High School Revenge (WIP) (Chapter 3 OUT NOW, Mar 24, 2024)

[Eric_knight]

@Sucof

MC comes back a new man/woman and is ready to get his revenge by getting under the skin of his targets, without them knowing who MC is, and planning the best way to crush them.

Could we have a choice where i let these bullies know exactly who i am …and also a choice to convert them into a better/kinder person instead of revenge ?

[Arasia_Valentia]

No no my dear, you are too kind.

Exact revenge in your foes!!! AHAHAHAHAHA

cough cough

I mean kill them with kindness.

Teehee

kill bill music

[The_Lady_Luck]

The first thing I thought of when I saw the title was school shootings, so I’m reeeeaaalllyy glad to see that’s not what the game is about!

Is the revenge going to be all teenage drama/comedy movie ruin-their-lives, or will it be possible to make them understand that what they did was bad, make them feel the pain and remorse of that, and thereby help them grow as people?

Cause that’s the only kind of revenge I’m really interested in…

[Eric_knight]

But wouldn’t it be better to see your bullies weep in front of you and say sorry ?

to kill them instantly means they only suffer a moment of their past action…but to let them carry the pain of guilt every day and night is like an eternal torment of them

@The_Lady_Luck

Is the revenge going to be all teenage drama/comedy movie ruin-their-lives, or will it be possible to make them understand that what they did was bad, make them feel the pain and remorse of that, and thereby help them grow as people?

Cause that’s the only kind of revenge I’m really interested in…

Hey…you and me are in the same boat, revenge like that is awesome…making them remorse is way cooler than just beat them up

[HippoAttack]

Wait how do they not know it’s us? Will we move away for a awhile and get a makeover and a name change or something? Cuz if we go to the same school and just one day show up completely different they’re going to know somethings up

[Arasia_Valentia]

@The_Lady_Luck

the revenge going to be all teenage drama/comedy movie ruin-their-lives, or will it be possible to make them understand that what they did was bad, make them feel the pain and remorse of that, and thereby help them grow as people?

@Eric_knight

But wouldn’t it be better to see your bullies weep in front of you and say sorry ?

KILLBILL MUSIC INTENSIFIES

[Sucof]

@Harley_Robin_Evans No one will be killed by the MC.
@idonotlikeusernames Well, him being young when it happened is what will make everything a bit more comedic. The MC after the “tragedy” is a bit of a sociopath, but you can change that, of course.
@tooweiss You can spare any of the 8 targets. Or even all if you think that’s what they deserve.
@The_Lady_Luck It will start more like a teenage drama/comedy but when you get to know the characters it will become more psychological.

[Umbreonpanda]

@Sucof

When the MC was 11 years old, at a school dance on Valentine’s day, he/she was humiliated and betrayed by his friends and colleagues. 7 years later, MC comes back a new man/woman and is ready to get his revenge by getting under the skin of his targets, without them knowing who MC is, and planning the best way to crush them.

OHOHOHO I think I’m going to like this WIP! Although, I might get too attached to the characters (or the ROs) to do actual damage.

[Blmc000]

Sounds like a great concept if done correctly. I understand that you probably chose 11yrs old to give the MC enough time for plotting, but that age seems a little young for the story to be realistic. Any plots originated from someone of that age would no doubt lack the depth required to provide a satisfying sting at the end. Suggestions:

1. If your heart is set on 11 as the start age, consider an “advisor” type character to set the MC on a path to a truly juicy revenge.

2. Consider changing the setting of the endgame. If the offense happens during high school, you can have the plot unfold when MC is in college, or the workforce. This gives you an opportunity to utilize the four ears of high school to really add depth to the offense, make us hate the offenders as much as the MC.

3. If the high school setting is a must for the endgame, consider freshman year for the offense, transfer out sophomore year, return junior year, revenge senor year, or something along those lines.

Good luck, Can’t wait to see what you come up with!

[Sucof]

Actually, the whole planning phase begins when MC is around 15. I made the “bad” moment happen when he was 11 because I wanted him to have time to change his physical appearance and be unrecognizable when he comes back for the revenge.

[Frogs]

Shouldn’t the MC just forget about the incident at that age lol.
The count of Monte Cristo is kinda different, he’s been in jail for years so it still affected him recently. Also getting a life sentence is a bit worse than being humiliated in valentine too

[Dankman]

A revenge story’s always fun. A revenge story in high school, now that’s eye-catchingly fun. Hope we can manipulate them into betraying each other.

As an aside, this reminds me of an anime called Masamune-kun no Revenge, with a vaguely similar premise but only 1 target. The premise and age are somewhat the same with this story, so I don’t find the ages impossible to believe. Lastly, the inclusion of 8 targets just blows Masamune-kun scope out of the water.

[idonotlikeusernames]

@Sucof

Actually, the whole planning phase begins when MC is around 15. I made the “bad” moment happen when he was 11 because I wanted him to have time to change his physical appearance and be unrecognizable when he comes back for the revenge.

