Hallowed Book 1: The Forebearer's Flight (WIP) (Update: 2/18/2024)

Hello and welcome. This is the second WIP I’m posting here, hopefully this time things will go smoother on my end. I wanted to test writing in the Third Person POV in one of these stories. I’ve found it fits my style pretty well so far but we’ll see.

I hope you enjoy!

Demo link: https://dashingdon.com/go/13248
Word count: 69,000
Tumblr link: Samson J Books on Tumblr

Summary

For centuries, Adela’s lived under the protection of Bohemond, a prophet and paladin without equal, but now he’s foreseen his own end and the coming of a war that will reshape the world. One that will be fought against not by him but by an heir.

His vision brings him to the far-away village of Silver Tree where orphaned children are raised. There, unknown to him, he finds not only his heir but the herald of a new crisis that forces the Forebearer from their home and sends them fleeing across Orellia. Hunted by both enemies both physical and spiritual, they struggle to master their new powers and warn Bohemond before it’s too late.


Hallowed is a traditional fantasy series told in IF form, wherein you play as a chosen one. The main focus of the project being all the difficulties that come with it. From the pressures of needing to defeat ancient threats to the burden of succeeding the world’s greatest hero.

The first book will revolve around the MC journeying across the wider world of Orellia, without much experience doing so. All the while being pursued by threats both physical and spiritual.

The MC themselves aren’t quite human. Rather they’re a kind of heavenly being known as a “hallow” gifted with the powers of an angel, colossus, celestial, or archdragon. In addition to that, you’ll be able to customize various other facets of the MC and their personality. Such what equipment they have, and to how exactly their powers take shape.

Features

-Adventure through a (hopefully) interesting story world.

-Select which heavenly race the MC has an affinity for and derive powers from them. Become a noble angel, a mighty colossus, or a shimmering star, with all the powers to match.

-Character customization that the story will (again, hopefully) react to in fun, interesting ways.

Character Customization Guide

The MC’s traits and appearance will impact the story to varying extents. Usually in how the people of the story world react to them.

Gender

The majority of the world of Adela is matriarchal. As a result, female MCs may find themselves treated with a greater degree of respect or import than a male one, at least initially. This isn’t a universal thing however, there will still be situations where a male MC might be treated better or be able to do something a female MC will have a harder with. I’ll elaborate more as the story unfolds.

Height

Shorter MCs are more likely to be underestimated by certain opponents when it comes to fighting. Likewise, they’re going to have an easier time hiding or slipping tight spaces than a tall MC.

Taller MCs, on the other hand, will be seen as more intimidating and will have a size advantage in certain combat maneuvers.

Average height MCs will fall somewhere in the middle.

Affinities

Naturally one of the major things that characters will respond to is the MC’s affinity, some of which have traits that are easier to hide than others.

Angels are both beautiful and have a good reputation in most cultures. However, certain clerics and other religious officials may initially show skepticism toward the MC as they’re aware that demons sometimes masquerade as angels to garner trust from mortals.

Colossi are more intimidating in their appearance and more highly regarded among warriors rather than the common people. Common foes meanwhile will be a lot less likely to test their luck against an MC with this affinity.

Celestials are (like angels) considered to be very beautiful and quick to be trusted by the commoner, but they’re also viewed as aloof, distant, and difficult to understand. As a result they’re usually approached more by intellectuals than commoners.

Archdragons are feared and revered in equal parts by any given group, due to the reputation those in Orellia have garnered for being ineffective or cruel in their rule. In either case it’s easier for the MC to garner a following.

I’ll add more to this as the choices become available.

Affinities

Affinities refer to the heavenly races that the MC may gain the powers of throughout the course of the story. You’ll pick the MC’s affinity in the first chapter and develop it from there.

Angel

Created by - The original angels (now known as Highborn Angels) were created by El Roi, the Creator God. The beauty, strength, and majesty of His creation inspiring many others to try their own hand at creating them. These attempts ultimately resulted in the birth of the more abundant lowborn angels who now populate the heavenly realms.

Appearance - An angel’s most distinguishable trait are their wings and halos. The easiest way to determine their respective rank and the realm they hail from is to check the number and color of their wings, which can be quite diverse in appearance.

Their halos likewise vary in color and whether they’re positioned over the angel’s head or behind it. The intensity of the halos glow depends on the amount of favor their divine patron has for them. All in all, most are considered (in equal parts) beautiful and terrifying by those who meet them.

