Emberwood: Book 1 - WIP (9/13 Update - Prologue/Chapter 1 Fixed!)

I doubt the power of Manipulation, is it manipulation of elements or something else?

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Pretty sure it’s mental manipulation.

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Yeah it is. So they could force people to do things against their will for either good or evil purposes such as saving a person’s life

I was thinking about making people see & hear things that aren’t there kind of like u said about being a puppeteer but instead of directly making people do stuff my MC could indirectly cause them to do things I wanted them too

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Or will it also be telekinesis?

Telekinesis exists, but it’s a different option than maniuplation.

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So the three powers of the MC are; Mind manipulation, Telekinesis and illusionism?

Yes, you pick one of the three.

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I really liked the demo for the most part, but couldn’t help but feel it was really weird that

the MC seemingly has no option to point out that they were at the hospital for a drug trial and only freaked out once they had the drug in their system. Cause that seems like the kinda thing you’d wanna point out in this situation.

Instead it seems your only options are just blindly accept it or say you didn’t do it, then get told you did, then just accept it.

The only reason I could think of is they’re supposed to have lost their memory of the events leading up to the incident as well as the incident itself, but if that is the case I don;t think that was conveyed very well.

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This sure is interesting but it’d be nice to form an opinion with a bit more.

Oi there @cynosurewrites there’s a chunk of text missing where Dr. Andrei tells MC 'bout the abilit[y]ies.

here


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I was rereading the scene to see if I could maybe suggest some specific parts where it would make sense to bring the aforementioned stuff up, and I realized that it’s actually part of a larger issue with the scene, mainly that it seems no matter what your character just goes along with whatever their told, no matter what options you pick.
Like sure you can say you didn’t do it or that you won’t speak without your lawyer, but they’ll just brush it off and the MC just instantly goes along with it. It just goes like (this is somewhat exaggerated to prove my point)
MC: I won’t talk without my lawyer
Cop: No
MC: Oh okay, guess I’ll fully cooperate and answer all your questions then
Dr: You did a crime, accept this plea deal
MC: No
Dr: Okay but what I you did though
MC: Oh okay, I’ll do that
I’d elaborate more, and give some suggestions, but like I feel I’ve already given enough unsolicited critique, so I’ll end for now, but can elaborate if you’d like.

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Hi, just came across this WiP and reached the part where the doctor pulls out the syringe. I actually have a huge phobia of needles and was wondering if it was possible to have that be added as a reason why the MC says no to getting the injection?

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Dang, these cops are brutal. Obviously, I just got shot up with some drugs and accidentally caused chaos. Let me free. :weary:

I feel like it would make more sense if some government agency came to us and let us know that we suddenly have powers and then that’s when the doctor shows up and takes us to his house versus randomly being arrested and treated like caused the “crime” on purpose. It’s not a complaint, necessarily, just a suggestion. But I do like the plot and characters so far! Can’t wait for more.

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I could be wrong as this is just my reading, but i think the doctor is up to something shady, and the police are either in on it or being manipulated. So while you’re right that the MC probably has a case legally, I don’t think the doctor cares, and the cops are in on it and/or any security footage or records of the trial participants was conveniently destroyed. Its also possibly the case that what the doctor said about the public seeing them as a threat regardless is true, in which case, even with a rock solid defense, they still might be found guilty.

@cynosurewrites love the premise and I really enjoyed the demo! reminds me of The Umbrella Academy!

though I do want to point out that scene where Dr. Schafer injects mc with the drug through the temple bc it’s such a funny scene imo. makes the doctor look like they’re a fake doctor and don’t know what they’re doing lol. you can’t do an intramuscular injection through the temple bc the needle wouldn’t be able to go deep enough for the medicine to enter the bloodstream, the needle would just hit the skull. an injection to the arm would do.

some typos I found




i think you meant eyes instead of throat



NPC descriptions when initially meeting them do not seem to be showing up. It may be an indentation problem?