Really? I didn’t think a troublemaker First automatically meant they didn’t care at all about the problems they caused since having some fun is one thing and breaking things in a store while being apathetic is another.
That’s just my interpretation though.
I don’t a imagine a broody First would care much though, but they might want to avoid someone nagging at them for the damage I guess?
Found another mistake for correction:
“You sigh, waving of her concern.” should read “You sigh, waving off her concern”.
I’m just gonna be straight forward here, it’s awesome so far keep going.
I just tried a broody first and the dialog at the shop door turned out to be exactly the same as when I was playing a troublemaker.
That’s bound to happen for the sake of my fingers lol
But being a brooder isn’t bound to make you destructive ei) batman is a brooder.
Thxs for answering : )
Have you ever thought of doing a form where readers can ask ur character( s) something and they get answered based on tht character( s) personality.
This is without a doubt one of my favorite WIP
Cant wait to see how you progress the story @Snoe
I really don’t have the time to do that kinda thing and get anything done on the story sadly.
I’m only one very busy bunny.
I think the villians would consider Batman destructive. 
I put down brooder, but I was thinking more of the first trait. Brat was it?
I don’t normally pick it so I forget.
Its the energizer bunnies fault. One immortal bunny with boundless energy and they all are expected to be the same…
First loves us all regardless, be it 
, 
, or 
First
I think it would be neat if you added an option for the MC, so that your character is a bit more experimental, where he just continually tests the limits of his powers and attempts to discover how many or what powers he has, I suppose that’s what the people in the facility try to do but at the same time he also doesn’t have access to their records of it.
I realized this when thinking about how to fomat my own writing. The water flashback seems really out of place considering the only point in which flashbacks were used was when First was still in the lab. It kind of messes with the flow of the story IMO.
I realized this when thinking about how to fomat my own writing. The water flashback seems really out of place considering the only point in which flashbacks were used was when First was still in the lab. It kind of messes with the flow of the story IMO.
First knows their abilities quite well, they are quite intelligent and have been using them at their ever growing peak since they began testing them. So essentially first is more fluent in their use than the average freak, though real world application and holding back are the lessons in which they don’t have much experience. The obstacle course was an example of First at their best (though they can get better at the other skilks)
Every time I play this game I listen to rob zombies teenage rock god
Oddly enough I listen to rob zombie (superbeast) when I imagine Kreagan in this story.
Luv his new album a lot more fun and going back to his original style too
I enjoy rob zombies old albums and some of his new ones, but I don’t particularly enjoy his get high song, it’s not that I hate it’s just not the type of rob zombie song I’m used to. Maybe I’m old school.
A Lil heads up I’m still working on fixes, though I’ve also been sidetracked by streamlining code and cutting back on the rampant use of ‘apostrophes’ in the less required areas. Along with the grammar and word use issues.
Whew, finally done. 
The hall was concrete, the ceiling lined with pipes lights and electrical wiring.
comma after pipes
That’s when on of them patted you on the shoulder
… when one of them …
, or SO Omni figurehead Lollipop eluded to
… Lollipop alluded to
Awe you’re Shy aren’t you?
maybe replace Awe with Aww.
You did what you had to and it seemed to workout well in the end,
… seemed to work out well …
He’s meeting with someone we have to wait.
period after someone
You opt to wait listen,
… wait and listen,
An out struts this angry looking woman,
And out struts …
Sitting in a very elaborate chair thick numerous cables, each about as big around as your forearm and all running into the wall behind it and downward.
Sitting in a very elaborate chair with thick numerous cables attached to it, each about as big around as your forearm and all running into the wall behind it and downward.
Tilting to his head to the side and nodding to Empathy
remove first ‘to’
You stick your tongue out at him and move to deek around him playfully with a cute spin.
‘deek’ - googled it and it seems to mean ‘to look at’ which doesn’t fit this context.
Before you make another move Ten draws back his coat and pulls a small device.
… pulls out a small …
The sound and frequency were ‘exact’ to the old sonic pistols that subdued you during your child hood!
The sound and frequency were ‘exactly’ the same as the old sonic pistols that subdued you during your childhood were!
You deign to be polite in this instance, though you’re etiquette was hardly required learning in the lab.
… though your etiquette …
With a grim huff and an annoyed tilt in your stance you [i]\u201dYou should move Mr.\u201d[/i
… stance you sign …
Luger and Dr. Cormel had little ‘tells’ made those quiet conversations a little easier.
