Fira's Chronicles (Little update 12/08/2020 - First part of chapter three available)

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Hello again. Today I uploaded an update. This expands the information about Lenka (you can kiss her in this update) and Chloe. This means that I only need to finish Mutaal path and chapter two will be finished.

Have a nice weekend you all. :purple_heart:

Edited on 03/03/2020
The game’s files have been updated. I’ve made some changes regarding Dimitri and Mutaal and their motives to go with the MC. I have changed some choices and a new conversation between the MC, Sam and Rolph. As the startup file has been modified if you had your game saved at some point, probably it won’t work now. Sorry for the inconvenience.

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Hi everyone! I hope you are all fine with everything that is happening.

Chapter 2 is complete now. I’ve updated a few new scenes and all trainings in chapter two are finished, so, your MC can know more about their new companions plus they’re more prepared for what’s to come and if your MC have ro, they can share a moment :revolving_hearts:.
The startup file has been modified. So, if you had your game saved at some point, probably it won’t work now. Sorry for the inconvenience. :disappointed:

If you found a bug or have some sort of constructive criticism, please don’t doubt to share it. All that makes the story and the game better.

Have a nice day you all. :blush:

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I am doing ok I hope you are ok

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Some stray vars

Summary

I had a family $ {firstname}. I had my parents and six siblings." You realize that Mutaal $ {Mis}

That’s why $ {firstname}

Mutaal’s soft voice sounds almost like a purr, $ {Mhe} tilting $ {M_s}

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Yeah, I couldn’t sleep and I’ve take a look… It’s a mess :sweat_smile: there is even subscene that doesn’t load, I founded some paragraphs that are repeat and my computer don’t want to work at that hour. But I want to let this right, so I shall not bend my will to a computer! :rofl:

Thanks for your report @Vashnik and I didn’t recognized you, your avatar is different :sweat_smile:
So… Mutaal purrs to your MC :smirk: If your MC like to be teased and you’re going to lean for a kiss, let Mutaal give the kiss. I think is the second option. Maybe you’ll enjoy it. I hope so!

Edited
All should work fine now.
Please, if anyone find some more errors (of any kind) or bugs or something that you don’t think it works with the story, please, let me know! Thanks!!!

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Now that I’ve tried all the training options, I think Sage’s is the best – not only do the questions they ask add to the MC’s characterization, but having the player memorize the hand movements makes the training itself more interesting. I also think having the element change depending on those answers adds to the replayability.

I enjoyed learning more about all the characters, although it seems the narrative can conflict with the player’s previous options and the MC’s characterization. What I mean is that for this playthrough I had a combative MC who, in chapter one, hit the door with a flying kick and wore the camouflage pants, which the narration recognized as the MC being ready to fight. Yet during the combat training, if the player chooses the defensive training and having Dimitri as the RO, it acts as though the MC wouldn’t be prepared to fight and paying attention. If you choose the offensive combat option, though, the narration notes that “You interrupt him with a flying kick, just as you have seen Dimitri do.” – which reads as though this combative MC only learned this kick by watching Dimitri and hadn’t already kicked the door.

Finally, I noticed that even if you aren’t trying to romance Mutaal the game goes to the kiss options anyway.

Looking forward to chapter three! :relaxed:

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Sage were an improvised character, it was planned to have two or three scenes in the first chapter but while I write the character file, I couldn’t avoid to develop them more and well, Sage are one of my favorites.

Oh! You’re totally right! And I should have seen it!! Shame on me, I’ll take care of that besides I think the MC could train without getting distracted, I made that scene because if the MC is interested in Edmund too, there is a line showing Edmund trying to get MC’s attention pretending that he isn’t bothered by MC looking at Dimitri, which he is.

I knew Mutaal were getting greedy for MC’s attention… I’ll revise it and put Mutaal in their place, where they should be :rofl:

Thanks a lot for your review, it’s a great one and if you’ve more suggestions please tell me, because sometimes a lot of time has passed between scenes and they’re not as fluid as I wish.

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may the wolf gods bless you and your family during these tough time :pray:

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I wonder how far the villains will go to capture our main character will they do all means necessary or the old-fashioned play the waiting game🤔

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Hi, sadly I usually don’t have time to read wip but I’m stuck without my computer for some time so your wip was randomly selected to make my time less boring.

Now the serious part, I didn’t read it all yet (I’m surely a slow reader), and my main language isn’t english so you can disregard anything I say, but I found this phrase quite weird ¨Hey! Do not you want to continue reading the letter? ¨ as I said, maybe is common but for me is the fisrt time I encountered it and it didn’t sound right. I think that ¨Hey! don’t you want to continue reading the letter?¨ maybe sounds better.

Another thing that I saw (but maybe this is because I lack of any social abilities and my memory is perfectly awful to remember things) is that you introduce like 5 6 characters at the beginning and everyone has hair and almond eyes of some color, I couldn’t keep with who is who and from where they came in that short amount of time. Maybe that’s not at all important because the intentions and the suroundings were clear. I thought I read somewhere that it is best to introduce the characters a few at a time to not create a mess of traits related to them. Again, it could be my faulty brain too.

