Fantasy Foods Ltd. (WIP) - Updated 25 April

Again another interesting and bloody brilliant WIP escapes my notice. The light hearted nature to your writing bring this work to life, and oddly enough a slight weight gain. Please keep uo the great work!

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You’re ahead of your time; plutonium wasn’t discovered until 1940. The engineers will love you! There’s also an Easter egg in one of the ice cream flavours, although not that one. Maybe I should make it give bonus points in technical . . .

And thanks, everyone, for the kind comments! It makes all the endless hours of researching telephone operators and hydroelectric generators and the cut of Edwardian coats feel quite worth it. It even makes up for the ridiculous amount of coding I decided to put into the backstories. (Note, I must be more careful when planning these things in the future. On with the plot . . . )

I’ve stashed three poets, two of this era and one from a few centuries before, in this update (two badly mangled quotes and one in-the-style poem). That was fun. I like mangling Tennyson.

@faewkless I added the ability for humans to learn magic! You have to be rather on the older side though. Thanks for the suggestion! I had fun incorporating it. And all the consequences. ( : 0

Does anyone have any thoughts on the backstories? Or a favourite? They’ll come into play in the next several chapters, and I plan to have several of the characters in them turn up in unexpected places.

Also, I’m curious, has anyone figured out the tune for that awful telegram?

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So what happens if we chose to be 66 and have all the backgrounds… Because that’s basically my plan at this point.

Well . . . that depends on a few things, like which backgrounds. They’ll be useful (or possibly awkward) later on. And a sixty-six-year-old will still have to choose; there are already more backgrounds under the no education and primary education options than are possible even for a sexagenarian. I’ll be adding one or two for the university background (one technical option, and one to teach at a public school, I think) so that’ll be true there as well.

On the other hand, a sixty-six-year-old isn’t going to have as much energy or be quite as healthy as a sixteen-year-old, or even a forty-year-old. Nor will the sixty-six-year-old be able to blend in at a university or a school, if it comes to a point where that would be helpful. Or pull a series of all-nighters, or run fast enough to catch a potential saboteur in Part II.

I do realise that some sixty-six-year-olds could manage all of this splendidly (I’ve met a few), but not as a general rule. Besides, I feel a need to make adjustments that will help balance out the ages.

The age may also significantly affect things like ROs, or friendships to some degree. And the future of one’s career, naturally. And if you’re not playing the engineer, well, Dusty Pwyll has a bit of an attitude towards senior citizens that she’s still learning to overcome, regrettably.

Lady Gwelw quite appreciates the hoary-heads, unless they’re very impetuous or absurdly rude.

One of my main desires with Flitted is to have it be an interesting story. I’d rather not have it be a game that you can win or lose, but instead a game where all of the stories you make are satisfying whether you reach your goals or not.

I’ve no idea how well I’ll be able to achieve that. It does mean that I’m happy to have certain backgrounds lock you out of certain events. The ridiculous amount of statistics on the stats screen is getting used, and I’m hoping ‘failed’ results will be more amusing or fascinating than they are disappointing.

Does that make sense? Sorry, I went on for ages without intending to.

And if you have any suggestions for incorporating age better - or any of the other factors - do let me know! I’m happy to work in suggestions as I’m able.

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I enjoyed the style, pace and tone of the story. it actually deserves a closer reading because there are several levels to each scene.

One minor quibble - When choosing a hat, maybe a little help in picturing them might be useful, especially to those of us who know very little about hats. I settled on a bonnet because I know what that was and both the derby and top hat are for guys. I wanted to pick a hat like they wear to the Kentucky Derby, the pretty hats that the Royals in England wear too. Something that fit the picture I was trying to build of a fashionable Edwardian Lady :slightly_smiling:

One thing I enjoyed was the use of the fairies and other mythological creatures - they had both the familiar (fairy-soot) and the unknown with the mixture of early tech. The singing telegram scene was great.

