Guardian of Time WIP (Updated September 13, 2024)

Monthly Update: June

So this update is a couple days late, but I’m traveling internationally right now, and my internet has been spotty. The traveling has been taking most of my time and energy, however, I think I have made some progress on chapter 2. Unfortunately that progress was coming to the decision, that I just need to rewrite the whole chapter, except the scene I was already planning to move into chapter one. Obviously this is a set back, and means it will take a lot longer to come out with an update, but this chapter has been really hard to get through, and I haven’t really liked anything I’ve written for it. Ultimately, I feel the chapter, and by extension the book as a whole will be better overall for the rewrite. I’m sorry for the delay, but I’d rather give you a better story over a longer period of time then put out something I know in my gut is the wrong fit for my story.

In happier news because June is the month of Father’s day, I was thinking of posting some Father’s Day snippets with the ROs (And possibly include Oren if people are interested). I have a poll here to decide if they should all get the same prompt, or if each should get a different one. Then I’ll post a follow up poll in a few days to decide the prompts themselves.

  • Same prompt for all
  • Different prompts for each

0 voters

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I’m back from all my travel and will be getting back to working on Guardian of Time, starting with some Father’s Day snippets. I have a poll up on Tumblr for the snippet prompts. The top six will be used.

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Monthly Update July:

Look at me posting this on the first like I should. So June got hectic for me real fast, and while I was able to get some progress on the chapter 2 rewrite it wasn’t nearly as much as I wanted. That being said, I did make some progress, and I have a pretty good plan going forward. I am intentionally scheduling very little for July, so I should be able to make good progress this month. Thank you everyone whose sticking with me; you guys help keep me motivated.

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Thisss issss awessooomeee! story has juicy details, I like how elaborate it is, not unlike others thats too fast paced for my liking, plus I can’t wait for the ROs to show themselves, althou there are a few misspelled words so far its being compensated by the characters :ok_hand::+1:

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Thank you so much. I’m glad you liked it.

The first two should appear in the next update, and I’m really excited for people to meet them.

I’ve been trying to fix all the typos in the next update. If you (or really anyone) notices any specific ones it’d be great to have a screen shot, so I can fix them. I am pleased that you like the characters though.

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Monthly Update: August 2023

Since I didn’t realize I forgot to do this at the start of the month here is my once again late monthly update.

I actually made a lot of progress on Guardian of Time last month. I finished the first part of chapter two which I consider an accomplishment since I completely restarted the chapter earlier this summer. I think the second part of chapter two will be easier for me to write because I have a clearer vision in mind of how I want it to look, but there is also going to be some new variables introduced and more use of stats than the first half which could slow me down.

I am also about to start classes again which will cut down on my ability to write, but as always I am committed to seeing Guardian of Time through to the end. I hope to still find time to write every day, but I don’t want to promise anything I can’t deliver, or set myself up with unrealistic expectations.

As always, thank you for supporting me. I will keep you guys updated on any news from my end.

Side note: I’m considering adding word counts to these monthly updates so that you guys can see what I’ve added instead of just having to take my word that I’m making “progress” so please let me know if that’s something you’d be interested in

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Monthly Update: September 2023

Hey everyone. I am one again a couple days late with the update. The last two weeks have been a struggle, but we made it. I did not get as much writing done as I wanted. Even though I tried to account for classes cutting into writing time, I underestimated how busy the first couple weeks would be. I’ll be trying a few things with my schedule this month to try and find a new writing routine. As always feel free to reach out with any questions.

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Please don’t overwork yourself and don’t run yourself dry. Take your time, we’ll wait :smiley:

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Hey everyone. Today is update day! I know I’ve been gone a while, but hopefully coming back with an update makes it better.

Disclaimer: I’d like to start with a disclaimer that I am not completely happy with it, but I think I’m at the point where I need to step back and take a break from it. I’ve decided to release it and work on the next couple chapters before coming back it.

What you can expect from this update:

  • Name your MC
  • Meet the first two ROs
  • Have a chat with the Emperor
  • Maybe figure out what’s weird with the amulet you found in chapter 1

I don’t know if the update will break saves or not, but I have done some small revisions to chapter 1, so it is likely you will need to start over.

Link:

https://dashingdon.com/play/reagan-mclean/guardian-of-time/mygame/

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Loved this update, but i am heartbroken, my poor little leech is gonna have abandonment issues

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Wow. Talk about a crazy ride! Not even ten years old and Leech has already lived so much. Honestly heartbroken to see Oren go since my Leech was his little follower, but the moment our girl saw the clean clothes, plumbing and fresh food she decided to jump straight in and never look back, betrothal be damned. And I’m sure Oren would support that mercenary thinking 100%.

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Found an error.

I think you meant bush :thinking:

Another spelling mistake. (Or it is intentional as we only are 6.)

Another one, a torch or your torch.

Disclaimer: I am not a native speaker so I could be wrong about some of the spelling mistakes.

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The word brush also refers to vegetation and is often used to describe forest plants.

