Evil Justice (WIP, Updated 7/11)

Now this stuff scratches the detective itch

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So glad I finally got the chance to play the new chapter! It was nice to learn more about the world; it’s clear you’ve put some thought into the mana cycle/King Evil’s role in it. And the new characters are cool, like Tibia and Holmgang. With that name alone I knew he was going to be a badass.

As for suggestions, I feel there should be more interactivity/choices in the lead-up to the second trial and afterwards. For instance you could ask the player how their MC responded to the also brutal second execution, or the MC might have different reactions to eating food for the first time. Without those things–I hope this doesn’t come across as harsh–I felt like I was in a series of cutscenes where things just happened to my character without me being asked what they felt or thought about the situation. So more interactivity would be great for character building and roleplaying.

I have a question: the trials can be watched by the public, right? If so, it would be strange that no one at Blacklung has heard about the MC, or at least suspected that they were the homunculus from the recent trial. It’s an undead shelter so I think it’s more likely to keep up with news about the undead if that makes sense. This might be nitpicking on my part lol.

And I found a pronoun typo:

“Now, now, workman,” Holmgang interjects. “It’s only fair to allow her to search for clarity. Please, answer hers questions. You can be brief.”

Overall it was a solid, well-written trial, and once again I’m eager to see more :smiley:

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I see! I was wondering whether less interactivity would be okay. This section had fewer choices in it, partly because I was checking to see whether a more linear structure would still work based on feedback from Chapter 1. Maybe I should pivot back a little bit? Either way I can always ask the player how they’re feeling. Thank you for the feedback!

For your question: yes, the trials are open to the public, but it’s only been one day, and fewer people show up when Xenon is running things. Only a small fraction of the population would have seen or heard about the trial so far - and it’s possible someone who has isn’t making themselves known just yet.

Oof, thanks for letting me know about the typo. I’ll fix it up and upload it. Hopefully that doesn’t break saves - I’m still not certain how that system works.

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I think it would help to distinguish between “reaction” choices and choices that alter the course of the story to an extent. I can’t speak for other players but I understand if the story has to be more linear; this is where reaction choices can help to give us some agency and still make us feel immersed, a part of the story. Glad the feedback was helpful!

Ah, okay, thanks for clarifying that.

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runs in so fast I fall over and faceplant TRIAL UPDATE?!??@!?

ANYWAYS AHHHHHHH IM LOVING THIS CHAPTER… I replayed the entire game and I never told you how much I appreciate being able to just be SO stubborn and abrasive during the character creation process like. YEAH!! THE MC DESERVES TO BE ABLE TO GET MAD!!!

Also really like how you handled the aftermath of the first trial- changing that choice was a good call, and I’m really excited to see where this goes!! (Akira is so cool…) AND THE EXAMINATION BAHAHAHAHAHUDSNHDSJ…

OMG MOTHMAN!!! WE FINALLY GET HIS NAME!!! I have a love for bug characters (as well as robot/metal/material construct characters) and. AHHHHHHH… I don’t wanna have to choooose… they’re all so good…ahg.

(also I see you took my suggestion on him saving you from getting mugged euhsnrfihekndifjefkdsc…-)

AAAAAAA Tibia’s such a sweetheart… and this other “gaunt” dude… I wonder what his name is…

(also forgot to mention I am LOVING the naming game here. True AA style-)

WAIT OH GOSH THERE WAS A MURDER. I WAS HAVING SO MUCH FUN READING THE WORLDBUILDING I FORGOT THOSE WERE GOING TO HAPPEN OH GOSH-

ooooo we get to have investigation scenes too!!! You’re spoiling us forreal…

seriously this game is everything I could want and more-

OH SHOOT HOLMGANG… THATSTHE GUY!!! FROM THE PREVIOUS TRIAL THAT THOSE TWO GALS MENTIONED!!! OMG!!! wait this is very bad actually-

WHWHWHW WAIT WHY DOES HE KNOW OUR NAME DHSBGYUSNUEDS… I suppose he would wouldnt he… if the trials are public and you could go back and check records of previous ones… or maybe he ATTENDED the previous trial… (DOES THAT MEAN HE KNOWS WHO WE ARE??? I MEAN LIKE- WHAT WEVE DONE??? I dont think hes intimidated but still thats. Bad. For us.)

