Elementals (WIP) Update! 16/04/16


#1

Hello :slight_smile: First topic here… Yikes.

So I might just be embrrassing myself here but I thought why not? My game involves the MC discovering they can control the elements and is basically about them attending an Academy with others like themselves. There will be a war and your character will end up unintentionally playing a major role in it due to matters out of their control. Which side you take is completely (mostly) up to you though.

-Play as ‘good’ or ‘evil’ or somewhere in-between
-Straight/gay/bi/asexual
-Currently 3 male and 2 female romance options
-Pick your main element

Including code I currently have about 15K words altogether along with the basic outline and would like to make sure it’s worth me putting much more time and effort into it. :smile:

I’m far off a pro writter and I expect there is a load of grammar/spelling issues that I would be really grateful to have pointed out. There is also likely to be a problem with tense as I decided to change half way through. :disappointed_relieved:

But please let me know what you think! I do want to improve it as much as I can. Whether that is simply in spelling/grammar or more complex. E.g. making it flow better/ adding certain choices or just scrapping the entire idea :joy:


EDIT: Chapter 1 is now complete https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/p0p1nutclo3z7x8/Elementals.html?dl=0

30k words including code

I hope the link works?
This is more nerve-racking than it should be…
Thank you :blush:


Which WIP would you bring back from the dead?
#2

Love love love this ! cant wait to see where it goes :grinning:


#3

Thank you so much :blush: :two_hearts:


#4

Awesome game (time to go for the other elements)


#5

Thank you! :slight_smile: Though so far not much is different based on what element you pick


#6

Great game, absolutely amazing :smile:


#7

This is amazing so far. Also, you had me sold at “play as evil” :smiley:

The writing was pretty good, no spelling or grammar issues stood out to me. No obvious code errors. Just the tiny problem of the game not being complete yet :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

I will be following this one closely :smile:


#8

The demo is pretty fun so far.


#9

@ChimeraLord @Shawnheatherly Thank you so much! :smile:

@LordOfLA Thank you, I love playing as evil characters myself so I will definitely be giving that option :wink: Seems like it will be fun to write also


#10

I am going to burn many people in this game! I can’t wait for more. And i can become the most powerful and feared? I want them all to cower in terror before me!


#11

A… FOR AMAZING.

So I can be good or evil… decision decisions… hahahaha keep up the great job! :smiley:


#12

I love this, please continue it, great work so far


#13

@TheCorrupted Aha I love the enthusiasm :wink: Most powerful… likely not as you’re still just a teenager, though you will absolutely be able to become pretty powerful. The MC already has an unknown advantage. Feared? We’ll see :wink: Certainly you’ll be able to make some people cower in terror if you wish to

@ShadowBroker and @Damille_Peace Thank you both! I’m glad you liked it :heart_eyes: :smile:


#14

To raise energy draining i must use it?


#15

Yup, definitely not your smartest day.

You barely have time to register the rage as it flashes through his eyes before the knife pierces you, sending a sharp pain throughout your body despite it only being in your stomach.

You let out a gasp, the pain too sharp for you to even scream and then he lets you go, letting you drop to the floor clutching your bleeding stomach.

“Think that’ll kill him?” One of the men asks the man who had caused you this torment.

“Yeah. They die like normal humans… Why not make it as painful as possible?" He leans his head down closer to you and you get granted a full view of his peircing blue eyes and can’t help but notice a thin scar flicking across his jaw line. “Turns out you’re not all powerful.” He whispers, eyes filled with a malice you can’t understand. "Lets get outta here.” He says, standing up straight once more and through your haze filled gaze

hazy gaze would be better. Welcome to the forums, and good luck with your WIP!


#16

If you had been paying more attention, you might have realised that three figures were behind you.

If you had been more aware of your surroundings, you might have noticed that they had been following you for 5 minutes now.

But you hadn’t been, your mind seemingly left behind for tonight.

It is when you are walking past an alley that they move. It happens so quickly and so without warning that you don’t even have time to scream or shout. One of the men, the largest of the three, grabs you from behind, his hand covering your mouth and successfully cutting off any yells that might have been building in your throat.

“Don’t struggle and we won’t hurt you.” He whispers in your ear, his hot breath on your neck and making you want to vomit.

‘He’s lying…’

The voice springs out of nowhere, whispering faintly in your head. Maybe it was instinct or maybe it was something else entirely, but either way you decide not to ignore it.

The man currently holding you starts to drag you into the alley and the last thing you see is the car, a few tiny meters away that now seem miles before you are in the shrouded alley.

“Are you sure he’s one of them.”
Need a question mark instead of a period.


#17

What makes you any better than them if you give in? So instead you fight against the voice in your head that thrists for blood and you push back.

Despite this new found power you now feel however- you soon find yourself slipping away

Might want to fix this sentence.


#18

Okay loving the game, i intend to play this silent, creepy(eccentric) fire dude AND MAYBE Get energy draining along the line… Either way this is fun! I mean I was allowed to unnerve someone!


#19

When you wake, it isn’t to the coloured walls of your bedroom, nor is it to the darkness of the alley. Instead it is to sickeningly white walls and bright morning light streaming through large, spotless windows. Almost immediately you shoot up in the bed you are currently positioned on, eyes flickering around the unfamiliar room.

Against your will your hands go to your stomach to find… nothing. Not a cut, not a stitch just… wait. Glancing down you can just make out the faint outline of a thin scar slightly above your belly button and you gently trace it with your fingers.

So you hadn’t been dreaming.

Unsteadily you rise to your feet, noticing that you’re wearing a different top to what you could remember and that it certainly didn’t belong to you.

You make your way over to the window that touches both the floor and the ceiling and covered the whole of that wall. Gazing out you find yourself no better clued in to where you are. Before you is an expanse of grass surrounded by trees as far as you can see. The middle of a forest maybe? You didn’t know… you just got the feeling you were far from home.

Clued in is an awkward choice of words, and it should be get instead of got.


#20

Despite this new found power you now feel however- you soon find yourself slipping away and before you can do anything, everything goes hazy, the power inside you dimming and your gaze darkening before sinking into oblivion.
Actually, this whole paragraph is awkward.