High School Revenge (WIP) (Chapter 3 OUT NOW, Mar 24, 2024)

on the subject of songs i think wolf in sheep’s clothing by set it off is pretty fitting. It’s more about a girl who cheated at least that’s what I get from the line “Jill’s a little whore” but every other line applies in my opinion

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I would have to pick this song for my MC! (It’s F*ck You by Lily Allen)

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As they say, be careful what you wish for…

About the new update, I think it isn’t out of his league for an astute eleven year old to know what conservative means, or for that matter what gay means. Just looking around in my real life young kids these days are so much quicker on the uptake of these things thanks to the internet then those of us who came of age at the dawn or even before it used to be. At least that’s my observation.
As for facade I think an eleven year old who already likes romance games is perhaps likely to know the meaning of that one too.

I suppose the next scene is going to be really hurtful for our poor mc’s supposing that video is still going to go viral. :sweat:
On the other hand I would suggest kid mc not call his fellow students “colleagues” as that seems to imply a work environment more then a school and just call them peers or classmates.

Also for the habits section, if we choose fidgeting with the mc’s necklace/jewely maybe have the mc actually wear a necklace or good-luck charm under their valentine’s day suit as that is by no means uncommon in guy’s fashion today and of course for a female mc a nice (pearl) necklace is practically expected as a part of party/evening/gala wear. :wink:

I’ll also re-iterate my previous bit of feedback about the final scene in that I think a very rich 16-year-old mc may be less concerned with the expense involved in breaking his laptop computer but more with having to explain why he broke it to his mom or caretaker, which could cause all sorts of unwelcome scrutiny and may even cause them to find that video…
That said a good laptop is still expensive and that may still figure into it, but I just wouldn’t think expense would be the mc’s main concern in refraining from breaking his laptop in a fit of anger there and then.

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Not really fitting with the story, but this is what I think my MC would listen to while planning things.

*not sure how to make it so you just click it…so somebody tell me how to make it not be embedded!

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No. But justice is not meted out on the basis of how badly people’s feelings were hurt.

Motivation is not irrelevant. It determines the degree of punishment that’s necessary, and in some cases whether there should be any punishment at all.

You are aware there are more options than just “intentional” or “unintentional”, right? It’s perfectly possible for people to be fully aware of what they’re doing, but have varying degrees of actual culpability for it.

That’s only how it legally works. The justice we will be meting out in-game isn’t of the legal kind, so it is in fact going to be meted out on the basis of how badly people’s feelings were hurt.

I actually really like that one! Great choice!

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Summary


I picked mother though.

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This is amazing I love a good revenge story

wouldn’t it be amazing if it turned out that everyone had ostracized our targets because of what they had done?

think of it this way: if the video is viral, people will see the cruel treatment of our character during the dance, and people will hate the targets because of what they had done. nobody will want to be associated with them, will glare daggers at them, and more. seems unlikely that too many people would find the video funny, considering when the story is taking place.

so we’ll be rich and potentially popular while our former “friends” are stuck as outcasts forever :blush: just the thought makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside

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Made account just to appreciate this.So far Idea and execution are very good.I hope MC gets a chance to become highly skilled manipulator/liar and trick his bullies back.

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That’s… a pretty fair point, actually.

Just replayed the game, took a look at the changes and what not. Most of them were OK but… Shoehorning in there the “homophobia is bad” message wasn’t a good idea. Why? Quite frankly, it’s because it doesn’t add anything of value. In fact, it does the opposite, it detracts from the overall experience since right now it’s nothing more than a distraction, a distraction that feels like it was added in almost as a complete afterthought or due to legal obligations. Like you needed to insert some sort of overt anti-homophobic message otherwise the game will be swamped with controversy, get rejected, censored and you’ll be burned on the holy pyre.

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I’m reminded of this song every time I play this wip. I recommend just listening and avoid the video.

@Umbreonpanda You did what you wanted, like your mother, so your father didn’t approve of your behavior. I thought it was pretty obvious. :sweat_smile:

You made my day with this comment. Thank you very much! :relaxed:

@ActuallyStardust I didn’t try to push any message in that scene. What I tried to imply was that the father was so obsessed with his public image that he didn’t want his son/daughter to be homosexual, something that could ruin his perfect image and political agenda. I also tried to imply that he didn’t want the MC to do anything that isn’t considered acceptable by society. Actually, I didn’t even think for a second that the dad is a homophobe, just a pragmatic man driven by greed and ambition. I doesn’t matter if the MC is homosexual or not, I tried to portray a father that is selfish and would prefer if his son/daughter could just hide any quirky traits he has. That is actually one of the main reasons the parents will break up.

You said that it doesn’t add anything of value but I think that understanding the father’s mindset is very important, especially since we’ll have to deal with him again in the future.

I also hate when people add in games characters that exist just because they are gay or trans, where being that isn’t just a characteristic that we learn by getting to know the character but a label to make sure that everyone knows the creator is not homophobic or something. I didn’t try to tick anyone’s list here so please, read again and tell me if you really think that I’m trying to push a message and that it didn’t add any value to the story. If so, I’m sorry.

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It doesn’t add anything for you. For my mc it adds friction with first dad. Of course I’ll have to see how it develops in-game but first dad having conservative political ambitions and not really being supportive of having an openly gay son is something that does happen in America today. So it’s plausible enough.

Which can make it worse, he knows that being gay isn’t a choice yet he still panders to the conservative (Republican) party-line anyway in the hopes of capturing conservative votes and launching a political career.

My mc is very quirky, but yeah, dad is placing is clean-cut, conservative “family friendly” image as an educator and would-be politician above the happiness of his son (and wife).

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I see, well I did just re-read the scene again and honestly you might want to try to write that scene a little differently (Give dad more reasons to disapprove of a straight relationship besides “he doesn’t like the way they look”. Something like “they don’t come from a respectable family, they have low grades, are known as delinquents” would work) because as it is right now, with the words conservative facade and the whole “doesn’t like how Michael/Cecily looks”, it genuinely gives the impression that dad is a “this character is everything I hate and everyone in this story will dislike him”. Actually if you were to replace the mother with the father in that scene, that might solve the problem entirely, it provides both better and greater insight into his mindset (which as you already stated is very important) and it gives the player a chance to see what kind of guy the protagonist’s first father is like first-hand unlike the current scene where all we have is the mother’s opinion of the guy.

Anyway glad to see that ham-fisting an unrelated message wasn’t your intention, I’ve seen one too many good games ruined because of that.

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That’s not going to go away if this scene is merely re-written in a way that doesn’t give off the wrong impression now will it?

On the other hand it if dad learns of our intentions to go with a boy he’d probably just ground us until after the party was over and we wouldn’t have a game. Unless of course you add a second scene right after with mom where she rescinds the grounding and says we can go anyway.

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To be honest with you, I did not read the demo as I played it, so it’s my bad. :sweat::sweat: