I have a question about Ortega.
Why does she invite the puppet to the Museum opening but does not invite Cyrus? I know we wouldn’t be able to accept, but it does seems strange that she didn’t even consider it.
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That is actually a REAL good point!
Thank you for pointing it out, I will need to adress that in the rewrite.
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Query: when do you estimate this update will come out?
I’ve got to travel this weekend, and then I have guests next week, and then there is the choice of box competition where maybe you can get some cool background things if the subject fits.
So there are two options:
1: If things go really well I can get an update out monday morning. It won’t be the entirety of the big one, but there is a point where I can break off and there will still be a lot of fun things to play and comment on. The chance of this happening? 20%
2: Life is life and I need to take my time, and do the competition. Then the whole big update will be out early june.
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@Mxm124 Moderator note: Asking for release dates or dates of an update is against the forum rules. Please refrain from asking something like that next time. If an author knows when they will push an update, they will most likely make an announcement about it.
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Thanks for the warning
Just a small update, but there’s more background!
Now it is time to have one month to make a game. That will be fun… and different!
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The flashbacks are amazing (I’m pretty sure that’s most of the background you added in?) - you’re really good at conveying emotions and the whole shebang. Warning, gonna put everything to do with the update in the spoilers, just to be safe.
Although it does make me curious as to how [spoiler] the MC’s enemies managed to find them in the first place? I had previously assumed they had been betrayed by one of the Rangers - and I think the MC assumes it was Steel - but now I feel less sure, what with their relationship being somewhat icy from the start. Also, would I be wrong in assuming there’ll be another flashback regarding the Heartbreak fiasco before the end of the game?
I also loved the little interactions with Ortega in the flashbacks. It was a really good way of establishing their relationship before they appear in-game, as well as apparently Ortega’s long-time hobby of worrying about the MC. [/spoiler] Also, kinda sad that with the later option to choose your motivation, the old ‘I’m doing it because it’s the right thing to do’ (or something along those lines) has disappeared.
I know you’re focusing on the Choice of Box competition, but I noticed some errors for when you return (sorry if I’m being a menace, I just really like this game);
the corrosive acid she secrets
I’m pretty sure that’s supposed to be ‘secretes’?
You have no idea how much this smarts
I’m really tired, but I think that’s meant to be ‘hurts’.
You want to shout at Steel that he’s moving to fast
The word is so small that you’re not sure if its you or her that uttered it
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Yes, there will be more flashbacks later, that will reveal the very thing you are wondering about.
And I will probably add in the old motivation again, we can have more!
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“Smart” is a synonym for “hurt”. As in “Ouch! That smarts!”
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Ah, thanks - hadn’t heard ‘smart’ being used in that way before.
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Loving the added flashbacks. Adds more depth to my character.
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So good, I cry 
Love the dramatic scenes.
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“Keep your eyes open,” Ortega cautions as you movie inside.
move
scream started as abruptly as it was silenced. You remember the smell, and you remember the thud of the body falling to the ground.
You’d like to think you didn’t scream, but if you didn’t, what would have made Ortega and Steel double back?
They could have heard Anathema death scream
They could be your headlines. They should be your headlines.
Bt what kind?
But
Or reasons, for that matter. Maybe they are to blame for that as well, they tried to make you into aweapon and that’s what you have becone.
become
also, well done in making your wealth affect the description of the apartment!
I really like the new additions to the story and the flashbacks were great, my only complaint is that the flashback didn’t go further! I want to know who or what is in there! 
A few typos jumped at me :
now they like like twisted dolls on the ground - look
He rubs her hand a little - his
most vital component of her weapon - his
Back in the day youwould have considered this to be a frivolity.- Just a space needed.
You’re in the wrong body to keep smiling at him like this - her
There’s never one or the other around him, there’s always a painful mix. - her
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I really appreciate your work, i like the point of view of the MC so far 
How did I miss this update? Bad Jackel pay attention!
The flashbacks were great and I noticed several of the little things you added really improved an already excellent game.
Since @Craz and @Laurence_David already pointed out all the little things I noticed (as well as a few i didn’t) I’ll limit myself to some issues I had with the tactics we used in the new flashbacks. If the concerns about Steele taking out the stairs are legit it would make more sense for him to bring up the rear so he is less of a falling risk for the rest of the team.
Secondly how is it nobody on the team thought it might be a bad idea to bring the man who can only be injured by himself to a suicide zone? May as well give him a red shirt and send him out with Kirk and Spock.
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I was trying not to read this last update. I wanted to save it, buuuhhhhht…I just couldn’t. I like this story too much.
Yes there are super-hero stories all over the place, even a few other super-villain stories, but I can’t think of one like this. This story gives us such a deep and thoughtful exploration, of how a villain can be born out of pain and trauma.
We still don’t know exactly what happened to the MC, but the way it haunts her, and makes her desperate to escape from herself, from being the person who had those things done to her it feels so real.
I’m sure it’s been said before(maybe even by me) but the scene when Cynthia is flirting with Ortega, and despite the fact that she’s in a completely different body she’s still afraid that her secret self, that she’s so ashamed of will somehow show through breaks my heart every time.
Oooh I almost forgot what I actually wanted to say. To SeventhJacket. I see the unfortunate poetry of what happened to Anathema, but I don’t think it was really any more dangerous for them than any of the others. They all went in knowing that if the telepathic impulse pushed through whatever shield they had they would be in real danger.
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I agree with most of what you’re saying and hope I didn’t come across as wanting to change the conclusion of that flashback. I think it is an important event as is.
However Anathema was the only one who needed to rely on others for protection. If his vulnerability was known before hand, as it seems from his comments about the acid, then at least keeping him close to Steel should have been a top priority. Perhaps if the team had reacted to his complaint with humor (ie assuming it’s a joke and he really is invulnerable) then the following flashback would have been a little more surprising and been more powerful.
First of all, thanks for all the grammar/spelling spotting, I guess now we can really see what it looks like when I hurry something out without checking it even remotely closely. However, since I made it to my niece’s baptizing, and back again to pick up my british guest, I can’t have any other excuses than hurry. That probably didn’t come out right, but what I mean is that I half-assed it for a reason, and that I am grateful for your guys doing what is supposed to be my work.
That being said…
@SeventhJackel & @Camille622 - Thank you so much for this input. Reading back, I realize that I was not getting across what I wanted to get across. I’ll rewrite the scene and change things a little so I actually say what I want to say with it. Also, yeah, same goes for the tactics.
Oh hurry, it makes us all mess up…
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