And lastly, there’s no choices like until past the second chapter, I know that you are trying to introduce the story and give the background, but it felt something like being slapped through time to see flashes of things that happened, maybe it could be done in a more smooth way, like the character remembering things as he does something or any other way. Maybe what you did is what you want to represent (so please ignore this if that’s what you are looking for) like flashes of memories, but for me it felt too… I don’t know… too obvious to just choose some traits. I’m not trying to say anything bad about the story though, its just that I’m brutally honest but without bad intentions, so sorry if I said something inappropiate.

Edit: I’m not by all means a qualified reader, editor, critic, or anythin.

Edit 2:

"Well, My name is Sage, I'll take your command. I suppose you want to know what can you eat here. We make the food depending on the selected ingredients of each day, so can't choose between a lot, but it's excellent in quality and taste." You interrupt them. "I can tell for the smell coming out of the kitchen."

As far as I know if someone is talking and another person responds, interrupts, or anything the line is goes in another paragraph, so just one person speaks in a paraghraph, others can interact making gestures with their hand, arms, face, whatever, but not speak. That makes the conversations a lot more easy to follow.
I don’t really know it this ¨rule¨ applies to everything, but I think that it is followed by most if not all of the writers I have readed.

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First, thanks for taking your time yo write your opinion, I really value those things.
And for the rest I will take another look at the definitions. The intro/ prologue/ chapter0/ I don’t remember how I called it xD doesn’t have choices as is the intro. Now the chapter 1, begun with a choice at the first page. So… it’s weird that it’s showing the second chapter instead the first one… I didn’t touch any file on dashingdon and after the last update it was working alright. I’ll take a look at the files to see if something is wrong and apparently, something is wrong. Oh! And with almond eyes we should have just two characters. That part was written in May, almost a year ago before I decided to code and make my life a living hell :joy: On a serious note, I’ve “rewrote” a few times but sure, I’ll take a look at the intro. Thanks again for your review and for taking your time reading this wip :grin:

Edited:
I’ve just opened the link and it goes with the prologue and the with chapter 1: the descendant and in the fist page there is already an option. I know the prologue can look long to read but I founded necessary to position the MC in the game. If this part is not showing in your device, please send me a screen capture so I can have an idea of what’s happening. Thanks.

And @Takashi_Shin I’m pretty sure you have an idea of how ruthless Varjal can be, in the next update your MC will have the first “encounter” thanks to Rose. (So, level up some of your skills!) Rose, yes, she will be back and we will have a short interlude about what are they doing, probably the last interlude of that kind.

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Sorry, my bad, I didn’t intended to be so specific, just point out the long intro without choices. Not something bad though, just not recommended as far as I know. Apologies, I’ll try to give more precise information next time.

Well, I started to write a long time ago, this is my first time, and when I was like +60% I read the first chapter again and said, holy sh*t… I can’t leave it like that, it’s a crap!. And so I rewrited most of the first chapter. I’m not suggesting you do the same, is just what happened to me, as I were gattering experience I saw some of the early things and notice a lot of things that I didn’t saw before. I’ll probably rewrite some parts of another chapter as soon as I get to review them. Sorry, I’m just rambling.

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Don’t worry, I understand what you’re saying. I’m an avid reader since a young age and I’ve write before just not in English and not an interactive fiction. This is my first game and while I’m aware that the intro is long, I’ve leave it like that because I liked and I think it’s good for the story to be immersive. I’ve played games where there are seven or more pages in a row without choices and I’ve enjoyed the reading because it brings more info about the story. I’m not saying that the intro couldn’t improve, as I founded myself thinking about how long it is myself. I think I’ll try to give another point of view to it so, thanks again, really, for taking your time in explain and write your opinion and your experience. :smile:

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Okay this is the first time i have played this demo and at some point in what i think is the second chapter Mutaal’s becomes a female and stays like that. where earlier on their gender was male.

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Do you have any screenshot? or do you remember where it happened? I’ve been looking at Mutaal’s code and didn’t find anything that can cause that. What I did find was in the code of verbal times, it belonged to the MC and not Mutaal.

Little Update
I’ve uploaded some changes; a new option to skip part of the intro and a new interlude. I’m still writing chapter 3 and I hope it will be shorter than chapter two, which counts 58000 words, maybe not “shorter” but less “wider” and added an option at the end that will allow the MC to be interested in someone that wasn’t selected before. And I think I solved a problem in the trainings, if your MC selected to train with Dimitri before than Edmund, it skipped the option to return and train with Edmund, so, it should be working now.

Oh! And a short interlude where you’ll see Rose’s amazing power.

Have a nice day you all! :blush:

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You to Freja and stay safe

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If that’s the case then I was just confused about how it was worded sorry

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Oh, don’t worry about it, I’m really glad you took time to write about it. Thanks to that, I found the error code on verbs for Mutaal, they were switching with the MC’s verbs. If you have any doubt or do you think something sounds weird, you can tell. It helps me to improve the game and my writing. :grin:

@Takashi_Shin thanks, take care of yourself too. :blush:

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Stay safe. ps love the story.

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Capture _2020-05-01-21-22-22
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I found this bug

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