Glory to Froysia (WIP 17/09/2020) Cold War era ambiented Fantasy Game

The Tyrant King is gone, after uniting society under a common flag to derrocate him you have become the leader of this nation and the Sun seems to rise again in Froysia. But there is still work to be done to fix the damages that the previous ruler has caused in the nation and the changing world after the Concordian war, with intrigue and conflict in every corner, may put a wrench in your plans. Will you or your nation survive?
Will you join the revolutionary republicanism and make a country for the common citizen or will you uphold the sacred traditions of the magical nobility?
Will you rule free or guide the society in a fair but steel handed way?
What will you do in name of upholding the revolution?

(I am not a english speaker, so when you play my demos please notify me of typos or grammatical errors, thanks!)

Actual Demo: https://dashingdon.com/play/sleepwalker/glory-to-froysia/mygame/

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I’ll try it out. It seems fun!

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Remember, i’m very open to critiques! (even the ones that aren’t so positive, i am always trying to improve.) so if you have feedback or even ideas about the plot you are welcome.

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I’m in love already!

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I was pretty (pleasantly) surprised by the breadth of options for reactions! I also like the stat descriptions. My interest is piqued so far! I like the premise, and I look forward to being devious and deceptively charming…for the good of the republic. :innocent:

Will there be a gender choice, pronoun choice, character customization (physical characteristics), and/or ROs?

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Yeah, to all of them, RO’s can be gender choiced but the character customization is gonna be mostly flavor text. I plan to play with physical characteristics, RO’s may comment in your hair and flirt or choice of clothes (a king using clothes of the working class is probably gonna be notable).

Edit: About the RO’s…i have worked with romance before but is not main “thing” so RO’s are not gonna be perfect, most of them are important to the game tho and i don’t plant them to be mere eye candy.

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Just one thing to note, whenever you have an “I” alone, you capitalize it. I’m very interested in this game though, I like the stats screen and it shows promise. I’ll be sure to follow!

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Thanks, I forgot that plenty of times.

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let’s test this game now.

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Questions:
does the MC come from a noble or plebeian family?

Was the revolution armed? with a civil war between legalists and insurgents? or was it a quick and accurate coup?

Feel free to answer or not the questions I asked.

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Yay, I’m extra excited for updates then! It makes sense that romance will not be the main focus, as the MC has a nation to run. But it’s always nice to have ROs, as a treat! :star_struck:

Cold war with magic is such a unique idea for a setting! I don’t think I’ve ever played a game like that.

I personally like how you have very little introductory text before get to make a choice, and how the very first choice feels meaningful to the character, rather than going straight to the appearance-gender questions.

Feedback

The events of yesterday silenced them, independent of if your ascension gave them hope…or fear.

I’m not a native English speaker either so take my advice with a grain of salt, but I think something could probably be done to make this sentence flow better. I think you could even get away with just using “whether” in place of the text in bold.

The stone walls of the Froysbern stop to feel oppressive just for a second, the wind of the hastily abandoned castle stop feeling desolate and the cracked and decaying structure that was the terror of the people loses all of it’s previous taboo.

Okay, so here — stop to feel sounds odd to me in this context, I would recommend using “stop feeling” here as well (then you have two instances of “stop feeling” in close proximity, which is not a huge deal but if it were up to me I’d probably change one of them, probably the second one to something like “the wind […] is no longer desolate”). At any rate, since the subject of the second one is a singular third person (the wind, it) you need to use stops feeling there, with a final -s for the verb.

Finally, “it’s” should be “its”. I’ve spotted this one elsewhere, so I’ll just point it out this once. Bear in mind that it’s is the contraction of it is, while its is the possessive form (something that belongs to “it”).

Ahead of you is the last place that you haven’t explore.

Should be “haven’t explored”.

You step up in the light and feel the warmth cover you, while the balcony itself has seen better days that the half broken gray corbel and the death plants that used to decorate it, the balcony gives you a magnificent view of the mountain Berlet

I think since you have many different topics here, you could probably stand to split this one into different sentences. Like for instance:

You step up in the light and feel the warmth cover you. The balcony has seen better days. Its gray corbel is now half broken and filthy, the plants that used to decorate it long dead. What remains is the magnificent view of the mountain Berlet.

I changed around the wording some, but you get the idea. (Also, the final stop was missing in the original).

It starts going up slowly, has if it was presenting it’s splendor to the new leader of Froysia. Many people would have strong reactions to this moment. What is your’s?

