That’s actually fantastic idea for the epilogues. I vote YASSS 
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…Am I the only one who doesn’t really want their First to end up with children?
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There are most likely a few of you people with that opinion.
I, for one, don’t mind if such a thing is included even though I’m not too fond of children in real life. Whether Snoe decides to do that is another matter though. 
I anticipate that there will be epilogues regardless. 
5 Likes
My First only knows reproduction from the books she has read… she has no real concept of what it means or real grasp on becoming pregnant and what that means too. My hope is she learns the basics on a true level of understanding before attempting to have children that she only knows on a theoretical level currently.
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@Eiwynn That’s actually the general way I am trying to create my First, but with the rest of the world and not just exclusive to babies. Basically, make her book smart, but not have an ounce of street smart, until she starts experiencing things first hand.
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Yeah, I personally prefer for my First to learn what contraceptives are…
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The lab tests and experience of being a lab rat has given my First some “street smarts” in the fighting, survival and trust aspects of life but otherwise we are on the same page
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@Sammysam I think you would either have to have your First hook up with someone that would teach the about it, or be close friends with them…
Not everyone does, but no matter how sheltered First is, I think they’ll be fine. Of course that’s just what I think.
One can only hope that would be the case.
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I’m pretty sure ob-gyns also exist in that world. First may be highly adaptable but a little check up with a doctor can’t be that wrong. I still hope that eventual ROs are a little bit considerate about family planning, that’s true.
…If First had to have children, I much would prefer my First to just instant adopt some children they saw on the street:
First: “Look Em we are parents now! 
”
Empathy: “NO, WE ARE KIDNAPPERS! BRING THEM BACK!” 
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@Eiwynn I can see my First having the skills and experience to fight and survive, thanks to Luger, but still be naive to everything else in the world (especially people). She would know things on a technical way, but barely in any other way. Which is one of the reasons why I originally wanted her to get a crush on Jishaku; he gave her CPR which saved her life, and yet even though she know what he did a part of her brain still views it as her first kiss. Unfortunately, I can’t romance Jishaku.
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Pfft. I guess Empathy just wasn’t ready for parenthood. 
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Hmm… if First is mute than Empathy’s powers would be even more important.
1 Like
here’s wave 2. it was a bit arrogant to think i was going to get through the rest you wrote in one more go. 
Summary
All four bots were making with a systematic sweep and narrowing the search as the situation changed…
… were doing/executing/performing a systematic …
The crash and grind as it slid over the pavement in a scream of sparks.
Just as you went to grab it the wisp and hiss of a rocket.
… grab it you heard the …
The bot wasn’t getting back up th way it was tangled and shattered.
… back up the way …
The mask confirming that it was the one you were looking for, problem was with the ‘run’ part.
The mask confirmed that it was the one you were looking for, the problem now was with the ‘run’ part of the plan. (reads slightly better imo)
but you noticed a glimmer through the lenses of our mask
of your mask
can’t imagine she lies the idea of you being so violent
she likes the
BRING IT, you’re going to scrap these damn things and rub it in Francis’ face! \t\t*if brat \t\t\tSuch a hassle, but Francis wasn’t going to get his toys back after you were done with them. You have a few ideas to rub his nose in it.
the bratty response after selecting this option during the robot fight feels a bit like a repeat of what the option said. (though appropriately bratty, maybe something along the lines of “if there aren’t any guards around after this is over you might literally rub it in his face”?)
The bots had to come in one way and they were on their way the only other entrance was a at the far end
using way twice in the same sentence. “… entrance was at the far end.”
Clip the first one through the door and taking out the second one when it stumbles over the first.
You clipped the first one who came through and took … stumbled …
Sneaking inside the nearby factory through one of the windows from the alley.
You sneaked/snuck …
Cocking back a fist you struck guide wheels and the winch came off the track.
… struck the guide wheels …
if you start to early you’d be exposed out in the open too early and they’d target you inside the factory taking the edge off your charge.
if you start too early you’d be exposed out in the open and they’d riddle you with bullets taking the edge off your charge. (?)