… ‘tells’ which made …
At-least you found out he spoke sign
no hyphen needed.
Empathy slipping back into her headphones while you go toward the roof access.
Empathy slips back …
but it sat shorter than those towers toward glass spire.
… toward the glass spire.
the closer you looked at the district around you it seemed more like Noire novel.
… like a Noire novel.
The dome like building and stocky little ones encircling with it were like hives.
The dome-like … / remove ‘with’
Framed by those and shoulder length blue hair were dark eyes with reptilian Iris’s.
… reptilian irises.
After a several attempts and a curious raised brow from him you kneel in the gravel and write
remove first ‘a’
“This will be a rather ‘basic’ conversation then, regardless it is a pleasure to make you acquaintance $!{name}.”
… to make your acquaintance …
The eyes were a dead give away it seemed,
… dead giveaway …
rather that talk down to you by explaining it he simply made an example
rather than …
"Nyles O’Connoly or Nyoka, in this form at-least
no hyphen in ‘at least’.
His face wasn’t all that far from a person but it was hard imagine what he would look like if he were human.
… hard to imagine …
Kneeling you take a handful of gravel and place it on the ledge on stone at a time spelling out your name
… the ledge one stone …
The crunching loud as you rolled your fingers over the mass grinding the stones to much smaller bits and then opening your palm.
They crunched loudly … then opened your palm.
I understand, trusting someone you hardly know is wise these days
… know isn’t wise …
but I do hope that some day I will gain trust enough to earn it.
… gain your trust …
You then here familiar footsteps and a voice calling after you.
You then hear …
It was a bit tense considering what you saw on there faces, though spared that look from Empathy who simply strolled into the room pulled a chair out from the central table and plopped down, throwing her feet up.
… saw on their faces, …
Cocking an eyebrow up at Vaihl’s cold questioning looking back to your would-be-translator Ten and signing
… cold questioning face and look back … and sign
You look out the window to feint glittering lights,
… to faint glittering …
Vaihl notice your hesitation and gloomy disposition
Vaihl noticed …
So Ms. Barbas wants to know you’re deep dark secrets
… know your deep …
your hands going about the best way to tale your wild tale.
… way to tell your …
Neither Vyde nor Ms. Barbas looked all to pleased with your answer,
… all too pleased …
and at-least she’s straightforward
no hyphen in at least.
that basically means you entitled to three square meals a day,
… means you’re entitled …
You aired the question of ‘where’ that was exactly never having heard of in and knowing your way around an atlas pretty well whilst dreaming of exploring the world.
It wasn’t a name that inspired confidence though the altered name was probably, probably done on purpose.
… was probably done on purpose.
Turned out Vyde was an Altruist, he provided shelter to homeless Freaks and even had a small staff to help them find a place for themselves,the island version of workforce training for Darwins.
space after “themselves,”
and Ten’s tone seemed withheld all its own.
… all on its own.
She raised brow to Vyde.
raised a brow
its dangerous information if other’s know too much about you.
… if others know …
“Powers aside ‘how’ you got here is a mystery as-well.”
no hyphen in as well
Was it to get more information or use you, or was it out of the kindness or charity?
remove ‘the’
Once you have everyone’s attention you
add ‘sign’ at the end of the sentence as what follows is personality checks followed immediately by MC signing stuff.
“Even Kravic is hard to find, probably harder, a recluse nobodies’ seen the man… well ever might not even be a ‘guy’.”
comma after recluse
You could find all this out on you own anyway,
… on your own …
The blue water, the stench chlorine the stillness of its surface.
… stench of chlorine …
Back then your first sight of a pool was one uncertainty at best.
… one of uncertainty …
Didn’t seem to hard from all the books and the training manuals you’d leafed through.
Didn’t seem too …
Your force air from your lungs in a silent scream bubbles flooding from you mouth
You force …from your mouth
The test was carried out a few time but they let you have a breather;
… a few times …
Still ALL that water just washing in on the tide crashing against the rocks was both an amazing sight but terrifying considerings the sheer size of the ocean.
… terrifying considering the …
if Empathy wanted to go to swimming she was on her own.μ
… to go swimming …
, I you think this is loud wait until we get downtown.
, if you …
You got her attention by rounding into her line of site and signing
… line of sight …
Cars rumbling by in bright colours and blaring music, some of good others well… it was difficult to call it ‘music’.
…, some good …
It was refreshing to be barely notice;
… barely noticed;
You on the other hand had Silic and crashed plane.
