Enchanted in Blood WIP (Updated 11/29/2020)

Hey everybody!

So I’ve started working on a story I had in the back of my mind for a while, started as a classic novel but decided to turn it into an interactive one because of all the exciting possibilities. I planned it as a series of three books, this one being the first.

The title is Enchanted in blood, which may change later but so far I like it.

You play as a special agent of the United Nations. You are not the best agent yet, but you have to start somewhere. This is where you will begin your journey to uncover mysteries, solve crimes, save innocents, and in the meantime make lasting friendships and find true love in a big city filled with magic, orcs, elves, and other fantastical elements in modern times.

• Play as a human, orc or someone with mixed blood.
• Play as male, female, or nonbinary; gay, straight, or bi.
• Uncover the secrets of the city, help the innocent and catch criminals.
• Solve the biggest ongoing case of the Special Division as their agent.
• Climb the carrier ladder of the agency and discover your true inner drive.
• Help solve injustices in the city and work to build a better place for everyone or play as a ruthless survivor in a world where everyone is out for themselves.
• Build lasting friendships and find true love.

As you see, the story has a lot of fantasy elements in it, but it takes place in modern times. Meaning, there is internet, smartphones, Star Wars and everything we have today PLUS a lot of magic and fantasy races.

The book is romance-heavy and mainly story oriented. Meaning: there are no wrong choices, your character can’t die (not at least until the very end), but the path you take and the means you achieve your goal is up to you, including that goal itself. The story focuses a lot on the relationships you build and your MC’s personality.

There are 3 main romance options (and I’m planning a few side-RO’s later on), all of them romanceable with any MC.

The first Demo includes chapters 1-4. I will update this one as feedback comes in, and slowly release the second part as I write it (at the end, Demo2 will have chapters 1-8).

As I’m not a native English speaker (don’t stop reading now haha!) I would like to ask your help to point out incorrect expressions or if you find some blatantly obvious grammar mistakes. I’m trying to correct everything I can as I write and edit it constantly, but obviously I can’t see everything.

Other than that, I would like to hear any opinions on the story, the characters, if you have recommendations about the choices or ‘why is it like this and not like that’, so basically ANYTHING you can think of :smiley:

The topic of Bisexuality and the siblings’ gender is closed for now.

11/14/2020 Update:

Summary
  • The first half of chapter 5 is uploaded. It’s not too long (the second half will be a lot longer), because I’m using this update to introduce a new feature. I think this will give a unique, modern feeling to the game, one that I really wanted for Enchanted in Blood.
  • New feature! You may have noticed already that on the stats screen, there is an option that says Your phone. You have a gallery and a chat history there. This means that the ROs will sometimes send you messages or photos during the story like you would get irl, and the stats screen automatically saves them, so you can look at them anytime later. Of course it’s going to be pretty limited, but you will be able to choose your answers in a similar fashion than in the normal story.
  • The chat was a nightmare to code, so if you have any problems with it (text bubbles are not displayed properly, it skips messages etc.), please tell me as soon as you run into it and I will try to fix it!
  • Another new feature! The “photos” that you will get in the chat will be automatically saved in your gallery (you can find it under Your phone in the Stats screen). In the chat, they are pretty small, but you can see bigger versions of it in the Gallery. These photos are going to be drawn by me and will be included in the final published game. Currently, they are just text descriptions. It’s important to mention that there will be no illustrations of the characters themselves in-game. These pictures will only include objects, places etc. that the LIs find interesting and want you to see :wink:
  • Demo2 uses the same Save system as Demo1, so you should have no problem loading saves.
  • Grammar mistakes are corrected in the first 4 chapters.
  • I rephrased the third race option (mixed-heritage) so it’s clearer for the player that it means it’s an open-choice. You can headcanon any other race here for your MC, but it means that other NPCs won’t recognise your race (that’s why the “mixed-blood” description)
  • Some stat change fixes in the first 4 chapters.
  • I changed the order of the choices about where to go first in the mall (straight, left or right) because it’s more fun to go left and right first and only then straight to where Atin is :wink:

11/21/2020 Update:

Summary
  • The second half of chapter 5 is uploaded
  • I corrected some grammar mistakes in the previous text

There is also a new poll where I would like to know your opinion on the “RO POV scenes”. You can find it in the comments around here:

Summary

Enchanted in Blood WIP (Updated 11/29/2020)

11/29/2020 Update:

Summary
  • first part of chapter 6
  • I swear I tried to keep track of the grammar corrections but I failed, so it probably contains several fixes in the text for previous chapters

Here is the link for Demo 2 (Demo 1 is included in this): Demo 2

And the old link for Demo 1: https://dashingdon.com/play/vara/enchanted-in-blood—1st-demo-test–/mygame/

And if you want additional content, more info about the updates or ask questions about the game, you can visit my tumblr here: [https://www.tumblr.com/blog/varart]
(Here is a second link for those that have difficulties with the other one: https://varart.tumblr.com)

The Stats system is not finalised, so don’t worry too much about it now.