Abilities - Aside from their most obvious ability of flight, angels possess empathic abilities that allow them to sense the emotions of others. This can be an overwhelming experience when an angel is faced with overwhelming amounts of negative feelings from a crowd or an especially disturbed person.

Likewise angels possess the ability to see the darkness or light within a person, provided it comes from some kind of supernatural force. That’s not all the eyes of angels see, they’re also capable of seeing other supernatural beings, good or bad. Or even simply across great distances.

In terms of combat, angels have the ability to channel their own faith into a tangible form (such as fire) and wield it against their foes. They also have an affinity for banishing the influence of demons and sorcery.

Characteristics - Angels are naturally drawn to good in the same way others are drawn to sin. As such they’re regarded as paragons of morality, a reputation demons will sometimes try to abuse or tarnish by impersonating them. Angels place great emphasis upon choosing what’s good over what’s expedient.

What an angel gives, be it their love, their trust, or their promise, they give eternally. As such angels are cautious about connecting with anyone outside the Heavens for the risk it poses them.

Colossus

Created by : Saphira, Goddess of Authority and Command. She created the colossi first to serve as grand architects of her realm, and later to serve as the vanguard of Heaven’s armies after the Fall.

Appearance : The colossi can be anywhere from ten feet tall to as large as a mountain. While their skin is made up of various different metals. Often a Hallowed can reduce their size to a more reasonable scale for the sake of interacting with others.

Abilities : An army onto themselves, colossi are most known for their tremendous strength and durability. It takes a great deal of effort to inflict any lasting damage upon one.

Colossi are also known for their skill in metal working and construction. They seem to have an eye for quality, which comes into play in battle as they can see the flaws in enemy fortifications.

Characteristics : Colossi adhere to a military hierarchy as a precaution to prevent them from wielding their great strength in reckless ways. Often a colossus will only be able to act if given explicit permission to wield their full power in an operation. This mentality is ingrained even in the hallowed who receive their powers.

Celestial

Created by : Astra, Goddess of Stars and Queen of Adela. She forged the celestial race from starlight to serve as guides, messengers, and guardians for her people.

Appearance : Celestials are akin to living stars, and naturally shine with the light of one (the exact color of this light varies). Likewise their eyes often resemble a star in appearance, and their hair is often otherworldly.

Abilities : Celestials can draw power from starlight as well as channel their own into a tangible form to attack, protect, and banish at their leisure. They’re also capable of bestowing their powers onto others, either increasing their physical capabilities or granting them a spark of their own powers.

Darkness is no obstacle for a celestial, whose eyes can see through it with ease and also across great distances.

Characteristics - Despite their great powers, celestials are more passive by nature than most other heavenly races, focusing on support and advisement over taking command. This was done to prevent them from falling into corruption and trying to dominate the world.

Archdragon

Created by - Exceptionally few in number, the Archdragons were made by the Sisters to serve as bulwarks against threats to Adela as well as other realms.

Appearance - Archdragons are an especially powerful kind of dragon and share many traits with them. What sets them apart from their kin is the color of their scales. Which are often gold, silver, bronze, or obsidian in appearance.

The hallowed who take on these powers are capable of shifting back and forth between this and their natural appearance. Although they typically retain some dragonic traits such as reptilian eyes, horns, or wings when they do.

Abilities - The most obvious abilities they share with other dragons, such as flight and their famous dragonic breath. However, guardians also possess some unique abilities related to the bond they form with their dominion (see characteristics). As oftentimes, these powers will be somehow related.

For example, if an archdragon declares dominion over a forested region, they might gain the ability to influence the natural world. Or if they gain power over a sea, they’ll be able to spit torrents of water at their foes.

Characteristics - Archdragons operate by finding and forging a connection to what they call their “dominion” which generally consists of a nation, faction, or even an entire realm depending on the individual.

Once they’ve established a dominion, they’re bound to protect it against any threats that come against it for its sake as well as their own. As their strength and well-being are dependent on the prosperity of their dominion. To the point that the archdragon suffers and flourishes along with it.

You’ll be able to pick the MC’s affinity in the first few chapters.

Characters (so far)

Bohemond – The Paladin of God and the greatest hero in Adela’s history. He’s an elf who hails from the very dawn of the world, who’s helped face every threat ever to befall it. As his life nears an end, his only desire is to prepare his successor for all that’s to come.

