OK, I confirmed the changes.
Expect a rewrite for act 1 eventually for skye and CJs scenes. Skye will have her description redone also, thatâs all for for now and that begins the act 2 writing. (After I finish the povs)
2 Likes
So like, I am a bit of a nagger but if you have thoughts and feedback on what you read. I would love feedback and I would encourage you to give it.
I need it, I beg.
2 Likes
Is it set in stone to play as African American??
I canât play as Hispanic?
2 Likes
It isnât set in stone, it was just something that I was playing around with, and I will change it so that you can play as a couple of other races, but the MC will always be mixed. The dad will always be just white, and the mother will be the same race as the PC.
1 Like
Minor update 1 (for act 2)
First of all, I might switch to a 3 month update schedule because I am a kinda bum that canât write to save my life.
Secondly, the PC will probably get changed to be half black as the default/set in stone because I feel like I could do something with that storyline. I know it might push a few people off, but I want to do something for my fellow black folks.
- Bad Idea
- Itâs whatever
- Good idea.
0
voters
Thirdly, for the Irene lovers, if any of you know how to play chess then please private message me as I want to do something unique with her involving chess. I donât want to use a chess engine for it. 
lastly, update is being written and is coming along well I think.
4 Likes
To whomever it may concern, the current update is projected to be around 40k words or more. Itâs half way done but still needs to be beta tested and everything. But update will be ready soon ish. December 1st the earliest.
10 Likes
Rise and shiny, my cardboard prince, itâs time for school.
shine
They are an icy blue, just like your mothers.
motherâs
Your hair iis something that has been through a lot.
is
âWhereâs your jacket honey, did I forget it in the washroom?â
you
You used your arms to shield yourself from the barrage, before rolling over to get her off of you but luckily you managed to get on top of her. You pulled back your arm to start your own beatdown. âWhat the hell are you doing Adam**.**â
?
You push the door open annoyed and there she is standing in all her glory pushing the doorbell like her life depended on it. She didnât notice you at first but she soon turns to face you with that stupid grin on her face. âGood morning loser, whatâs for breakfast?â
I know it has multiple meanings, but the first thing that literally came to my mind was that she was standing completely naked. 
Skye White
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Race: Human
Nationality: American (Native American & African American)
Relationship: Best friends
.
I think race should be African American rather than human.
I think someone called CJ (Charlotte?) showed up in the story, but I canât remember if they have an entry in the stats screen.
I like Skye. 
Crazy and excitable childhood friend.
Good luck.
4 Likes
Thank you for reading through the demo chance and I am glad that you like Skye, Irene makes it seem like the other ROs are underwritten.
Will fix the typos and errors when I get home this evening.
I will try to reword it to be better then.
Race refers to your race in a literal sense here, what race the ROs are comings into debate later in the story. Whether they are human or supernatural.
Will this also.
3 Likes
At which point of the story did you find this typo, I canât seem to find it. Unless I wrote the scene already and forgot to update.
3 Likes
This isnât a typo, its supposed to mean. âDid I forgot to put it back in your room and you are unable to find it?â
3 Likes
Itâs quite close to the start of the game.
Icy blue eyes stare back at you, you look up at your head and at your hair.
Your hair iis something that has been through a lot.
#Itâs styled into a fade now.
#Itâs styled into a surfer cut now
#Itâs styled into dreads now.
That makes sense. 
2 Likes
Ok thanks, everything has been fixed, and I will just add a few more extra things and push the typo fixes.
2 Likes
Minor Update
Minor update to the story as a whole, but nothing shown in act 1 or 2, but I will be adding a new and final RO, they play a key role in the development of the main character on one of the routes. They will be a male RO, and this brings us to 4 male ROs and 4 female ROs, with a total of 8 ROs.
This is experimental for the most part and is subjective to change, It shouldnât cause any major problems writing wise or character wise. Each Ro has their own niche, role and side story planned, so it wonât cross over with anyone else.
6 Likes
Major Announcement
Hello Hello, announcement time for the update and other stuff that I been thinking about since I am done writing.
First of all, the update is mostly finished and on my patreon with a few things that I need to iron out before I get hit with a stick, so you can expect the update to add 45k words and the total to be around 70k words minimum.
now I promised myself that I wonât rewrite the story again, and I kept that promise if only on a technicality because I am going to be back adding content, what content you may ask?
