Hello and welcome. This is the second WIP I’m posting here, hopefully this time things will go smoother. As it’s less of a niche story.
I’d originally gotten started with a different, more complicated idea but ultimately opted for this one instead. Both because of the aforementioned complications and because I wanted to test writing in the Third Person POV in one of these stories. I’ve found it fits my style pretty well so far but we’ll see.
I hope you enjoy!
Demo link: https://dashingdon.com/go/13248
Word count: 8,326
Tumblr link: Samson J Books on Tumblr
For centuries all of Adela’s been under the protection of the great hero Bohemond, a prophet and paladin without equal, but now his time’s coming to an end and a vision shows him that another will take up his mantle after him. In the Forebearer’s Crusade you control this villager, who’s been chosen by Heaven to fulfill this task.
Their first test comes soon as all across the land undead rise at the behest of the Necromancer Iscar in a mad quest to abolish death itself. To defeat him the Forebearer must rally armies from across the continent and forge a new alliance to bring lasting change to the dying land of Orellia.
Hallowed is a traditional fantasy series told in IF form, wherein you play as a chosen one. The main focus of the project being all the difficulties that come with it. From the pressures of needing to defeat Iscar to the burden of succeeding the world’s greatest hero.
The MC’s a special kind of person, known as a “Hallowed” or “Godtouched” a rare kind of person gifted with the powers of a heavenly creature such as an angel (I’ll elaborate on the choices later). In addition to that you’ll be able to customize various other facets of the MC and their personality. Such as whether they’re an elf or human, what equipment they have, and to what degree they embrace their powers.
-Play as an elf or human.
-Adventure through a (hopefully) interesting story world.
-Select which heavenly race the MC has an affinity for and derive powers from them. Become a noble angel, a mighty colossus, or a shimmering star, with all the powers to match.
-Let the MC embrace their powers completely and fully become what they hold an affinity for. Or let them try to strike a balance between their affinity and their life before.
-Rally armies from across Orellia and bring them together to form an alliance to oppose Iscar and his undead hordes.
-Deep character customization that the story will (again, hopefully) react to in fun, interesting ways.
This project will be narrative-driven, not stat driven. While you’ll be able to pick skills and abilities for the MC to have these will simply play out through the narrative rather than you needing to select them to win challenges. While the MC won’t always win every struggle there will be no early deaths or game overs.
This is quite far away but the next book of the sequel would follow a new MC in a different region, perhaps with their paths crossing with the MC from this book. We’ll see.
Affinities refer to the heavenly races that the MC may gain the powers of throughout the course of the story. You’ll pick the MC’s affinity in the first chapter and develop it from there.
Created by - The original angels (now known as Highborn Angels) were created by El Roi, the Creator God. The beauty, strength, and majesty of His creation inspiring many others to try their own hand at creating them. These attempts ultimately resulted in the birth of the more abundant lowborn angels who now populate the heavenly realms.
Appearance - An angel’s most distinguishable trait are their wings and halos. The easiest way to determine their respective rank and the realm they hail from is to check the number and color of their wings, which can be quite diverse in appearance.
Their halos likewise vary in color and whether they’re positioned over the angel’s head or behind it. The intensity of the halos glow depends on the amount of favor their divine patron has for them. All in all, most are considered (in equal parts) beautiful and terrifying by those who meet them.
Abilities - Aside from their most obvious ability of flight, angels possess empathic abilities that allow them to sense the emotions of others. This can be an overwhelming experience when an angel is faced with overwhelming amounts of negative feelings from a crowd or an especially disturbed person.
Likewise angels possess the ability to see the darkness or light within a person, provided it comes from some kind of supernatural force. That’s not all the eyes of angels see, they’re also capable of seeing other supernatural beings, good or bad. Or even simply across great distances.
In terms of combat, angels have the ability to channel their own faith into a tangible form (such as fire) and wield it against their foes. They also have an affinity for banishing the influence of demons and sorcery.
Characteristics - Angels are naturally drawn to good in the same way others are drawn to sin. As such they’re regarded as paragons of morality, a reputation demons will sometimes try to abuse or tarnish by impersonating them. Angels place great emphasis upon choosing what’s good over what’s expedient.
What an angel gives, be it their love, their trust, or their promise, they give eternally. As such angels are cautious about connecting with anyone outside the Heavens for the risk it poses them.
Created by : Saphira, Goddess of Authority and Command. She created the colossi first to serve as grand architects of her realm, and later to serve as the vanguard of Heaven’s armies after the Fall.
Appearance : The colossi can be anywhere from ten feet tall to as large as a mountain. While their skin is made up of various different metals. Often a Hallowed can reduce their size to a more reasonable scale for the sake of interacting with others.
