EFA(wip)

Welcome to my very first game!
I’ve begun work on my new game EFA(wip).

First, I’m not a native-English and English is hard.
And two, I never coding in my life so please, bear with me.
And three, I’m… not smart.

Summary

In this world, about half of the population have a bit differences from the others.

It could be a simple thing as moving an object without touching, or superpower like breath out of fire. That unknown power is called ‘excess’. And people call someone with an ‘excess’ as the ‘Exceed’. And in this unfair world, there are many new conflicts, racism, and new problems that make half of the human population hope that there was no exceed in this world.

Being the child of one of the Seven Guardians, you dream of being like your father along with
your twin.

In this story you can play as one of the twins protagonist (your twin will be your opposite gender).
There’s total 4 RO(1Male, 1Female, 2 Gender flipbable).
To avoid spoiler, I’m gonna said ‘unknown’ if the information still not in the story ok?

RO

Name: Theo ‘unknown’
Gender: Male
Excess: Void
Your best friends since childhood.
He had short, wild blue hair with purple eyes. Has olive skin in athletic built and a little bit tall for a boy his age.
He really loves his not related sister, too much even. He has a motherly and gentle nature, but you don’t want to know what he will do if you hurt his sister.

Name: Sakura
Gender: Female
Excess: Shadow Manipulation
Your best friends since childhood.
She had a small slender figure, with black long hair in her pale skin. Has a lazy dark grey-eyes.
She don’t talk much and just following his not related brother. But maybe she will open to you over time.

Name: Logan(M)/Logia(F) Domina
Gender: Gender flipable
Excess: ‘Unknown’
A student you saved at your first day at EFA.
(M):He had short, wavy red hair with dark green eyes. Has fair skin and has average height.
(F):She had medium, wavy pink hair with light green eyes. Has fair skin and has curvy figure.
Usually has a bright and cheerful personality. But being only child of the headmaster put him/her under a lot of pressure.
Maybe you can return his/her smile.

Name: ‘Unknown’
Gender: Gender flipable
Excess: ‘Unknown’
You’ll met him/her mid-way of the story

spoiler

Here’s a little bit of spoiler I’ve thought so far

One of the RO has a big crush toward other RO, and it’s up to you if you want to support, ignore, or steal one of them.

Currently it’s about half of chapter 1 done, and I plan on updating every 1-2 weeks.

To play the demo, go here: https://dashingdon.com/go/9151

Please tell me error, sugestion, or anything you like to be put in the game.

Thank you for checking

80 Likes

Strongly recommend using grammarly and your demo seems to jump around an awful lot. That is just my opinion anyway

11 Likes

I enjoyed the demo just want to fix up a little bit good luck with the future update :+1: :+1: :+1: :+1: :+1:

3 Likes

I really like the story :two_hearts: added points coz I am a sucker for superpower stuff :smirk:

More Feedback

Whilse the story is interesting, this needs a lot of grammar fixes and I suggest you use programs like grammarly (it has a free version :grinning:) or you can ask help here in the forum. I have been here a while and have seen many offered proofreading assistance, free of charge even :+1:

Again, I really liked the story, I encountered no bugs and all that :+1:

4 Likes


Encountered an error here

4 Likes

Sounds interesting

This error just popped up while I was playing.

By the way, your idea is great and I can’t wait for the school to start. A quick note: please check some of the words and the flow of the story (how you wrote and explaned scenes). For example, “barge in” was written as “brag in”, so I was confused. Other than that your writing is understandable to me. Good luck! I loved your game, gonna bookmark it :grin:

1 Like

I like the idea and waited for a game where MC has twin siblings, but I couldn’t finish reading because there was a bug.

Also we need save option.

2 Likes

It’s cool so far can’t wait to se where this goes😁

Really cool keep up the good work O7

Looks promising but a bug message stops me from reading what’s happening to the red haired boy

1 Like

This should be interesting. But please do add the save system

I really like what you have so far, and I love superhero stories. I also enjoy that your MC has a twin, I’m curious how the characters will grow and to meet the rest of the characters. I look forward to what is next :+1::grin:

1 Like

@Crow_Ainsworth found this: first2 line 636: invalid indent, expected at least one line in ‘if’ true block

1 Like