Having a bit of trouble with coding regarding my game but I’m getting there.
But here’s the plot so far:
You are the only child of the weakest family in the realm both politically and militarily but destined to unite it.
Long ago two ancient and powerful races raged war ending in a stalemate, the Sidhe and the Formorians.
To end the bloodshed the Sidhe used ancient magic to seal the Formorians away and then they returned to their own world of Tír na nÓg.
However they left two things behind, one by mistake and one on purpose.
A spell book and a sword forged by Sidhe magic and left with the druids on the Isle of the blessed.
Centuries later the kingdom of Albion was born but eventually split between 3 families after the King died without an heir.
A prophecy told by the druids on the Isle of the blessed tell of a time where the sword left by the Sidhe will be released from the magical circle that keeps it safe and that the person worthy of the sword is destined to unite the kingdom once more and defeat the Sidhe ancient enemy.
The spell book was found before the Sidhe returned to your world and the person responsible broke the seal that imprisoned the Formorians and now they caused chaos across the land.
The druids call to the families and your character is the one the prophecy spoke of.
Now it’s your job to either make alliances, defeat the Formorians and become the King/Queen that Albion needs.
I died and my health jumped to 105%. GOD MODE! Anyways, It’s pretty decent, a bit clunky and awkward but that’s easily fixed with revision. Good story though, and the art is pretty good. I enjoy watching the map change with your actions
Done reading the demo! Hmmm it’s good so far, needs some revisions of course. Word of advice, numbers 1-10 are spelled out and 11+ can be written as it is and as for perspective, maybe you can use third person point of view? something like that. That’s all. Wishing you luck! Have a good day!
Towards the end, I don’t remember his name but you are fighting the big bad guy (described as a giant) and he says “Maybe you aren’t the chosen one” I chose “Maybe you’re right” Then I died. Then I checked the stats.
Errors/Awkward:
First page:
“My Lord Since you were 18 you have been in charge of your families military except during times of war.” -capitalization error, comma error
“Yes of course you’re the head of Saxon house, it is an honour sir.”-spelling error, if you say it out loud it just doesn’t sound like something a person would say
“The honour is my young man and may I say well done on your recent success with the badits.”
-2 spelling errors, grammar error
This is just the very first page that has a meaningful choice; these type of errors are throughout the story. If you run it through a editor like Word, it would really clean up your story. It would also benefit from a prologue, something to world build a little before just dumping us into the first strategic choice.
By no means is this game bad, it could just use a editor/processor. Otherwise, I love the story, and it could be very good. I’m happy to answer any other questions you have. Keep up the good work!
This is an interesting start, although I would be inclined to change your chantry idea that plus the image of the gold statue is basically the image of the grand chantry from Dragon age 2
Hi I was just reading through what you have written and came to the part about the a particular tribe marching towards you. When I picked to prepare defenses instead of gathering my forces. I charged into battle. Can someone please tell me how that makes sense?
I’m looking forward to it. 
Anyways, It’s pretty decent, a bit clunky and awkward but that’s easily fixed with revision. Good story though, and the art is pretty good. I enjoy watching the map change with your actions 