Fallen Hero - Update 18 December 2016

Your fight scenes are, perhaps, my favorite fight scenes that I’ve read in a while. (Maybe ever.)

I already adored the one between MC and Herald, but the Ortega fight scene is just… too perfect. Especially the option to walk away at the end, I didn’t think we’d get an option like that but it’s so amazing and perfectly in sync with the fact that you offer us the option to play a reluctant villain (which is so far my favorite of my two MCs I’m going through this with… gotta read all sides, y’know?) I love it so much. You’ve done such a great job allowing for variation in the MCs reasons and actions and characters I never feel like I’m being forced to play a particular kind of villain, especially since I never actually play villains but here I can do it and love it… I’ll stop before I start (er… continue?) rambling.

Also I’m super curious to see what the press would name the MC. I might do that in my one run-through with my cliche supervillain gal (I was going to give her the alias ‘Chatterbox’ since she couldn’t stop monologuing, but I’m way too curious to pass up the chance to see what names you’ve got in store for us), but I’ve gotta keep my other MC’s alias as Empathy ('cause irony… also, with the readdition of the reasoning make everyone see the truth- which I’m super happy to see back by the way- it feels like it fits.

Anyway, loved the newest update. It was amazing.

Good luck!

EDIT: I also just wanted to mention that I’ve had this song stuck in my head ever since I’ve played the fight Ortega fight scene.

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This fight far exceeded my hopes, good god. I feel so guilty for putting the hurt on Ortega, mainly because I love them so damn much, but I was glad to see the options you provided for feeling bad about it in character too. Kind of hoping we can visit them in the hospital because the least I can do after that beating is bring them some flowers…

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@malinryden I think there might be a variable mix up for the party with the good doctor. When I obfuscated the real reason I wanted to go to the museum, they acted like they they knew what was going on. This got me all worried that the doctor was on to me so I went back and tried again, this time telling them what I was up to. This time she seemed totally in the dark as to what I was up to.

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@SeventhJackel - You are completely right! I accidentally had inverted the true/false flags. Good spot! Should be fixed now.

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I really enjoyed the Ortega fight. ^.^ It felt good to crush Ortega and make him fear me… :smiling_imp: Though on that note, wow, my MC seem to be veering into some really weird yandere territory. At this point it really feels like part of the reason she is doing all this, including breaking Ortega’s ribs, dislocating his arm, and beating him to near death, is just to get his attention… :sweat_smile:

Oh, and some low level feedback:

“Your real body jerks awake as you leave Yasmin to her fate, trusting luck to keep her comatose body safe.”
Not sure if this is an error, but I chose to let Ortega take care of her and seem to recall getting a different text before the update.

“Sidestep impressed anybody, but this time you most certainly will.”
This sentence seems a bit oddly phrased?

“The facts here are that the crowd will hamper the Rangers more than me.”
Since this is not in a choice, I think it’s supposed to be in second person.

‘[I]"…be.g fo.r… me.rcy…" it had hissed in that weird, guttural growl.’
Idk what that “[I]” is, but I don’t think it’s supposed to be there?

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@KuraiHeka - Thanks for the feedback! They are now fixed, and will be in the next update! And yes, the MC has issues… so many of them.

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To repeat what other people have said, that fight was amazing. They’re just so visual - I can literally imagine them in a comic book, they’re so clear and vivid - especially when the MC started thinking of the Catastrofiend fight, although it sounds like they saved Ortega’s life then so I’m wondering if the only reason Catastrofiend got the upper hand was because they had a seizure? Or were those two different incidents entirely?

I also appreciated the chance to regret beating up Ortega - although I didn’t (or rather, my MC, but me too) realise that Ortega was trying to figure out who we are until my… oh, I want to say third playthrough of that fight? I was absolutely delighted when I realised they were trying to figure us out, especially since my MC decided to use her knowledge of Ortega to beat him up. And then when I gave my lil villain monologue from my heart - the first thing my MC says is “I always wondered what you would look like on your back”? I know it’s serious, but that made me laugh so hard.[/spoiler] The MC is so very smooth and subtle when it comes to their feelings. [spoiler]That being said, it was heartbreaking in its own way - I didn’t miss how the MC essentially said hurting Ortega was no different from hurting themself, and then (when I replayed with the “truth” motivation") them getting upset at the idea of Ortega /knowing/ what the military does and not doing a thing about it.

Also, while I was replaying (wanted to see those lovely reintroduced motivations), I noticed you added some new lines into the Heartbreak flashback. “She’s waiting for you” - I’m pretty sure I didn’t seen that last time I played through? If the update hadn’t already excited me enough, I think that little minisicule piece of new information was the icing on the cake. Also more info on Hollow Ground is another exciting bonus, which very much sounds like a sequel sort of foe with the MC being concerned about going up against her.

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I think you’ve pulled of a deft feat in the storytelling of the whole game so far. Traditionally, good storytelling requires a certain clarity of motivation, so we can comprehend why the character is doing what they are doing, which is more engaging than watching someone doing random crap for no discernable reason, and it fires up that part of our brain responsible for empathy; even if you’re writing a story with a capital-t Twist Ending, you want the audience to think they know what’s going on, not just be completely mystified. You’ve eschewed that entirely. We don’t where we’re coming from, nor where we’re going. The ultimate overarching goal of all this villainy is unstated, and there is some buried secret in their past that drives them inexorably forward. We know scraps here and there, when you ask us “why are you doing all this,” or we read the newly-added flashbacks to the Sidestep days… but it’s just enough to tease, to entice, while not actually explaining anything.

