I wrote a little about the main character. Also, thank you all for your support
Eternal Spring In Solitary Confinement (WiP; posted on 14/02/2021; demo version v0.02 - 24/02/2021; 04/03/2021 - new summary)
Seems very interesting, our vendetta will surely become a promising story. I’m looking forward to our power customization
released a minor update today.
I’ll write about the hero in the evening.
@im_not_savior in the stats page, your appearance isn’t full described as it should be. I’m not sure if its an error or if will appear later on.
Oh if possible can you add Lightning as a power?
It not error, the appearance will appear later.I don’t know how to write it yet.
Maybe later I’ll add Lightning as a power.
My new Tumblr blog.
I had a little free time today, so I played this game! It pulled me in; I’m curious to see where it goes. I really enjoyed the writing; it conveys underlying mysteries I’m curious to see unraveled. The writing is very effective at conveying the emotion, trauma, and grief of the main character. Although the MC has superpowers, I get the sense that these came at great personal cost and sacrifice.
I will say that some of the story is still amorphous. This works for the story in many ways, although perhaps you could also incorporate more set up and scene-setting? At any one point within the story I’m not always sure what’s going on nor what the setting is. I also can’t help but wonder if this could benefit from some sort of prelude scene that: a.) more clearly (but not entirely!) sets up from where the MC escaped and, b.) who/what the MC is.
Anyway, great stuff!
Our world, only if there were superpowers and there were people with superpowers. The world of the work is based on our world.
The action takes place in a country where there is a dictatorship and one family rules. So there they experimented on people with superpowers and created a unit out of people with superpowers.
The action takes place fifteen years after the main character’s escape with Alice and five years after the death of Alice, and twenty years after the end of the Great War.
I hope this answers the question (or not🤷), because I tried to answer without spoilers. I will write about the world later. I got sick.
Honestly, I didn’t think about it, as I wanted to write it all in the MC’s memoir and nightmare. Now I have to rewrite the beginning.
I should probably clarify. I don’t think I expressed myself clearly, so I must have given the wrong impression. I don’t think you need to entirely or substantially rewrite the introduction at all. It was evocative and interesting; I quite like it!
My comments regard individual scenes. The story starts in media res after a lot has already happened to the MC, and this is great. I like how the backstory unfolds. At the same time, as a reader, I wasn’t always sure what is happening, who characters are nor why the MC is invested in them. Some of these investments, like the MC’s relationship with Alice, are obvious. Others I wanted more hints and cues about who these people are.
Again, these comments are minor. I don’t think it would take substantial rewrites to address it. Likely you could address this by providing a few sentences here and there that indicate to the reader what is going on and why it’s important. In short, I desired more context.
Take whatever I say with a grain of salt; it’s always best to follow your own artistic instincts. You’ve created something really cool, and I look forward to more.
The update will not come out until late March or early May. I have some problems in my life.
No te preocupes. Cuidarse uno mismo es más importante que cualquier otra cosa. Cuídate.
While I had some free time, I wrote a new summary of my work.
Here’s the old one