I would probably substitute “rises” for “starts going up” here, but that’s just my opinion (the “start” bit does convey a bit a of flair that the unadorned verb doesn’t quite have, but you could always write something like It rises slowly, almost ceremoniously, if you think it better conveys the mood you’re going for).

Has should be as, and your’s should be yours. “As if it was presenting its splendor…” is not incorrect, but you can shorten it to just “As if presenting its splendor…” for better sentence flow.

For the answer options:

the most exhilarating emotion that I have feel

Should be felt (you need a past participle there).

The respect to my ancestors and the way that they have build a noble place like this one only has increased.

Should be built (past participle, again). Stylistically, I would probably reword things a bit to make it clearer that the respect being talked about is being felt by the MC (“The respect I feel for my ancestors…” or “My respect for the way the ancestors built…”). Regarding “only has increased”, I feel like the form I’ve seen used more often is has only increased, so that would sound more natural to me.

English prepositions are my Achilles’ heel, but I found a site with a short explanation on the difference between respect to and respect for. In this case, it’s probably “for” you want.

I wish that one day everyone in Froysia sees this beautiful place like me.

Mmm, this sentence is perfectly understandable as it is but something feels “off” to me. Perhaps using something like “…everyone in Froysia may see…” :thinking: Not sure, though. Maybe a native speaker has a more natural-sounding suggestion?

I mutter a short pray to this beautiful figure weaved by the Artisans and protected by the Guardians. May one day I will be deserving of It’s glory.

Should be a short prayer. I would render the last bit “May I be deserving of Its glory one day,” or something along these lines. I assume the capitalisation of Its is deliberate, since the people of Froysia worship the sun or some such. That’s a pretty neat stylistic choice to convey that. :slightly_smiling_face:

Holy shit…

Only two dots there, rather than a full ellipsis (…). :stuck_out_tongue:

You get out because you have still have business outside

Two haves here (typo, I’m assuming), should be still have.

At least now you know why is your beloved country called

Here, I think it would be more correct to use “why your beloved country is called…”

Very long comment, I know :sweat_smile:, here’s hoping you find some use in it. Best of luck with this project!

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Intriguing subject to choose. There aren’t many creations about it. It’s really early to have an opinion on it but since Cold War is an era I’m interested in I’ll keep an eye out for updates.

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does the MC come from a noble or plebeian family?

Well, you can have either come from a noble or bourgeois family. This is the plan for the next update. A plebeian MC will not get “arkane” powers (although i plan for a technology endgame that gives mundanes the ability to realize their magical potential :wink: ) or from a noble family that can acquire pretty fantastical powers but if used without care can have bad side effects.

This doesn’t really determines which system of government you will align with, a commoner MC can uphold the monarchy or a noble MC can decide that a constitutional monarchy, merely ceremonial monarchy or a full republic is best for their nation.

The coup, revolution or plot was a mostly bloodless one as the king didn’t had anyone to turn for help, he is still dangerous as he has escaped justice and may take actions against you.

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Wow, i didn’t expect this long feedback but is very appreciated. I will fix these small mistakes alongside making the next update.

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Please tell me more details about ministries, policies and laws if possible. Also, can you tell me what technologies exist in this game world and what technologies do not exist? Is there a national anthem and national flag in this game? Are there options to expel officials from the previous administration or bring them to justice?

Well, most of those details are in progress as well haha, but for example most ministries will be taken by your allies/RO’s even if you don’t want at the begging, obviously you can expel them with other methods along the playtrough if you think they don’t follow your ambitions. The national anthem and the national flag will be chosen by the player to reflect their society.

Well, today’s update may look little but believe me, the coding behind was pretty extensive.
I coded the stats that are gonna be the most important to your journey alongside with my first attempt in a customization option, this variable is gonna be extra important whit your RO’s so they can say bad analogies about your eyes. About the updates i saw another creator make the question but i wanna see what do you think about having either weekly/biweekly updates or daily ones like this that are rather small in comparasion? i know that many people may lost interest if they not get updates often and i not want that.

  • Biweekly/weekly updates
  • Daily updates

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Obviously, while i want to have consistency there will be times where i can’t update for a reason and another.

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The type of RO I would like is a lady that would bring lots of wealth and political power
If I marry her.

Good start. I’d bake it a bit and release a big update next, at least the whole first chapter. Remember to keep your scope in check and to only bother with branches you’d find interesting yourself. And find the hook of the game that really sells its uniqueness! :slight_smile:

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