Heir to the Throne (05/28/18)

gender-choice
low-fantasy

#1

I’ve been thinking of starting a side project and this was the result!

Summary: You’re the first and only child of King Julius and Queen Evelyn. As you become of age, you start to unravel the twisted story of your family and the castle that holds them. Discover secrets, political plots, and more! With luck you’ll survive long enough to claim the throne.

Characters:
King Julius: Your father and the current king of Ravos. He mourned so deeply over the loss of his wife that the kingdom has nicknamed him, The Heartbroken King.

Queen Evelyn: The decreased wife of King Julius.

Lady Alden: A countess who looked over you as a child.

Madeline “The Hound” (RO): The royal spymistress.

Florence of House Penridge: Your childhood friend… and your future spouse.

Ashton/Liliana of House Penridge (Ro): The second born of House Penridge. They’re also Florence’s sibling. :smirk:

Emery/Hayden (RO): The first Magi to be invited to the castle in almost 2 decades.

Rowan (RO): The mysterious child of Lady Alden.

Arthur (RO): Sorry but I literally can’t reveal anything about this character without some major spoilers! :sweat_smile:

Cecilia/Cassius (RO): The bastard son/daughter of your kingdom’s sworn enemy, the king of Vruria.

The game will focus on the character aspect of the story but there will be political plots galore!

The demo is super short but I promise to upload more as soon as possible!

https://dashingdon.com/go/2075

Check out my tumblr!
https://heir-to-the-throne-cog.tumblr.com/nk


#2

They’re gonna die right? There’s no way you make someone a childhood friend and future spouse but not a Ro without them dying…


#3

They don’t die (At least not yet) but let’s just say that their interests don’t lean towards the player’s gender :wink:


#4

Aw, thwarted again by hard coded non attraction. Is their sibling someone we hung out with too?


#5

You’ll meet them once before they’re sent away for an ‘apprenticeship’ under their uncle. it’ll be about 10 years until you’ll see them again.


#6

Not yet? Is the player later given an option to murder them or something? That could be neat; not many other games do allow us to play the villain, after all.


#7

So I can’t just go into an established relationship, and have to meet people ugh…

  • “The King has the right to name his heir.” She muttered more to herself than the people around her. “He lacks a creative nature. My poor child will most likely end up as some sort of Henry, or Mary, Edward and Cathrine if perhaps a poetic mood strikes him.” She laughs humorlessly to herself as the other women sent each other nervous glances, all but Lady Alden.

    • Cathrine? Not Catherine?
  • “Have some faith in his Majesty, my Queen.” Lady Alden said with the utmost courtesy as she took the child from its mother’s arms. The Queen’s words didn’t surprise her since her own mother would often ramble after birthing one of her many siblings. Becuase of her experience (something the other ladies were too young to have) she knew she had to get the child from its mother’s arms before a fever takes hold and heaven forbid the Queen drops the child (A incident that Alden’s mother swears never happened). “I will return swiftly, Your Grace.” The lady stated as she glided out of the room.

    • Because

  • “You get not get my letters?”

    • Yoda my caretaker is.

‘What happens is she brings someone and I don’t like them? What happens is they don’t like ME?’

if, if


#8

I fell in love with this story upon reading the first paragraph. I’m still reading the demo, but I had to come here and say it. I love your writing style, and belive me, I’m usually picky. I can imagine everything perfectly, and you describe emotions and characters so well… I feel so blessed to have found this T_T

There’s an error in the stats menu: skills is repeated twice.

Now I’ll continue with the demo :slight_smile:


#9

I really like it so far. Your writing style makes it distinct and interesting enough, that it doesn’t drown in the sea of WIPs that start similarly (child of nobility/royalty is born). The story is already generating questions I want it to answer.

The Skills section in the stats page is shown twice.


#10

I finished it. AND IT’S SO SHORT I NEED MORE T_T

I’m totally intrigued by the charm the prince/ss has. It has a lot of potential, especially in regards of romance hehe… I can smell the drama already.


#11


#12

First things first, I love your username. Foxes are the best!

Second:
I’m totally in love with the story so far. It’s got quite a bit of a Tudor-feel in terms of setting (Henry VII, not the VIII), but with a dash of Dickens in the way the characters interact with you (especially in regards to the creepy, charmed governess and a grieving widower).
I’m very intrigued by Lady Alden, and I hope to meet King Julius soon.

That said, I am having trouble reading the text, and I’ll admit about 90% of this is personal preference, but much of the text is in big swaths of paragraphs which makes it harder to digest without issue, when they could be more easily absorbed if broken up into smaller, lighter, bite-sized pieces.