The style reminds me of Oz in its simple elegance - simple to understand and picture but elegant in its details. To do the full story justice, I will need to read this when my mind it fully awake and engaged. If I try this while half asleep or suffering a migraine, I’ll miss a lot.

Well done.

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This. Is. Fantastic. If Lewis Carroll, Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams sat down to write a story about a bakery, it would probably look something like this. And smell of soft, lavender hand towels with the little dangly bits at the end.

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@Fiogan Such a fantastic demo, i love it!!! :heart_eyes: Cant wait for more :grinning:
My MC is a Fashionable, Flirtatious, Impetuous man in his late twenties or just twentie depending on my mood and i cant really wait for more to see how my MC fares xD

Keep up the great writhing Fiogan! :grin:

Also is Mr.Cceur Mawr a RO choice? Since my MC is quiet after him :smirk:

One teeny, tiny bit of feedback, and this is purely subjective on my part, but I think I’d prefer it if there were some scenes that weren’t so “big.” Having dragons and fairies and high-intensity zaniness on every page starts to rob it of its shock value. It’s sort of like profanity: the more you use it, the less power it has. Putting some lower-wattage scenes between the supernovas can give players a chance to catch their breath before you slap them with another fish. That’s not to say I think you need passages without any humor or oddity at all–absolutely not! I just feel as if it would be nice to go smaller here and there, with a bit of a wink-and-smirk, rather than featuring ornately-crafted picnic baskets full of exploding daisies at every turn. As stated, that may just be a “me” thing, though. Even so, I love the overall setting, tone and wit. To borrow a favorite line from another property, “Why, it’s sharper than a page of Oscar Wilde witticisms that have been rolled up into a point, sprinkled with lemon juice and jabbed into someone’s eye.”

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Thanks, everyone! I appreciate both the encouragement (goodness me) and the suggestions!

@Zolataya I did wonder about the hats. I nearly deleted half of them, because I’m a seven-outfits-plus-one-for-emergencies wardrobe sort of person, but then I thought of @Sneaks’ comment about Diana Wynne Jones and left them in as a tribute to a certain milliner. I can certainly cut a few if it gets confusing.

The bonnet would have been the best option for your fashionable Edwardian lady of those options. What you were thinking of sounds perhaps like a touring hat? I’ll add that in for your MC.

I don’t really think it would be quite suitable to Flitted’s world to categorise the hats by gender, but I can certainly add a word or two to help give the idea of what sort of hats they are. Something more like this? Instead of this (old version):

*My brightly-coloured tam sits firmly on my head; both practical and eye-catching, it is!
*I always wear a top hat, naturally, and I quickly hold up my hand lest it blow off in the gale.
*A casual straw boater is enough for me.
*All right, certainly, hats, yes, yes indeed. Let’s move on, shall we?
*My sensible brown derby will stay put, you’ll see.
*I have on a moddish fascinator with a bit of black lace, three orchids, and a silver bird in a cage.
*My perfectly-trimmed waretwined satin bonnet is the doughtiest of headgear, and has survived worse blusters than this.
*The red fez, my signature top-piece, perches on my head like a lighthouse atop the cliffs of Doughver.

Something more like this (new version)?:
*My brightly-coloured tam sits firmly on my head; the practical, flat bonnet, almost like a cap, is made of wool and printed in a plaid.
*I always wear a top hat, naturally - dark-coloured, high, narrow, and elegant. I quickly hold up my hand lest it blow off in the gale.
*A casual straw boater is more my style; with its narrow brim and flat top, it’s just the thing for a summer picnic, a jaunt through the town, or just topping off a light-coloured ensemble.
*All right, certainly, hats, yes, yes indeed. Let’s move on, shall we?
*My sensible brown derby not only stays put, the small, rounded rounded hat matches any practical person’s wardrobe.
*I am wearing a moddish fascinator. The miniature top-hat is decorated with a bit of black lace, three orchids, and a silver bird in a cage - very avant-garde.
*My perfectly-trimmed, waretwined satin bonnet, with its broad brim and charming ribbons, has said ‘simple elegance’ for decades.
*The red fez, a spherical sort of foreign hat with a small tassle, perches on my head like a lighthouse atop the cliffs of Doughver.
*I have on an elegant touring hat. Broad-brimmed and trimmed with roses and lace, it’s the very epitome of fashion and sophistication.
*I prefer the natural beauty of my unadorned locks.