… and a crashed plane.
the overpowering flowery and fresh smells pouting out from the open door.
… smells pouring out …
Empathy being her usual laconic self straight and too the point,
… straight and to the …
No one else even bat and eye
… bat an eye (sentence occurs twice)
Not common but with Freaks its hard to say what IS common isn’t it sweetness?
… Freaks it’s hard …
She give you a playful hip bump, you don’t budge and she looks a little surprised by you immovable nature.
She gives you … surprised by your … (sentence occurs three times)
Well you’d never had a problem with you hair the way it was
… with your hair … (sentence occurs three times)
flashback of Dr. Francis breathing down your neck were not really needed these days.
a flashback/flashbacks … (sentence occurs twice)
She could alter your hair… keratin manipulation, color, length, even if was wavy or curled, though the ‘finer’ touches she had to resort to the scissors;
… even if it was wavy or curled, though for the ‘finer’ … (sentence occurs twice)
Though it was moral a shooing motion than anything.
… was more of a shooing …
She’ speech less, although that’s a relative term as far as empathy is concerned.
She’s …
Working all to well with the ${haircolor} strands Courtney teased into place.
Working all too well …
Courtney give you a bit of a wink and shoos you out of the chair.
Courtney gives …
Whether it was through the camera’s or from a distance something was watching.
… the cameras or …
Just a matter of find a moment to force ‘them’ or ‘it’ to show.
… of finding a …
In the mean time you should really try to enjoy these next few events.
In the meantime …
Hundreds for racks shelves and hangers and set upon or hanging from were countless colors and styles of… well everything!
Hundreds of racks, shelves and hangers on which were sitting and hanging countless … (sentence occurs twice)
Now was a good time to decide how you saw yourself, your new life you new identity its yours to forge are you man, woman, or undefined by either.
…, your new life, your new identity it’s yours to forge. Are you man, woman or undefined by either? (sentence occurs three times)
If you want to where a gown you can!
… to wear a … (sentence occurs three times)
This was going to be the corner stone your wardrobe, your new look.
… stone of your … (sentence occurs three times)
Pretty plain kinda like the clothes your wearing but with a bit more to them than bland greys.
… clothes you’re wearing … (sentence occurs three times)
You won’t be impressing anyone but you’ll be comfortable at-least
no hyphen in at least. (sentence occurs three times)
Gold trim and frilled lace, even some classy evening wear with jewellery sewn in, now doubt about it,
…, no doubt … (sentence occurs three times)
There were also a few goth numbers and dresses that looked like they were straight out of horror movie,
… out of a horror movie, / … out of horror movies, (sentence occurs three times)
These clothes are like brining your books to life,
… like bringing your … (sentence occurs three times)
Though there were a few tie-die items and ponchos; they looked comfortable.
tie-dyed (sentence occurs three times)
It didn’t work to so well, you snapped a few hangers in the process but got the ‘hang’ of it.
remove ‘to’ (sentence occurs twice)
some people trying to brush passed on there way through the tight spaces between racks only to be nudged back.
… on their way …
No one was looking nobody cared hooking your thumbs into you pants down they went and you hung those up too.
… into your pants, down they went … (sentence occurs twice)
Painfully still then the feeling grew movement in the store ceased.
comma after grew. (sentence occurs twice)
making the poor things repeat themselves louder and louder
… poor thing repeat … (Sentence occurs twice)
You turn with a annoyed look on your face,
… with an annoyed …
Why should you have to conform for ‘other’ people its your body.
… people it’s your …
Its not like your being ‘that’ much of a brat.
… like you’re being …
Empathy over in the corner pretending not to know you by hiding in the racks of clothes while you pouted your way to the change rooms.
Empathy was over …
Those pathetic excuses for change-room just wont do at all!
change-rooms (sentence occurs twice)
you think its military issue but its hard to say.
… think it’s military …
guess he like a challenge or two in his line of work.
guess he likes a …
despite the loose shirt and short he wore over top of it.
… he wore on top of it.
Ten seems to be on your side though a little less that trusting,
… less than trusting,
the flashy neon sings and all the painfully loud sounds therein.
… neon signs and …
You’re not very big so you spose she was concerned that you might be hurt considering the collision,
… so you suppose she …
Ten didn’t seem to happy about Freaks playing the black sheep.