Just as an example:

Original text:

Summary

A fine birth, the midwife said. ‘A fine birth indeed.’ The queen thought as she rolled her head and glared at the chambermaids cleaning and swaddling her newborn child. ‘That’s my child. I should be holding them. I want to hold them at least once before they’re… before.’ She pressed her lips into a thin line as she tries to string together a coherent thought. The fever was already taking hold and muddling her mind. She held down the urge to kick the soft furs off her body and instead held her arm out.
“My child. Bring me, my child.” She whispered, still managing to keep her regal tone. The squirming baby was immediately placed in her arms.
“Hello, sweet little thing.” She cooed as she softly pressed her finger to the baby’s cheek, chuckling softly as the baby tired to suckle at air. The good Queen held her child close to her chest and ran her fingers through the baby’s tiny tuff of hair.
She had lost so many. Her last child was the first to live long enough to leave her womb, only to be called by God before the night was out. She remembered holding them as close to her as this one. 'No, This child is not like the others… She thinks as she minded herself to not suffocate her sweet miracle. ‘Can they truly be called a miracle?’ She wondered as guilt began to wash over her. She had lost so many, she couldn’t bear to lose another. She would rather God take her soul instead… She would even damn her soul just to know how the warmth of a child felt. ‘I know now.’ She thought almost giddy as she hummed a gentle tune to calm the fussy baby.

Edited text:

Summary

A fine birth, the midwife said.

'A fine birth indeed,’ the queen thought as she rolled her head to glare at the chambermaids cleaning and swaddling her newborn child. ‘That’s my child. I should be holding them…I want to hold them at least once before they’re…before…

She pressed her lips into a thin line as she tries to string together a coherent thought. The fever was already taking hold and muddling her mind. She held down the urge to kick the soft furs off her body and instead held her arm out.

“My child. Bring me, my child,” she whispered, still managing to keep her regal tone. The squirming baby was immediately placed in her arms.

“Hello, sweet little thing,” she cooed as she softly pressed her finger to the baby’s cheek, and chuckled softly when the baby tried to suckle at air. Clutching the child to her chest, she ran her fingers through its tiny tuft of hair.

She had lost so many.

Her last child was the first to live long enough to leave her womb, only to be called by God before the night was out. She remembered holding them as close to her as this one.

'No. This child is not like the others…’ she thinks as she minded herself to not suffocate her sweet miracle. ‘Can they truly be called a miracle?’ She wondered as guilt began to wash over her.

She had lost so many, she couldn’t bear to lose another.

She would rather God take her soul instead. She would even damn her soul just to know how the warmth of a child felt.

But I know now,’ she thought, almost giddy as she hummed a gentle tune to calm the fussy baby.

I hope it’s not too drastic for your tastes. All I really want to do is illuminate the helpfulness of negative space in text. It gives the reader room to breathe, increases the impact of certain words and themes (especially in regards to the queen’s thoughts in this case), and (in my opinion) allows them to savor a moment, letting fall deeper into the world you’ve created.

In any case, I’ll be following this game closely. I can’t wait to see more of it!


#13

i like how this story play out


#14

I don’t like the pouting bit cause I’m medeivl times no one would do that


#15

Really enjoyed the demo and I can’t wait to see where this story is going; your pacing is really good and I’m liking how different this already is from other low-fantasy games I’ve played through. I really like Lady Alden and now I’m super curious (and excited) to meet the other characters, especially Florence and our love interests.

You’ve definitely got me hooked in with that magic charm comment and I can’t wait to learn more about it, I’m really looking forward to future updates!


#16

I really enjoy the demo. Keep up good work!!! (Im screaming for moreeee right now.)


#17

Loved the little demo.
The charm thing makes me feel like Acheron lmao especially the uncomfortable “people are drawn to me”.


#18

@impeccably-stressed, Thank you for the advice! You were right! :smile: After breaking the text up, I found that it left more of a impact and I have you to thank for that.

I’m totally intrigued by the charm the prince/ss has. It has a lot of potential, especially in regards of romance hehe… I can smell the drama already.

Oh @Kirlett, even without the whole charm thing, there’ll still be plenty of drama with the ROs. :wink:

Thank you everyone for the amazing comments! :blush:
Hopefully I’ll have a update ready by the end of this week.


#19

You know, with the way that conversation goes, I’d be worried that Rowen/a is the MC’s half sibling.

Your governess just needed to find a husband, as if to explain a sudden pregnancy…


#20

I don’t think so. The King loved his wife too much to bed another and Rowan was born two or three years after MC. When MC is 7 the King is still mourning the late Queen, so… nah, doesn’t add up.

But Rowan is my favorite LI. Without meeting any of them, I mean. He/She is the child of Lady Alden and I adore her character, so mysterious yet loving… I can imagine his/her mother talking about MC constantly and little Rowan picturing MC in his/her mind… awww! <3

Arthur, though… I’m curious, is he a man? Every other MC has both genders, but Arthur doesn’t leave room for more haha. Or does it…? (I’d be fine with it anyway).