Guardians' Relic (WIP) (Updated 03/06/19)

[easternsybil]

Hey! I’ve been working on this project for the last few months, so here it is! It’s inspired namely by the Stargate series and a little bit by the Last Guardian. Terminology (especially in the stats screen) and the phrasing of choices are both still very much a work in progress!

You are the last surviving member of your people. For generations, they were responsible for the protection and maintenance of the living temple that you call home. Year by year it falls further into disrepair, but it manages to provide everything you need- food, water, warmth, safety, and most importantly, company.

After years of living on your own within the sprawling tunnels, promenades, and buildings, a group of strangers crash into your home. Their ship destroys huge sections of the temple and angers the Arbiters that run it. Help the crew repair their ship, help the Arbiters keep the strangers out of Temple Business, or stick it to both of them.

Demo wordcount: 21k, average playthrough length of 10k
Demo link: https://dashingdon.com/play/mismallark/guardians-relic/mygame/

Characters

Right now, the whole crew is planned to be romanceable. This could easily change, depending on how things develop.

Saŝa: Captain, non-binary. Ambitious, decisive, and reckless. Has always dreamt of flying through space, and would do anything to keep that dream alive.

Semira: Navigator and second-in-command, female. Practical, loyal, and opinionated. Doesn’t like to depend on others, but enjoys being in important positions.

Ari: Chief engineer, genderfluid (male leaning). Artistic, introspective, and reactive. Likes to paint, and prefers machines to people.

Kadir: Communications officer, male. Playful, friendly, and insecure. Non-competitive, and much prefers to throw his support behind others.

Riley: Rations officer, female. Confident, dedicated, and selfish. Wants to be altruistic, but it would be easier if she stopped to think first.

Hillar: Pilot, trans male. Energetic, joyful, and immature. Very perceptive, easily bored, and psycho-analyzes his companions.

Naolin: Security officer, male. Playful, intellectual, and argumentative. Can’t sit still for very long, and would risk anything for his companions.

Farah: Medical officer, trans female. Level-headed, reserved, and absent-minded. Very good at what she does, but is rarely 100% present.

Update Log

(02/17/19): finished prologue, bug/typos fixed, headers added, some stats changed.

[Miraklu]

I must say, I liked it so far. The premise is intersting, but fair to say, that can be said about almost every CoG games. But what I really liked about it,well…
At first, the introduction as kid was good, you can get a good picture of the world out of that perspective and it made sense.
I could make choices that were fitting, but know,that they weren’t all stat related and gave me some space for roleplay without endanger the future progress.
And I could read it like a novel, what I like even more. It hurts me, when I see a WIP, that has a interesting premise, but it ends to be basicly the narrator telling you: “make that choice,make that choice” instead that it flows with the story. Like it does here so far.
I will definitly follow this.

[MissBluebird]

I really liked this! The demo was really interesting!

While playing through, I noticed this:

Some of your features, you inherited from your mother , and others you inherited from your late mother

Maybe the character has two mothers and I didn´t realise, but if that´s the case, I think it should be better explained, cause this indicates that they were able to have a child togetter… and I kinda wanna know how. If this is not a mistake, then explaining it would be an interesting part of worldbuilding. If it is a mistake, well then now you know it´s there.

Anyways, I´ll be waiting for an update!

[E_RedMark]

but your mother glances down, a frown crossing his face.

“Study hard,” your she tells you,

While she does, the symbols swim underneath his feet

Some of your features, you inherited from your mother , and others you inherited from your late mother

it’s good…

So…are we like a slave race to these arbiters? cose lol…y’know…glowy tattoos…everyone huddled in the vault-cough…temple I mean…generation after generation…it kinda make it sound like the arbiter are using the mc peoples like slave race…willing one maybe…but still…

[Daydream]

The prologue is a little slow-paced in my opinion, but so far the story is intriguing.

I found a typo:

@MissBluebird

Some of your features, you inherited from your mother , and others you inherited from your late mother

That seems to be a coding problem.

[easternsybil]

@E_RedMark @MissBluebird @Daydream

Thanks for the typos! The parent was originally set as a father, so I figured I missed one or two pronouns when I changed things over! I’ll give it a couple more look overs, but I made changes to the stuff you guys caught.

@Miraklu

I’m glad you like it! I was nervous that the choices were a little too railroad-y, since the prologue is pretty linear, so I’m happy to hear that it doesn’t feel that way.

