Just that we are talking about a field in which objectivety is not much of an option anyway, but about the differences between individual worldviews.
2 Likes
Aaalright⌠I am back and go right back into sorting out those obvious problems. I have no idea how that happened, though I will take a closer look at this problem 
4 Likes
ah ok xD thanks 
@Wraith hereâs one that felt weird to read, âNo, he was just damn difficult to beat, and Natalie didnât made it any easier.â â maybe change made to make. âNo, he was just damn difficult to, and Natalie didnât make it any easier.â
hereâs another âThough in the end, you always managed to escaped the other faction with new tricks you learned over the time.â â you could probably just go with,ânew tricks you learned over time.â, instead.
thereâs two spots here i think o.o âSo far, you almost had everything done at least one time, including an incident that includes a delusional zealot.â â maybe try, you had done almost everything at least one time, including an incident that included a delusional zealot.
this one feels a little odd, âYou guys just come at the right timing,â you say, before you begin to deal with the others." â maybe âYou guys just came at the right time.â or âYou guys came just at the right time.â
maybe just a personal one here xD ârotating the pocket knife in your hand like an expert by the ring at the end.â â ârotating the pocket knife in you hand by the ring at the end like an expertâ or maybe âexpertly rotating the pocket knife in your hand by the ring at the endâ
two here but thatâs just because of âwereâ xD âYou thought I were an easy prey for those big bad guys, correct? That I would be following you just because I were intimidated as you were four against innocent and defenceless me.â â âYou thought I was easy prey for you big bad guys, correct? That I would be following you just because I was intimidated by four against innocent and defenceless me.â (the last bit was a bit hard toâŚphrase so it sounded smoother but what you have is good 
) then it looks like defenceless is spelled wrong but i suppose it really depends on how you use it, as an adjective its fine but at the same time its not xD that ones up to you but the other way to spell it is defenseless US uses defenseless while the UK uses defenceless I believe.
âYou fling the blade up one last time, before you want to want to end this low-lifeâ ->maybe try 'You fling the blade up one last time, before you want to end this low-life" adding an extra want to after want to makes it read funny
âThe culprit stand a few meters away from youâ â for this just add an s to stand xD so âThe culprit stands a few meters away from youâ
âthe rifle rest on their shoulder surely would.â â try âthe rifle resting on their shoulder surely wouldâ or âthe rifle that rests on their shoulder surely wouldâ
âYou quite like to be alive again, thank you very much, you muse.â â maybe âYou quite like being alive again, thank you very much, you muse.â although i donât think you need the comma between again and thank you, though again that just a personal thing xD
âher long blond her framing her face as she looks at youâ â this one is just a simple mistake
âher long blond hair framing her faces she looks at youâ
âYou own ability reacts sometimes on its own, creating barriers if needed or attack, almost like a sentient beingâ â try adding ing to attack, âYou own ability reacts sometimes on its own, creating barriers if needed or attacking, almost like a sentient beingâ you could also go with âYou own ability reacts sometimes on its own,creating barriers and attacking if needed, almost like a sentient beingâ also âYou own ability reacts sometimes on its own, to attack or creating barriers if needed, almost like it was a sentient beingâ
"Itâs not always that you see someone who can control plants and gain information from them. âWhile I canât do this kind of things, it would surely come in handy.â â hummâŚtry "Itâs not often that you see someone who can control plants and gain information from them. âWhile i canât do that kind of thing, it would surely come in handy.â for the last part you could also go âWhile i canât do these kind of things, it would surely come in handy.â
"The smile on Vineâs spreads, obviously appreciating the praise. âYes, they are indeed great. On another note, why would I give you the required information, Sparrow?â â hehe :3 right, try â âThe smile on Vineâs face spreads,â â you left out âfaceâ here not to big as most people reading in their head would have their mind put it in for them i just took the whole part because it was the first one with my MCâs name in it 
<3
"Frowning, you echo âGame?â, and the nods. âWhat kind of game?â â try "Frowning, you echo âGame?â and then nod, âWhat kind of game?â â unless Vain is the one nodding, in which case "Frowning, you echo âGame?â and they nod. âWhat kind of game?â
âHe was named Sentinel, and was the one covering my part of the territory before I took over and after he died in that fire. Tragic, but thatâs how life goes.â â for this just take out the and between took over and after xD (that almost looks confusing haha) try â " before I took over, after he died in that fire." you could use a comma instead or just drop the and and leave it as âbefore I took over after he died in that fire.â â one other thing you could do is âHe was named Sentinel, and was the one covering my part of the territory before he died in that fire.â
merp O.o still love your story <3 keep up the great work
âWould be a shame if you would get the name of the man wrong, even though you had only so few times seen him back thenâ â after reading this it felt a little off xD I wasnât sure why until i reread it a few more time, try " Would have been a shame if you got his name wrong, even though you had only seen him a few time back then."
