Hunter's Sacrifice (Tumblr link is up)

Langre · 2018-08-30T05:27:02.565Z

I probably missed most of discussion, but are there any guns in game’s world? I think guns would be far more effective against prowlers.
It was cool to know our team members, though I still can’t tell who is who, except for Twelve. Hope I won’t fail some important choice because of that in future.

kirakana · 2018-08-30T17:47:47.915Z

@L0G1C It does sound better! Thanks for the tip.

@Langre Actually, I think we haven’t talked about weapons at all, so this is a very good question

As it stands guns, cannons, bombs, grenades and the likes no longer exist in the world. The Society isn’t exactly the peak of technological advancements. Any fancy items they own (surfs for example) belong to the previous civilizations. I’ll probably put together a more thorough explanation on the subject.

Langre:

It was cool to know our team members, though I still can’t tell who is who, except for Twelve. Hope I won’t fail some important choice because of that in future.

That seems to be a reacquiring challenge, but you shouldn’t worry. Out of your twelve hunters, two are key players. Knowing with absolute certainty who is who isn’t the deciding factor; it’s how you treat them (both as a team and on an individual level).

In fact, I think the Captain at the beginning of the story doesn’t really know all that much about their team members because A likes to keep professional distance. This will hopefully allow you to decide, how will you interact with whom.

If anyone has played Danganronpa - I will probably include similar events to the so called free time in Danganronpa, where you can pick someone to spend time with.

Logan3000x · 2018-08-30T18:19:18.700Z

kirakana:

That seems to be a reacquiring challenge, but you shouldn’t worry. Out of your twelve hunters, two are key players. Knowing with absolute certainty who is who isn’t the deciding factor; it’s how you treat them (both as a team and on an individual level)

Do they have any physical traits that we can know in order to identify each one? ( their hair, scars etc)

L0G1C · 2018-08-30T21:56:54.828Z

Also, I don’t know why I’m starting to think more highly of B, did you change any of her dialogue? If not, then I guess she’s grown on me a bit

VainCorsair · 2018-08-31T00:49:17.146Z

Great work @kirakana here are some typos:

Mistakes

Thrusting

Screenshot_2018-08-30-10-24-27480×800 90.6 KB

Combing

Screenshot_2018-08-30-10-30-57480×800 85.4 KB

The isn’t needed

Screenshot_2018-08-30-10-34-44480×800 89 KB

Awkward sentence?
Screenshot_2018-08-30-10-35-46

Shining

Screenshot_2018-08-30-10-37-09480×800 79.6 KB

Curious

Screenshot_2018-08-30-10-41-55480×800 92.4 KB

Have isn’t needed here. And “the” instead of “a” in front of Hunting.

Screenshot_2018-08-30-10-42-53480×800 87 KB

From now on

Screenshot_2018-08-30-10-43-29480×800 82.1 KB

Their life

Screenshot_2018-08-30-10-44-47480×800 89.7 KB

Uninhabited

Screenshot_2018-08-30-10-48-03480×800 80.9 KB

Capital T

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Tension.

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kirakana · 2018-08-31T06:14:12.404Z

@Logan3000x I have a general idea what different members look like, so adding some physical descriptions (which the game is currently lacking) could work. Hm.

@L0G1C Nope, scenes with B were unchanged Making people like them seems to be B’s specialty, since this captain is surprisingly popular.

@VainCorsair Thank you both for the compliments AND for the typos. I don’t know what I would do without readers like you.

Since @Langre asked about weapons and I still owe @LauraSikdar some answers, you can expect one of the FAQ sessions soon. So, if you are curious about anything, leave a comment or drop me a PM.

And @CopperCaravan I’ve tried following your advice on adding details to the descriptions. I’ll probably need to expand on the Homeland part, but hopefully at least some things are clearer now

Elena_H · 2018-08-31T18:56:31.845Z

Just read through the additions to the first mission, and I liked them a lot! This game is so original… kinda makes me feel like I’m living in a post-apocalyptic ant colony

One question for you, though (apologies if you’ve answered before): Did the prowlers used to be human? I’m getting a real Eloi – Morlock vibe, if that makes sense.

Oh, and I found a typo that doesn’t appear to have been caught yet:
"My apologises for making you wait, Captain," the chancellor continues.

Should be “apologies,” I believe?

kirakana · 2018-08-31T20:53:04.653Z

Elena_H:

I’m living in a post-apocalyptic ant colony

That’s … an apt description. or should I say ant

Imagine the new story synopsis: “You live in a post-apocalyptic colony, where people might and might not be worming through your head. Did I mention you are basically an ant? No? Well, you are. Are you interested in reading yet?”

Elena_H:

Just read through the additions to the first mission, and I liked them a lot!

Yay!

Elena_H:

This game is so original…

Thank you!

Elena_H:

Did the prowlers used to be human?

Biologically wise, Prowlers are closer to animals. The radiation that happened in the aftermath of the war triggered different mutations in animal species and evolution basically went haywire. Factor in new (and exceptionally harsh) living conditions, and you get Prowlers. Everything else died along the way. That said I am no biologist, thus the plausibility of this theory has yet to be confirmed.

Elena_H:

I’m getting a real Eloi – Morlock vibe, if that makes sense.

Never heard of this before. Went to check and boy, are those monsters pretty. I can see the resemblance. Lost family maybe?

