Eteirien's Nobles [WIP]


#1

I have been working in a game that would be mostly focused on a young noble’s life with (As I hope) vast possibilities. Whether the player focus on a religious path and spread their beliefs in Eteirien, or they dive in politics, hoping to better the country or decide to monopolize their products and devour other business.

The game is still very short, but I wanted to know the reaction people would have. English is not my first language but I’m a little confident I’m better than average. However, if you spot any mistakes (or awkward phrases) please tell me. The same with errors.

I’m a little undecisived with stats/amount of stats and how to display me. Part of me want to introduce many social stats and knowledge stats (for example, heraldy, Character Study, etc) but thought it would have far too many, considering I also intend on adding friendships and approvals.

Also, for certain stats, such as history, I intented to show a description of yuor knowledge under them, but thought it would be too cluttered and filled with text. So please tell me what you think!

Bellow is the link!

https://dashingdon.com/play/sarah.tavares/test/mygame/index.php?cb=12245


#2

So far the game looks great and has a lot of potential :smiley:, I will keep a eye to this WIP


#3

Anyone else getting a 404 error after entering their name? I’m not sure if it’s an error on my end, but I’ve tried several times and get the same error. Looking at the script it seems to just be the end of the game.


#4

Yep!

Typos Ahead!

TYPOzzzzz

It should be…

but also in experience

The sentence is extremely weird you might wanna twerk it up a bit

the glance lasts long


#5

I find it strange that a noble, even a minor one at that, can get by with owning wheat farms and nothing else, especially since there’s no indication this is the self-sufficient sort of feudalism.

I also find it strange that you can also play football, considering how the game indicates that we’re in a medieval time period, and the closest thing to sports in these sorts of time periods is jousting or wrestling.

choicescript_stats line 57: increasing indent not allowed, expected 0 was 1

^got this when I opened the glossary tab.


#6

I got that error too!


#7

Enjoying the writing so far but the nobility with a wheet farm sounds very low tier, sound more like Yeoman farmer. Curiosity what are your influences what are you using for research my friend.


#8

Hello everyone! Thank you so much for playing the game and leaving comments.

I’m unsure about the 404 error, but the name should be the last thing I wrote, perhaps I just didn’t finish properly. Nonetheless, you missed no content.

I fixed the line 57! (But haven’t updated)

As for the football, I meant something like this


However, I can change the sport if many people want to!

Lastly, I intented for the family to be a very, very minor noble, but will change wheat to something else since it has been bothering people. If you want to leave ideas, please tell!


#9

Does the type of crop raised really matter when the noble is the one that owns the land? It’s not like nobles need to be particularly wealthy. Idk.

If you have to change it, maybe an orchard or a rotational farm?


#10

404 error occurs if you don’t use the *finish or *end commands … it is what happens when everyone reaches end of your prose and script.


#11

@valentineheart so this will be something like choice of romance? (the noble life aspect of it)
no wars or power grab by force? can you elaborate a bit more? :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:


#12

Very interesting and well written thus far! There are a few grammatical typos and the name variable displays an exclamation point behind the player entry. I really like the use of vocabulary, but would caution against too much information on the screen at one time. That can make things a little difficult to read and keep up with. Additionally, plot that has screen after screen of information only can be difficult to understand the point, or keep reader attention. Over all, a very lovely start! Best of luck, will be watching ^^


#13

I’m enjoying the story so far and I’m really interested to see how this will progress! But I’ve got to agree with @Rogar, a non-land owning noble sounds pretty pathetic. Haha in fact, in the medieval times families who didn’t own land were more likely to be serfs than anything. So I was wondering if your world is based off real life or in an alternate realm?

Anyway I picked up a couple of typos here and there, I’ll drop you a DM with the scrnshots!


#14

I mean there’s a good deal to Nobility that did own land. But every Kingdom on a different definition of nobility. Depending on the law of succession. But the father estate some wheat farm sounds like some yeoman farmers life. I mean a real low tier Noble is a knight with knight fee. Basic lord of a manor.


#15

This was really interesting- I enjoyed the set-up of the countries and lands.

I did get the error when trying to enter a surname, but up until that point I was really hooked :smiley: Looking forward to seeing how it comes along. Good luck with it!


#16

We need games like this


#17

No, this is purely fictional. The first two pages should have hinted that it’s all made up, as I’m sure there is no country named Eteirien (Or ever was. I don’t even believe it is a word, actually);

In the story, although each noble can possess their territories (the same way your family owns the lands your house is upon) only high-rank nobles command large areas, and there is few of them. I thought it would be more interesting, such there are already many games where you have to control your land as a noble, but not many that lead you to that point instead.


#18

I’ve sent you a DM with some feedback. You’ve got a great storyteller’s “voice” at the beginning, it really pulled me in. Look forward to seeing more.


#19

In the fourth line of the second paragraph, it’s written " … not only she surpasses the other in age but also in experienced" while it should be " … but also in experience"


#20

You want to do a divide of going down a religious path or political one. Which like in real life depending on the time period Can be one and the same. If your character is a second or third son daughter they can go into the monastery Cathedral School Etc maybe become missionary and founder of a church.