HE DOES!!! HE DOES!!! hes so smug about it too… I love him…this is amazing… (also Tibia honey no… sigh… it wouldn’t be an AA-style game without the client admitting guilt… :sob: :pensive:)

oh my gosh hes amazing… why are all of your characters so GOOD??? the decapitation… (both of them-) chefs kiss

ALSO EIGHTEEN. EIGHTEEN!!! EIGHTEEN… EIGHTEEN MY BELOVED… Ive mentioned my love for material constructs before and AHUWAGYDNWDJS… eighteen… please tell me we get to see eighteen again later in the story…,

WE GOT HIS NAME!!! BOB!!! AHH!!!

aaaand mothman meeting for next time… gosh… im. I just. Ahg. I feel like I wrote WAY too much to be honest- this is gonna be a pain to scroll past- but UHM!.. I really don’t know what to say. Its perfect. Its amazing. Its everything I could ever want. You legit got me to finish the rest of the trilogy and I’m currently on the last case of Apollo Justice, like. This is amazing. I’ll probably write up something else thats actually coherent and has yknow. critique and other stuff, but I just needed to get my excitement down-

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Geez. Thanks for the kind words, it means a lot.

Nice to hear you beat the Ace Attorney Trilogy too. It’s still kinda niche so the more support the series gets, the better. If you’re still interested, the recent Great Ace Attorney Chronicles was really good too. The two Edgeworth games are also top-notch if you can find them, especially the second.

I’ll take whatever criticism you got. Progress continues slowly but surely. Excited to try and complete a full game.

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I like the mechanics, even though I struggle a lot understanding what is challengeable and what not esp with my poor memory.

And as usual, I ask for more save slots. Many unique scenes need many savepoints, pls give at least 6-9 instead of 3 plss

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:musical_note: I’m BAAAAACK!!~ :musical_note:

AAAAAAAnyways, just some lil tidbits I’m gonna touch on within the game so far! I didn’t notice any coding or grammatical errors, at least on a gender neutral MC run. I ALSO wanna say, that like I said before, the game’s already kind of perfect, at least to me, and I had to wrack my brain to find anything I thought that could be improved. A lot of this is probably gonna be me going: “btw this part was really smart/cool” sshsvddshsdbd-

WITH THAT OUTTA THE WAY, SOME small notes;

  • I purposely got a loss to see what the deathscreen would say, and DAAAAANG… you wrote that so well- especially with the whole

Faintly, you’re aware of the Inquisitor making a snide remark at you. That’s fine, you think, as you collapse. I deserve worse.

Tying in with the fact that the MC lost all confidence… I wonder if the beginning of it about the “you’ve failed at everything” part has to do with the death by confidence loss, or the fact that the MCs purpose and reason for even being created was to do justice, and the failure of such an intrinsic part of them (because yknow. Creator guy did the thing with the stuff.) made them sort of internally collapse? (mentally, I mean).
If it’s the latter, that has interesting connotations for the entirety of the race (if that’s the right word, considering they have to be MADE… would they just be called Undead?) of Homunculi. (Homunculuses???) In any case, this is likely me just reading WAY too into it lmao.

  • I also love the slow reveal of more about the MC… like the blue eyes… I have no idea what implications this has but it was such a specific detail to add…, it also may just be you wanting to let the reader know more about the MCs appearance, but I wonder why the eyes are blue. Did MCs previous body (when they were first alive) have blue eyes? Does MCs creator particularly like blue eyes for some reason? Will we get to explore MCs previous life in any way… so many questions.

  • Eighteen is REQUIRED to show up later because of how cool they are- but seriously, Eighteen my beloved, , , , , , , I love the use of the capital letters for their speech. I know it’s a really common thing for robotic characters, but like… its underrated and needs to be called out more. It makes reading so much more… lively. Similar to how you used bold for the King of Evil, and also made all of his sentences separate pages. That had a lot of impact, and I’d love to see more… speech quirks? Writing quirks? In other characters later! (Not only to do with font and capitalization, but accents, etcetera. Don’t be afraid to do cool stuff with r3pl2c!ng L3tt3r$ [that was a bad example sfgjsdfdjksnfhsd])

  • @Kshatriya touched on this earlier, but it’d be nice to have a bit of MC building choices too! A linear narrative is completely fine, at least with me, but I’d like if we could flesh out our MCs likes/dislikes more as they learn about the world. This doesn’t have to be within a choice, either! I just want maybe some more touching on like… for example, MCs first reactions to eating food. Of course, they’d know what spicy is because yknow. They have knowledge of how the world works and also are a past soul, but they’ve never TASTED anything in this body before. It’d be nice for there to be a bit of; “Oh shoot i forgot this was what eating actually felt like when you. When you do it-”

  • very cool game I liked it a alot :heavy_heart_exclamation:

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This is all so nice. I hope to be worthy of your praise come release time!

I’m definitely planning on putting more choices in earlier sections, there are a few obvious spots where input would fit. For now I’m pressing onward, but it might be a good idea to go back and edit once the next chapter’s ready.

Also considering how to use those choices. Even if the input doesn’t make a huge difference, it would be neat to have a postgame summary, a sort of personality-quiz result type of thing. I was originally planning on small decisions affecting the MC’s personality, which would eventually alter their regular dialogue - I decided against it, since that’d be complex and restrict dialogue choices, but the idea still has some appeal. I’ll tie something meaningful to these choices if I can come up with something appropriate.

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