No. It’s an error. :joy: Thank you for catching that and the others. I’ll get those fixed soon.

I’m glad you enjoyed the update! Yeah. Leech does have it a little rough in this update. I am hoping to include some choices in the later chapters about whether or not MC develops abandonment issues.

I’m glad to see someone played this way! I think this is a completely believable/valid response to everything that happens in chapter 2. I just worried a lot of people got too attached to certain characters in chapter 1, and wouldn’t make the same choice your MC did.

You might get to see him again later, and maybe ask him his opinion. He might surprise you.

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I really doubt the MCs friends abandoned her it’s just doesn’t feel like them they put all the effort in time to help her or they realize they’re in good hands knowing that she might not want to abandon them so using harsh words or trying to use something like that to make her leave is the best option personally I love Sam she was a good character with a heart

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Wait a minute is MC being left out in the forest? Or just lost?

I get the impression she was lost in the forest not abandoned by others.

My MC reasoning for accepting the Emperor offer is simple MC might able to help Oren and Sam better from this position than with them being useless “leech” Being a burden to them, My MC is grateful for them even indebted to them for all they’ve done.

I am hoping for option later to help this friend of MC hopefully giving them something in return, maybe renovate the shelter and stuff? Giving them honest work instead of pickpocketing, maybe?

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Finally playing!! Ok, so just based on the intro post

  • concept: cool AF
  • the amount of balls you seem to have in the air ala the various plot lines: very impressive
  • dragons: yes
  • six RO’s: I bow to your ambition.

Overall, excited about the concept. Made a few notes, but mostly I stuck to the questions you gave.

Summary

I always personally prefer CW’s to be optional to view so that if they have reason to be specific, people aren’t spoiled for future content unless they prefer that. Right now this list is pretty vague so it doesn’t much matter, and it might stay that way, idk, but it’s an option to keep in mind as you go forward.

[Do not make her a side character in Cato’s story, allow her to be the heroine of her own.] I’ve said before that while I’m open to gender-locked stories, they do have to go to the effort to win me over. This bit won me over. Women need more stuff and it’s great you’re making more stuff.

[She’s constantly telling me not to touch anything covered in frost with my bare fingers, but she just doesn’t understand how fun it is to draw pictures in it.] This. This is adorable.

[I tilt my head, leaning close to Oren’s ear, and whisper, “Was that sarcasm?”] Cute! So much of this is so cute!

I am really, really enjoying Tark. A lot.

[“What’s a eupetitism?”] Stooooop. This whole section is so stinkin’ cute, I’m going to die here. And I’ll die happy.

Honestly wandering tf off into the woods is so me, I can’t even express. My father was stressed out all the time so imagining Oren when he finds out what I did is hilarious.

I love the species selection! That’s exciting!!

I knew it was coming somehow, but I’m so sad to be separated from my hooligan ass found family. You’ve done a great job making them feel developed and getting the character attached to them!

Summary

[The cold I can deal with, nestled as I am in between two other bodies on either side of me, a man and a woman, or more precisely, a boy and a girl. I’ve known both Oren and Samira my entire life, and they take care of me in the same way other children are cared for by parents. I was never allowed to refer to them that way, but I spend most of my days under the watchful eyes of one or the other of them, and my nights curled up between them.]
Not jarring, just unclear. They seem at first to be adults, then children, then adult-ish (late teens?) and I’m just not sure how old they are? Even a vague description like “only slightly older than me” or “late teens” or something along those lines so I know if these are more peers or parental figures would be useful.

[We come to a stop near the head of the room, but it doesn’t seem like anyone has noticed us yet which is odd because Oren has one of those auras where his presence just demands attention. Only one of the oldest boys notices our arrival, though it might be more apt to say he noticed Samira’s arrival. I recognized him as one of the newer additions to our ranks. I believe his name was Kliment. He was almost as old as Oren, and taller, making him one of the few kids here who was not afraid to challenge Oren.]
So far in this chapter, it seems you’ve been trying (and succeeding!) to balance the voice of a four year old with good description. This section feels a little too mature to me for some reason. It’s full of good sentences, don’t get me wrong, it just doesn’t feel like it quite fits the surrounding vibe or has the vocabulary of a four year old?

[“Calm down, baby.”]
Baby as a romantic endearment feels very… modern. I don’t honestly know how long the word’s been in use that way, could very well be a Tiffany Problem, but still.

[We start wandering though the city, and I can’t help but look around at all of the life. The weather makes everything feel so cold and dead, so it’s interesting to see all the people rushing about. I shiver as a gust of cold air hits my face which is the only part of me sticking out of Oren’s shirt. He frowns when he notices my shivering, and wraps the cloak he’s wearing further around both of us as we continue to walk.]
I think you’ve been doing a great job with descriptions, the weather and the feel of the atmosphere in particular, but I do think there a couple places that could use more physical descriptions. A little more for some of our important companions, a little more about the city and the buildings. In my head, I’m equating dragons and halflings with medieval style cities and building materials, but that could be completely wrong. I’d just take a couple sentences in places like this, like first entering the room, etc, and add a bit more physical description.