Livia Sparrow – The illegitimate daughter of the elven Empress, born into Orellia to an unknown human father without explanation. The half-elf princess is as fussy, headstrong, and uppity as the title would suggest but cares deeply for her friends and wants to become a benevolent leader in her own right someday.

Possible Relationships with Livia

This character I expect to be contentious. As the relationship you can have with her can go one of two ways. Either the kind of relationship that might exist between a knight and a queen or a frenemy rivalry where the two butt heads.

Valora - A childhood friend of the MC. She’s the only survivor of a plague that claimed the lives of everyone in her village. She’s adventurous and upbeat to a fault, serving to hide how troubled she is by fear of loss and a growing confusion at the state of the world.

Villains

Ophelia - The Goddess of Darkness and Chaos. Once she was counted among the Creatrixes who made Adela. Until a desperate bid to reattain lost perfection drove her into bitterness and madness. Her mind is broken into a thousand different aspects forever vying for dominance over each other.

Makru - A demon and minion of a greater evil on the hunt for the MC, hoping to destroy them before they can become a threat.

FAQ
Will there be romance?

Most likely not, I don’t have much experience with romance and also this project is a monster to code already. I have nothing against romance of course but I don’t think I’ll be attempting it here. Sorry if that disappoints anyone!

I’ll be lame and say that it’s not impossible I’ll change my mind, but don’t hold out too much hope for it either.

Why use Third Person POV

There are a few reasons I ended up picking third-person POV for this.

For one I found it suits my style a little better than second or first person. The fact that the writing goes faster is another benefit.

Other than that I think adding a small degree of separation between the reader and the MC works for the plot I’m writing here. While you will be able to control the MC’s actions and reactions, I don’t want them to be a hero who has to be dragged kicking and screaming into the plot, and third-person POV makes it easier to give the MC the ability to do that, with reduced risk of annoying the reader.

Finally on a more personal level, I’m a Christian and didn’t feel overly comfortable writing about “you” doing various things like being a polytheist or something. It felt a little awkward for me to read through. Third-person POV takes care of that as it doesn’t feel like you’re the literal MC themselves.

Desired feedback

All feedback is welcome, if you have thoughts on the story, I’d be happy to hear them, all I ask is that you please don’t post anything NSFW or political. As I’ve seen both derail threads.

Glitch and continuity error reports are a big help. If you find any, please let me know!

Suggestions about the worldbuilding and possible ways to incorporate it into the story (make the story feel more immersive basically) would also be a big help.

Likewise, any suggestions, comments, or feedback you have concerning the narrative, features, characters, etc, would be welcome.

Update - 2/18/2024
Added chapter 3 into the demo and revamped the glossary.

Update - 1/16/2024
Added chapter 2 into the demo.

Update - 1/3/2024 (by mere minutes)
Added the rewritten prologue and chapter 1 into the game.

147 Likes

I really liked the start of your story and the characters, hopefully we can met the elfen warrior soon :grinning:

3 Likes

Thank you! I’m glad you liked it so far.

3 Likes

@SamsonJBodney a good start defintly have me curious to see more… for the moment here is a question.
how soon were you intending the choices to start to affect the personality in the stats screen?

I didnt notice it start to change until after waking up.

1 Like

Thank you for the feedback! The personality stats shouldn’t be affected until the time the MC is close enough to hear the first part of the Necromancer’s rant. As I struggled to assign any of the current personality traits to the earlier choices. I see why that would be weird and confusing though, so I might have to go back and revise the choices a bit if I keep the dream section.

The stat page isn’t complete yet either. So I might also add some traits that correspond to them.

3 Likes

Looking back I also noticed a continuity error where the MC said they’ve never heard someone else speak in one of their dreams before when that was previously established to not be the case. Sorry about that! I revised an earlier part of the chapter during the editing process and I guess I forgot about that line.


Anyways I’ve gathered from hindsight that this first chapter wasn’t my best work and isn’t a very exciting intro to boot. So I’ll be throwing it out and replacing it with what I’d originally planned to be the second chapter instead, where I can hopefully focus on showing instead of telling. The prologue and initial character creation will be kept but the rest will be removed. Except maybe the dream section if I can think of a way to make it more engaging.

Sorry for the poor showing everyone! It seems my eagerness got the better of me, I will be more cautious about what I post in the future. The current demo will stay up for now as a basic example of the plot. Until I’ve finished the rewrite. I might also post a little more information about the story in the following week. See you then!

