Hello everyone, first post here so not quite sure about posting etiquette. Adding another reader to the pile that thinks this game is awesome, really enjoyed playing Cyrus as having suffered and still suffering through a HBSOD and yet still having a spark of heroism.
Sorry for the long post, but I saw these and thought it should be brought to your attention:
Mental fortitude: bellhop 50 – 36 : finally realized this dropped according to your possession of people, but doesn’t drop when possessing Lady Argent. Also doesn’t reset so to speak after some time has passed, maybe after sleeping? What happens if it drops to zero for your character?
Pyschopathor: “Is that all you have, you sorry excuses for government toyboys?” he bellows at the fire-wielder that is confronting him. “I’m going to rip your off arms and send you back to your handlers like the dolls you are!” : mentally tripped on the word “toyboys” did you mean boytoys?
Working quickly, you begin to remove the armored module housing your target You can feel the aline minds chattering at you, nervous and afraid, but also soothed by the presence of another telepath. Maybe you are imagining things, but they fell almost grateful when the last bolts are removed and their cage falls into your hands. : needs full stop after target and aline should probably be murine.
"More or less anyway," you say evasively, mopping up spilled coffee from the table with one of the napkins. It turned a slushy brown, like a river choked with ash. “The decade after was tougher.” The understatement of the year. What do you say to someone who used to be your friend? Everything is suddenly fraught with risk. You don’t dare open too many cans of worms. : wrong tense, should be “it turns a slushy brown”
You can’t very well tell the truth about the kinds of ‘therapy’ you were put through, and you really hope that your feelings don’t show on your face. Concern like this always felt very awkward coming from Ortega, because with others you would always know whether they actually meant it or just said it to be polite. Not so with them. How much does she actually care about you? : “Not so with her/him”
Doesn’t matter – won’t use them : “It doesn’t matter,” you say with a faint shrug, looking down at your coffee. “Even if I do, I wouldn’t use them again. I can’t… not after…” you make a vague gesture with your hand, trusting that Ortega will fill in the blanks as always. : this gave me a problem, I thought the options were gradual, so saying this option would mean that I had powers still but refused to use them anymore, but Ortega and Lady Argent act as if I instead said I don’t have powers anymore. Up to your discretion whether you want to adapt this interpretation or reword the choice.
For a brief moment you feel a sudden urge to give up. To tell them everything. To ask for help. To go straight. You’ve missed this, You’ve missed Ortega badly, and since you can’t read their mind to see what she really thinks of you, there are still illusions of friendship and trust. : “her/his mind to see”
"Part of me wish you still had your powers," Ortega finally admits. “I could have used your help.”
That’s not an age for the Enhanced, in many cases the augmentations and drugs coursing through our system keep us younger and fitter than is fair. As long as there was someone willing to sponsor your upkeep, and the benefits of being a Ranger were second to none. : “, and” is unnecessary. Also “part of me wishes”
"I am sure." Ortega looks straight at you, the words so simple and honest that you want to call the bluff. “Not that it matters now,” she continues with a sign, looking so tired and frail that before you can help yourself, the words slip out:
“Why don’t you tell me about it anyway?” “Would it be alright if we talked somewhere safer?” Ortega fiddles nervously with her cup. You can see the telltale signs of nervousness in the way her fingers just refuse to stay still. : “why don’t you tell me about it anyway?” should be above the paragraph break.
I’m flattered : not sure what triggers this option
"Ortega tends to exaggerate a lot." You give Ortega a quizzical look. Had she been talking about you after your ‘death?’ Lady Argent was after your time after all. Filling their heads with stories about your heroic career. “My psychic powers were never that strong. I used to browse surface thoughts to get an edge in a fight, all.” : “in a fight, that’s all.”
"If that’s fine with you Argent, I’d be honored." There is something there that you can’t pick up on, something between Ortega and Lady Argent that almost makes her say no. Something that causes her to frown. Something interesting. : soundbyte is from Ortega but rest of the paragraph seems to switch perspective to Lady Argent which is rather confusing.
You are not not sure which one of us is the most relieved when you are finally allowed to leave the building. : could be “which one out of the people present” or “which one of you” but is repeating of the word “you” a bit too much if used.
If I could also weigh in on the title, I thought a good subtitle could be “Fallen Hero: Sidestep” as a nod to Cyrus’s former hero status which s/he may want to either step away from or attempt to re-purpose over the course of the game.
OK cheers for reading such a long post, good luck on the move @malinryden and hope you never get writer’s block!
EDIT: edited a part that was just me being dumb.