@Jenna_V Thank you! With your permission, I think I shall add your hand towels to the game. Actually I have an idea as to where . . .

@GloriaRose Thanks! I’m so glad.

Mr. Cceur Mawr has a wife and five children at home, and prefers exclusivity with said wife. So no. He does, however, have two brothers, once of whom is a fraternal (I think fraternal) twin.

@Jenna_V Thank you so much for the feedback; I truly appreciate it.

That makes total sense. The first few scenes were intended to be total chaos, and I was planning to slow it down very soon. The board meeting will actually be just that, a board meeting (although some of the topics will, I hope, be a little unusual).

My reasoning was thus: Ever since dear Ddraig’s departing, who had the MC’s job previously, Flitted has been under almost a curse. Everything that could explode usually did, and it’s been exploding mostly in the mornings. That’s why Cceur Mawr has been so distracted. Anyhow, so this level of madness at Fantasy Foods is not and should not be normal. In parts 2 and 3, the MC can explore why this is so.

That said, I could certainly tone down the craziness. I could even take our friend the automaton and move his scene to another chapter, if that would work better. Ungluing the telegram would be much harder at this point, because it’s meshed into the coding for the scene already.

My outline for part the first is below. Small spoilers, naturally, but I’d love feedback on whether it sounds too chaotic. It goes something like this:

[spoiler]- Walk down the streets (more or less crazy, depending on whether you’re strolling or dashing, and some other things.)

  • Arrive at Fantasy Foods.
  • Enter, choose your career by virtue of which problem you are attracted towards, and potentially solve said problem.
  • Meet with Cceur Mawr, during which you 1. fill out paperwork (interrupted thrice) 2. look at your contract (no interruptions) 3. ask questions (interrupted once), and then sign in @Shockbolt’s royal icing (although it might be purple, sorry - and thanks for suggesting that I really should add that in!). One can do those steps in any order, however, which may impact the pace rather.

(Nota bene, at this point the basic character creation phase has, finally, ended. I’ll still have a lot of small stat additions and a few subtractions, I think, unless I find that’s not working.)

  • Tour the factory, though I might swap that with the below portion.
  • Sit in on the board meetings and make some decisions (slightly pedantic).
  • Either have supper with a few of Flitted’s people, or go home and crash from exhaustion. (calm) [/spoiler]

Does that still sound like too much madness, too quickly? I don’t want to just drown people in chaos - except for in the opening segment. Something’s driven our dear Mr. Mawr to distraction, after all.

Oscar Wilde . . . I was just rereading the preface to his Portrait the other day, after I read an essay about his trial. He’s a thought-provoking sort of person, witticisms and otherwise.

Also if there are daisies in my picnic baskets later, we shall all know whose fault it is.

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Good grief, please do not remove the hats, it would leave some people terribly bareheaded. Imagine the illness it could cause. :frowning:

I learnt the words for a few new hats, I must confess, wish I found utterly delightful - learning is more often than not positive! A good compromise, as you said yourself - or wrote, as the case is - would be adding those descriptions. The best of two worlds, all in a delightfully delirious world of goodies, and I have not even touch the cakes yet! I do so swear, those are not my fingerprints! :sweat_smile:

To me, what you suggest under that second spoiler would work. I have, however, not personally felt overwhelmed by the chaos - for that it is indeed - so I may not be the one to answer it. I have felt it to be chaos upon entering, followed by a pause to catch the breath before entering the office and from then on the pattern repeated: chaos-pause-chaos-pause.