… seem too happy …
yet you did you notice a red dot traveling over him;
remove 2d ‘you’
Though in your case it would have to bee a much bigger gun to classify as self defense
… to be a …
In this case it seems a bit much to for lethal measures
… to go for …
“Oh and don’t fret, already called a ambulance and a Peacekeeper.”
… called an ambulance …
He notices a makes a hasty move aiming at you.
He notices and …
you don’t want to hurt him, you hope Ten doesn’t but you don’t know the man well enough.
capitalize ‘You’
You point and (try) to laugh at the gun pointed at you when you head the thud and see him drop the weapon.
… when you hear the …
You look at him with a worried expression raising your hands trying your best to get him to put the gun down but nothings working.
… but nothing’s working.
a lizard like tail struck the thief’s wrist like thick bull whip.
… like a thick …
Though a bit a rough you showed restraint, despite your dark demeanor.
Though a bit rough …
Don’t look maybe he’ll go away, I’ve heard with lizards their vision is complete based on movements
… is completely based …
Reaching in a lighting motion you hear the crackle of bone as at-least one finger broke and maybe sprained his wrist.
Reaching out in lightning speed you hear … / no hyphen in ‘at least’.
The comment likely geared toward your ability to simply rip the offending arm off the offenders body.
… the offender’s body.
You’re would be attacker stares in fear and drops the gun
Your would be …
Ten minutes of waiting, Nyoka glad hands the local law enforcement.
Ten minutes of waiting later, Nyoka gladly hands the thief over to local law enforcement.
A wave wash over the dragon-man’s expression
… washes over …
the way his face twitches, his eye narrow, his lips curl and teeth show for but a moment.
his eyes narrow
No one else would’ve caught those brief glimpse behind that polite mask,
those brief glimpses / that brief glimpse
The competing logic of moment was;
… of the moment …
Ten was guiding you to around a few crooked bends of a well worn sidewalk.
… you to go around …
To which you earnestly nod admitting you were at-least looking.
at least hyphen strikes again!
No worries I’ll drop have a pizza delivered after you’re done,
remove ‘drop’
The ceiling sported long white halogen bulbs from the front to back of the store.
… to the back …
No one else even bat and eye… must be normal behaviour.
… bat an eye …
He dares to reach out hold a hand near it
… reach out and …
its a wonder how much a simple thing like hair color can alter one perception of a person.
it’s a wonder … alter one’s perception …
Damn! And I thought Vaihl ate a lot., you cod give that lady a run for her money."
“ate a lot … you could give”
even these that would poison themselves with this kind of food.
even those that …
“Money, doesn’t repay the dept that one owes.”
… the debt that …
the city’s sharp edges now were now rounded corners.
remove first ‘now’
spose a gal like yourself can get away with that
(not an error but maybe “s’pose” might be better as it shows it’s being deliberately contracted by Ten?)
Ten seemed a little uncomfortabel for the very first time since you’d met him.
… little uncomfortable for …
Everyone is different, and you’ll find not all will except you for who or what you are,
… will accept you …
He was probably used to being a social periah seeing how people tended to stare or avoid him.
… social pariah seeing …
both of them always had the feintest scent of it on their clothes.
… the faintest scent …
Ten was keeping an eye on you through the many camera’s scattered just about everywhere in the shop.
… many cameras scattered …
Did people really except this kind of invasive supervision?
… really accept this …
Ten quipped admiring your choice. *set Empathy + 1
i’m guessing this is a coding error.
Ten added goad a response.
Ten added to goad …
*set Silic_stat + 1
Silic gains a stat boost when buying creative and fun cloathes in the shopping section with Ten, not while shopping with Empathy. not sure if intended.
but while grabbinga few items you notice Vyde staring back at you from some of these ads and pictures.
space between ‘grabbing’ and ‘a’
You never knew that Vyde was fashion model
… was a fashion …
Trying to be gentle in this cramped space wasn’t exactly easy, but you atleast tried.
… you at least tried.
This is too perfect to cause some mayhem considering Empathy’s reaction before this is going to be interesting to watch.
Empathy’s reaction is mentioned while shopping with Ten
You coould really mess with him.
You could really …
Why are pretty ones wierd?
Why are the pretty ones weird?
You line yourself up with a camera with a big smile and put you hands up and ‘spoke’
… put your hands …
Their was a pause in Ten’s usual two second delay.
There was …
holy shit ${he_gs} this suit is tight
You burst in into quiet laughter hearing Ten nearly have a stroke.
remove ‘in’
You hands signing
Your hands signing
Absolutely not, gets some damn clothes on, there are alot of wierdo’s out there!
