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Yeah, it wasn’t really obvious to me.

Aw… but now I have to choose between Ren and an in-character lesson choice… :disappointed_relieved:

I assumed this was the case, but it might make sense to have the teacher mention that.

Good luck with the story. :smile:

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Thank you! And don’t worry, those choices are based on the MC’s preferred class more than their RO, meaning: you wouldn’t get that many scenes with Ren anyway.

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  • Early childhood education at preschool, nursery school, or kindergarten (outside the U.S. and Canada) (Babies/Kids)
  • Primary education at primary school or elementary school, and sometimes in the early years of middle school (Kids/Older Kids)
  • Secondary education at secondary school or high school, and sometimes in the latter years of middle school (Teenagers/Young Adults)
  • Higher education at university, college, or through vocational training (Yong Adults/Adults)
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Is it stated where exactly Grey Valley is? If you’re in the mid-United States at least, and your character is six (if it was ten years ago and you’re 16 now) you’ll be at an elementary school. I’ve never seen the term “primary school” used to refer to a public school, but that could be a regional thing

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“Primary school” is a British term; one I didn’t think Americans used. Of course, over here, “Public Schools” are the most elite private schools, just to be confusing. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

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Canada man, Canada uses the term primary school quite often (In Quebec it’s École Primaire for French Schools)

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That is confusing! Over here, public schools are just that; schools that the general public can afford to attend.

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Hey, y’all. Quick update just so you know I’ve started rewriting the game, mostly because I didn’t really enjoy the way the story was starting. The basic structure of the intro is still the same (introduction to the town/meeting your friends/realizing Cecilia’s acting weird blah blah) but not in school. I’m also working on the stats screen a lot more, I just feel like it looks clunky right now.

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Sooo, an update! As I said, it’s a rewrite, but I’ve reused a lot of past writing in some sections, and it’s not completely different from the original intro. There’s a lot of new things (new stats, a lot of old stats are gone, new reputation system, etc.), and I seriously think this is better than the last demo, so hopefully you’ll enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Let me hear any thoughts (or errors) you come across! :slight_smile:

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Just finished my first read through and from what I’ve seen so far, everything is excellent, the whole world was just fleshed out so much more in this update, from the very first choice. As someone who loves rain I appreciated the choice right off the bad to express displeasure with living in the sunniest place on earth and it gives that first hint that something isn’t quite right with the town. No rain is six years? It’s a nice little teaser.

There’s a lot of branching right off the bat and plenty of choices to develop your character. I had a little difficulty deciding what personality to pick for my first play through because the cool distinction between standoffish and shy, I didn’t know which I preferred so that was a good sign I was getting involved in the story. I’ve got no problems with the new stats so I think you did a good job on them. I’ll do more playthroughs soon to check out other paths but for now, thanks for an amazing read, this rewrite was awesome. I’m glad you’re still enjoying your work on this project because it’s a lot of fun.

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This was my first play through and I’m impressed. There’s a nice balance of text and choices. I really liked how personal the customized choices were, if makes me feel more immersed into the story. The writing is great, I’ll definitely be looking out for this one! :+1:

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Aaah thank you both! Now that I got used to ChoiceScript I’m excited to mess around with it a lot more. After I sat down and thought about this game for a while, I realized a big part of the story is the town itself, so of course it had to be fleshed out.
Anyways, I’m still enjoying this a lot! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve procrastinated doing something important to work on this game hahah

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Just realized I haven’t commented yet–I really like the new intro! It feels really unique, and it gives a good opportunity to get started knowing the different characters. It’s a lot more effectively attention grabbing, and you definitely successfully made the town itself feel more notable. I don’t think it’s super necessary to have it big and bold what reputation you’re setting for yourself, but it also doesn’t hurt anything to have it clear. You could just put it in parenthesis or something and it’d work just as well

I still love Emilia, still excited to find out more! Good update, overall!

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Thank you! I’ll be sure to fix the way the reputation is written too.
Also, I’m glad you still like Emilia haha Even though her general personality is still the same, I feel like her lines are a lot more “agressive” this time, which is the way the character is, but I was afraid it might make her too unlikeable.
…I just realized I said the same thing about Silvio earlier in this thread, so that’s probably me being paranoid lol

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I really like this story and can’t wait for the update! I like Silvio a lot more then the other friends, heh. :blush:

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I don’t find Emilia unlikable, she just kind of scares me. Not like she’s creepy but in that way that she comes off as wild and unpredictable and like you said, more aggressive than the rest of the cast. I think it’s normal to worry to worry whether your characters are likeable or not though, for writers characters are kind of like friends, and you want people to like them as much as you do. It’s not a bad thing. I personally like Silvio the most but enjoy the other characters as well after playing through their routes as well. Ren is especially cool, I like how he kind of sucks at bowling but loves it anyway.

But in other news, I like how each of the characters has a favourite place and doesn’t just automatically love whatever place you invite them too. It makes them feel so much more alive. It’s nice a touch.

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@kekexterror Thank you! And, honestly, even though I love all the characters, Silvio is usually the most fun to write.
@Sleepyowl I’m weirdly happy you feel that way about Emilia, because that’s exactly the way I wanted her to be portrayed. If you’ve ever played Life is Strange, she’s loosely based on Chloe Price in the way they’re both unpredictable, like you said, and a bit reckless.

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Am I the only who genuinely likes Emilia?

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Got a few typos from the prologue:

And as for you, the third member of the group…

After Emilia, Ren, and Silvio, shouldn’t that be “fourth”?

Now, there was actually a fourth group member missing – Cecilia.

Again, should be “fifth”.

She was supposed to sleepover like the rest of you yesterday, but ended up leaving a couple minutes before midnight, claiming her mother needed her home.

I’m not certain, but I think “sleepover” is a noun (as in “we had a sleepover”), while “sleep over” is the verb (which would go here).

It was Saturday morning, and you had plans about half an hour ago with (speak of the devil…) Cecilia.

“Speak of the Devil” is generally used idiomatically to denote the arrival of the person you’re talking about, not just a further mention of them, so it doesn’t really work here.

Even though she had plenty of friends around town (or “allies”, as she sometimes called them. You could never tell if she were joking), she seemed to prefer your company, along with Emilia, Ren and Silvio.

I’m not entirely sure of the grammatical rules for sentence breaks within parenthetical statements, but I’d avoid them, maybe with the following: “…or “allies”, as she sometimes called them; you could never tell if she were joking…” Also “if she were” and “if she was” have slightly different meanings, and I think “if she was” works better here.

Sorry there are so many. Good luck with the game! :smile:

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Don’t worry your not alone :wink:

I find Emilia very interesting and I’m looking forward to romancing her hoping I last longer then a month :smile:

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