Summary

[Not the Cult of Evanyrid systematically hunting down a murdering dragonborne children and their caretakers?] and

[Not many people have clear memories from when they were only four, but I can still remember the howling of the first winds of winter, and the biting cold it brought with it, seeping into my skin through the thin layer of cloth passing as the closest thing to a blanket I have.] So here, you’re starting with past tense but then you switch to present (I know it’s still in the past) and you seem to stick with that, so you might want to change this to and their biting cold or change winds to wind and its biting cold. The possessive here will just make the tongue trip a bit less on the past-past-present combo.

[the wind sounds like screams] In your intro paragraph, you’re setting up a nice repetition and while sounds isn’t technically wrong, it’ll read better if you stick with your pattern, at least for this paragraph: howling, seeping, trailing, creeping, whistling, causing, the wind screaming as it tears through the room, hitting.

[The fear that spread through me, increasing with the sounds of the storm was another matter entirely. Normally, sleeping in between Oren and Samira was enough to keep the fear at bay, but there is something about storms that always made me a bit uneasy.]
This is the tricky thing about the present tense in the past. There are times when you need to describe the past as the present (spreads, is) for consistency and times when you need to describe the further back past as the past and times when you need to use perfect continuous tense (has always made) and times when it just isn’t quite clear if there is a single correct option or not (was/has been). You’ve chosen a tricky path here; some of the shifts aren’t even going to be noticeable to 99% of people (and also be so easy to slip into them as you write/for people to miss them in proof/for people to not be 100% sure which tense you actually need).

I’m not necessarily suggesting you do it, but you might consider simply changing to either simple present or simple past tense (later it really seems like your natural inclination is to write simple present anyway). I know (well, assume) you’re working in this semi-present/past combo to account for the framing you used in the prologue (which was a cool concept!), but I think you can still make that work while going with either of the simple tenses and I think that, unless you’re very comfortable with grammar and ready to do a ton of passes just for tenses, that it will save you a lot of frustration. I am happy to help by doing a pass for you if you decide to do that (and would like my help). For now, I’m going to hold off on more tense issues. Focusing on them makes it harder for me to focus on the narrative content at the same time.

[“Why do you insist on caller her that?” Samira sighs.] Calling.

[Tark, a blue-eyed halfling, grins at us, and blows me a kiss with a wink. “You’re wish is my command M’Lady.”] This is adorable. Also your and you don’t have to capitalize “m’lady” unless Tark uses this regularly, like as a nickname (and even then, idk how prominent Tark or his nicknames will be so it’s likely not worth the effort of clarifying that).

[It would be about as safe to take her with us than allow her to run around in there while you’re searching."] as [it would be] to

[“Utilizing you’re unique skill set.”] your

["What exactly is the regular stuff . "] ?

[I realize that this is what he and Same have been trying to hide from me.] Sam

[“You mean none of you use you’re real names?”] your I don’t know if it’s autocorrect or uncertainty but just to be sure, your is the possessive and you’re is the contraction of you are (sorry if I sound like a dick or if you know that, I just wanted to note it for you in case, since I’ve noticed this one a few times.)

[He’s bigger than Oren, and has the widest shoulder’s I’ve ever seen in my life,] shoulders

[Stay here and finish you’re breakfast.] your

[Sometimes I tell me people Oren and Samira are my family]

Found a bug! When inputting my own name, the name saves (I can see it on the stats page), but it takes me right back to the page with the name menu and I cannot progress unless I select a pre-made name.

This was fun! I’m excited to see where you take it; there’s so much going on already. Main notes from me would be a bit more physical description, now is a good time in your process to make a definitive choice about tense, and there’s the name bug. But I enjoyed it a lot and I think it’s really great so far! You’re doing a great job developing characters and relationships, you’re really good at using descriptive language that creates ambiance, and the MC’s voice is really steady and feels genuine.

I hope this is helpful!

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So excited to see this updated! Loved the new content but

Oren and Sam must be so scared and worried about Leech😭

If you turn down the emperor’s offer at first then they find Oren and Sam for Leech, but they tell the guards they don’t want to look after them anymore is what takashi_shin meant by abandoned, I think. The MC was just lost in the forest.

More detail: (Oren is like “I only took care of them because it made the girl happy” and Samira cries, says she cares about them, but doesn’t want to sacrifice for them anymore, according to the emperor.) So either the emperor is a liar (knows they’re bonded to a dragon maybe?) and/or the two pushed Leech away for them to be happier in an assumed better situation, I personally think. Since they did go through a lot for them to not have night terrors anymore… and the way Oren treated them, no way he secretly resented them that much all along despite the “Leech” nickname (says my heart.)

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I understand those probably just fond nickname, totally get it like my older siblings give me silly nickname it doesn’t mean they hate me just messing around with me, at least from the two and their action doesn’t seem to think negatively about MC, they done what’s within their power to help MC.

Either way not much MC could do for them in current position as Sam and Oren ward, at least now there will be chance to do something for them later.

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