Joking aside, Prowlers don’t necessarily stand on two feet. The majority of them is probably prowling around on all fours (or more legs, who knows).

Elena_H:

Should be “apologies,” I believe?

It is now, thank you

L0G1C · 2018-08-31T23:24:41.814Z

kirakana:

Factor in new (and exceptionally harsh) living conditions, and you get Prowlers. Everything else died along the way.

Oh! What if some different species evolved so that there are different types of prowlers? That would make more sense from an ecological sense and frankly it would just be more interesting

Robert_Snead · 2018-08-31T23:26:59.324Z

Very true. Sorta like yao gui and death claws in the fallout universe.

CultOfCthulhu · 2018-09-01T00:31:24.117Z

To be fair deathclaws in fallout were created by the government before the bombs fell and the just kinda thrived in the wasteland

CopperCaravan · 2018-09-02T17:17:21.523Z

Aaaand now I’m emotional all over again. Wild how I knew it was coming and it still got me. But yeah, the additions were great! The team felt much more substantial and I got a much better idea of everyone’s character. The descriptions were also a lot better! I felt like I had a way better understanding of everything around me from start to finish, homeland in particular. Honestly just improvements all the way around and it was already great to start with!

kirakana · 2018-09-03T12:45:32.802Z

L0G1C:

What if some different species evolved so that there are different types of prowlers?

Prowlers did evolve from different species, hence the difference in size, shape, number of limbs etc. Theoretically some should resemble felines, other lizards, third rodents etc. Due to living in the wilderness (which is basically ice, ice and more ice), all Prowlers have developed certain shared traits (eg. thick skin, sharp claws). But since people didn’t really get the chance (nor the will) to properly classify these new “animals”, they just called them Prowlers.

Although making them all carnivore doesn’t really make sense anymore, so I’m still working on that part. Suggestions are welcomed.

Did I mention fish are quite possibly the only animal species to survive mostly intact? That unfortunately also means there will be no furry fish.

Robert_Snead:

Very true. Sorta like yao gui and death claws in the fallout universe.

Marking this for future references. Reading the lore on how others develop their creatures is simply fascinating (+ great for brainstorming!).

CultOfCthulhu:

To be fair deathclaws in fallout were created by the government

Another experiment gone wrong I assume? Man, governing is tough.

@CopperCaravan Ah, I’m glad the descriptions are better

This

CopperCaravan:

The team felt much more substantial

and

CopperCaravan:

Aaaand now I’m emotional all over again.

are officially one of the goals of the story.

CultOfCthulhu · 2018-09-03T15:24:40.764Z

kirakana:

Another experiment gone wrong I assume? Man, governing is tough.

Actually no they were used to fight the Chinese and they I’m assuming became feral afterwards other than the deathclaws that can talk

kirakana · 2018-09-03T21:36:02.661Z

DEMO LINK (17K words)

I’ve changed a couple things (mostly the intro) and added some physical descriptions of other hunters. I’m keeping my fingers crossed, this will make it easier to differentiate between team members.

If not, I’m making cards with character profiles and portraits next. Beware.

Enjoy!

howlin_drak · 2018-09-04T19:02:13.307Z

I like the idea for making profiles for each of the characters that would really help me when I forget who I’m talking to, but you lose me at making portraits for the characters, I would think using my imagination from the information you gave me about them like there hair colour if they have a scar or their body type would be better.

kirakana · 2018-09-04T19:31:30.546Z

QUESTION FOR ALL

If I am to make character profiles (without the portraits), what kind of information should it include - age, personality, appearance, height …?
Is it okay, if I put these profiles in the stats screen (under character info) or would you like to see them somewhere else too (if yes, where)?
Who are the least memorable hunters to you? If you have trouble with the whole team, let me know

@howlin_drak Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Actually, I prefer imagination to character portraits in most cases. It makes for some interesting interpretations and fan arts.

Elena_H · 2018-09-05T02:04:33.837Z

Meh, I’ll chime in…

kirakana:

If I am to make character profiles (without the portraits), what kind of information should it include - age, personality, appearance, height …?

Maybe how long each one has been on your crew?

kirakana:

Is it okay, if I put these profiles in the stats screen (under character info) or would you like to see them somewhere else too (if yes, where)?

Stats screen would be the most convenient choice IMHO (not that I really care what they look like :P).

kirakana:

Who are the least memorable hunters to you? If you have trouble with the whole team, let me know

So I have a TON of trouble with remembering who’s who in books, tv shows, movies, ahem…coworkers . And with the team in HS, it’s like 100X harder for me because the names are nearly interchangeable. This doesn’t mean that your character development hasn’t been excellent so far, it’s just a natural consequence of starting off with such a large cast.

But, if I may offer some unsolicited advice, don’t stress over people remembering each and every one of the 12. You’ve done a great job identifying the important characters, and readers can refer to the stats screen if they get confused.

howlin_drak · 2018-09-05T18:24:12.737Z

kirakana:

If I am to make character profiles (without the portraits), what kind of information should it include - age, personality, appearance, height …?

I think have their age, personality or their appearance would work fine, and if you think height would come into play in the story or something else would, you can add it to the profiles.
And yeah have profiles in a small part of the state screen would really help people who are lost.
If I had to pick it would be five.

Langre · 2018-09-06T07:47:02.142Z

I think usual dossier would do for me: basic personal data, role in team and skills may be? You know, profile wich MC’s superiors would give to introduce the team to MC.
And button under all stats would do.