5 Likes

No worries its acctually not to bad of a start and i admit to being curious what you plan on showing as a knew start. Will defintly be keeping a eye on progress as i can.

3 Likes

I’ve been working on the new demo. I’m not sure when it’ll be finished, but I hope to put something out by the end of the month. The new demo will replace the old one and will be quite a bit different from it.

I’ve added a little more information to the original post. Mainly on the possible affinities (for heavenly creatures) the MC can get in a playthrough. They’re three of them (so far, I’m planning to add one more) and each will affect the story in a large way.

An affinity will not just give the MC powers, it will change their appearance a bit and cause them to take on some of the characteristics of the one they pick.

So for the fun of it, and to gauge which sounds most interesting so far, I decided to do a poll.

More detailed information can be found below.

Angels

Appearance - An angel’s most distinguishable trait are their wings and halos. The easiest way to determine their respective rank and the realm they hail from is to check the number and color of their wings, which can be quite diverse in appearance.

Their halos likewise vary in color and whether they’re positioned over the angel’s head or behind it. The intensity of the halos glow depends on the amount of favor their divine patron has for them. All in all, most are considered (in equal parts) beautiful and terrifying by those who meet them.

Abilities - Aside from their most obvious ability of flight, angels possess empathic abilities that allow them to sense the emotions of others. This can be an overwhelming experience when an angel is faced with overwhelming amounts of negative feelings from a crowd or an especially disturbed person.

Likewise angels possess the ability to see the darkness or light within a person, provided it comes from some kind of supernatural force. That’s not all the eyes of angels see, they’re also capable of seeing other supernatural beings, good or bad. Or even simply across great distances.

In terms of combat, angels have the ability to channel their own faith into a tangible form (such as fire) and wield it against their foes. They also have an affinity for banishing the influence of demons and sorcery.

Characteristics - Angels are naturally drawn to good in the same way others are drawn to sin. As such they’re regarded as paragons of morality, a reputation demons will sometimes try to abuse or tarnish by impersonating them. Angels place great emphasis upon choosing what’s good over what’s expedient.

What an angel gives, be it their love, their trust, or their promise, they give eternally. As such angels are cautious about connecting with anyone outside the Heavens for the risk it poses them.

Colossus

Appearance - The colossi can be anywhere from ten feet tall to as large as a mountain. While their skin is made up of various different metals. Often a Hallowed can reduce their size to a more reasonable scale for the sake of interacting with others.

Abilities - An army onto themselves, colossi are most known for their tremendous strength and durability. It takes a great deal of effort to inflict any lasting damage upon one.

Colossi are also known for their skill in metal working and construction. They seem to have an eye for quality, which comes into play in battle as they can see the flaws in enemy fortifications.

Characteristics - Colossi adhere to a military hierarchy as a precaution to prevent them from wielding their great strength in reckless ways. Often a colossus will only be able to act if given explicit permission to wield their full power in an operation. This mentality is ingrained even in the hallowed who receive their powers.

Celestial

Appearance - Celestials are akin to living stars, and naturally shine with the light of one (the exact color of this light varies). Likewise their eyes often resemble stars in appearance, even their hair is often otherworldly.

Abilities - Celestials can draw power from starlight as well as channel their own into a tangible form to attack, protect, and banish at their leisure. They’re also capable of bestowing their powers onto others, either increasing their physical capabilities or granting them a spark of their own powers.

Darkness is no obstacle for a celestial, whose eyes can see through it with ease, and also across great distances.

Characteristics - Despite their great powers celestials are more passive by nature than most other heavenly races, focusing on support and advisement over taking command. This was done to prevent them from falling into corruption and trying to dominate the world.

Which sounds most interesting to you?
  • Angel
  • Colossus
  • Celestial

0 voters

If anyone has any questions about, criticisms of, or suggestions for any of this please let me know.

Likewise, if you have any suggestions for the final affinity feel free to share them. I spent way too long worldbuilding and therefore have a giant list of potential affinities tucked away in my notes, so chances are I’ll probably already have something to fit the suggestion.

6 Likes

Lol they are all interesting to me so im not going to vote as i would play them all anyway at some point :smiley:

2 Likes

There is little, but this little left me integrated, I will follow this project for sure!

2 Likes

Thank you both!


I have to admit I wasn’t expecting “celestial” to get the most votes. I didn’t expect it to be unpopular by any means, but I didn’t think it’d be the most popular option of the three either. Not that I’m unhappy about it, of course.