[Miraklu]

what I must say, what is really funny, the word Arbiter,
you must know, I am german and in this word there is missing only one letter to make out of it “Arbeiter”,
which translated means “worker” the irony is brilliant

[DecryptedDev]

Okay, I really like this so far. And I also found some mistakes here and there that I’m going to point out down below. Hope it isn’t too annoying but I’m just a sore loser sticking to details so these things pop into my view quite easily.

Small Mistakes

So I chose to sketch myself first instead of naming.

Mostly mistakes of lower casing being used while I believe it should be upper casing. And in some places the word fathers’s is being seen as father 's (no spacing needed) but I guess thats a minor codin thing.

[Harley_Robin_Evans]

It’s really interesting can’t wait for more

[easternsybil]

Nice catches, especially with that name bit. I think it should be touched up now.

[Metalsilver7]

I love this.

[expectedoperator]

Stargate!! Are we a Teal’c-like character? ← (that sort of looks like a Goa’uld, lol)

I like what’s written so far, like how you can visit the different working areas of the temple and witness the austere quarters, both which convey the living standards and daily lives of the people really well.

A few typos I saw

Your father is a valued member of your people- the faithful guardians of the temple you call home.
I believe the hyphen should be a comma.

Child
This is when we’re choosing the MC’s gender – it needs a period at the end.

Light brown skin
Needs a period at the end.

…light red…
Add another period before light and remove two after red so this option for hair color is like the others.

…deep auburn
Add a period at the end.

Your mind wanders to an area deep inside the temple- a place you like to attempt to sneak away to in times like these, but are rarely successful in accessing: the processing plant.
I think the hyphen needs to be a comma here, too.

Check of the light.
“of” should be “out”.

insincere, sarcastic “It’s great. Nice and warm and comfy.” ‘Not.’
Should the ‘Not.’ be in the quotations?

Looking forward to seeing how we end up on our own and meeting the crew.

[km_perry]

I like it so far and I’m look forward to seeing what happens next

[easternsybil]

I actually really wanted to do a goa’uld adaptation kinda thingy, but it didn’t work with what I had planned out. I did want to keep the ‘alien buddy joins a bunch of earthlings’ vibe, though obviously I have to leave it open for other choices/paths.

Thanks for the typos (and also you helped me catch typos that I don’t think anyone realized weren’t supposed to be there), should be all good now

[easternsybil]

Demo is updated! Things that have been added/changed are as follows:

• Prologue has been finished (+6k words, demo is now 17k in total)
• Bug/typo fixes
• Headers!!
• Stats have been reworded
• There’s now approx. 30k written, but spread across different vignettes.

The first part of chapter 1 should (hopefully) be all set to be uploaded by the end of the month.

[km_perry]

You just give me the best present birthday thank for your hard work

[easternsybil]

A little late, but I put together another update. This is small (only 4k words), but I have big chunks of the next few scenes written, so the next one will be much bigger

[Vashnik]

Small update, but I loved it! Can’t wait for more

[expectedoperator]

So the ship has finally arrived! I liked all the new stuff I saw in this playthrough, especially the scenes where the MC is hiding and the days afterward before the time skip. I think you put enough detail that the player can really get a sense of how empty and quiet the temple is in that moment without bogging the story down. Although I’m hoping we get more interaction with the Arbiters so we get a greater sense of the MC’s new daily life and why they would side with the Arbiters.

Typos

The weight hits you very quickly,
(space)
but you squash down any complaints, carefully schooling your features into a reassuring smile.
It looks like there’s a space within this sentence.

The four sentences below need to have the first word capitalized.
he keeps one arm back, pushing your body to keep you behind him.

he sets you down, gently pushing you through an open, jagged doorway.

he moves the two of you into the corner, and out of sight of the hallway.

his lips press against your temple, hard and brisk, and then he’s gone.

It feels wide, more ope.
“ope” should be “open”.

Though you aren’t sure how long it will be until your father arrives, you know that they must be extremely worried about you.
I’m not sure if “they” should be “he” here.

You linger in within the dilapidated walls, slowly watching your home give way to time and the elements, no matter how much work you sink into its repair.
I think the “in” before within should be removed.

Looking forward to meeting the crew.

[HectorPX]

Found some Small Mistake

Anyways Im Looking forward for this!!!