A bit of flourish was in order
A bit of a flourish …
you hop down and rip the bot’s head from it’s torso jamming your hand into it like one would a puppet.
… from its torso …
You held on to it by it’s remaining limb with one hand while running full tilt back the way you came
… by its remaining …
ONE of the bots had caught up with you and was on the wart path
on the warpath
Letting you muscles swell and your tendons tighten this was going to be tight.
Letting your … this was going to be close. (tighten + tight in same sentence sounds weird.)
Twisting in mid air to swing off the next missile
there’s an extra space inbetween ‘swing’ and ‘off’
You charge forward the first missile easy enough to time as you back hand it into the nearest building
… the first missile’s easy enough … (also a comma after forward)
while you swat each missile away while tanking through the other weapons fired your way.
while you swat each missile away and tank through the other weapons fired at you. (2 whiles and away + way in same sentence reads a little funky)
Ramming undetonated missile into the mid torso, the blast launched you back and tore the bot into a smoking heap of twisted steel
Ramming the undetonated missile into its mid …
Twisting round and throwing another
Twisting around …
Kicking down a light post you readied a makeshift javelin and throw it.
not sure about this one. i thought it was more commonly called a lamp post. (which a google search showed was written as one word in US english and apart for UK english.)
You take a deep breath and make for a better position hopping the downed bot and into the parking lot, it takes a bit of maneuvering and gritting your teeth to the horribly high pitched sonics fired at close range.
better position hopping over the downed … gritting your teeth due to the …
You take a deep breath and make for a better position hopping the downed bot and into the parking lot
… hopping over the …
it takes a bit of maneuvering and gritting your teeth to the horribly high pitched sonics fired at close range.
… your teeth thanks to the …
YOu simply had to finish them off.
^
You were going to feel this but you had tough hide and the pain tolerance to match.
“You were going to feel this” reads a bit weird to me, maybe clichéd “This was going to hurt” or “You were going to feel this for days to come”'s better? – … you had a tough hide …
It came down to launching shoulder first into the nearest bot and pushing off using the left over momentum to direct yourself to the nearest solid surface.
… using the leftover momentum …
Correcting yourself you prepare to make contact and shove yourself back toward the staggered bot and avoid the other’s arc of fire.
Correcting yourself reads a bit weird to me. “Course correcting yourself …”
Slamming into core and bouncing off into the second
… into its core and …
You pulverized both bot’s with a few satisfying stomps
… both bots with …
It was like all that punishment you took on the way had you on an adrenaline high that you were now feeling the sudden crash afterward… wierd.
… weird.
Pushed back into present you felt the icy tip of the over-sized needle.
… into the present …
As per the routine you held out you arm robotically without even being told.
… held out your arm …
It hurt being tossed into a steel wall, but you had the stamina to to keep running only to be thrown again.
remove one ‘to’
The argument was epic and Francis was totally on the defencive denying everything.
… on the defensive …
Skipping around in your sports-bra and hip-hugging boy shorts wasn’t’t really advisable despite your own opinion on the matter.
a “'t” too many on wasn’t.
And with all the camera’s it wasn’t like your butt hadn’t been broad-casted to half the staff anyway.
… the cameras it …
referring to the ‘ice’ comment comically maybe get some sort of explanation.
… maybe would get some …
Some how though you could feel how ‘proud’ Dr. Cormel was at your restraint relaxing into your arms without a hint of fear.
Somehow though … your restraint while relaxing …
You’re still just a ‘thing’ to these people don’t act like your grateful
… like you’re grateful
she doesn’t exactly looked pleased with that response
… exactly look pleased …
You turn away not waiting for wait for a response,
remove “wait for”
Looking downward with shame which was soaking in the longer you stood under her glare.
which was sinking in(?)
A weak smile told you that it was alright for now
period after now
Your vision blurred, your scrambled brain tries to re-tune all the signals that had gone haywire.
