Wow what a surprise it reminds me of reading community college hero when it was a WIP weird at first didn’t understand or could imagine clearly what the people are wearing or where the plot goes. But once I got more into it I really couldn’t put down reading. Love a mute protagonist I think this is a first and good choice having a translator with us. The scene with Empathy was hilarious when we get out of the bed had me laughing😄. Really it was a good WIP can’t wait for the next update keep up the great work and keep going. You have something here that can truly be a series if you want it. Love the characters just some few grammar errors like “cair” instead of it really saying chair. You’ll find it towards the end of the WIP. Keep it up👍🏽!
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Well Mr/Mrs/person of a humanoid rabbit esque gender/ Snoe I think this has now entered the running for my top 3 favourite w.I.ps as of now. The dialogue between each character has been excellent thus far. Usually the dialogue in these games can be rather stilted or sound a bit off but this one so far has everyone speaking rather on point for their many differing personalities. That’s a hard thing to do for even seasoned writers.
I’m having a hard time deciding who I liked better though. Nyoka or Empathy. I mean Nyoka just seems like a really cool dude,I mean he’s also like a living Dragon almost so that’s awesome. But Empathy is just downright hilariously cute when First wakes up. Personally I feel she overreacted. I mean pants are rather overrated.
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Why thankya (person who’s name is from my favourite flight simulation video game)
My dialogue is usually my strong point, I usually get a good grasp of how people talk and think, you should meet me in RL its scary, you’d think I have Empathy’s powers giggles
My weakness is ‘technical skills’ grammar, spelling, math, anything that has to be weighed or measured drives me batty.
Would it help that in my imagination that once upon a time Nyoka used to look something like before he became a Swig/Dragon-man, (I’m working on a bit of Nyoka art to replace this placeholder of some other anime, not my art merely inspiration)
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Yeah they are totally pants. 
And what did they ever do for you any way? Nothing. They just cling to you and follow you wherever you go, demanding to be lifted up there and dropped there. Pah. 
Meanwhile, down in the First cave/lab - KRV will always stand for CARVE to me. 
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You’re certainly welcome. 
(Did you know they’re making a new one? The demon will fly again!)
I’m good at most other things but the dialogue is my Achilles heel. Grammar I can fix in a rewrite but the dialogue has been what tripped me up every time. I commend your efforts Snoe! That’s a really good thing for you . Dialogue is something everyone will usually pay heed to. Grammar mistakes however are not nearly as important. Alot of people skip over mistakes without even noticing them.
I’m interested to see what your particular vision of him is. The image looks close to what I thought he looked like before he became what he is today. Though the eyes are different. Does he have grey eyes in your mind? I was thinking green or perhaps blue.
@Taylor_Enean (cool last name btw) Really just a hassle to be honest but oh well. We do what society demands of our poor MCs I suppose. So I’m curious how you built your MC. Mine was essentially the juggernaut on steroids.
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Mostly I go with the trouble maker with the smart-arse attitude, because it comes natural to me and I like that kind of character - and mainly focusing on agility and speed. Think Catwoman on Freaking Immense Risque Steroid Treatment.
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My MC was all about strenght, speed and grits. After all, what worse than stumbling on hulk on the other side of an hallway? Ah yes, if said hulk can get to you in the time it would take for most peoples to blink of course! 
Could be worse. Hulk could steal your pizza first. 
<< So not a tired face, it’s a crying one, for crying out loud°.
° You will have to provide the actual crying out loud part as this is all text. Thank you for your cooperation.
So many attitudes and abilities to be had, got to love it. Thanks, @Snoe, and keep it up, please. 
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You mean Snoe right?
Been on FAWR a bit too much?
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You saw nothing.
(
)
More like, been not sleeping well enough too much.
OR! they are the same person!
My tinfoil hat is vibrating, this is BIG! 
Saw what?
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Nah, that’s just feedback from the listening device they implanted in your skull.
This log, please. I need some planks. 
Ah, I best go do other stuff, I spam, sorry people. 
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I for one like your random comments 
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Is that the dude from K-anime
Yea thats thats definitely black dog. THOUGH It could also be Yuu Kanda but i think its that guy from K.
Dunno myself came up on Google image search. Under long black hair male w/suit.
I’ll get a chance to make my green eyed gentleman dragon;)
First flicks pizza stealer. They fly into the wall and First takes pizza.
As this goes on, Empathy sighs and nibbles on her garlic pizza bread. Just another day for him, she tells herself.
A minor nitpick: On the stats page, there is a line that says First’s “cell density is triple that of a normal 18 year old.”
Apparently First’s cells are a lot smaller than they might be otherwise, so triple the amount of cells are needed to keep First from being one third the size of a typical teenager. Imagine a brick wall built from lots of tiny bricks instead of the regular number of regular-size bricks. Both walls contain the same amount of brick. One of them is just a bigger pain to build.
I’m not saying you have to abandon the time-honored tradition of pseudo-scientific handwaving (gamma rays blah de blah), just that you might want to replace cell density with biorganic radioactivity or chronons or something (Pym particles, blah blah da blah). Cell density will sound silly if you think about it for a moment, and superhero fans love to do that.
(Out of curiosity, I asked a scientist what triple cell density might do to First’s physiology. Apparently it depends a lot on the location and the type of cell. A high density of red blood cells might affect oxygenation or the transmission of pathogens, she said, but she had no idea what, if anything, a triple density of skin cells or esophageal cells might do. Probably nothing good.)
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