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@Fiogan Oh thats a bummer xD (well one cant have it all, haha ^^) sry i hadent read youre comment from above earlier, about romance not being youre forte xD so sorry for that! :blush:

@Fiogan - As @Taylor_Enean, I feel the addition of the descriptors is a fine solution. And the picture or more specifically hatinator hat is what I was thinking of - the satin bonnet and the picture hatinator (like what Catherine is popularizing) hat is what I picture an Edwardian Lady choosing between (the bonnet for the more conservative and the picture hat for the boundary pushing fashion-forward Lady). The hats are a good way to customize and differentiate so I’d definitely keep them.

As to the gender issue - that really was a non-issue for me; rather the picture I was building of my MC was one of a Mary Poppins/Dorthy type of character in for a ride but rock steady for those magical, whimsical companions there along with me for the ride. Since your background material painted a magical, whimsical Edwardian mechanical type of world, my MC would be represented by the youngish “progressive” Lady of the day.

The chaos of the setting to begin with seemed appropriate as a way of introducing the forces at work in your story-verse, and as such, I did not feel as overwhelmed as others did, Like @Taylor_Enean, I felt the pattern after entering the office was a good paced devise so I wouldn’t change that.

If you desire more specific feedback or wish me to beta-test or anything else just let me know. Again, thank-you for the wonderful start to your story.

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General note: If I blur any text in this thread, it’ll generally be because it gives away either teasers or minor spoilers about future plot points and characters. Not major spoilers because those aren’t any fun. Anyhow, click but be warned.

@GloriaRose That’s fine! The more I work with these characters, the more I want to add a few romance options into the game. I already am tentatively planning two, both of whom have appeared already (although, still new waters for me so we’ll see how it goes). So if anyone else catches your fancy, please do let me know! There are lots of people who would make perfectly good ROs and aren’t generally disinclined.

One of my hopes for Flitted’s world is to have a good mix of married people, families, those just not interested in dating-romance-or-marriage, those in relationships of various kinds, and single folks. I’ve always thought that was one of the oddest things about games and films; the ratios are usually strangely disproportionate to the settings. Expediency, I suppose.

Several characters are sort of unassigned at the moment, though! So we’ll see. I also really want to give opportunities to make friends (or enemies) of the characters.

@Zolataya Thanks! I’ve appreciated reading your feedback on other threads as well; you have some very insightful ideas to share. I’m always happy to hear about anything that you notice could use improvement.

@poison_mara I seem to remember reading, somewhere, you mentioning that you don’t tend to leave feedback on new games unless specifically invited. I don’t know if Fantasy Foods is something you would enjoy - but if it is, I would love to hear your thoughts! There will be intrigue later in the game, on several levels - potential sabotage, espionage industrial and otherwise, and a few minor mysteries to solve. At least, there will be if it works out.

I don’t often play intrigue/Machiavellian characters myself - mine tend to be high charisma, but also rather transparent. So any suggestions for characters who have one way of thinking about things and a very different way of acting would be amazingly helpful.

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Ok, Thanks I would check your game and give you feedback.

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I am completely ok with signing in purple icing.

Also my friend and I went back and forth for two hours last night talking about magical themed ice cream possibilities.

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Speaking of ice-cream, I love the result of liking them all. :smile: Just perfect. I love things like that. :blush:

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I am, by nature, a lurker. If I’ve decided to come out of my natural habitat, for now, WIPs like this are why.

This is such a whimsical story, and I love it! Even the smallest details seem to have thought behind them. (I am super happy that I get to wear a straw boater, for some reason.)

The setting wonderful. It doesn’t feel contrived, as if it were only built for the player, which is awesome. Each character has a life of their own, and reading the dialogue, as well as the narration, is enjoyable. My favorites are Mr. Mawr, Osian, Gwythyr, Lldan, the fairy in the telegram scene whose name I don’t remember seeing…? And, basically, every other person. And, since I mentioned singing telegrams, I have to say, I found the whole thing quite clever. Only, now I can’t quite stop humming Three Blind Mice.