Yet the story does not collapse into an incomprehensible mess with an enigmatic cipher for the lead, because you’re a very good writer. Obviously, sentences flow and pacing never flags, but more pertinently we look at this character and we understand. We understand their self-destructive behavior without knowing what form that destruction might take. We understand their drive without knowing exactly what inspires them. We feel their pain, their inner conflict and confusion, how they torture themselves, and when you harness those forces, it’s like catching lightning in a bottle. We’re in second-person, and the myopic eternal present you’ve created not only puts us right there along for the ride with them, but is even appropriate, putting us in the feet of a character who’s suppressing their past and might have fancy plans but still doesn’t seem to be seriously thinking about tomorrow. Supplementing that is the interactive medium further encouraging identification and projection. “You’re doing this — why?” is a very powerful tool indeed, although I can see it seriously compromising the payoff down the line when you have to put together answers that make sense for the unrepentant baby-eater and the reluctant essentially-a-hero. (I’m sure you have something in mind, though.) This is all a high-wire act that has been known to backfire spectacularly, especially in television shows, but for now there is absolutely no reason to doubt your ability to both keep this tension up and resolve it satisfactorially, based on what’s there.

Bravo.

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Found a few bugs with choices providing popup errors with non-existent variables.

  1. chapter 14, line 218: Non-existent variable ‘known_telepath’ (It continues to the next page, but there are no choices on it and you’re stuck.)

2 ) chapter 14, line 379: Non-existent variable ‘known_telepath’ (Same as above)

  1. chapter 14, line 1808: Non-existent variable ‘suit_flaw’

(Hmm. Bugs may be on my end, because I can’t even get to the Ortega fight without a variable error. I’m not sure what’s causing it.)

EDIT: So, I cleared my cache and started over, and it seems to be fixed. I’m not sure why the cache would’ve mattered, since this is the first time I’ve played it on dashingdon, but even if it was something else, it seems like it’d be hard to reproduce.

Man, I love how close we can get to revealing who we are to Ortega. I love that he can know he’s fighting someone that he used to know. I tried a few different choices from my save right before the gala, and I’ve gotta say… it’s the heartfelt monologue that really got to me. It’s my MC acknowledging that he can’t stop himself from falling, but it’s that added risk of clueing Ortega in that makes it worthwhile to me. Ortega, you’re my only hope. :cry:

[details=Anyways, I think I found a tiny continuity error.]
If you chose to have the monologue (spoken from the heart in my MC’s case) and let Ortega speak, this plays out:

“This is something you will have to understand on your own. I can’t help anyone. Not anymore.” Smiling a little sadly inside your helmet, you bring your other hand down in a backhanded blow that knocks Ortega back to unconsciousness.

Later on, in that same page, this plays out:

At least Ortega seems to have collapsed now that backup has arrived.

I kinda knocked him out prior to that so… it’s redundant for that to show up. It made sense when I hesitated and chose to just leave Ortega there wondering who my MC was, but not in this instance.[/details]

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Even tho I pick ortega to be a girl she suddenly become a guy at the end.

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Can we be batman-like?

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Near the end of the fight, it says that Ortega is a guy when I choose female.

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@malinryden Positively loving the direction the story is going. I feel like such a masochist for enjoying all the tragic events and turmoil (the torment is real!!!) that I put my character for.

Now, as for theories, am I the only one hoping the character is actually working for these mysterious ‘saviors’ (from the first conversation during coffee with Ortega) and that’s why they feel like they can’t stop going down the villain path?

Also, I thought about head canons for my MC and their “villain/antihero(ine)”

MC - Noomi Rapace


Villain - Faora-Ul (Man of Steel outfit)
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/dccu/images/6/68/Faora_boards_the_C-17.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20160117005750 so freaking boss!!! http://66.media.tumblr.com/8eb31d0cf0ae7c7f47460c3e65e7e48f/tumblr_inline_mqbrmlt8TC1qz4rgp.gif
Ortega (Male) - Dorian model for Dragon Age: Inquisition (the only man who can pull that mustache so damn good well, in my opinion)
http://67.media.tumblr.com/af49c4f42da7efc9b55a67f6a34bf2d0/tumblr_nig0yeBVrM1tte9mqo2_1280.jpg
Lady Argent - Emma Frost(X-Men)???
http://emmafrostfiles.com/wp-content/gallery/x-men-first-class-emma-frostjanuary-jones-screencaps/emma-frost-xmfc-041.jpg

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I absolutely loved the new update the fight scene was amazing

He could be a good Ortega if it weren’t for that stupid foofy looking hair. He looks like a cockatoo.

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I kind of want lady Argent to be an RO…

…I mean it would be interesting…

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Damn. I’ve never felt so BAD about winning a fight before.

I actually tried sabotaging my MC: Making him hesitate, trying to get him to drop clues, trying not to injure Ortega too badly, and so on.
That was intense.

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Found a typo-

“Time for a nap,” you say with a snarl before kicking him hard in the lead. ’

Kick in the head I presume.

So just played the update were we get to fight Ortega, did I get sucked punched because I chose to monologue? I figured if I was going to play the villain I should have a good monologue.

Shouldn’t we have sensed her telepathically, especially with the Telepathy boost armor option? From the story I got the impression that the MC’s abilities are both passive and active.

Ortega can not be “read” by you do to their Epilepsy … it disrupts you being able to sense or read their thoughts.

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