… scrambled brain trying to …
You kept pushing till that slab of metal was loose of its hinges and thrown to the side the crash shook the room violently and you’re left sitting there curled over the side.
period after ‘side’
a pale porcelain but pretty face contrasting long wild mane of raven hair.
… contrasting a long …
"though I have to admit its not polite to kill in front of company
capitalize though
You didn’t rip its arm off, but a murderer hardly merited the consideration gentle hand.
… merited the considerate gentle hand.
Silic not feeling the same decided to drift in even as you stumble back into nearby crate
… into a nearby crate
“No I know what Ms. Marie Antoinette felt like.”
"Now i know …
This Silic is interesting, you can’t help yourself, even when you were freezing cold you look over its almost elegant form over from top to bottom.
remove one ‘over’
It your interest seemed to have this Silic on the defence
remove ‘It’
The metal lid from your container was a good hint for Silic to wary.
… to be wary.
Leaving you with a interested smile as your palm lay flat on the wall behind Silic.
… with an interested …
YOU had to know and you’d be damned if you weren’t going to find answers.
shouldn’t emphasis be on ‘had’?
Silic raised both feet and aimed a mule hard mule kick into mid-section
remove first ‘mule’, … into your mid-section
You’re not about to take ‘no’ or an answer
… ‘no’ for an answer
The only way to find out was to push the limits and testing it’s resilience was a good way to find out and you gave it a slight open handed tap.
… testing its resilience …
Giving you a wink and showing off a its skills
remove ‘a’
now as your chance.
now was
You sweet Snow-white like me are a Freak, we have powers and our eyes glow and that’s about it.
You, sweet Snow-white, like me are a Freak. We have powers and our eyes glow and that’s about it.
Silic really didn’t’ explain anything
remove ’ after t.
Despite of that look your face Silic continued on
Despite that look on your face …
Coincidentally that eye you were getting made you fell just like that… a piece of meat.
… made you feel just …
Silic casually makes its way to a wall mounted set f lockers
… mounted set of lockers
Probably a lab coat or something practical probably,
one ‘probably’ too many, THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE
You’re lingering eyes tend to tell Silic all it needs to know.
Your …
But this was outfit was very different almost cool looking.
remove first ‘was’
the sound of admiration drawn out in that hollow voice of you companion
… of your companion
Very tough, it held together firmly it if held up to a tug from you.
The shirt and pants were all of same durable make and fitted.
… all of the same … and it fitted. (fitted/fit is another uk/us thingamajigger)
The soldier this was made for was round about your size
remove ‘round’
though for as on as you could remember
… as long as you …
“We wait any longer and you’ll hit puberty before we get on this plane.”
… before we get off this plane.
where were they?
capitalization on where
Sure it may not be morally ‘right’ in the eyes of other’s
… the eyes of others
Silic was a monster how could it kill these people without a shred of guilt.
period after monster
In split second a hole had been burned into the Silic’s left flank after a hot bolt of something lashed out from the open door.
In a split second … burned into Sillic’s left …
the shot hot cut clean through Silic’s glass form
remove ‘hot’
you’d be shirtless leaving the skin of your chest both arms
… chest and both arms
you’d be topless leaving the skin your chest and both arms
… the skin of your chest …
There was relief and astonishment there in those eyes dark smoldering pits glowing only before firing off.
… in those eyes which were … (?)
With a few steps and a hard shove a large crate slid toward Moleculo who drift back and fired another bolt through the container
… who drifted back …
This part was going to hurt possibly kill him, if he lived he was about to learn a lesson.
comma after hurt
OR rather tore it off the wall and dover through after Moleculo baiting him to fire off another shot.
“dover through”?
Finally allow you to witness the result of your quick planning
Finally allowing …
th wooden crate exploding into splinters as it struck the man in the chest
the
You witness him at half charge when you wind back and put a fist into his midsection launching Moleculo clear of the plane.
You witness him at half charge?
Your stare down your attacker with a beastial rage!