By the way, if you end up talking to Osian, and you tell him that you’ll be working in the bakery, then when Llwchgwin brings the treats, the game seems to think that you chose to go rescue the baking, and met em.

Also, choosing to be a sixty-six year old baker with an average education, I only got four background options? So, when I chose to move on to something else after the fourth one, I got a pop-up telling me there were no selectable options, so I was unable to continue that play-through.

Not sure if I’ve even read all the backgrounds, but the ones I did were all very cool! My favorite has to be working at the library, though.

This is much longer than I intended it to be. I apologize.

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I’m honoured that you came out of lurking for Fantasy Foods and other WIPs. I can’t imagine a nicer compliment to the writers here!

The fairy’s name wasn’t mentioned, no. It’s Gwyredd Ywenfridd (GWE-rith ye-wen-FRITH, if you like to look at the pronunciations), whose illustration is up in post 53. He will be introduced properly quite soon. He’ll be playing a very large role in the rest of the game, particularly part 2 and beyond. At least, he will for those who choose to work with him or otherwise spend time around him.

Thanks so much for letting me know about the two errors! That’s extremely helpful. I figured out the problem with Llwchgwin and fixed it (that wasn’t even a coding error, it was a thinking error. Oops.)

I’m sorry about the game-breaking error with the careers. In theory, you shouldn’t have been able to pick more than four background options (it works on a counter). By ‘average education’, you mean university? That subscene is about 4000 lines of code; I think I found the error and fixed it, but I’m not entirely certain.

I added an extra option to the university choices for now (telephone operator), as well. I’ll leave that at least until I get around to writing the one I’m intending to insert eventually (teaching at a public school). My thought was to always leave at least one stone unturned anyway, so that choosing is meaningful even for the 66-year-old. And I think I fixed it so that you’re redirected after the fourth choice now.

I’m so glad you picked up on the telegraph tune! I’m a professional musician, piano, which is where there are references to opera and classical music and modern music scattered all over the place. I was hoping they’d be enjoyable to some, and not distracting for everyone else.

Any guesses as to what accent/language I used for our friend the professor? And did you perchance become his assistant? He’ll come into play again later in the game . . . Oh - or possibly you meant the other library, as a page.

@Shockbolt That’s hilarious. If you feel like suggesting one or two of your favourites for a character to invent later (role of your choice) - or another character I suppose, if you’d prefer it then why not? - I’m all ears.

Random statistics from when I was debugging: Average play-through wordcount, 8400 words. That’s not quite ten percent of the total wordcount (something like 88,000 currently). I think I shall blame the ridiculous ratio on the Easter eggs in the ‘what is your title’ section.

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The pronunciations are very appreciated. My brain wouldn’t know what to make of some of the names, otherwise. I look forward to seeing how the story unfolds. And, the illustrations are all lovely! I like the art style.

It’s an impressive feat to be able to keep up with all that coding.
As for the career error, yes, sorry. I’ll work on being more specific next time. Just went through the game, and you’ve definitely fixed it.

I am not a professional musician, but I’ve enjoyed the references, all the same - when I catch them. It adds something special to the story, and your knowledge of music shows in your writing.

Wait, there’s another library background? I must go find it.

I was able to be the professor’s assistant, which was unexpected, and very fun. I could even understand a bit of what he was saying…sometimes.

I want to say that the his accent is Scottish. Fully prepared to be wrong, though. In any case, I’m super happy that we’ll be seeing more of him later! As well as Gwyredd. They’re both awesome.

Now, I’m off to hunt for some Easter eggs, haha!

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Perhaps the slightly stuffy receptionist could have a secret fondness for a particularly lady-like and lightly-perfumed Lavender Ice cream.

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