Thinking a bit more on this, what usually makes many revenge centered protagonists able to indulge in their revenge is that they tend to have managed to vastly improve their material circumstances in the mean time.
This is something minors have far less control over, so what happens in the time between the incident and the time of revenge here that allows the mc to change everything about themselves so drastically?
Does the (struggling) business of one of the mc’s parents finally take off to become a multi-billion dollar megacorp? Or do they or their parents receive a vast inheritance? Either way minors tend to have limited opportunities at best, short of maybe becoming a child or teenage star or heir to a vast fortune to earn vast amounts of money and even less freedom in deciding how to spend it, particularly on questionable revenge schemes of dubious utility or indeed legality.

@Blmc000

Consider changing the setting of the endgame. If the offense happens during high school, you can have the plot unfold when MC is in college, or the workforce. This gives you an opportunity to utilize the four ears of high school to really add depth to the offense, make us hate the offenders as much as the MC.

This is sort of what I suggested too, in addition it would give the mc the opportunity to (legally) change their name and possibly build a vast fortune (to use on the revenge schemes) on their own as (young) adults.

@Blmc000

If your heart is set on 11 as the start age, consider an “advisor” type character to set the MC on a path to a truly juicy revenge.

Hmmm…being (forced to) move out of the state or country and in with say their much wealthier but probably also at least somewhat amoral grandparents could work I suppose.

@Sucof

change his physical appearance and be unrecognizable when he comes back for the revenge.

I do love this trope, though mostly if the changes are or can be in the direction of gorgeous and stylish.

@Frogs

Shouldn’t the MC just forget about the incident at that age lol.

Like I suggested:

@idonotlikeusernames

This is a bit young to go berserk on the revenge for me, now if it was senior year (that is what Americans call the last year of both high school and college, correct?) or prom and the mc came back a changed college senior that’d be much more intriguing to me. If it happened to me as an eleven year old just convincing my parents to move and getting some new friends, maybe therapy ought to do it.

Particularly at that young age it would probably be better for the mc to get competent counseling, learn to choose their friends and associates better and let bygones be bygones (for the most part). If the opportunity for incidental pettiness presents itself I wouldn’t let it slide. But that would probably go no further then the mc refusing to consider a job application by one of their former tormentors at the company they are the HR officer or general manager/owner of.

[ElvesForTheWin]

@Sucof

and is ready to get his revenge by getting under the skin of his targets,

exactly what I am planning to do to jerks at my school

Looking foward to this! Sounds like a cool idea.

[Sucof]

Sooo, it think I’ll finish the first chapter faster than I thought. Maybe in a day or two. I’m not sure how the demo process works… After I upload the chapter on dashingdon, how do I share the link? And can I update the topic and put the link at the top?

Thanks, I’m still a noob

[resuri08]

You could edit it by clicking the pencil icon in the post. Just copy and paste the link from what I understand.

[Eiwynn]

@Sucof

After I upload the chapter on dashingdon, how do I share the link? And can I update the topic and put the link at the top?

As @resuri08 says: Once you set up hosting on DashingDon’s, it will provide you a link you can copy paste into the original post.

After that, every time you update on the hosting site, the link should auto-update. To inform the community of an update, usually, a notice of Update MM/DD/YY is placed in the title by a “regular” member or a “Leader”. Just ask in a post if a “Regular” member would kindly help you do this, or you can ask me - I just might be slow getting to it.

[Kurvo]

One of my favorite childhood movies (I know, right) and let me just say I love the idea.
If you are looking for a bit of pre-feedback/suggestions I’d definitely tell you make sure you emphasize betrayal as the main theme. The reason that movie and a number of others work so well is the deep relationship the protagonist and antagonist have and how gut wrenching the backstabbing really is. A good old fashion “steal the girl” trope definitely adds to this.
The real issue you’ll have with combining this with your premise of more of a group setting and a return to the MC’s place of education, will be translating this level of emotional charge between a number of people.
Again, if you want my opinion, it’d probably be eaiser to accomplish this if you have multiple different climaxes with seperate antagonists. Maybe the SO becomes an enemy, the enemy becomes a best friend, and the best friend becomes a SO… something like that. Roles interchangeable. You want to build relatable tension within relationships, and then take it to the extreme for dramatic affect.
Anyway, good luck to you. And I hope to see your progress soon.

[idonotlikeusernames]

@Kurvo

A good old fashion “steal the girl” trope definitely adds to this.

Some of us wouldn’t be interested in “stealing” girls you know and like many revenge centered protagonists it is probable, maybe even likely that my mc would be too obsessed with his schemes to care all that much about boyfriends either. I mean these sorts of protagonists can be lots of fun to play but their obsessions and lifestyles are often not all that good for their mental health.

[Morphine]

I certainly don’t want my mc to romance their past bullies but making them fall in love with my mc and breaking their hearts might be fun