You
the natural response to ‘kill’ screaming screaming from within your blood.
remove one screaming
using the impact to pivot a hard turn you wind into a kick with enough force to sheer sparring drones in half
… enough force to shear sparring …
using the nearby crate for leverage you kick off before the shot reaches you and again as soon as your feel something solid.
… as soon as you feel …
You leap forward a hiss bolt aimed for you but you redirect into a makeshift handspring into the wall
You leap forward at the sound of a hiss, another bolt aimed for you but you redirect yourself into a makeshift handspring into the wall
Moleculo fired again and Silic rolled to the side with a handspring and into the wall feet first and off again.Without a second spared it closed the distance in the blink of an eye, even yours.
second sentence has no spacing between it and the first.
it was that light grew brighter and brighter obscuring the body behind it.
it was that the light …
The plane was torn in two by the blast sheered by the massive blast and sent twirling.
“torn in two by the blast” and “sheared by the massive blast” is the same, more or less.
The fires heat felt nice for a change as you lay there trying to get your wits about you.
The fire’s heat …
Died at some point, was frozen, was revived, and was propositioned by a glass ‘thing’… set on fire by a weirdo in yellow And now you’re buried under something very heavy and very broken.
period after ‘yellow’ or remove cap on ‘And’
wait why are you think about that now?
… you thinking about …
You take breath of dust ridden air,
You taka a breath …
You do manage to make progress slowly and surely you shrug off the larger chunks and pull yourself from the now mutilated frame of the crashed plane with more than ‘just’ a little satisfaction.
period after ‘surely’
just when you thought you’d get moment to relax.
… get a moment …
There stood lanky black haired man
There stood a lanky …
He like the guard you met before Silic pressed at a button on his outfit’s collar
comma after ‘He’ and after “Silic” (this sentence occurs twice)
Even you have to breathe and it was starting too hard to do even that!
… it was starting to become too hard to …
Odd the only chance to rest was when all of these weirdo’s thought you were dead or couldn’t find you
… these weirdos thought …
oddly you found yourself thinking about how hungry your were…
… hungry you were…
You’re efforts beginning to pay off.
Your
Above you stood lanky black haired man,
… stood a lanky …
I spark of hope came when a feint voice rang out
A spark of …
A voice fought to raise above a tired groan… your silence was never more irritating.
… fought to rise above …
Still lying there you can’ only manage a smile for the time being.
remove the ’
In an instant the look on his face changes, his eyes locked on yours, as if he sees something in them a “That shine…”
remove ‘a’
Add to the fact that it did seem like a good thing to be associated with Silic either.
… it didn’t seem …
If you’re body would let you that is.
If your body …
one edge wide and blunt like at hammer the other razor sharp.
… like a hammer …
“Oh good, now the show can begin, don’t go down to fast you two.”
… go down too fast …
Silic then put an arm around your shoulders and stared down the man with floating chain smiling madly
… man with the floating chain while smiling …
Then there’s the other side… you could strong-arm heavy chunk of metal and throw it at Magpie,
…[b]strong[/b-arm the heavy …
Not mention it’d go along way to recovering from the current damage you’ve taken.
Not to mention …
Like serpent coiling up behind him and reforming solid.
Like a serpent
You aimed low at worst he’d break a leg or two if he didn’t stop the counter or get out of the way.
period after low
In the mean time, you had a feeling Silic was going to capitalize on the opening.
In the meantime, …
Silic burst into dust and you just watched the red cloud envelope Magpie.
… cloud envelop Magpie.
It soon stopped and Silic stood pressed chest to back with Magpie an edged middle finger held against his neck Silic’s other hand roaming over the Magpie’s body tormenting him.
It soon stopped and Silic stood chest to back with Magpie holding an edged middle finger against his neck while Silic’s other hand roamed over Magpie’s body tormenting him.
He struggled in the creature grip fruitlessly the metal at his command swirling around and pelting the hard shape of Silic with nary a crack in the glass, those few that formed sealing shut.
