Well, I got hooked on that one!
I didn’t spot any issues or coding errors or whatever, and it’s hard for me to make a true constructive feedback since it’s only getting started.
From the very short interaction present so far, I already love Alonzo, and I also can’t wait to know more things about Wesley… or well… about the entire situation, really.
@Konoi I actually wanted to stir things up and head straight to the conflict, but that would have meant starting Chapter 1 with Bale dead, which would feel weird. And too fast. So I used the chance instead to slowly ease the other characters into the story, and although it may have slowed the pace a bit, it would now be easier to balance the character developments and the plot itself.
Still, to be honest, I thought it would be too long to play, which would’ve been alarming, until I tried it myself. I guess the large wordcount simply meant that I may have included too much variations this time, especially with the MC’s interaction with dear mother.
And yeah 
I’m taking a careful approach on this. There would be different ways to learn what’s happening, but the important thing is for me to make sure none it comes off too confusing. Though, of course, that’s what testings are for.
You’ll have more scenes with them next update!
Yeah, it was fine, don’t worry. I didn’t say that’s it’s too early for me to make constructive feedback as a negative thing - it’s just exactly that - I need more time. Once I know more about what’s happening and that things truly pick up, I’ll be able to better comment on the introduction too 
Glad to know that!
They had one scene where they were incredibly rude, really? 
I generally don’t mind rude characters, and everything about them intrigues me. Not to mention, when a character is so abrasive I tend to want to understand what happened to make them that way - it’s rarely “just because” 
oh thank you very much. Sorry I must have missed this
To be fair, I tend to be the same 
Well, unless the character turns out to be just a big bully without reason and remains that way until the end of the story. I’d still want some change/development.
Don’t worry. Alonzo will try to be civil and professional next time.
Emphasis on try…
The voice that cuts through the somberness catches Finn off guard, and he looks up from the picture he’s been staring at for several minutes.
“Close enough.” A sad smile appears on his lips and he clutches the picture tight. It’s Issac, looking grumpy after his weird first case.
Awwwwww. be it crush or just friendship or out of gulit, scenes like this, staring at someone’s photo got my heart melting.
I gotta admit it wasn’t meant to be that way at first. Just wanted some mysterious vibe and all with Wesley. Then it suddenly happened as I was writing so…
That’s how it happens How many books are you planning anyway?
@Mango_Pirate I originally set it to three. All planned and outlined. Even the endings (and they’re so fun). Although, there’s a possibility that I might ease it into four. I don’t want to drag the story and make it too long (plus the detailed coding will be a pain), but I can’t sacrifice the character arcs, either. There were some events I had to move to the 2nd book so the plot won’t be too convoluted (and heartbreaking), and maybe that would happen in the future, too. Still aiming for a trilogy, but for now, I’d say 3-4 would probably the sweet spot. I don’t think it’s gonna reach a fifth one - and oof I hope not. That would be hellish.
I’ve listed some feedbacks that I would like to get from those who’ve read the demo or will read it in the future. I also attached them to the original post. Also, if you ever have questions about the plot, this forum would still be preferable, especially if you’d like to have an answer within the day. (Asks can sometimes pile up in the tumblr 
)
GENERAL FEEDBACKS
- choices that put you off or make you uncomfortable
- inconsistencies in the plot or in the dialogue
- grammatical errors or weird lines/ text - I’m a stickler for accuracy in this area and English wasn’t my first language, so this would be very helpful
- lengthy and boring blocks of texts - I would prefer it if the readers would be able to pick up on the most important details, so if a segment’s long enough that it makes you skip some paragraphs, it would help me to know.
- Are there scenes where you’d prefer to have more detailed descriptions?
- Other feedbacks you could think of that aren’t specified here
PROLOGUE
- There’s a larger chance that there would be awkward choices here since it was literally my first attempt, so don’t hesitate to say if you ever encountered some!
- Was the car chase enough for you? Or would you prefer for it to be longer? I let it be for now because there is another car chase scene (sort of) in the future chapters that would be longer and more intense, and I didn’t want to put all the ideas in here. But if y’all think that the scene here is sufficient, then there would be no need for me to go back and make it longer.
- Are the skill-picking scenes good enough for you?
CHAPTER 1
- The conversation with MC’s mother - it had a lot of variations in dialogue so there could be portions that may not have made sense or felt odd.
- For people who have tried both Owen and Jade’s routes, do you think one of them had longer content compared to the other, or did they feel like they had the same length?
None so far and I don’t think that necessarily means you should cut them 
It would be nice if we had togglable meta text, for example for choices (Sarcastic) or for choices (Owen’s path). Once the game will get published we’ll no longer have saves and it’ll be a big help.
PROLOGUE
I think the car chasing scene was great, sure it could be longer but we also don’t want to slow the plot down, right?
Sure!
CHAPTER 1
The only thing that was lacking was that we didn’t really get to choose why we visited Mother in the first place or whatever we will continue to do so (even if we’ll eventually have to visit her again, grumpiness aside).
I did feel like I got a better idea of who Owen is than Jade - I would maybe make Jade’s encounter longer?
Good idea. Will work on learning how to do this!
Not sure yet about the first one (I might just provide an explanation why the MC had no choice but to schedule a visit) but I’ll be including a choice for the latter.
That makes sense. I might have focused too much on Richard’s message on Jade’s route. Thank you! I knew something was bothering me about their parts.
Good to hear. I was afraid that it would feel dull.
Just read the demo. Have to say, it’s awesome
Thank you! Hope you’d like the next update, too!
Hey folks! Just wanted to drop this here for those who wants to know a few facts about Alex
I also want to say something as early as now. You might all remember a choice from the first chapter with regards to whom to blame. If your MC chooses to blame themself, you might see self-depreciating thoughts and dialogue from time to time. I just want to warn people about it, because while they won’t go too far, they might become very uncomfortable. It’s a whole lot of guilt and might be depressing at times.
Just wanted to make that clear for the future, especially since the next chapter will have those.
Thanks for the warning!
I mean, it’s something I actually like, so I’ll eagerly go that route!
But well, I don’t like when a game offers players the possibility to have the MC blame themself for something serious, and then it doesn’t really come up in dialogues and MC’s thoughts etc. Nice to see you’ll actually make it matter!