âVine starts to hum while sheâs thinking, pacing without the care in the world around on the rooftop.â â hehe this one is nice try âVine starts to hum while sheâs thinking, pacing without a care in the world around the rooftop.â you could also go " Pacing around the rooftop without a care in the world, Vain starts to hum while thinking of another question." though how you want to phrase it is up to you xD although it would be âa care in the worldâ
âItâs not my place to judge. I just know that you are Vine, or at least someone whoâs called like that.â ->for this its only the last few words that make it awkward, if you dropped like it would feel better when read. so âItâs not my place to judge. I just know that you are Vine, or at least someone whoâs called that.â â aside from that is great
this one feels odd to me but it could be fine it might just be a personal one xD " She trails off, frowning for a moment before that expression vanishes in a moment." â I think âShe trails off, frowning but the expression vanishes in a moment.â might work better but like I said that might just be a personal xD
this one is a simple switch of location âYour object of interest, namely Blackbird and Crow, are heading tomorrow evening to the grand avenue crossing at the great plaza in front of the cathedral,â â try this, âYour object of interest, namely Blackbird and Crow, are heading to the grand avenue crossing at the great plaza in front of the cathedral tomorrow evening,â moving âtomorrow eveningâ to the end here will make it a bit smoother but you can also leave it where its at and just change a small part like so â âYour object of interest, namely Blackbird and Crow, will be heading, tomorrow evening that is, to the grand avenue crossing at the great plaza in front of the cathedral,â leaving it where its at, but also placing it almost as an after though might give it a little bit of humor, while making the sentence flow smother.
this is kinda oddâŚit just depends on how your using the word hight, one way of reading here âThe almost white stone of the tower-like building is not as high as the skyscrapers from the first district around it, though it still has a marvellous hight on its own.â would be regarding it as having a high social status or Archaic. x_x but if your meaning how tall it is then it would be height, that and marvelous would have one L :3 according to spell check o.o not a word I use to often
for this one Iâd say swap âinâ with âatâ, âYou were never really good in waiting for something to happen, never have been.â â so âYou were never really good at waiting for something to happen, never have been.â though that could be a personal xD
this looks like it might be missing a word, âyou are glad that you the size you are and not as big as some of the others you knowâ â how about âyou are glad that you are the size you are and not as big as some of the others you knowâ although you could play with part a bit if you wanted, i chose the small agile build so something like, âyou are glad of your small build and not as big as some of the others you knowâ but eh xD
this one is a little awkward "Though it does not mean that there are none to begin with. Just because you saw none means not that there are none somewhere around here. " â maybe a few small changes could make it better like "Though it does not mean that there are none to begin with. Just because you saw none does not mean that there arenât any somewhere around here. " but again that one is up to you :3
hereâs one of the gender things for Crow, in this run Crow was a woman âTroy right next to him seems rather more to be astonished by the people around him in the glass cases and the information on the screen than to pay any attention to the two of you.â just in case it was after meeting Wraith on the villain path and not teaming up with Troy and the Crow.
hehe the ground hello I like it, but its also a little confusing xD âYou fall forward with a yelp you would never admit to have made at both the force of whatever rammed into you and the unexpected shove. Pulling your hands out of your trousers, you manage to brace yourself on the ground just before you would be saying the ground hello.â as far as i know this phrase would be âsaying hello to the groundâ
ok so that was with a ruthless destructive villain merc xD as far as the symbols went, the ones I saw (for this run) where already mentioned sorry for the super long comment 
] I really love your work and hope to see more of it 
2 Likes
You have no idea how I was looking when I posted my little post above and not only two seconds later this⌠this wall appeared.