… the creature’s grip fruitlessly while the the metal at his command swirled around and pelted …
Your eyes following Silic’s now concerned gaze landing on an odd pair the… man? But you could be wrong considering his ‘femanly’ build.
Vyde shoots back his body flickering green with hiss and crackle.
a hiss and crackle. or with hissing and crackling
your question was screamed aloud by piercing voice.
… by a piercing …
She was peeling out your thoughts or atleast the ones at the front of your mind.
… or at least the … (peeled thoughts sounds weird to me. “she was voicing out your thoughts”?)
Silic does this itself rolling into a back handspring
you didn’t get the joke but there was a certain level on uneasiness in Jishaku’s group.
… level of uneasiness …
The sound was down right painful.
… was downright painful.
Your not in very good condition right now, hunger starting to set in and the toll taken on your body beginning weigh.
You’re not … beginning to weigh (down) on you.
The again it was hard to really talk to anyone to ‘gain’ their trust but there were two people in your life that had you trust; neither were standing here.
Then again … that had your trust; …
All said and done its best you just sit this one out.
… done it’s best …
Stepping between a them seems the only thing that’s sure to test how durable you really are
… between all of them … or remove ‘a’
He catches your sight and raises an impressed brow; did what you were trying to do?
Any of the other’s had no interest in you
others
She stopped you from probing too the depths of her thoughts and taking in too much
… probing to the …
“Don’t worry everyone will know you wanted to help.”
comma after worry
SO you sat back, letting your legs give out and sit where to were.
… and sit down where you were.
Thing was armed too… not sure how well even that would do against the small feminine man that was Vyde.
not sure how well that would fair against …
What called your attention next was Empathy sitting beside you bed
… beside your bed
You manage a puzzled look wondering how she knew your name and she shrugged the ‘second’ that thought crossed your mind
period after mind
You filed that information away in case you needed it some day.
… needed it someday.
You look to Empathy you held her head in a tilt ever so slightly
she wasn’t in the least concerned about you persistent silence.
… about your persistent …
Empathy seemed at a loss for words, and that blush a little more than embarrassment.
… that blush showed a little …
you’d found hidden camera’s before in the lab so you knew it was possible.
cameras
She threw off the covers and walked out of room.
… walked out of the room.
3 Likes
A lot more code and writing in there than it looks with all the variables isn’t there
Yup yup. SO much replayability and actual difference in MC interactions when picking different character traits.
(even though personally I don’t think I could ever NOT be a troublemaker and wanting to hang out with Empathy.)
I’ll probably go through the rest sometime this week. 
5 Likes
Everyone is talking about first to live happy, but my first wants to become supreme dictator of the world, basically Hitler, Stalin and Napoleon combined.
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@EditorAvila A problem I have with playing ANY multiple choice games (or interactive games) is that I have a bad habit of either playing the character as close to my personality, or I make them into a goody two shoes (or I just wing it, depending on my mood), during the first play through. After that, I start going bold and choosing different choices, though they are still relatively good guys. However eventually, I do start to deviate from my main personality and start making my character darker and darker, until they are full blown evil! But like I said, that’s my bad habit when gaming. There are rare occasions (and by rare, I mean it has only happened twice) where I start a game off as a villain. But that just mostly depends on my mood.
9 Likes
i have that problem too, i’m way too empathetic for my own good XD
aside from that, i really love this so far, espescially the customazation of both Firsts personality (and how it can actually show through when interacting with the other characters), and their looks which the others can comment on! it makes the game feel more real to me, and i cant wait until the next update~ :3
2 Likes
I will second the comment about the ability to customize Firsts personality, it’s relatively seamless, but has interesting effects on the way things go for the character. Though there is something I find jarring, on several runs I’ve deliberately kept control low and as a troublemaker I don’t expect them to be all that concerned by accidental breakage, so the “Oops. Best be careful” line before entering the store didn’t seem to fit my conception of the character at that point.
1 Like