Abilities : An army onto themselves, colossi are most known for their tremendous strength and durability. It takes a great deal of effort to inflict any lasting damage upon one.
Colossi are also known for their skill in metal working and construction. They seem to have an eye for quality, which comes into play in battle as they can see the flaws in enemy fortifications.
Characteristics : Colossi adhere to a military hierarchy as a precaution to prevent them from wielding their great strength in reckless ways. Often a colossus will only be able to act if given explicit permission to wield their full power in an operation. This mentality is ingrained even in the hallowed who receive their powers.
Created by : Astra, Goddess of Stars and Queen of Adela. She forged the celestial race from starlight to serve as guides, messengers, and guardians for her people.
Appearance : Celestials are akin to living stars, and naturally shine with the light of one (the exact color of this light varies). Likewise their eyes often resemble a star in appearance, and their hair is often otherworldly.
Abilities : Celestials can draw power from starlight as well as channel their own into a tangible form to attack, protect, and banish at their leisure. They’re also capable of bestowing their powers onto others, either increasing their physical capabilities or granting them a spark of their own powers.
Darkness is no obstacle for a celestial, whose eyes can see through it with ease, and also across great distances.
Characteristics : Despite their great powers celestials are more passive by nature than most other heavenly races, focusing on support and advisement over taking command. This was done to prevent them from falling into corruption and trying to dominate the world.
Created by - Exceptionally few in number, the Guardians were made by the Sisters to serve as bulwarks against threats to Adela as well as other realms.
Appearance - Guardians are a type of dragon and therefore share many traits with them. What sets them apart from their kin is the color of their scales. Which are often gold, silver, bronze, or obsidian in appearance.
The hallowed who take on these powers are capable of shifting back and forth between this and their natural appearance. Although they typically retain some dragonic traits such as reptilian eyes, horns, or wings when they do.
Abilities - The most obvious abilities they share with other dragons, such as flight and their famous dragonic breath. However, guardians also possess some unique abilities related to the bond they form with their dominion (see characteristics). As oftentimes, these powers will be somehow related.
For example, if a guardian declares dominion over a forested region, they might gain the ability to influence the natural world. Or if they gain power over a sea, they’ll be able to spit torrents of water at their foes.
Characteristics - Guardians operate by finding and forging a connection to what they call their “dominion” which generally consists of a nation, faction, or even an entire realm depending on the individual.
Once they’ve established a dominion, they’re bound to protect it against any threats that come against it for its sake as well as their own. As their strength and well-being are dependent on the prosperity of their dominion. To the point that the guardian suffers and flourishes along with it.
You’ll be able to pick the MC’s affinity in the first chapter.
Characters (so far)
Bohemond – The Paladin of God and the greatest hero in Adela’s history. He’s an elf who hails from the very dawn of the world, who’s helped face every threat to ever befall it. As his life nears an end his only desire is to prepare his successor for all that’s to come.
Paisley – A young cleric from the MC’s village. She’s soft-spoken and timid, but with a strong heart and desire to do good and help others. She herself was born with unusual powers that allow her to heal even grievous wounds at great risk to herself.
Will there be romance?
Most likely not, I don’t have much experience with romance and also this project is a monster to code already. Also from what I see of this forum people tend to have very strong opinions on how romance is written and the discourse about it can sometimes overtake threads. I have nothing against romance of course but I don’t think I’ll be attempting it here. Sorry if that disappoints anyone!
I guess I’ll be lame and say that it’s not impossible I’ll change my mind, but don’t hold out too much hope for it either.
Why use Third Person POV
There are several reasons I ended up picking third person POV for this.
For one I found it suits my style a little better than second or first person. The fact that the writing goes faster is another benefit.
Other than that I think adding a small degree of separation between the reader and the MC works for the plot I’m writing here. While you will be able to control the MC’s actions and reactions, I don’t want them to be a hero who has to be dragged kicking and screaming into the plot and third person makes it easier to give the MC the ability to do that, without annoying the reader.
Finally on a more personal level, I’m a Christian and didn’t feel overly comfortable writing about “you” doing various things like being a polytheist or something. It felt a little awkward for me to read through. Third person takes care of that as it doesn’t feel like you’re the literal MC themselves.
All feedback is welcome, if you have thoughts on the story, I’d be happy to hear them, all I ask is that you please don’t post anything NSFW or political. As I’ve seen both derail threads.
Glitch and continuity error reports are a big help. If you find any, please let me know!
Suggestions about the worldbuilding and possible ways to incorporate it into the story (make the story feel more immersive basically) would also be a big help.
Likewise, any suggestions, comments, or feedback you have concerning the narrative, features, characters, etc, would be welcome.
Update - 3/31/2023
Added the dream sequence from the first demo back into the game.