Current word count of demo 2 (including demo1): around 70.000 words (with code)

357 Likes

This is really cool so far! The characters all seem so vibrant, and I’m excited to get to know them. One thing I did notice is the expression ‘getting mad’. I think this should be going mad instead? Other than that I haven’t noticed antyhing, but I’ll keep an eye out as I re-read.

7 Likes

See I probably would never have found that on my own :smiley: thanks, I corrected it!

2 Likes

Finally a game that lets me express my deep weakness for elves! :laughing:

17 Likes

I know right :smirk: Good news then, there’s going to be a lot more of them as the story goes on!

4 Likes

Awesome… just awesome :clap: :clap: :clap:

1 Like

I like it but could you possibly add save files.

1 Like

I was thinking to but I haven’t figured out how to do it yet. I will definitely look into it tho and I’ll let you know once it’s done!

Add

*sm_init enchanted_in_blood | 6

in the startup file, below all the *create and *achievement, and then check the box on dashindon.

If you are using CSIDE, it can’t playtest the game while the command is there, so you have to remove it while you are working on it. I tend to put it in a *comment.

you made the great story in my eye can’t wait to read more

2 Likes

Thanks so much!!! I think I did it. Could you please check if it works for you as well?

7 Likes

It seems to be working. :+1:

3 Likes

It’s cool. Though is there a reason we can’t play as the elf race or do they just not go into law enforcement? Also the story will really benefit from in depth race descriptions and some lore, particularly in the prologue.

1 Like

Yes, there is a reason why MC can’t be an elf.
*edit: although now that you mentioned, that’s actually why I implemented the “mixed-blood” option. So you can’t be a pureblood or even half-blood elf because of story reasons, but you can headcanon away otherwise.
As the story goes on, you will learn exactly why, but SPOILER you already got a glimpse in the surgery scene where MC notices that Roga is the first elven doctor they’ve seen. It’s also mentioned that elves don’t tend to fit well in modern society. You will soon find out the actual depth of that problem as the MC meets more elves and see first-hand how they live.
As for the lore, I simply didn’t want to start with a huge info-dump. You will learn more about everything as the story goes on, I just wanted to implement the info in a more organic way that’s not too dry or boring for the readers.
And the descriptions of races, well I mostly wanted to leave them for the player’s imagination, mainly because the ROs represent two of the main races and I wanted the reader to be able to imagine them however they want :smiley:
Although… spoiler again I already have illustrations for the LIs but I won’t publish them until later. Like I said, I want the reader to imagine them however they want.
I hope that satisfies your curiosity and thanks for the feedback, these were really good questions. I’m happy you enjoyed the story so far :heart:

8 Likes

Wow this game is really cool! I enjoyed it and look forward to helping find the missing children :blush:

2 Likes

i really enjoyed the game, especially with R and Q :grin:

1 Like

Thanks haha those two will definitely bring the storm, the MC and Atin will just have to hold on real tight!

Also, a question for everybody if you feel like answering: which gender did you get for them? Do you think their behaviour matches them correctly? I mean like, I’m writing them as people so I think they shouldn’t behave in a specific way just because of their genders, but how do you like that? (I hope you understand what I mean)

4 Likes

I enjoined that very much. The characters are very real❤️.
I am very much eager to see what the world will be like and the dynamic of the characters together will be so nice :+1: really looking forward to more in the future

2 Likes

I got male and it was fitting. I think they come across as people or as likely characters so I could also imagine them being anothergender without disrupting the story :wink:

I love your writing style! It feels dynamic and flows very well.

As for the gender issue, I have all three of them as women and didn’t notice any issues. If there are any differences between the genders (and there definitely don’t have to be), I think they should come externally rather than internally. In other words, how other characters and the world react to that character may change if the author chooses to incorporate others’ biases based on their gender, but they should still be the same person regardless.

A few grammatical issues I noticed:

Summary
You like to remember those summers when you had nothing else to do besides eating ice cream and playing video games with him. He was quite a cute kid back then - and still is now -, but you never had anything more than friendship between you...
The second dash is unnecessary. Use an em dash ( — ) instead of a hyphen ( - ) before "and".
Atin Cobral, one of the best agents of the special division - and your occasional work partner -, stops at your desk and casually leans on the corner of the cubicle.
Here, there's no need for a comma after the second em dash. I think the same thing (em dash plus comma, but you only need one of them) occurs a few times throughout.
"No, ma'am" you reply and quickly wipe the amused expression off your face.
Comma after "ma'am". I noticed this same thing in a few other quotes as well, though it was good for the most part.