…, get some … of weirdos out there!
You turn with a annoyed look on your face
… with an annoyed …
Why should you have to conform for ‘other’ people its your body.
… people it’s your body.
Pushing pas one of his wings you trudge off toward the change rooms while Nyoka simply stared blankly at the staff in warning.
Pushing past one …
Ten had a knack for comic dialog… no wonder he’s hiding on a roof.
… comical dialogue …
Now you’re debating if you’re going to beat feed Ten his baseball bat.
remove ‘beat’
He makes a good point, one of is horrible habits
… of his horrible …
Well, thankyou for being upfront about it.
spacing thank you, hah.
You grimace at one f the camera
one of the cameras
You’re boy-ish charms
Your
its sorta illegal
it’s
Ten was dumbfounded but didn’t seem in a hurry to get your dressed
… get you dressed
You really need to audition for aa swimsuit magazine
… for a swimsuit magazine
but in the mean time best get out of sight most normal folks are either squeamish or perverted and you’re too nice suffer the attention of either.
… too nice to suffer the …
Ten was actually being nice himself for once, guess he meant what he was saying.
remove ‘nice’ or ‘himself’
and you ‘earnest’ demeanor likely had him thinking you were an easy target.
and your ‘earnest’ …
Ya’know ${name}, its really unfair that you decided to be a guy right?
…, it’s really unfair …
You try to apologise and nervously try to figure out how to ask for privacy.
… to apologize and … (sentence occurs twice)
an easy jump… seemed Vyde wanted to have a little fun jerking his head as if to ask ‘you coming?’
… little fun, he jerked his head back as … (to avoid someone misreading “wanted to have a little fun jerking his head”)
You couldn’t possibly pass up the chance to run amok in with Vyde, it would be like running with Luger again accept this time with someone faster than you.
remove ‘in’ / … again except this …
like I said its crowded and I don’t know about you but if I run into someone by accident while moving at even a hundreth of my full speed
like i said it’s crowded …
spose it suited his powers but his personality seemed a bit calm for all the flare.
suppose it suited …
I know a place that’s not too far, Courtney their is the only person on the planet that can cut my hair without getting zapped.
…, Courtney there is …
You come to the a park and you show off your own acrobatics,
remove ‘a’
Flipping over top of you and landing in a gymnastic crouch
remove ‘top of’
Across his chest the word ‘FREAK’ was emblazoned across the chest of his shirt.
… was emblazoned on his shirt.
You step forward proudly strike a auritor’s pose.
… striking an auritor’s pose.
not like yo’d expect anyone to be as understanding as Vyde
not like you’d expect …
Still you were at a little bit of a loss
… bit at a loss
You smirk at him and raise a foot to the crack in the ground and them slam down shattering the ground in Geo’s direction.
… and then slam down …
the fracture growing through the spike allowing you to snap it in half.
capitalize ‘the’
you wind into a kick and sheer the top clean from the rock spike.
… and shear the top …
normally I don’t mind being fought over but this is ridicules.
… this is ridiculous.
The rock receded and ground healed itself
… and the ground …
And before Vyde could finish the earth gaveaway and swallowed Geo.
… the earth gave way and …
You jump aout of the way to find he patted you on the back!
You jump out of …
It wasn’t much a threat if Geo really knew what you could do.
… much of a threat …
You tilt your head and spin around to the side of the rock spink and lean on it confidently and then stick out your hand offering it to Geo in a ‘lets be friends’ gesture.
… the rock spike …
Geo huffed and looked away looking a little dissappointed in you method.
… in your method.
“He’s going to get you killed.”
i believe Geo is referring to the MC with this line so it should be $!{he_gs}
Geo sighed and sunk slowling into the dirt
… sunk slowly into …
This is such a pain in the ass but there wasn’t much point in mmaking an enemy.
… in making an enemy.
Your eyes are qucik but even you didn’t see Geo move
… are quick but …
That could be overlooked, you side step the spike and move to offer your hand and a gentl smile to Geo.
… and a gentle smile …
But there was a talent there… funny how you picked up the analytical eye of your tutor.
remove ‘a’
"Not bad, figured you shatter the sidewalk
…, figured you’d shatter …
You’d seen the many a style in the picture books so there was more than just long short or bald to choose from.
You’d seen many styles …
Vyde wades into the crowded shop, the bustling crowd takes note and give the man a wide birth.
… and gives the man a wide berth.