Anyway, I thank you for the suggestions! I found the mistakes and I changed some sentences ^^ They really sound better that way. Ah well, I only notice these kind of things when someone points them out to me °^^
So once more, thanks!
6 Likes
Not unlike Deadpool?
hehe ya I think I know the feeling xD haha the page didnât update until I posted and once it did I saw your post then felt horrible once I saw the dreaded Wall of Text I literally got up and took a walk around my apartment before I felt a little better xD haha but ya I tend to have the same problem when it comes to my own writing xD
Anytime oh Great and Powerful Wraith and again i am very sorry and the WALL x_x
1 Like
xD haha i think 4 shots could do it inâŚmaybe xD
Megamanda the Grumpy Panda! ⌠Er⌠because of her eye makeup?
I wouldnât mess with the Wall if I were youâŚ
Or she might call inâŚ
The Squad!
6 Likes
Guys, while it surely might be amusing, this does not belong on the thread.
Please talk about this somewhere else, like in a PM 
4 Likes
Yes Maâam. Iâm sorry. I just couldnât resist when the Wall was brought up.
So far, who likes the new character?
Or wait until we know more about her?
Or even dislike her, for some reasons?
Personally, I like her
3 Likes
Great update, but I noticed some odd things.
Well, you think, that officer you got this from surely was no ordinary one if he has such data stored in his own apartment. Or anywhere else. - Who is this officer? I donât remember getting data from an officerâs apartment?
Whatever the hell that guy did, it surely was not pleasant and were it not for the man in front of you, you are sure you would have blackened out. - Is the mentioned âguyâ Wraith?
even more so when said person is Crow. - It says that after the encounter with Troy at the cafe, shouldnât that be Blackbird or Troy?
And then I noticed towards the end that my earnings was at -825 as a merc, is that intenional?
from what I remember, you are hired by a Rich citizen to steal data or information from a retired police officer, and while in said apartment you run into Stray, and as a result get data of your own weather or not its the data you were after⌠I think the only place you run into Wraith is in the Cathedral,(though @Wraith would know for sure) its also where you run into Specter, lets seeâŚafter meeting Troy at the cafe it starts talking about your instinct and taring about staying on guard and why your tense until he leaves, it does bring up Crow here as she/he was the one who drilled that into you xD so i think thatâs what that part was about hope that helps a little xD
@Wraith âŚand after one more play test I did get the same thing for my earnings to a point, mine was -750 at the end with only getting more defense for the suite.
Hmm⌠must have missed the part about it being the apartment of an officer, I just remembered it as being the rich personâs own house for some reason⌠weird.
And the part with Wraith is in the Cathedral when your standing around with Specter.
The Troy part just sounded to me as talking about how you had to be careful around Troy considering his agent past and such.
But thanks for clearing that up
1 Like
When you play as a Villain, the MC is going to rob a retired officer as he still has some valuable news for the MC.
The âguyâ you mentioned is Specter who is going to help the MC out after Wraith engages the MC in an unfair fight.
Kazizk mentioned the Troy part.
And the earnings are a mistake from my side, as I forgot to give the villain MC some money xD
2 Likes
always happy to help
1 Like
Yea I think I got it confused with the Anti-Hero path were it just says you have to protect data on the wealthy personâs server.
But if the âguyâ mentioned in that sentence was Specter then what was it that wasnât pleasant?
It sounds like the MC is saying that whatever Wraith did to them surely wasnât pleasant?
Ohhhh wait. I just got it mixed up.
No, we are still in front of the cathedral it seems and you engaged the guard in a fight? Like, head on? He shoots some tweaked bullets at you, which are very painful for our MC. We will get to know more about that another time in the distant future of the Story.
1 Like