2 Likes

So, to start with, this was really interesting and I hope to see how the MC´s adventures go and how the different affinities make a difference in that.
I kinda wanted to ask about the different races, is the choice of being an elf or human just to inmerse us in the world and show us that there are magical beings? or does it make a difference in the adventure/stats/ how you are percieved/ or wathever ways? cause if it does make a difference, maybe it should be explained in game, like a small summary of race characteristics when you make the choice.
Other than that, it was seriously great

1 Like

Thanks for the feedback!

The choice in race will mainly affect how people in the story treat the MC, as their hallow powers will end up eclipsing their natural abilities. I meant for the description that’s given once the reader makes their choice to hint how that’ll work, but I can see why that might not have been clear enough. Maybe shortening it and getting straight to the point would work better. Thanks again!

3 Likes

Ohhhh, so humans may react better to a human MC, while elfs may be perjudiced against them and viceversa?
That could make for some very interesting interactions

1 Like

Pretty much, yes. Although there’ll also be times when an elf will welcoming toward humans on account of a recent kinship that’s started to form between the two and vice versa. There’s more to the dynamic than prejudice.

The same goes for whether the MC’s a man or a woman. A female MC will tend to have a slightly easier time in this story world due to its culture.

4 Likes

Update - 3/21/2023

I’ve replaced the old demo with a new prologue; that said, it’s a small update so far that only covers some initial character creation. I’ll see if I can’t find ways to make it more engaging as I continue the story, but I wanted to give the reader an idea of what the MC’s life would’ve been like growing up before I get into the story proper. I’d have waited and posted something more extensive but I really wanted the old demo gone, I’m sorry.

Still, if you have anything thoughts or suggestions, please let me know.

I’ve also decided on the last affinity, which will be, “Guardian Dragon.” Details will come a little later.

So far I’ve finished an extremely rough draft of the first chapter that I’ll be editing into coherency. I still hope to have it out by the end of the month, but we’ll see.

15 Likes

Update - 3/31/2023

I ended up thinking of a better idea for the first chapter and am therefore rewriting it. Which has naturally put me behind schedule. That said, I’ve been making good progress with the rewrite so far, which means I’ll hopefully be able to post something soon enough.

In the meantime, I’ve edited and reuploaded the dream sequence from the initial demo. As I’ve found a way to incorporate it. I’ve also finished a description of the last affinity which you can find the original post and here…

Guardian Dragon

Created by - Exceptionally few in number, the Guardians were made by the Sisters to serve as bulwarks against threats to Adela as well as other realms.

Appearance - Guardians are a type of dragon and therefore share many traits with them. What sets them apart from their kin is the color of their scales. Which are often gold, silver, bronze, or obsidian in appearance.

The hallowed who take on these powers are capable of shifting back and forth between this and their natural appearance. Although they typically retain some dragonic traits such as reptilian eyes, horns, or wings when they do.

Abilities - The most obvious abilities they share with other dragons, such as flight and their famous dragonic breath. However, guardians also possess some unique abilities related to the bond they form with their dominion (see characteristics). As oftentimes, these powers will be somehow related.

For example, if a guardian declares dominion over a forested region, they might gain the ability to influence the natural world. Or if they gain power over a sea, they’ll be able to spit torrents of water at their foes.

Characteristics - Guardians operate by finding and forging a connection to what they call their “dominion” which generally consists of a nation, faction, or even an entire realm depending on the individual.

Once they’ve established a dominion, they’re bound to protect it against any threats that come against it for its sake as well as their own. As their strength and well-being are dependent on the prosperity of their dominion. To the point that the guardian suffers and flourishes along with it.

I’ll keep working on the first chapter and update when I can. Also from now on, I’ll post an update every other week or so on tumblr.

9 Likes

I am really digging what you’ve got so far, Dear Author. I’m intrigued. I look forward to reading what you’ve got in store for us readers. Great start! Let’s see how you round it out

This is a really cool idea and I love stories like this where you get to succeed a hero and take their place it tells you a lot about what the hero had to face and what you’ll soon have to face yourself. Great idea and I can’t wait to see how this goes!

Thank you both!


I have a small announcement. That being that I’ve decided to add some childhood scenes to the prologue, to more seamlessly immerse the reader in the story world and the MC’s background. As well as introduce an important character. But we’ll see how it goes, if the scenes feel too disjointed I might still leave them out.

6 Likes