Two. I always feel like it’s awkward when I’m asked what orientation I am (Have I mentioned I’m -sexual today?). Like maybe sometimes when I’m asked by a character instead of myself I don’t find it awkward but even then the whole group has to be together and they have to have the right personality to ask it. And then even after that I’d probably joke around in real life which I wouldn’t be allowed to do there. Plus related to the aforementioned joking, flirting as a joke. If a character is described as attractive I want a choice there to decide that unless something supernatural is going on. Having someone flirt with you is part of life, your orientation isn’t necessarily going to have an effect on that, I’d rather have a choice to just ask them to stop (and then depending on their personality and the setting decide whether they do)
In my new WIP, The Magician’s Task, I’m going with the method that you described in #2. I never gave the MC a choice to specify whether they’re straight, gay, bi, asexual, etc, but I just leave all the options open for all of the various ROs, of which there are eight. You can choose to flirt with or romance anyone you want want, or they can just not romance anyone at all.
I feel like option 2 works better vs breaking the flow with a checklist.
Option 1 SHOULD open up opportunities for helping the player get in their characters head, i.e. “Tom glances at you, a smile on his rugged face.” vs “Tom glances at you, your pulse quickens at the smile on his rugged face.” but I can’t recall ever really seeing any authors take advantage of this (and in fairness it’s extra work for small gain)
Also sometimes option 1 flips the gender switch on the ROs, which has its own issues.
That all said I don’t think either implementation is truly bad or truly perfect. Option 2 has a bit of a minefield with the inner monologue on its own
Exactly so, one of the things I was working through writing Exile (prior to being distracted by the love of my life) was this sort of thing and one of the options I added was a simple “not interested in X” since for me if a guy flirts I’ll simply explain that I’d rather be set on fire then be with a guy. I still left the options to flirt there, since the plan was to have not only have ROs but also the option to manipulate people if that was the kind of person your MC was
I like to choose the MC’s orientation. That way you don’t have the person who you thought was your bff suddenly act like you’re dating.
Forcing the MC to initiate all the relationships makes the characters seem too passive, but you also don’t want the characters to missunderstand a friendship. Orientation choosing and allowing the MC to clearly state (at least in an internal monologue) that they want to romance a person kind of lessens the possibility of confusion.
I guess this is why when writing, I try to advance relationship scenarios differently. The way that episode 1 of the Life is Strange prelude handled Chloe’s and Rachel’s blooming relationship is a good example of what I try to do.
I allow the NPC to initiate the friendship and continue to evolve that level of relationship but when it comes to “something more” then friendship. I try to leave it to the MC to express their feelings with the npc reacting from that point forward.
Having tension existent on the NPC’s side of the relationship without acting on it might seem a bit frustrating when you just want “them to kiss” but it adds the buffer that innocent friendship doesn’t accidentally break down the 4th wall of immersion.
That sounds like the sort of thing @JimD does in his games. e.g. this quote from ZE:SH for a certain male RO, in which the bold sentences only show up if you’re interested in guys:
He carries an M4 carbine in his arms, and a hatchet hangs on his belt. The tip of a baseball bat peeks up from behind his shoulder, and he wears a short motorcycle jacket and camouflage cargo pants. He has light stubble on his face, a few streaks of dirt, and his hair is flat, but you can’t look away from his eyes. They seem haunting with their intensity, and though you want to look away, you’re drawn deeper.
Awww…I just used to take it as a compliment whenever drunk girls tried to flirt with me and then figure out how to politely tell them no, not interested (but do send me any cute brothers you might have). 
Yeah, but guys act like the slightest things mean sex, “oh she laughed at my joke, she must want to bang” 
Given my childhood that sounds funny to me. I wound up knowing everyone’s sex life, 'twas not pleasant.
Sadly not the cute guys, at least in my experience. If only it were that easy. 
Believe it or not I’ve always had to work to get the guys while I did have girls occasionally approach me with…something…in mind.
Guess I must have not looked gay enough.
Have you considered a tattoo, a neon sign, and a road flare? I think people may notice then.
Even The oblivious should notice.
I’ve had to be told by someone who liked me they were gay And they really liked me 3 times in 10 minutes before the gnomes in my brain started puting the complex 2 peace puzzle together.
Orientation being open ended seems fine to me. Instead of them just not flirting it leaves it to the npc’s personality and the pc’s. to flirt or not to flirt that is the question. Then the player decides the characters orentatuon not based on the are you any of these but on who they like, if the npc happens to like them too alright.
So, I tend to prefer number 1? I’m coming at this from the perspective of a femme lesbian (though the “woman” part of my identity is the primary operator here) who lives in a big city where I’m constantly bombarded with sexual harassment. Sometimes I find it difficult to leave my apartment because I know I’m going to get catcalled on the walk to the grocery store. It’s depressing and fatiguing to have men impose their sexuality on me when I’m just out trying to get shit done. I mean, the security guard at my former job commented on my body nearly every day for the 7 years I worked there, and HR did nothing about it because “he was being complimentary.”
Encountering unwanted sexual or romantic advances from men in a game I’m using as an escape hatch from reality is not a selling point for me. It’s a reminder of one of the many things I’m trying to escape. The option to tick a box and have every man in the game treat me like a respected colleague instead of a potential lay holds a lot of appeal for me. Lizzy’s option of keeping all romantic options open but having a “not interested” tick box would be workable, especially if I had creative ways of telling them exactly how I wanted them to fuck off, but I’d really rather just not have to deal with it.
And, I get that a lot of this comes down to writing. RO’s aren’t usually written as predatory scumbags, but after awhile it all blurs together in my head–you get harassed enough, and you start looking for it in every interaction–so maybe this is more about me than it is about the coding. I don’t know, but I thought I’d at least mention it.
It’s a good thing to mention! I certainly wouldn’t want to inadvertently frustrate or upset people for the sake of something that I don’t feel that strongly about (it’s probably also worth noting that many of the CoG titles include a specific orientation statement from the PC, so there’s a certain expectation there for players).
I think I will go for having the player specify an orientation, and try to be inclusive without being too overwhelming. Now to word it smoothly and elegantly! cracks knuckles