almost nothing to break. I broke it and will have to spend a long time getting it back.
For what little it’s worth, from the perspective of a newbie author who saw your message on Nov and thought it seemed like an incredibly generous offer, but hadn’t posted their WiP yet, I think the trust you built with your brilliant feedback of ChanceOfFire’s game on this thread vastly outweighs any trust that you might have lost by by going quiet for just a couple of months - and that’s before you factor in the fact it was because you got hit by a bus!
Which isn’t to say that I don’t know how you feel, though - I’ve definitely been there. Heads are funny things.
I know I’d certainly still be keen to get your feedback on my WIP later this year, once I have the first act of my story finished.
I agree 100%. I feel like, the reason why someone doesn’t do something is very important. If it’s something out of their control, it does not break trust.
This largely happened because I posted on another WIP thread and after some discussion, inadvertently came to an… agreement. I don’t advertise my services here, but if anyone needs help with cover art, always feel free to reach out.
That said, I’m not sure if we can discuss the game on this thread, so we might need to move it to 
I did try changing the colors (using a few simple tools) but all I did was mess it up, so I kept the original look. 