Female route content, Jamie or well John content, Irene content, sexuality and some minor stuff that I will mention, the first three things will be discussed as a unit since they are all related.
I have decided to make it so that female players become cheerleaders instead of football players, and Irene will become a gender dependent RO since they are being pushed into a âsetâ RO position. if your character is female then Irene will be male, if you are male then Irene will stay female.
Another fun change is that if you are female and a cheerleader, then Ireneâs male counterpart becomes the vice captain of the football team. Donât worry Ashford will not be affected by this change.
Ireneâs character will be different between the male and female versions of themselves, meaning Female Irene wonât change, but Male I will be a lot more reserved and tatical.
Sexuality will be added and that can be the other reason that you and Irene broke up before the story began, as due to a certain character your character was forced to evaluate certain aspects of themself.
Now for the Jamie stuff, Jamie will be intersex instead of being a male/femboy, this is a big change and itâs going to affect a lot of people who have chosen to romance him but itâs a change that has to be made for narrative reasons. With the intersex change, I decided to change their name to John, since John and Jane are a pair name, and itâs story relevant.
John smith, will be given a new name but his content will remain unaffected.
Now the reason that this isnât a rewrite, is because these changes will be implemented slowly, as time goes on.
You are welcome to have any questions, and I will answer them to the best of my ability.
14 Likes
News on the update.
Unless I completely shit the bed, the update will be released on the 16th of this month, as itâs a special day to me, the day I was born.
So I will release it then and still keep to my original plan of not writing the new update/content until the new year, exams are cooking me, and I need to study.
They will be a minor questionaire at the end of the game, so fill it out if you can so I can gauge some stuff, see you then.
(if they are any bugs then I apologize in advance, because I will not be online to fix any of them if they are.)
Sneak peak also.
9 Likes
âas itâs a special day to me, the day I was born.â
Happy Early Birthday!
I canât wait to see new story!
2 Likes
Thank you, hopefully itâs up to snuff and I didnât overbake the chicken.
2 Likes
Dry chicken is the worst. LOL
Take your time and give us something youâre proud of. We can wait for free entertainment.
2 Likes
The update for act 2 is live.
if you can then fill out the questionaire at the end of the wip, please and thank you.
3 Likes
The premise of the story is interesting, and I think it has potential. But some of the writing and choices (or lack there of) are offputting. Having a set race works and makes sense if you plan to do something with it. But if you are going to do that, at least put it in the description. I was confused at first and had to scroll through the comments to find out if I made a choice or if it was a bug rather than a set thing. I think opportunity to choose how you feel about being cut more would be good, how you felt about being on the team, if you at least feel relived to have less pressure even if you did not want to leave the team, things like that. The flashback, was, weird, I donât see the point of mentioning the PlayStation or that it was imported. Itâs a small nitpick, but it breaks up pacing and serves no purpose, the story would make as much sense and read better just saying console, or even make up a name rather than the specifics. The sudden punch with no choice, Skyeâsâ reaction to said punch, and then your parentâs reaction to you both being covered in blood being a bit of an under reaction. The whole interaction feels artificial or flat, and again the lack of choices really hamper it. Pronouns are messed up a bit, with her and she being swapped a few times and always possessive. If you are going to have a choice to have a female PC as an option, having story events or characters treating or talking to you like you are a guy, then following up with, but you are not, really does not work well and takes you out of the story. The lack of choice also hits here hard too. If the story requires you to be the prince, let me say how I feel about it, let me choose what gift was in the box, etc. I feel like a lot of your writing could be improved by showing, not telling (an issue I deal with in writing as well). Itâs the reason a lot of it feels flat and poorly paced in areas. That is one of the biggest areas to work on, as well as more player choice.
I am confused when you plan on doing the changes mentioned in the comment I replied. It is confusing to read new content after you announce changes, only for none to be there? A lot of the critique I have is based on areas I assume will be changed but has not been yet, so I am unsure how to give feedback on it. To the point, I rushed through some of the last choices to get to the survey to help with feedback. I like the idea of having you be a cheerleader or a football player based on sex as itâs America, and they still donât let women play American football (for some reason). I am not a big fan of a set relationship, even if you can or do break up, but if you feel that is an important part of the story, at least let us choose what level or relationship it was and how we feel about it.
The story I think has potential like I said, but it very much feels like a rough draft atm
4 Likes