High School Revenge (WIP) (Chapter 3 OUT NOW, Mar 24, 2024)

Sounds good to me. That will also show us our parents fighting and explain a little more about why they got a divorce, instead of telling us via exposition, which is how it’s handled right now.

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Thanks for that. Now that is actual good criticism. I understood you being worried that I added some “propaganda” and I just got a little bit worked up by your assumptions. I was actually thinking the same thing, that the father’s reason is a bit shallow for the straight MC. I’ll try to think of some other reason and I appreciate your suggestions.

I totally understand you. I also am incredibly disappointed when people add “politically correct” statements just to tick some boxes.

I will try to portray the father better after I fix the scene. Sorry if I seemed a bit pissed off but I feel the same way about the subject and seeing you accuse me of that just triggered me a bit. :sweat_smile:

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So far I really like the demo, it looks promising. Keep up the good work!

I personally felt my MC had the best bond with Olivia so I really hope there will be something to sort of explains her actions and get some resolution between her and the MC.

Since the a lot of people also share the song they feel is most complimentary to their game here is mine:

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No problem. I probably would have reacted far worse if our roles were reversed.

Alright, pleased to hear it!:+1:

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Welp…here I am…da back…wh- oh my…the demo is a lot better…added some stuff for da pa and ma…me like even more :stuck_out_tongue:

Hey…

I don’t want to be obnoxious but… coukd you add more scenes to the interlude of the humiliation and the start of the revenge.

Because, and please don’t take this the worst way, but the Mc doesn’t feel… complex. The Mc is flat. Maybe you have plans to make the Mc more appealing? Like flashbacks maybe? I’m not sure. But… the way the Mc just decides revenge… is just tropey. Was this your intention? Is this more of a humor work than a serious one?

Please hear this out because I really like the concept and the actual game.

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We will be able to take our revenge by breaking the bullies’s hearts? And Also mimic the way they humiliated us? Ex. Dumping the date, drowing Olivia in juice, stick Dylan to a volanco etc?

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Seems to follow the plot line of slasher films like Prom Night or Valentine, obviously without any deaths.

So far I am in love with the idea of this game after reading the demo can’t wait for more plot and story!!!

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Oh man, I like the sound of that… Go big or go home.

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I… am so hyped for this. Now the MC is financially well off, and everyone’s almost forgotten them. This should be FUN.

I’ll be a little more merciful to Olivia and Dylan since the former took a moment to actually try and convince us not to go, and Dylan must’ve felt a little bad what with the way he spoke when he lied to us. Everyone else will burn. BURN I SAY!!! MWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!

Honestly I think you should bump up the age to middle school. Elementary kids do bully but they’re not that viscous, but with middle school it’s a different story. EVERYONE was either the bully or the bullied, and it keeps the trauma fresh for the revenge. (I should know. The most I got in elementary was having my hair pulled and being called names. Middle ahold was Torture, I was being bullied for disabilities.)

Speaking of the revenge, I feel like (I forget the time skip) is too long. The reader had a long to, well, just over it. They’re now able to process it, with a therapist or not. Keeping it only about 2-3 years is not enough time for full process and make the revenge more justified.

Finally the mother, I feel like 8 husbands is excessive too. Divorce is a long and tuugh process expeacially in different countries where this stuff could get complicated quickly. 2-3 is ok and you can still have her gassing money off rich (wo)men.

Though I couriers I’d we can hold resentment and retaliate towards her for being a… woman with excessive needs.

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i think we might be opposites, because olivia and dylan are going to bear the brunt of my wrath. their betrayal hurt the most, along with michael’s “betrayal” (betrayal being in quotation marks because i’m positive he was planning to do this from the start). double-cross my mc and you’re gonna regret it. :smiling_imp:

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My MC remembers the Dylan that refuse to come back to school without attempting to fix Adam-kun. At the very least, she doesn’t completely despise Dylan. Notice I said ‘completely’. He will still suffer. As will Olivia. They will ALL suffer! CHAOS! ANARCHY! ADAM-KUN!!! MWAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!

Considering this is a Comedy, the over-the-topness feels fitting. I feel a ‘reasonable’ number of divorces and a ‘reasonable’ number of years to recover would take away from the humour. Not to mention, our bullies can still draw amusement from our torment… I say we can still draw a need for vengeance from it.

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In third grade I was knocked down and all the boys took turns jumping and landing on me with their knees. Last one was my best friend at the time and he chipped out my tooth.

Not that vicious? Young children are very vicious.

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Just to add on to that, I remember one kid being thrown across the room in my elementary and there was no reason for that. It was randomly out of the blue.
I also had a moment where a boy annouced he “fake” liked me in order to make everyone laugh at me. It sounds so strange and idiotic now but it definently affected my self-esteem through out my younger years.

So yeah, I’ll never understand the age argument. Kids are cruel. And it’s usually for the dumbest shit. But when you’re young, that’s the biggest problem in the world.

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I’m going to stop this here. I don’t want to make this a competition, I’ve also experienced shit when I was a kid. I’m just offering advise.

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Particularly for rich people too, though perhaps not outright impossible if mom is really accomplished at blackmail too. Halve that to four husbands and if they’re all richer than the previous one then particularly if mom is also a savvy investor and business woman in her own right it should still allow her and the mc to reach the level of the 1% oligarch billionaires.
I also possibly like the idea of mom finally meeting her equally conniving and devious match in the mc’s latest step-dad as that would possibly give them more of a new family particularly if they get older siblings out of it who help them navigate their new and extremely privileged world (in the case of my mc they might ensure he actually does a minimum of socializing besides studying and working out by dragging them to parties and stuff like that) and possibly serve as mentor characters for the revenge plots.

Hmmm…true story, some rich (old money) families do feel that even going to a therapist is an admission of weakness that is just not done, so it could be possible that such attitudes might be one of the downsides of their new and otherwise charmed lives of incredible privilege for the mc that will just not allow for them to get over their hang-ups.

Or simply ordinary people, again if mom is also a successful venture capitalist and business woman in her own right it isn’t impossible to quickly grow divorce settlements of mere millions even into a vast fortune reaching into the billions in just a few years. After all:

Which while not very plausible for the mc I was playing in the thread I quoted is both possible and plausible for mom and the mc in this game with regards to the modern 1% jetset.

Also provides her with an excuse to gradually have less and less time and thus become more distant from the mc and thus while being an excellent provider materially not helping them to get really over their issues and hang-up emotionally and psychologically.

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Well considering this is a comedy-drama the 8 husbands may not be realistic but it’s comedic so I think it’s alright I actually laughed when I read that part.

Secondly, Bullying can happen at any age in my experience. I also went through shit during my Elementary years but the reason I would suggest aging the characters up a bit would be because do elementary schools in America truly have popularity contests and dances that require people to find a pair at such young age? Doesn’t that happen in High School? It’s also very weird? What? xD
But on the other hand, if MC got humiliated at 14/15 but came back a completely different and unrecognizable person in 18 the year gap doesn’t really provide alot of time for that change. I don’t know maybe something to consider.

Lastly the piece of constructive criticism I would give would be the fact that the **I’M GONNA HAVE MY REVENGE" part comes very sudden. I mean we see that tweet and no thoughts, no memories, no nothing and MC exclaims revenge. I would suggest giving a paragraph or 2 reflecting the MC thoughts, feelings and the trauma (if you want to call it that I dunno) and then shout revenge! it provides a great opportunity to also give the MC some depth like @JustinM suggested may be even give at that part choices to shape out MC’s personality

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how’s lone wolf going?