A graveled voice snaps your attention up to a older woman with hair not unlike a tidal wave.
… up to an older … (sentence occurs twice)
You immediatley react as if Courtney was scary! Frantically shaking you head and pointing at her as if she were a monster.
You immediately … shaking your head …
He smiled onnce cluing into the joke.
He smiled once clueing into the joke.
Vyde’s smile grow and he gives you a wink and a nod in return
… smile grows and …
It no big deal!
It’s …
It’s just kinda wierd… reminded you of Francis.
… kinda weird …
The hairdresser gives you the hee-bee-jeebeeze
hee-bee-gee-bees
Courtney’s fingers danced over its surface and pulled up few 3D projections.
… pulled up a few …
Courtney waved over one of her workers who handed her a holo-tablet… sleeker and less bulky than the one’s you used to see in the lab. Wait? How’d she know you were silent “Don’t look so confused, I can read a room darling.” What does that have to- “Wynne isn’t the type to lead a conversation, and you weren’t saying a word… I did the math now lets get you taken care of.” \t\t\t \t\t\tShe snaps her fingers to a waiting attendant who brings out a holo-tablet. It was a newer design comparred to Francis’ little toy. Very clear and not nearly as clunky.
in the Vyde hairdressing scene Courtney calls over an attendant with a holo-tablet twice (ignore all the 's and \t’s. it’s source page nonsense)
Glad you stuck with with the white, starting to get used to the albino thing you’ve got going on.
remove one ‘with’
And that’s new, come up with neveau shique or did Courney pick it ou for you?
… with nouveau shique … pick it out for you?
Vyde’s smile meant he liked it atleast
… liked it at least + period after least
entire Vyde’s responses to new haircuts is repeated twice from what i’m seeing. also considering how nearly all haircuts and haircolors increase Vyde’s relationship it might’ve been better to just hand out a general +2 after the haircut.
oh, after the responses you did give a general +1 if you got a haircut + another 1 for getting it dyed or leaving it white. so overall this gives a +4?
This city had a pretty straight forward layout although it was definitely different from where you started.
… pretty straightforward layout …
and almost utilitarian while the further you went down town the more ‘modern’ it became along the way.
… went downtown the …
Picking side seems pointless sometimes.
Picking sides … / Picking a side …
That’s when you felt the hairs on the back of your neck raise.
… your neck rise.
Seems embarrassing Vyde wasn’t easy turning to face him after that little shock you place a hand on your hip narrowing you eyes and raising your chin your expression cleary stating
… narrowing your eyes …
You’re chest is spasming from the electrical charge.
Your chest …
Vyde eluded with a smirk before shutting the door leaving you o dress.
Vyde alluded with … you to dress.
You realize just in time as Vyde’s stance shifted and the electric, a sheepish look and a surrender pose.
You realize just in time as Vyde’s stance shifted. You gave a sheepish look and made a surrendering pose.(?)
Vyde eluded with a smirk before shutting the door leaving you to dress.
Vyde alluded with … (sentence occurs three times)
I’m all self expression but we play nice with innocent people.
I’m all for self …
You stand their in all your glory and cross your arms.
… stand there in …
You body numb and buzzing
Your body …
Vyde standing infront of oyu his palm crackling with green energy.
… of you his …
Vyde brought a hand to his chine and looked you up and down for a moment.
… to his chin and …
You realize just in time as Vyde’s stance shifted and the electric, a darker look and a dejected huff signal your distaste for having to abide by the rules of these prudes just caue VYDE said so
You realize just in time as Vyde’s stance and the electricity coming off him shifted / … just because VYDE …
but you could feel that you weren’t quite ready to challenge Vyde shoudlh e decide to impose himself.
… Vyde should he decide …
Why wasn’t she helping you… she just wanered off and left you to do this all by yourself.
… she just wandered off …
still it would’ve been nice of her to atleast let you know where she was going.
… to at least let …
Empathy said that Vyde was covering the cost today, apparently the cashiers new as much too!
… cashiers knew as much …
you couldn’t see her facce thanks to a large brimmed straw tourist hat and a white sundress reading ‘I <3 Alantus’.
… see her face …
Oh an keep it down mate don’t want Vyde and his boys overhear us talking
… boys overhearin’(/overhearing) us
so if you wanna help me complete my job let’s get find a place out of the way.
remove ‘get’
Silic again with running off at the mouth
… with the running …
Of course, now I have a redheaded First waiting to be drawn…