Thanks, everyone! I appreciate both the encouragement (goodness me) and the suggestions!
@Zolataya I did wonder about the hats. I nearly deleted half of them, because I’m a seven-outfits-plus-one-for-emergencies wardrobe sort of person, but then I thought of @Sneaks’ comment about Diana Wynne Jones and left them in as a tribute to a certain milliner. I can certainly cut a few if it gets confusing.
The bonnet would have been the best option for your fashionable Edwardian lady of those options. What you were thinking of sounds perhaps like a touring hat? I’ll add that in for your MC.
I don’t really think it would be quite suitable to Flitted’s world to categorise the hats by gender, but I can certainly add a word or two to help give the idea of what sort of hats they are. Something more like this? Instead of this (old version):
*My brightly-coloured tam sits firmly on my head; both practical and eye-catching, it is!
*I always wear a top hat, naturally, and I quickly hold up my hand lest it blow off in the gale.
*A casual straw boater is enough for me.
*All right, certainly, hats, yes, yes indeed. Let’s move on, shall we?
*My sensible brown derby will stay put, you’ll see.
*I have on a moddish fascinator with a bit of black lace, three orchids, and a silver bird in a cage.
*My perfectly-trimmed waretwined satin bonnet is the doughtiest of headgear, and has survived worse blusters than this.
*The red fez, my signature top-piece, perches on my head like a lighthouse atop the cliffs of Doughver.
Something more like this (new version)?:
*My brightly-coloured tam sits firmly on my head; the practical, flat bonnet, almost like a cap, is made of wool and printed in a plaid.
*I always wear a top hat, naturally - dark-coloured, high, narrow, and elegant. I quickly hold up my hand lest it blow off in the gale.
*A casual straw boater is more my style; with its narrow brim and flat top, it’s just the thing for a summer picnic, a jaunt through the town, or just topping off a light-coloured ensemble.
*All right, certainly, hats, yes, yes indeed. Let’s move on, shall we?
*My sensible brown derby not only stays put, the small, rounded rounded hat matches any practical person’s wardrobe.
*I am wearing a moddish fascinator. The miniature top-hat is decorated with a bit of black lace, three orchids, and a silver bird in a cage - very avant-garde.
*My perfectly-trimmed, waretwined satin bonnet, with its broad brim and charming ribbons, has said ‘simple elegance’ for decades.
*The red fez, a spherical sort of foreign hat with a small tassle, perches on my head like a lighthouse atop the cliffs of Doughver.
*I have on an elegant touring hat. Broad-brimmed and trimmed with roses and lace, it’s the very epitome of fashion and sophistication.
*I prefer the natural beauty of my unadorned locks.
@Jenna_V Thank you! With your permission, I think I shall add your hand towels to the game. Actually I have an idea as to where . . .
@GloriaRose Thanks! I’m so glad.
Mr. Cceur Mawr has a wife and five children at home, and prefers exclusivity with said wife. So no. He does, however, have two brothers, once of whom is a fraternal (I think fraternal) twin.
@Jenna_V Thank you so much for the feedback; I truly appreciate it.
That makes total sense. The first few scenes were intended to be total chaos, and I was planning to slow it down very soon. The board meeting will actually be just that, a board meeting (although some of the topics will, I hope, be a little unusual).
My reasoning was thus: Ever since dear Ddraig’s departing, who had the MC’s job previously, Flitted has been under almost a curse. Everything that could explode usually did, and it’s been exploding mostly in the mornings. That’s why Cceur Mawr has been so distracted. Anyhow, so this level of madness at Fantasy Foods is not and should not be normal. In parts 2 and 3, the MC can explore why this is so.
That said, I could certainly tone down the craziness. I could even take our friend the automaton and move his scene to another chapter, if that would work better. Ungluing the telegram would be much harder at this point, because it’s meshed into the coding for the scene already.
My outline for part the first is below. Small spoilers, naturally, but I’d love feedback on whether it sounds too chaotic. It goes something like this:
[spoiler]- Walk down the streets (more or less crazy, depending on whether you’re strolling or dashing, and some other things.)
- Arrive at Fantasy Foods.
- Enter, choose your career by virtue of which problem you are attracted towards, and potentially solve said problem.
- Meet with Cceur Mawr, during which you 1. fill out paperwork (interrupted thrice) 2. look at your contract (no interruptions) 3. ask questions (interrupted once), and then sign in @Shockbolt’s royal icing (although it might be purple, sorry - and thanks for suggesting that I really should add that in!). One can do those steps in any order, however, which may impact the pace rather.
(Nota bene, at this point the basic character creation phase has, finally, ended. I’ll still have a lot of small stat additions and a few subtractions, I think, unless I find that’s not working.)
- Tour the factory, though I might swap that with the below portion.
- Sit in on the board meetings and make some decisions (slightly pedantic).
- Either have supper with a few of Flitted’s people, or go home and crash from exhaustion. (calm) [/spoiler]
Does that still sound like too much madness, too quickly? I don’t want to just drown people in chaos - except for in the opening segment. Something’s driven our dear Mr. Mawr to distraction, after all.
Oscar Wilde . . . I was just rereading the preface to his Portrait the other day, after I read an essay about his trial. He’s a thought-provoking sort of person, witticisms and otherwise.
Also if there are daisies in my picnic baskets later, we shall all know whose fault it is.